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50 things that make Nigeria: NIGERIA

Tomorrow marks the 50th anniversary of the Nigerian independence. There’s been a whole lot of noise going on everywhere about the celebrations but I’m sure a lot of people really only care about the amount of days declared work free. Anyways, not to be left out, I have decided to do a special to commemorate the ‘special’ anniversary.
Now, all through the week I’ve heard all sorts of countdowns – on the radio, TV, newspapers e.t.c…Top 50 Nigerian songs, Top 50 Nigerian personalities. Top this, top that. I wanted to join the bandwagon but being me, I decided to do something different (without necessarily rebelling and going negative)…
So, I’ve compiled my own list (not a count down) just a list of 50 things that make Nigeria: NIGERIA. Enjoy.

1. Okadas: Some love them, some hate them. These guys have been around since (I cant even remember). Yes, they make driving a nightmare but I’m sure they’ve also saved lives amongst other good things. Necessary evils?

2. Nigerian Grammar: I remember a few months back when #Nigeriangrammar trended on the micro-blogging site, Twitter. Only justifies its inclusion here. The way we come up with our own words, phrases e.t.c is amazing.

3. Traffic culture: Loud, I mean, LOUD car horns blaring, people yelling, hawkers whizzing left and right, all because one person has refused to back-up for the other. Just one of the many scenarios that could lead to traffic here.

4. Airports: Discovery channel once had a show on this – crazy.

5. Food: I could have picked specifics but, from our pounded yam to white soup. Banga to ewa agoyin, Tuwo to dodo ikire e.t.c et.c…. the variety of delicious delicacies is amazing even though most of us still believe we don’t have that much.

6. Languages: hmm..ever heard a Calabar man and a Yoruba man argue in their local languages side by side? So different but both from the same country.

7. Dressing: Dansiki, Iro & Buba, Gele of different shapes and designs and when we go formal or non-native attires, we kill it. True. Sometimes we are sooo good at it, we over do it and kill the trend….did I hear someone say jeggings?

8. Militants? *Ahem….

9. Crude oil: The black curse? The black gold? You decide.

10. Women: I didn’t want to include this but a few foreigners have told me our women are unique in their own way. Don’t ask me cause I don’t know, maybe you can tell.

11. Music: This is an area constantly on the rise. The players are really raising the bar and I’m hopeful that soon enough, they will bring us more positive recognition globally.

12. Religion: Well, another touchy one. Predominantly Christian and Muslims but the unique thing is how we go about practicing these religions. #Nuffsaid

13. Weddings: If you have read my post on weddings (I’ll bring it back next-week) then you’ll know just how special this point is.

14. Parties: We celebrate at every opportunity we get. EVERY. Need I say more?

15. Culture: This point is definitely too broad. But whatever tribe you’re from or whatever part of Nigeria you represent, you contribute to this rich, rich culture of ours that always stands us out in any crowd.

16. Drinks: Give it to the homegrown beverages that have stood the test of time. We know how to get our drink on. Even the foreign beverages are adapted to meet the peculiarities of our people Ref: Udeme

17. Our Names: We don’t joke with these. Even though things are now changing and naming kids is now more of a trend thing, overall, one would say Nigerians go all out to give names that capture a lot.

18. Super Eagles: Err…lemme leave this one for you guys.

19. Our Police: hmmm…. I will also require help here as there’s just too much to say. Tuaale!

20. Politics: One word I think should be reviewed when it comes to Nigeria. We certainly don’t do it like any other country I’ve seen.

21. Fela: The legend. The icon? We still get a lot of relevance internationally because of him.

22. Nollywood: I could write a whole page on this but I will resist the temptation. Hate it, love it. It’s been here for a while and it sure isn’t going anywhere. It has also gotten us a lot of recognition internationally. We only pray and hope the improvement we all desire happens faster.

23. 419: Yes, this is one of the negatives that made it to the list. Some might argue but until something really drastic happens, this will still come up whenever people refer to Nigeria(ns).

