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Love this love that.

Posted by ⋅ ⋅ 110 Comments

Hey people. So, I guess you can say this is one of my acting out posts cause I’m sorta, kinda annoyed so please bear with me if I ramble.

Over the last week, while I ran the P Monologues here, I was glad to read up posts from some other bloggers that addressed some issues I hoped would spin-off from reading the monologues. Issues such as rape and abusive relationships featured on @CapoeiraPanda and @Adm3on’s blogs.

Personally, I feel our society is one where certain actions, phrases and words have been bastardized to levels where they mean little or nothing. I could go over a few of them but today, I’ll just go with the most annoying one.

LOVE.

Yes, the world’s favourite four-letter word (no, it’s not food). Now, my opinion on this is very simple. I’ll leave religion out of it and just talk from the “worldly” perspective. Call me white or whatever but growing up, I read a lot of books and saw all kinds of movies and by the time I was 10, I knew there was more to professing love than the way it was carelessly done here.

A friend of mine once met a gurl in the morning of a certain day, by evening, I overheard him saying the words “You know I love you” to her. They had sex that evening and for the rest of that week, then he was done.

Also, I couldn’t help but notice how a lot of people tried to justify things such as staying in abusive relationships with that same four-letter word – LOVE. A lot of us say it, use it recklessly, just another word – right? Trouble begins when you ask an average black man to define the word “love” in a “non-religious” context. (Yes, we’ll get to you so hold that thought.)

Before I go on, let me state clearly that in my opinion, the under listed, are VERY VERY different.

  • Admire
  • Infatuate
  • Lust
  • Like
  • Be “in Like”
  • Love
  • Be “in love”

Also, I’d like to state that when it comes to love, I have the following opinions:

  1. You can love more than one person at once.
  2. You can love more than one person at once but you CANNOT be IN LOVE with more than one person at the same time.
  3. Once you fall IN LOVE with someone, you can fall OUT OF LOVE with the person but it would take a grave sin for you to completely stop loving the person.
  4. Merely LOVING someone can NEVER justify certain things (e.g. staying in an abusive relationship) however, being IN LOVE with someone “might”.

From this, you can clearly see that in my opinion, being “in love” with someone carries a whole lot more weight that just loving someone. Your parents, siblings, friends can love you. You can love a girlfriend/boyfriend after being “in like” for so long but falling “in love”? That’s not something you just do. I’ve loved and still do but falling “in love”? I’m still waiting to experience it.

Having said all of this, I know you want my definition of being in love. I’ll give you an answer I came up with after seeing a Jude Law movie (can’t remember)… it’s a scenario:

You and her standing not too far from each other, not so far away, an armed robber fires a gun. *insert matrix mode* .. As you watch the bullet leave the gun heading for her, your mind processes in 0.00000000000001th of a second…

Jump….

Take the bullet…

Of course, you wont take the bullet (except you’re Jesus or ……). Anyways, imagine that situation and if you know your mind will process that thought, or you will actually take that bullet for him or her, then you, my friend, are IN LOVE.

That’s my definition, time for yours. Before you share your comments, please share your definition of “being IN LOVE”. If you don’t have one, no problem, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

110 thoughts on “Love this love that.”

  1. Anyways lemme be first today… Oya lemme ga’an read.! 😐

    Posted by adahna | April 25, 2011, 9:18 am

  2. Me I’m a confused fellow, don’t know what been in ♡̨ , like, infatuation is, I just wanted to comment. *sigh* but I have not met anyone I want to take a bullet for.

    Posted by loba | April 25, 2011, 9:18 am

  3. Nice, be back

    Posted by SoniaofHBF | April 25, 2011, 9:24 am

  4. I think complete selflessness is the perfect expression of being in love, when the happiness of the persom you’re in love with matters as much as (or even more than) yours. When you’d rather be hurt than see the person get hurt… Before I get too mushy, I just think it’s putting the person’s well-being and happiness ahead of yours, if need be.

    Posted by Mz_Simon | April 25, 2011, 9:27 am

  5. Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you’ve never felt the feeling that you are feeling before.iKid..However love is more than a feeling and its a shame that most people confuse infatuatio/lust with love.A wise preacher once said “You don’t fall in love,you grow in love”.Ever since I heard those words,i’ve begun to see the truth in it and I’ve also observed most of the couples I admire and noticed that love for them was a process which grew overtime as their friendship evolved.My two cents

    Posted by DiOxide | April 25, 2011, 9:34 am

  6. CO CO SIGN!

    Posted by bimbo | April 25, 2011, 9:35 am

  7. Love, an emotion that grows and builds on other emotions. Its the most misunderstood and yet the most real emotion of them all, as u mentioned hollywood has painted a rather shallow image of love. It is deep, very deep,to me, most relationships flow from lust»like»plenty more like»love»in love. Its not something that happens overnight, cos true love never dies, never! So if one minute u love sm1&d next u don’t, u never loved ’em. I’m guilty of its misuse tho,cos sometimes like doesn’t convey hw much the person means to u at that time.

    Posted by sirkellz | April 25, 2011, 9:36 am

  8. As a very close friend of mine,Itohan,would say….”There is no more Love,what we have is compatibility,and that is what we have to live with.!”…..If it was when I still believe in Love(not that I don’t…I do but a little,say on a scale of 1-10,a 4..and it probably shouldn’t/wouldn’t count as love)I would(have) agree(d) with you that we can Love more than one person at a time…however,there’s no difference in “loving a person” and “being in love with a person”… Tola,its all a matter of semantics….!:D

    Posted by adahna | April 25, 2011, 9:36 am

  9. So many ppl misuse the word love. Its not a word to be thrown around like confetti, pisses me off.

    Posted by damieoyibo | April 25, 2011, 9:46 am

  10. Interesting comments so far. I do believe I’ve been “in love” once. There’s also quite a good number of people that I love. They’re definitely two different things. It’s entirely possible to “love” and still want to put yourself 1st. However, “in love”? There’s no way. In everything you do, you’d always ask yourself how your actions would affect the other person. You subconsciously begin to tailor yourself to what the other person would like. You’ll always want to do right by the person…
    If you disagree that there’s a difference between “love” & “in love”, look at it this way. You love your mom/dad. Do you feel the exact same way about them as you feel about your man/woman? Do you feel the same way about your man/woman as you do about your best friend?
    That level of selflessness is what divides…like I said before, when you start making plans, and you’re considering how it’ll affect the other person? You’re in love. Don’t gawk it.