24. Nigerian Military: Some might not know but our great nation’s military is highly rated internationally. I hear top ten worldwide. Can anyone verify this?

25. Agriculture: I’m sure a lot of us from this generation do not even know how blessed we are in terms of agricultural resources. This was our first love and we so need to go back to her.

26. Oshodi: Not what it used to be but the picture of what it was still fascinates most.

27. ‘Beautiful’ beaches: Notice the emphasis on beautiful. Included because of our beach-culture and not the beaches themselves.

28. Danfos: They will forever marvel me. They are like a culture in their own little way. The peculiarities of the drivers, the conductors, the art on the buses, the choice of music (if any) being played and the style of driving. Amazing.

29. Pidgin English: Some might say this isn’t so unique as some other African countries have it but pay a visit to the waffi kingdom and get back to me.

30. Aba: Though I’m yet to visit, stories and stories I’ve heard about this uber-commercial city justified its inclusion. Little wonder it also led to another global trending topic on twitter: #AbaVersion

31. Our Weather: Yes, we share similar weather with some neighbouring countries but I still think our weather is unique. Rain, sun, sun, rain, harmattan; what’s there not to like.

32. Football: The one thing that holds down this nation. WE DON’T PLAY WITH OUR FOOTBALL.

33. Lastma: before the non-Lagosians think I’m being biased, insert all the other crafted law-enforcement agencies and you’ll get the picture.

34. NTA: Yes, memories, memories, memories; unique in its own way. Not what it used to be though?

35. Our Map: I’m sure even the lay-est man on the street can probably come up with a drawing close to the original Nigerian map. It’s that unique.

36. Purewater: Hmm…you’d be surprised if you knew how many groups have won some sort of recognition internationally for documenting the uniqueness behind this simple simple product.

37. Niger-Delta: Some might say this is another negative one but I disagree. I believe one day, someday sooner than we all imagine, this region will receive positive attention locally and internationally.

38. Our Universities: Not the best in the world (don’t even come anywhere near) but pay a visit to any of them and you’ll probably know why.

39. Street hawkers: It might not be totally unique; there are street hawkers everywhere right? Well, its not the hawking, it’s the hawkers, the things they hawk and how they go about it. Truly amazing.

40. Garri: Garium solphide, gaf, sporks, g-flakes e.t.c. Call it what you want, one of our best exports.

41. NEPA/PHCN: I will also leave this one for you guys.

42. NTA News: In fact I should have just said News on TV generally; don’t know how to explain it, it’s just different.

43. Our Banks: If you’ve banked outside the country you’ll know what I mean.

44.  Fuel scarcity: Not so common anymore but whenever they come around, we all know what it means.

45. Our Newspapers: hmmm… Need your help here too.

46. Population: They say we are 150 million strong. I disagree. In my opinion, we are over 200 million.

47. Our Leaders: Touchy for me. Will also leave this for you guys.

48. Phone culture: Walk behind a black man talking on his cell-phone anywhere outside Nigeria and most of the time you’d know if he is a Nigerian.

49. Markets: I think our markets have their own uniqueness. Do you?

50. Our Elections: From 1993 to 1999, our elections always seem to leave everyone baffled (well, most people). Only God knows what 2011 will bring.

So, there you have it. I must confess coming up with this list wasn’t easy. I’m sure some will disagree with some of the points, well, hit me up with your comments and let me know the near misses (did I hear you say Jim Iyke?)………

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10 signs you’re in a bad relationship

Here’s a reply to something I found online a while back:

It usually doesn’t start this way. It probably began with the same passion, enthusiastic spontaneity, unbridled optimism, and unprompted Sunday nookie synonymous with most happy couples. You liked each other, a lot, and still actually do on Wednesdays, but somewhere along the line your joyful coupling turned into a joyless abyss of unrelentingly sh*tty sh*ttyness.
Thing is, like most people, you probably didn’t realize exactly how terrible your relationship was until you got out of it. Sure, everyone else could see it, but you were too blinded by your investment and occasional ‘rebellious persona’ to actually notice.
To make sure this lack of recognition of your nasty circumstances never happens to any of you again, here’s 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship

1. You want them dead.
Ok, you might not actually want to kill them or even want them to die, but lets just say that if a completely random, completely painless, and undoubtedly fatal accident were to befall your mate, it probably wouldn’t upset you that much
***pausing to allow everyone reading this who’s ever been in a bad relationship to nod their head in shameful understanding***

2. They don’t make you happy
Its probably not a good thing if the only time you can remember your man making you laugh is when you saw him trip and fall on his face.