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 25, 2011, 9:53 am

  11. lmao… being in love? ive never been able to answer that one oh hehehe… but go back to your description… suppose that gun was shot really, does ducking and knocking the babe down from the path of the bullet count? because thats what me i would do if faced with that situation oh, and id do that even for someone i dont know sef hehehe

    Posted by barakolee | April 25, 2011, 9:56 am

  12. but some of us are selfless with people who we are just ffriends with!

    Posted by barakolee | April 25, 2011, 9:59 am

  13. I hate talking about love..but yea..this blog made a lot of sense to me..I actually read it to the end..usually..by the 3rd line..I’m done..lovely!x

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | April 25, 2011, 10:01 am

  14. Dude…another great piece…n I agree with u for d most part.
    I think bein “In-Love” doesn’t just happen like @Dioxide said…u grow in it…too many folks mistake infatuation for bein in love…
    I believe love is a choice…d choice to put up wit everything u see in a person, gud or bad…to put d person’s needs above urs…to trust d person totally. Dat is def not a feeling…dat is beyond logic…n d truth (Biblically or not) is love is not humanly possible without God…for real bruv…*drops mic*

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | April 25, 2011, 10:10 am

  15. Bollocks. So you’re saying an atheist is incapable of loving? & people who do not follow Christ? Really?
    Riiiight …

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 25, 2011, 10:15 am

  16. @sirKellz I believe love is a whole lot more than just an emotion. Really possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. Emotions are fleeting, they come and they go. Love to me is a choice, a decision to stick to that one person…
    And that whole taking-a-bullet-for-the-person thing, that’s the peak. @toolsman I know you said we you didn’t wanna bring religion into it but, “no greater love than a man who would lay down his life…” That sums it up for me.

    Posted by Delphine | April 25, 2011, 10:16 am

  17. I believe Love to be selfless and my guiding principles are 1 cor 13: 4-9
    Now when it comes to being in love or falling in love, I was once told that we shouldn’t fall in love, but we should rise in love and I agree with an earlier comment that said grow in love. When you love some one, you always put their needs before your self. You love them as much as you love your self. Now when it comes to parents and friends, thats where Eros Love and Philos Love comes in. I know you said we should remove religion but God is the true definition of Love and you cant truly love without putting God in the mix.
    So I would say the God kind of love is not only selfless, its also unconditional.

    Posted by Ms Osunsan | April 25, 2011, 10:20 am

  18. Based on Toolsman def; its safe to say I’v NEVER been “in luv” either; cos my mind has never ever ever thot of takn a bullet *or any pain for that matter* on anybody’s behalf….

    What’s my OWN def of being “in luv”?…… I haven’t got any but I know certain people who’s trash I take and
    I find that I tend to make excuses for (not to sound high handed but I’m one of those pple who thrive on drawing a firm assertive line) ….. That’s all I can say about that!! Is that me being in luv? Maybe yes….

    Personally I think a guy or girl has the right to say WHATEVER the hell they want in their quest for anything; the onus lies with the reciever to filter the echoes and sift out what’s plain BS. Only stupid desperate pple wld believe when smone says *I LUV U* in seconds; if on the other one u coyly reply and jokingly say smtn like *joker*; believe me; that psn knws u’re not jaded…..
    Maybe I’m just too cynical but that’s the way I see it and its never failed me.

    Slightly off tangent: What about the retards that start refering to their boyfriends/girlfriends as hubby/wifey… Gosh!! I could die from the tediousness!!!….
    Enough now! B4 I enter a mini rant spazz….Phew!!!!

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 25, 2011, 10:21 am

  19. Just So we r clear…or I am clear..Errr….we still talking about “worldly love”….yea..? 😐

    Posted by adahna | April 25, 2011, 10:29 am

  20. *picks d mic again* @Capoeirapanda…human beings r inherently selfish…it’s not our fault…it’s encoded in our DNA…call it survival of d fittest if u must…using d case of d bullet…no human…I repeat…NO HUMAN would willingly subject himself to death for another if he hadnt received a higher level of consciousness…Atheists aren’t capable of dis level of thot…cos atheism is a selfish belief at best…non-christians on the otherhand are…because they believe in a higher authority…*drops mic again*

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | April 25, 2011, 10:33 am

  21. But why is it impossible for you people to talk about things without involving religion? I mean, are we saying love didn’t exist before Christianity? Before 2nd Corinthians??
    I’m fed.

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 25, 2011, 10:35 am

  22. I have being in love before and also had the priviledge of having that door slammed shut in your face *takes a bow avoiding the rotten tomatoes* and i must agree at the moment of loving, 99.9% of the time, the other person comes first. I’ve always thought of Love as a kind of high and surely we all know either by personal experience/association/visual representation of what anyone who is addicted to anything would go for that. In my chemistry teacher mode, i would say it gives a chemical signature that we are incapable of resisting thereby doing its bidding. Love like every other drug known to man is addictive in large dosages but if taken in small controlled volume can be exciting. what we as humans lack is knowing when enough is really enough and thus we abuse it. i believe anyone can be “in Love”. But like everything under God’s green earth, it sure does has an expiry date which varies from couple to couple. Note: I also think everyone has in them the need to protect, so i never find it strange when man/woman thinks looking out for his/her woman/man is the right thing to do. I just assume it’s the chemical kicking in. As for me, i just inject myself with the antidote which i manufactured in my secret lab.
    Love is good. Love is sweet. Like fire and water, it can also be a good servant or a bad master dependent on how you relate to it.
    I always still kick against those who remain in abusive relationships because of it. But that’s just the bad master going about on his rounds. *sighs* Over and out…

    Posted by Bass3y | April 25, 2011, 10:36 am

  23. Yea love…wv d rite person..its utopia..wv d wrong person…it sucks….
    Ve been in love once..others infatuation….
    Really….love is like a drug…
    *crying*….I wanna be in love again…cos I kno am ready to jump in front of “agbegi” for dat lucky one!!!

    Posted by ibetapassmyneighbour | April 25, 2011, 10:38 am

  24. In addition to my earlier comment, its possible to love several people at the same time. But the love may be in three categories, eros, philos and agape. for more on that, check out http://bit.ly/gm5KEf

    Posted by Ms Osunsan | April 25, 2011, 10:41 am

  25. Main difference between love and being in love is ‘lust’. And oh I don’t believe love just happens,you choose who u fall in love with.its a decision,not just some flimsey feeling.

    Posted by msforbiddenc | April 25, 2011, 10:44 am

  26. If God can’t be brought into the issue of love,then I guess we are stuck on a worldly definition of the word..Which is only self serving

    Posted by msforbiddenc | April 25, 2011, 10:55 am

  27. err.. lol.. semantics? Really? i think not.. will get back to this.. btw, its Tula.. 🙂

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 10:57 am

  28. You are going to get pinched for this…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 11:03 am

  29. What Capoeira said…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 11:05 am

  30. I thought we were sticking to the ‘wordly definition’? The love for feel for God is far different from the love you feel for the people you can see and touch. At least for me. Someone said he can be selfless for his/her friend. I agree, but only to an extent. I honestly don’t know if I’d take a bullet for any of my friends. If I die, they’ll grieve and move on…

    Posted by Mz_Simon | April 25, 2011, 11:07 am

  31. Loving someone and being in love with someone are definitely two different things. And this is what I understand by the two concepts; Love is deep appreciation and affection. When you love someone you care deeply about them and want them to be happy. Being in love on the other hand goes way beyond caring for a person. It sometimes defies logic. You’re not trying to find reason for your feelings. When you’re in love with someone, not much else matters. Its like devoting your life to that person. The thought of being separated with him/her is almost unbearable. And I agree with Tools that it’ll probably take a grave sin before you can completely fall out of love. You can see yourself being with the person forever; getting married, having kids, growing old together…Being in love with someone and having that person feel the same way about you is such a beautiful and precious thing. You can love many throughout your lifetime but you can only be in love with very few. I haven’t had the privilege (if you can call it that) of being in love before. I could care deeply about a boyfriend but the thought of taking a bullet for a partner has NEVER crossed my mind. It ticks me off when people confuse being in love with being infatuated. Infatuation is an extravagant and fleeting passion or attraction, often lacking depth. And I agree with Delphine, its difficult to define love without God. He is afterall, the foundation of it all.

    Posted by Dotbabe | April 25, 2011, 11:11 am

  32. LmAo..me I tire too *sigh*

    Posted by adahna | April 25, 2011, 11:13 am

  33. “NO HUMAN would willingly subject himself to death for another if he hadnt received a higher level of consciousness…Atheists aren’t capable of dis level of thot…”

    Totally and utterly disagree with this. So a mother who doesn’t believe in God wouldn’t risk her life for her child?

    I can understand a man of faith having trouble defining love without referring to his belief in God. What I cannot understand is the idea that self-sacrifice is exclusive to people with faith. Because it is quite simply untrue.

    Posted by miafarradaily | April 25, 2011, 11:15 am

  34. Yes I’ve loved a lot & I still do, but being in love?? Well, let’s just say it takes a lot of effort and finding that person that will make it effortless is what we’re all in the quest of. I don’t believe u love at first sight or anything…not that cheap & easy…u choose who u wanna be in love with& make an effort towards it. If u r lucky the person loves you back…good for you both.
    Idris Elba, if you are reading this…its me & I’ve been in love with you since I was born *wails* :(…love me back pls 🙂

    Posted by nameless | April 25, 2011, 11:16 am

  35. U are so spot-on. Urs is the best, most concise definition of being in-love so far. Would have fav’d this if I could!

    Posted by Bee | April 25, 2011, 11:17 am

  36. Love is a state of mind. it is merely an evolved emotion. My 3 kobo.

    Posted by The Stig. | April 25, 2011, 11:19 am

  37. WHY TALK ABOUT 1st CORINTHIANS THOUGH..? ‘TULA'(side eye) said ‘WORLDLY LOVE’….!!!!!

    Posted by adahna | April 25, 2011, 11:24 am

  38. Love, when it comes to love I believe I can write an epistle, I have been “in love” I have loved truly sincerely, selflessly, and I have hurt from it.
    I’ve also been loved back with that much depth, Loving someone the right way means putting that persons feelings before yours ALL the time, it means sharing everything with that person, good and bad, it means trusting that person explicitly, believing the best in the person when noone else does, loving someone does not mean you wouldn’t hurt them, au contraire it means you can hurt them, and when you do realize what you have done, it will hurt you just as much, loving someone does not mean you would not cheat, that stems from respect, loving someone means you would pick that person over and over again even in situations that do not represent relationships, when you truly love someone, there is no off switch! Even when you are deeply hurt, even when for the sake of your life or say selfrespect you live the person, you never truly stop loving the person, you would still always see the good parts, remember the good times, love is beautiful, it is also surreal, there is no mistakening it, I remember a few years back I was thinking to myself at a particular moment how much I loved a particular person, not for any particular reason, but just because of the fact that I was willing to do anything to make him happy even hurt him if I felt it was right for him, and what completed it was that I knew it was viceversa, and I also know I didn’t just fall into that state, I grew into it, I tolerated faults. I experienced tears, I laughed a great deal, I put aside stereotypes and decided to live for me and not for what the world expected love to be.
    In love there are no games, no rules, no boundaries
    You cannot mistake love for what it isn’t, because deep down you would know that you are fooling yourself.
    But you can truly care for somelike, like them a lot and when you get to a pt, where their faults donot matter, and their feelings are most important then maybe my friend you are in love.