3. You think everyone you encounter is attractive in someway…except your significant other
Seriously, I think this is how they pick the contestants for “the flavor of love”. They just target women in relationships so bad that they’d find any jerk more sexually attractive then their current bf’s.

4. Its based on a lie
While white lies here or there about their awful cooking, your extensive p*rn collection, or the looks of their enthusiastically unattractive siblings are sometimes needed to keep the relationship peaceful, there’s no surer sign that you’re in a bad relationship than if lies are needed to keep it going.
Usually, these type of lies fall in one of two categories:

a) Willful deception (i.e: willingly (and selfishly) being the other woman or man)
b) Willful self-deception (i.e: having to convince yourself that things will get better, even though you know that the wait for that improbability would be longer than the surface area of Rihana’s forehead)

5. You’ve stopped having spontaneous sex

6. Nobody ever invites you anywhere as a group
Which actually doesn’t matter because even if you were invited, you wouldn’t attend because…

7. You don’t want to spend time around genuinely happy people
…and have their mere presence reminds you of the truck load of unhappiness that is your life.

8. You always have more fun if they’re not included
Lets just say that you qualify if your first mental response to “I invited your girl, too“, “your girl is on the way“, or (from your girl) “I want to spend some time with you this weekend” is always “Oh no!”

9. You’ve had to pull repeated “Usher’s”
(ending good relationships with other people to make it work)

10. You’re always the last person to find anything out about each other
From your promotion at work to the results of your STD screen, a hallmark of a terrible relationship is everyone else always learning important stuff about your significant other before you do. Seriously, I have a friend who broke up with his aggressively unintelligent chic in August and still hasn’t told her yet (they’re also still having sex. his explanation: “you expect me to deprive myself of some regular booty just because she doesn’t check her emails?”)

Anything missing? Speak your mind…

6 Things men in love do

Hey guys, its blog jacking Friday again and this week I must confess it was so hard picking a post to put up…soooo many good stuff out there. Anyways, here’s my pick, hope you like it.

HE’LL CALL
Sounds simple enough, but in an age where we text, FaceBook, tweet, BBM and do everything but pick up a phone and call, a man making an effort to reach out to talk to a woman speaks volumes. I’m a notorious multi-tasker that falls victim to the ease of electronic communication but it lacks the personal nuances of direct communication.
It’s one thing to have someone call me and I hold a conversation, but if I find myself thinking of a female and longing to hear her voice, chances are I’m feeling her in some way. Drunk dials and booty calls don’t count, only conversations where the man is expressing genuine interest in getting to know a woman.

HE’LL LISTEN
A lot of people don’t realize it, but listening is an art form. Half of the time when people are talking we’re not listening to the other person we’re only waiting to interject with our own response. Men are the guiltiest of this because a lot of women are longwinded and tend to ramble. Hey, that’s probably sexist but for argument’s sake let’s just say that it’s true.
I’ve found myself caught up in plenty of one-sided conversations with women where I could give a rat’s ass about what she was talking about. Whenever I catch myself spacing out and having no interest in her story or what she finds important, I take that as a sign that this woman isn’t the one for me. Yeah, she might be cute and I could be attracted to her; but if she can’t hold my interest in conversation then what’s the point?
On the flipside, when I’m paying attention and communication is flowing both ways there might be hope. In fact, it’s usually when I’m listening and actually interested that I remember important things like a woman’s birthday, favorite flower, movie or color, how many siblings she has and what she said 10 minutes ago. Conversations about sex don’t count, again, only ones where a man is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman.