    Posted by BBB | April 25, 2011, 11:25 am

  39. A distinction between being “in love” & “love” has been put forward, however I’d still use the words love & “in love” interchangeably. In my opinion the difference depends on the context of usage.

    That being said, I believe that all kinds of love are choices, not emotions. In relationships it gets easier when u are attracted to the person physically, character- & other-wise; and over time as you get to know each other more. You may have feelings for several people, but you choose who you love.

    Posted by Glory Okubo | April 25, 2011, 11:42 am

  40. Okay. Am I allowed to be ‘in love’ with more than one person though? Cos I’m very much in love with Toolsman,Panda,JCP and Mia.

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 25, 2011, 11:45 am

  41. Love for me is more than the physical and more of spirituality( note how I didn’t say religion oh!) I’m sorry, but for you to love someone as you love yourself or even more just has to be spritual..has to be d deepest connection of two souls and to me..an unseen being of force has to be involved..u mean if we are both dying and na one tablet remain, na u I go give??? Hian!..well to say we shld define real love leaving out the context of GOD(or a supreme force-as I call it) is almost Impossible! As MsForbbiden said it wld be only self serving.

    Posted by jadesola | April 25, 2011, 11:48 am

  42. *jumping in* he didn’t say u are incapable of loving if u don’t believe in God.. And for love in what it should be, is actually beyond logic..to be totally selfless is almost beyonf human capabilities..so I say there’s something more to it–(that somethng “more” is wat I suppose people call God. I personally don’t know what to call that “more”..I guess I’m still searching

    Posted by jadesola | April 25, 2011, 11:57 am

  43. Firstly, for those bringing religion into this, more grease to your elbow.

    Love. I love the word “love”. Why? Because I see/hear it used everywhere! Seriously. I, personally, like to reserve it for special occasions e.g when I’m eating an extremely marvellous piece of pastry, I say “I love this whatever-it-is.”

    I completely agree with everyone who talked about love being a decision. I believe you can’t truly love someone until you know everything you possibly can about the person -their strengths, their weaknesses, their flaws and what you believe are their perfections – and still consciously DECIDE to be with that person. “I love him/her, but he/she has the habit of….” -» Not love. “He/she has a habit of…., but I love him/her.” -» Love

    Being, “in love”? Can’t say I really know the difference sha. But, the whole selflessness thing, some people are just programmed like that. Being selfless just comes naturally to them. They don’t even have to like the person. I have a friend who’s like that. She’s always putting other people’s happiness before hers. That doesn’t necessarily mean she loves all of them, so I guess that’s it.

    Also, this is my first time here, so yaay! 😀

    Posted by cecenostockings | April 25, 2011, 11:59 am

  44. On a serious note though, I don’t like getting into love conversations. I believe its best left to each his own. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been in love with anybody.

    However,I don’t agree that you can fall out of love with someone you claim to have bEen in love with. Also I don’t agree that you choose who you fall in love with. Its not a light switch that you turn on and off at will.

    On the issue of being in an abusive relationship and still screaming ‘I love him’ from bruised lips with 6 stitches on your head and a black eye, you seriously need to have your head examined. While I agree you cannot help the way he makes you feel when he he isn’t acting like an enraged bull, you can keep loving him, albeit from a distance. Leave that relationship now.

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 25, 2011, 12:11 pm

  45. i agree being in love n loving someone is just word play…

    Posted by yemmie | April 25, 2011, 12:17 pm

  46. *Grabs mic*
    *drops mic*

    Posted by DL | April 25, 2011, 12:26 pm

  47. I’m blown away by all the comments on here..honestly..I gotta give it to Tula, he has started a revolution on the web and this has to be the most popular blog I know.
    I’ve written a poem or two about love and u can find it on my blog (see Tula’s blogroll). Lyrical poetry can almost never truly define love. We can only say so much, sometimes u probably don’t even have a clue as to what it is. It is the simplest of concepts and can also be the most complicated. It’s almost indescribable.
    I have not met anyone I can take a bullet for, but I have met a bunch of people I deeply care about. It may not be right to bring scripture into this (greater love has no man than this”). My faith teaches me that Jesus Christ is truly God and truly man. He loved every one and went as far as taking nails for for mankind.
    That aside. I know people who served in Iraq( friends from way back) who died for their friends (fellow soldiers) in the war to save them. I have met people who have donated organs to save another person. All of this scares the shit outta me. Let me slow down because I feel like I’m rambling already.
    You are in love with someone,truly,madly, deeply..when u can lay down your life for that person and that..is the truth, irrespective of your creed.

    You guys are wonderful people. I love all the comments.

    Posted by awizi | April 25, 2011, 12:31 pm

  48. Food for thought for all those who don’t think love is a decision/choice, how many of you can fall in love with the illiterate pepper seller down your street or the okada man at your bus stop? Or the cleaner, gateman at your office. Be honest.

    Even if it were to happen by any chance, it hardly ever happens without a lot of thought processes being involved. Love, mind u. Not lust or infatuation.

    Posted by Glory Okubo | April 25, 2011, 12:42 pm

  49. Lol at all the comments..
    Anyway, I think being in love is when you do somethings that seem stupid to other people. Ill give 2 examples 2 back up my point..
    1)Titanic. Jack could have alteast hustled 2 get a plank for himself right?..sweet but stupid
    2)There’s this story I’m sure we’v all heard about. A couple on a bike, break fails, boy gives girl the helmet, boy dies..also very sweet but stupid
    IMO

    Posted by KAYTULA | April 25, 2011, 12:48 pm

  50. THANK YOU!!!! Did anyone notice how religion/spirituality had absolutely no part to play in this!?!?

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 25, 2011, 12:49 pm

  51. The word LOVE means to me exactly what my partner whats it to mean cos I really think its the most misunderstood form of expression. In my opinion, the kind of love that ‘conquers all’ is not reached in months or a just a few years, it takes a long time to build……

    Posted by @LagosHunter | April 25, 2011, 12:53 pm

  52. I love and I’m in love with Uso’m.. #ThatisAll

    Posted by kelvin | April 25, 2011, 12:59 pm

  53. Yea this is it…someone’s well being before yours…agape type of things…

    Posted by beforesheimplodes | April 25, 2011, 1:01 pm

  54. Seriously wish I cud jus retweet some comments here cos love is too deep and I talkin about it will be a very “longthing” comment… That sed,chiinydiva and jadesola round things up nicely for me.
    BTW, I wish I cud experience dat I’l die for u kinda love cos pple say it and I look at dem like there were mad! An ex bf told me dat he cuda died for me while we were datin and I jus didn’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, til date,he’s stil my greatest love story but stil…

    Posted by deevagal | April 25, 2011, 1:01 pm

  55. Oh!I’m also LOVING the comments 😀

    Posted by kelvin | April 25, 2011, 1:06 pm

  56. Errm, I’d take a bullet for my lil nephew. Does that mean I’m ‘in love’ with the kid? Being in love with someone and loving someone are one and the same. I agree its just semantics. Its just that LOVE has different stages/levels. Let me give you MY own definition of the kinda love I think u r talking about; (worldly love). LOVE = Good sex UNDERSTANDING. (My opinion).

    Posted by SlevinCalevra | April 25, 2011, 1:06 pm

  58. I want to be in love.

    Posted by StephanieIj | April 25, 2011, 1:12 pm

  59. Someone once sed, love is passion, respect and admiration! If u have all three, u don’t have to die to experience heaven! If u have 2, u’r a lucky man/woman…

    Posted by deevagal | April 25, 2011, 1:24 pm

  60. I meant good sex and understanding.

    Posted by SlevinCalevra | April 25, 2011, 1:33 pm

  61. Y’all shouldn’t allow Toolsman scatter your head…love is love… Different personalities, different ways of showing love… Different upbringing… Different experiences…different level of exposures… Different numbers of Hollywood movies seen… All these things and more would determine the way a person expresses love… So saying “Love” and “In-love” na different thing na scam… Leave story!

    Posted by commentator | April 25, 2011, 1:57 pm

  62. Let me also ask then.. you probably love your mother..father.. can you say you’ve fallen “in love” with your mother? father?
    The bullet scenario was purely analogical. I merely used it to illustrate the magnitude of value attached to an act associated with being “in love” as opposed to just loving. In my opinion, one should be able to ascribe more value to being “in love” with a person as opposed to just loving. (This is however dependent on your value system).
    Also, the preposition “in” which qualifies love personalizes it; hence the reason I said you can’t be in love with more than one person at a time. It is not sexual. A guy can be “in love” with another, it just most likely stems towards a personalized relationship with another person.

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:05 pm

  63. Oh really? Love is love? I think you should go through this thread again..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:08 pm

  64. We all do.. we all do…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:08 pm

  65. Thank you for this… The decision to open your heart to graduate from admiration to infatuation to like.. love etc is solely up to you… yes, there are catalysts and several factors that can influence this but essentially, we all hold the key to remaining in love even after we’ve fallen.

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:12 pm

  66. As much as it seems like the line between love and being “in love” is blurry, it isn’t and crossing that line is the difference between loving from a distance and loving as usual in the case of abusive relationships.
    As for falling out of love, it’s like a demotion, you don’t get kicked out completely cause you’ve attained the highest possible rank, so what it is, is a demotion from being “in love” to just loving. And this places you on equal terms with several others..e.g. family and even some friends.

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:18 pm

  67. I get what you mean. I also have a friend who’s just as selfless. As selfless as she is, there’s that one person who would come before every other person. That life she’ll consider saving ahead of even her mother. Falling “in love” has to be personalized.. just one person at a time. Anything less would be diluting it into just love.

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:27 pm

  68. Lol… I’ll allow it just for this comment…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:28 pm

  69. Thanks. I like how you said you never truly stop loving someone you’ve been “in love” with.

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:35 pm

  70. LOL. I have no comments for this…

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 25, 2011, 2:48 pm

  71. I’ve addressed this below..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 2:50 pm

  72. See ehn, i can say i’ve been in love once. She wasnt perfect but i decided to overlook err’thing n luv her nonetheless. Wasn’t her beauty. She was relatively “razz” if u know what i mean… i dint mind… i just decided to let it hapen and it didnt happen overnight… but when it finally did, (after one year) sh literally became a god to me. I couldnt spend money wivout finkin bout if she needed anything first. I always took her out to eat… i would but her a whole Bag of gifts wen i come back from foreign trips while i’d buy my mum and sisters, one measely shoe n perfume… *come to think of it maybe twas jazz*… my point is, when she hurt me, of course by cheating, i found my self doing the apologizing, i mean, she cheated on me!!! I then realized that truly, it (love) was a decision. After her i’ve met several girls, much more tush and drop dead gorgeous, but i’ve never decided to love any of ’em(and i doubt i ever will)… *u can start crying here…* thank you

    Posted by Nugwa | April 25, 2011, 2:56 pm

  73. Very apt definitions of love here, personally I think love is both a thing of the heart and the mind; U make a conscious decision to grow in love,it doesn’t just happen, I don’t believe in ‘love at first sight’.Which brings me to d way a lotta women in our society expect U to tell them ‘i love you’ after a week, practically begging to be lied to…then when the guy leaves after a month they say men are bastards,tsk,tsk.