HE’LL GO SHOPPING WITH YOU
Ever since I was little boy I hated going shopping with my mother because it was long, tedious and ultra boring. As an adult, I’ve had pretty much the same experience during shopping sprees with the fairer sex. Women stop at every store and section, fawning over the cutest dress/skirt/sweater/blouse/top/jacket, weighing the options of ever accessory and trying on every pair of shoes on sale—no matter if they already have something in the exact same color.
Any man that gets dragged along for the experience is usually bored out of his mind. He’s stuck standing outside the dressing room waiting for her to make a selection out of the several items she’s decided to try on, only to repeat the process as she discovers something that she’s missed while en route to the register. If given the option, most men will pass on the tagalong shopping experience.
However, when a man’s feeling a woman he might not only grin and bear it, but actually participate. A straight man that appreciates how his woman looks might willingly chime in on her outfit and enjoy the mini-modeling show of having her try on different outfits for his approval. Trips to Victoria’s Secret don’t count because what man wouldn’t appreciate a potential lingerie peep show.

HE’LL WATCH/DO SOMETHING HE WOULDN’T NORMALLY
Men are very particular about certain things, especially movies and TV shows. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard men say how they’ve never seen Brokeback Mountain based off the fact it’s a homosexual love story. But if a woman they were really feeling was dying to see that film or something comparable and equally woman-friendly (i.e. Sex & the City and any one of Tyler Perry’s movies) there’s a strong possibility he might bend.
I for one have been roped into watching something I never thought I would because of a woman I was feeling or in love with. My college/live-in girlfriend had a thing for Golden Girls and every night she would watch it, while I’d much rather check out Star Trek: The Next Generation, but because she was my boo I bit the bullet and suffered through Blanche, Dorothy Rose and Sophia’s antics night after night. I now cringe anytime I come across that show.
I’ve also been subjected to watching shows like Bridezilla, Bad Girls Club and the Food Network, as well as sappy chick flicks, for the sake of a woman that had my heart. Sometimes, as with Bad Girls Club, which features scantily clad women cat fighting, I secretly learned to like the shows, but I’d be damned if I admitted that to any of my boys. (Technically, I just did though—Doh!). But a man that gives up control of the remote (and movie tickets) to a woman is a sign he’s feeling you in my book.

HE’LL CRY
For the most part, men are not emotional creatures so crying is the ultimate form of opening up. Now, it’s not like guys are running around shedding tears at every opportunity but in the rare instances where one does it should be noted. Crying is a major display of vulnerability and if a man breaks down in front of a woman because of a death in the family or a similarly tragic experience it displays a considerable amount of trust in her.
Speaking from experience, I’ve shed a tear or two in the past during an intense heart to heart with the then-woman in my life about the death of my grandfather or some painful experience. Being able to express myself in that way was extremely difficult but showed a level of emotional intimacy that a man wouldn’t just share with anyone.
The flipside of the crying scenario is a man shedding tears at the end of a relationship. If a man had no feelings for the woman at all it would be no problem, but a man breaking down over a breakup shows that he truly cared about her. The fake sobs of a man busted for cheating don’t count, though.

HE’LL SAY “I LOVE YOU,” …AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT
Anyone can say “I love you,” but actually meaning it is a whole other ball game. The hard part is discerning when a man is being genuine and not just running game. If the L-word gets uttered during the throes of passion, then it should be taken with a grain of salt, as good sex will make people say and do almost anything. The true test of a man’s feelings comes from his actions.
I’m the type of individual that only says what I mean, so if “I love you” spews out of my mouth there should be an understanding that I mean it. However, not everyone is as honorable. There are individuals that will claim they love you until they’re blue in the face, yet these are the ones who are continually cheating and lying. As I’ve said before, words have no real value without meaning.
Man in love with a woman will not only say it but he will show it. He’ll call you when he misses you. He’ll listen to you when you’re talking. He’ll make sacrifices to make you happy. He’ll be emotionally available and willing to express himself with you. He’ll mean what he says and do whatever it takes to make you feel like the most important woman in the world.
Do you appreciate someone that’s interested in you actually calling as opposed to texting? How important is voice-to-voice communication in determining whether or not you like someone? Do you agree that listening is an art form? Does good conversation enhance your attraction for someone? Do you appreciate someone that’s willing to sacrifice their time to do something you’re interested in? Do you see crying as a very intimate experience between two people? Would you lose or gain respect for someone that was able to cry in front of you? Have you ever said “I love you” and not meant it? Why? What signs do you use to tell if someone is genuinely in love with you?