    Posted by Sick_Sage | April 25, 2011, 3:05 pm

  74. Sorry to rain on this parade…but….its actually funny that the things that cause such ridic arguements and make people feel their own opinion is right or their ownn definition is the best, are the things that don’t even exist..Love, higher powers, heaven/hell, magic/juju, oh and global warming!!!…LOVE doesn’t exist..esp “unconditional love”..there is no such thing..everything has a condition..even your parents so called “LOVE”…I’d really like to break this down but I can’t type all this from my phone..and I’m miles away from mY laptop..*now docks and runs ouT the building*

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 25, 2011, 3:26 pm

  75. Here,have a seat \__

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 25, 2011, 6:01 pm

  76. waiting for you to come back and expatiate

    Posted by bbb | April 25, 2011, 6:11 pm

  77. Was gna stay away cos i thot my own perception of love was different but since i see there r loads of pple dat think like me im glad to share my opinion. LOVE IS A DECISION. forget all dat bshit uv been fed by the media. nothing like unconditional love for another human being, d people in abusive relationships rnt in love, they are scared n not sure they can do better. I av friends who stayed in abusive rships claimin dey were in love, d minute anoda guy wiv d same xtics of d old guy w/o d beating part toasted dem, dey dumped d old guy like hot potatoes. n neone dt takes a bullet 4 anoda person n survives shld b killed, hw selfish r u, n y is ur boyfrnds life more precious than urs. did u stop to thnk of d grief ul put ur family, u die, he survives, grieves 4 4months n moves on. We av so called heroes dt jump in front of buses to save complete strangers, dnt mean dey r in love, JUST STUPID. Notice how when u r in a rship, u r in love bt wen u break up, u claim it was infatuation, neway im guilty of throwing the word love around wen i knew i didnt feel d emotion, he said i love u so much n thank u wasnt an acceptable reply.
    So there u av it, d most successful rships r based out of friendship, patience n tolerance. N dere’s no disctinction btw love n being in love. 2 people meet n fall in love after d 1st few dates, from that point on wen u decide to stick wiv dt person, u love the person. LIKE —- FALL IN LOVE —-LOVE. Im not expecting to meet a guy dt will sweep me off my feet, i’ll marry d one who is most suited to me n has d least annoying habits den pray 4 d best.

    Posted by yemmie | April 25, 2011, 6:24 pm

  78. As an environmentalist the only thing wrong about ur comment to me is saying global warming doesnt exist!!! HOW DARE YOU? Take that back now…lol

    Posted by yemmie | April 25, 2011, 6:28 pm

  79. This is a sad comment Yemmie. It’s right up the same stump with women who believe every single man cheats/will cheat etc. As a result, agreeing to marry a guy becomes a scientific process.

    Lets leave out abusive relationships cause even I said, being in love “might” be a reason (possibility.. not certain)

    Killing anyone who takes a bullet for you and survives is easier said than done. No doubt, we live in a selfish world but you’d sleep easier knowing you married a man who once took or almost took a bullet for you. No?

    I’m glad you admitted to throwing the word, Love around recklessly cause anyone who claims they are “in love” while in a relationship but then call it infatuation after they leave it is just as guilty as you.

    I believe falling in love involves a decision.. but you don’t “decide” to fall in love, you decide to open you heart wide and long enough for it to possibly happen.

    Anyone who claims they decided to fall in love with one person and did is simply living a life of deception. And this statement you made:

    “Im not expecting to meet a guy dt will sweep me off my feet, i’ll marry d one who is most suited to me n has d least annoying habits den pray 4 d best.”

    describes one of the reasons I believe alot of marriages are as loose as they are today..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 25, 2011, 7:06 pm

  80. Very few things u n i will never see eye to eye on. Sadly this is one of it. Only problem is unlike other arguments wen we can use Google to back up our point of views, there’s no way to prove if either of us is right or wrong as there’s probably no one standard perception. “I believe falling in love involves a decision.. but you don’t “decide” to fall in love, you decide to open you heart wide and long enough for it to possibly happen” dont u thnk u r buttressing my argument. U meet some1 n decide to open ur heart wide enough, cupid didnt shoot an arrow. Im not saying love doesnt exist, iv been in love once in my life n i know wiv every inch of me dt marriage with him would be hell. Not because he’s a horrible person but because of how much of myself i’ld give up n dere’s only a limit of selflesness b4 u begin to resent the person. Anybody dat meets, falls in love n expects happily ever after wivouts ne of d 3 things i mentioned (prayer, compatibiity n patience) is in 4 a rude awakening. All men cheat is a generalization i never make, its like saying all women r liars. UNTRUE.

    Posted by yemmie | April 25, 2011, 7:23 pm

  81. 😀 😀 ❤ ❤ 😀 😀

    Posted by Yogi | April 25, 2011, 7:25 pm

  82. FISH

    Posted by BOO BOO | April 25, 2011, 7:44 pm

  83. Wow. Dude. You have NO Idea. I always say this. Always! You don’t know LOVE, till you can DIE for them.
    As melodramatic as it sounds, it’s exactly what it is.
    And I always admit, I don’t know what love is, I can’t picture myself taking a bullet for anyone.
    Perhaps my future seeds, but we don’t even know that yet.
    Gread read. Wise words.

    Posted by samanthasiren | April 25, 2011, 8:13 pm

  84. My definition of being in luv is when I see the person nd I am physically full,like I just ate….lol…I’m laffing at hw stupid ds sounds but it works fr me…ok maybe nt “in luv”…more like “in like”…
    Nd d whole bullet thng,pple can say it but wen ur faced with the situation,let’s see hw fast u’ll run frm dt bullet…its human nature,ur first instinct is to protect urself,even if ur heart wants to take the bullet,ur brain wuld do otherwise….nd surprisingly I agree with some of the things yemmie sd…

    Posted by dddddd | April 25, 2011, 8:33 pm

  85. I don’t know why any1 else hasn’t said this but I think BBB’s comment captured d whole essence of this post. It’s so typical of Nigerians to sha bring religion into everything. I am a muslim so I don’t believe Jesus died for my sins. Now that that is clear I would also like to ask these over-religious people, way before the concept of religion was developed (or should I say accepted by or forced down the throats of most nations) are you telling me people in these cultures didn’t love each other? Yes, Islam says that God should be the foundation of ur marriage. But are you that those who don’t believe in God don’t deserve to be in love or to love or it’s not real love?
    Yemmie says, she doesn’t believe a guy/girl shld take a bullet for another person. Are you telling me that you would consider it pointless if your husband takes a bullet for you? Or you take a bullet for him? Or for your child(ren)? Or parents?
    I don’t know why all of you think humanity is inherently selfish. Just as there are selfish people there are also altruistic people who would go out of their way for others. Going ouit of your way does not necessarily mean dying but these are ppl that wld split their last loaf of bread into two.
    A lot of “religious” people are quick to justify their evil deeds using God as a cover (muslims, christians, catholics, hindus alike) however a lot more atheists understand the common thread of humanity that runs through all of us and they would not blame some heavenly power for their blindness. Atheists would never use religion as a cover for doing good or bad. Atheists do not look at “oh, he is my fellow atheist” unlike most of you over-religious ppl do.
    Now to d topic at hand. To me loving someone and being in love with them is inter-twined. When you are “in love” sexual attraction would always come into play. That is why you are never in love with family member (excluding spouses of course). Note: If u are sexually attracted to a family member you need to get ur head checked.
    Now, I believe that when you love someone you accept them wholeheartedly. They might frustrate you or hurt you but you would stay with them because you love them. When youiare in love, there is this strong crazy passion that would blind you to their faults.
    Example: when you are in love with an abusive person, u think “it’s my fault”. When u love an abuse person, you say “it’s time you got some help”
    Over time especially in marriages or any long term relationship (live-in lovers or whatever), that crazy in love feeling would fade. What would be left is friendship, understanding and love. That love that would make you look at that person and say “I’m glad I’m spending the rest of my life with you”. Not “I would die if you aren’t in my life for any reason”

    Posted by Damisola | April 25, 2011, 10:14 pm

  86. Nice post bruv! I totally agree wit u. D word love has been so bastardized. Kill me for saying dis,but I so don’t believe in love at first sight(it just doesn’t make sense).if u love d way u sld u can’t tell me u see someone and *gbish*like dat u are in love.many tend to mix up lust and love, painful but dats the truth.

    As for definitions hummmmm

    It way more dan a feeling! Its an act.love is a verb not a noun. When u are in love u do stupid tins dat make sense to only u. May be not catch a grenade or take a bullet but u just want to make d person u are in love wit happy always! When dis is reciprocated it can be magical!

    Posted by oba | April 25, 2011, 10:59 pm

  87. This———>>> # Merely LOVING someone can NEVER justify certain things (e.g. staying in an abusive relationship) however, being IN LOVE with someone “might”.

    With that said being in love and not having it reciprocated i am finding is a terrible experience. And i’m not sure how you fall out of love(i guess time) and like you said, i’m not sure you ever stop loving the person

    O well.

    Posted by Anon | April 25, 2011, 11:37 pm

  88. ooh i didnt know there were so many nigerian wordpress bloggers lol. Ok i totally agree with you on the difference between falling “in love” and loving someone. Being in love is what some people spend their whole lives trying to attain but to no avail. I have never been in love but i have loved and still love so many people. Its a shame that the word “love” is thrown around so loosely these days. I blame the guys of our generation.. in a bid to get into girl’s panties, they use the word “love” unashamedly..smh

    Posted by kitkat | April 26, 2011, 2:59 am

  89. Oh and the name of your blog is “interesting” to say the least :p

    Posted by kitkat | April 26, 2011, 3:03 am

  90. Last nite my bf sent a message saying “I love u”, I responded with “and I love u babe, a lot more”….after reading dis post n all d comments dis mrning…I typed “err…scrap what I said last nite babe…” I havnt been able to send it tho! *Sigh*

    Posted by agirl | April 26, 2011, 6:45 am

  91. Dont think i can take a bullet for anygirl. i can push her out of the way (if am fast enough) but dont think my immediate reaction will be to save her. Explain to me, do you really think there can be love without money in this present era?

    Posted by kk | April 26, 2011, 6:56 am

  92. I can take a bullet for my niece, shes just 1 n is just starting her life. I love my mum the most bt i doubt she’ll be willing to let me take a bullet 4 her.The post is about being in love wiv d opposite sex. I wld not take a bullet 4 my boyfrnd or husband. And i dont understand y anyone will.

    Posted by BOO BOO | April 26, 2011, 7:37 am

  93. Love is a verb a doing word…and being “inlove” takes away being rational, you’d take a bullet cos u can’t bare the thought of seeing the one ure in love with getting hurt, you don’t even need to profess ur love when ure in love everything you do with “the one” would be evident and if its not then you’re not in love #thatisall

    Posted by @oye | April 26, 2011, 9:18 am

  94. Its like u wrote everything in this blog right from outta my head…all apart from ur point number 4(e.g staying in an abusive relationship but being in love can).I totally disagree with that..even if u are “in love” with sum1..if d person abuses u then a self respecting person would gradually start to fall out of love..being in love is not some magic blindfolding u to reality.its finding sum1 that has all those traits u admire and respect in another human being and someone who brings out the best in you and there on after u find it hard to imagine ur life without them.now unless gettin disrespected and humiliated is a trait u admire then u wdnt stay with sum1 who abuses u out of love.when u put up with animalistic behaviour and someone treating u wrong its not a sign that u are “in love” its a sign that u are pathetic and to afraid to stand on ur own or u’re in obsession or strong LUST not In LOVE except in circumstances like marriage where there’s the kids to think about and God hating divorce(if ur a strong christian)..I knew a girl once who put up with her boyfriend beating her n disrespecting her in public in the name of being in love but when it came down to it @ d end of d day we realized he was just giving her mind blowing sex and that’s y she could’nt leave(surprisingly great sex is a very strong tool 4hooking a lot of babes contrary to what girls like to portray)

    Posted by ollylicious | April 26, 2011, 9:21 am

  95. Love is a verb a doing word…and being “inlove” takes away being rational, you’d take a bullet cos u can’t bare the thought of seeing the one ure in love with getting hurt, you don’t even need to profess ur love when ure in love everything you do with “the one” would be evident and if its not then you’re not in love…unfortunately in this age n time many things/conditions has become a basis of defining LOVE n that’s just sad

    Posted by oye | April 26, 2011, 9:21 am

  96. Meanwhile asking people to seperate their religious belief from their explanations is wrong..ure allowed to say u don’t agree with them but u can’t condemn them for it..being a christian is not something u do on sunday then every other day ure some1else.its who u are,how u live and how u think..so those who believe that there isn’t really love without God are not “over-religious”.disagree with them but u can’t castrate them for it.btw I believe the same thing..worldly luv is what we’ve all described and until someone can give me a real life example of a person who voluntarily took a bullet for another or gave up their life in exchange for another person and this person is ATHEIST,I have no reason to believe that THAT level of love exists or can exist for any human being except on a spiritual level so @ d end of d day ders probably NO1 in d world that is “in love” if we wanna go by toolsman’s definition of in love is takin a bullet for the person or willing to deliberately die so that somebody else can live cuz even christianity we are using as an example is a “strive” to be christ like.I doubt there’s any human that has succeeded.so u can’t exactly say “describe worldly love without religion” and then include something that no human being has ever been known to do for another (except in muvis n in dis same religious ish were supposed 2b excluding) as an example
    P.s to d person who gave d kidney example.donating a kidney 4some1 is a risk but its not d same thin as dying 4some1..cuz uve got 2 kidneys and 1 is perfectly capable of carryin out normal functions

    So yh being in love is a selfless act but there’s a degree to the selflessness still..I haven’t seen anywhere or heard any testaments of a person that was sooo in luv he willingly died for his significant other

    Posted by ollylicious | April 26, 2011, 10:04 am

  97. P.s ders a diff btw an “adrenaline rush” and a selfless act! When a bullet goes off n u dive 2knock d person outta d way..dats an adrenaline rush cuz in dt moment ur not thinking “I’m gonna die 4her,ur thinking..iv gotta get her outta d way”
    When sum1 points a gun and hasn’t fired yet and u stand there and say “let him/her go..shoot me instead” now dats no adrenaline that’s love
    *drops mic*

    Posted by ollylicious | April 26, 2011, 10:30 am

  98. gbogbo love yii naa… someone will think he’s fallen in love before and come on this blog and be having second thoughts about if he ever really did. But it’s enlightening sha.

    Not sure I can take a bullet for no-one….. yet or ever.

    At times like this I just think about Jesus and how much he musta been in love with not just one person, but the whole world for him to sacrifice his life for ’em. I think he’s the only man that has ever been in love.

    However, I think it’s safe to use the phrase “I am in love with you” as a figure of speech; just to show how much u love that one person.

    This is just my opinion. I think the understanding of love is a mindset thing – believe it how u wanna and have a logical reason to defend it

    Posted by Redribs | April 26, 2011, 11:41 am

  99. My, that was a loooong read. And while I think Tula’s question is really an issue of semantics, I do understand his point. I have been ‘in love’ just once with a guy who eventually cut my heart out ‘for my own good’ as much as his needs always came before mine, I tried to remember me as much as possible. I reasoned that if I wasn’t happy he wouldn’t be either so I made myself happy as well. I’m quite rational about things most times and a bullet type situation would leave me probably knocking him out of the way…..perhaps that’s my problem but that’s how I am for the people I love and am in love with.

    Posted by jayajade | April 26, 2011, 11:51 am

  100. good point

    Posted by yemmie | April 26, 2011, 4:09 pm

  101. It’s obvious u need love. SMH

    Posted by Yeesh | April 26, 2011, 6:58 pm

  102. ‘Don’t get it twisted love is a beautiful thing’

    Posted by mariam | April 26, 2011, 8:15 pm

  103. 2 lines:-
    God is Love
    The name of d muvee wit Jude is ‘Match Point’

    Posted by djabbarish | April 27, 2011, 12:06 am

  104. in SDC vocabulary…..ENKLE FAM!!

    Posted by tolz | April 27, 2011, 10:45 am

  105. To me being in love means to give all that you are, all that you stand for to someone and still wanting to give even more, no second thoughts, no regrets. I’ve been in love once, its a bittersweet experience

    Posted by Nwando | April 29, 2011, 7:28 pm

  106. Definition of in luv… Its wen without speaking u know what he/she is up to, like twins wen u finish each others sentences. Also wen u r willing to do that which u can’t even do for ur favourite sibling. Dats wat I think to be in love is!

    Posted by pyiz | May 1, 2011, 7:38 am

  107. i don’t wanna be in love.. its just enough to understand each other and know boundaries and add some ‘like’ to it…

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | May 4, 2011, 5:50 am

  108. Love in its present form is a result of what history has defined for everyone. Love has no true definition or boundary. it is what we make of it. If I don’t take a bullet for my spouse doesn’t mean I love her less than the person who did. The ideology of catching a grenade being compared to selfless love is a syndrome which stemmed from the media. Selflessness in its purest form has a lot to do with a good heart and beliefs.

    I also think being in love has been over-emphasized by the saying that you never truly fall out of it. I have seen couples whose love was enviable, grown to despise each other.

    Posted by BuddahPest | May 5, 2011, 12:20 am

  109. Wait. These people saying ‘being in love’ is about putting the other person’s feelings or welfare before yours…
    I have a problem with that. I don’t think people in abusive relationships would claim to be in love if they loved their own selves.
    Sometimes putting somebody before you in matters of the heart, is just because u have low self-esteem or too little love for yourself. Sometimes u know it, n sometimes u don’t, but u’d realise it later.
    Either way, I think love is hard to define. I wouldn’t even try to define it. Maybe a description, but I wouldn’t define.

    The closest description v come to reasoning with is Alicia Keys’ Like the Sea.

    I’ve LOVED! Been burnt in the process but I won’t stop. My eyes are just wider now. Being ‘in-love’ tho, that one is yet to come.

    Posted by Yasminn | May 5, 2011, 2:18 pm

  110. Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed!
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