Ok, there you go people, do you agree/disagree? Have your say.

Courtesy: http://nwso.net/2010/09/20/6-signs-he-likes-you/

Lost generation

This video got my attention. Think it’s something that will also interest you…. Lets make a difference together….

Friends, Lovers or Nothing

As I sat on my not-so-swivel chair in my room (long story) facing Marcy (my laptop for those who don’t know) thinking of what to write about today, my itunes Dj did its thing and shuffled from Train’s Soul sister to John Mayer – friends, lovers or nothing. Immediately, my fingers began to tap and in no time, I was singing along. People who know me will tell you I think John Mayer is a genius (not just musically). As the song hit the final chorus before the bridge, I leaned back into my seat, still singing, and then I paid more attention to the words of the song. Friends, lovers or nothing: we’ll never be the in-between so give it up. Anything other than yes is no, anything other than stay is go, anything less than I love you is lying.

Hmmmm I thought to myself. And then, wow! I guess I must know a lot of liars then. In fact, of the 6 billion people on earth, I wonder how many non-liars there’d be. The thoughts of

hell being overcrowded briefly came to my mind but I pushed it away and focused on this discovery. Lets break this down:

Friends, Lovers or Nothing:Or you walk in with her and seeing some friends in the room, you proceed to introduce her as your “friend” only for you to get into the room and she totally goes cold on you. Then there are those times when your friends tease you about him being your boyfriend and you get so mad and totally throw a fit. For most of you reading, I’m sure you’ve probably been in one of the situations I mentioned above (if you haven’t, well insert a compliment here or return to your planet : ) ).

Now lets go over Mr. Mayer’s words again: friends, lovers or nothing. I could dig up the dictionary meaning of these words but that would just be a total waste of time. We all know who friends are. However, let me state here that terms such as “friends with benefits” do not fall into the “Friends” category Mr. Mayer referred to. You don’t have hot steamy make-out sessions with your friends. Neither do you employ their help in ending your celibacy/sex drought. Period.

As for Lovers, well, in this part of the world, that’s one word that is taken to mean all sorts.  (By the way, I hate the word…gosh…sounds like something my father would say..) Let me start with the dictionary meaning: Lover: a person having a sexual or romantic relationship with someone, often outside marriage. Wow. Ok, wasn’t expecting that but there you have it…being lovers doesn’t necessarily mean you’re married but the inclusion of sex or romance clearly differentiates it from friendship. So this is the category where aloooooot of people probably fall. Don’t ask me for specifics, I didn’t make the classifications so I don’t know how it works with married people who claim to be lovers of people other than their spouses.

The lyrics from the bridge of the song: “Anything other than yes is no, anything other than stay is go, anything less than I love you is lying” helps to further clarify things. Such qualifications such as “friends with benefits” or statements such as “oh, we just help ourselves…”sexually”…” only mean one thing, you guys fall into the last category: Nothing. The next time he/she says the words “I love you” and your response isn’t “I love you (too)”, you’ve only helped to decide which category you fall.

Quick Disclaimer: Like many other words, our definition of Love in these parts isn’t exactly same with the rest of the world. So please clarify with your partner before accepting his/her “I love you”.

Another question you might ask is, do all lovers make it to the altar? Well, Mr. Mayer wasn’t specific and neither was the dictionary (can you blame them). The onus really is on you to decide where you fall or where you “want” to fall and where that eventually leads you. One thing I’m sure of is that friends can become lovers and lovers can end-up married. But if you’ve gone from lovers to friends or you’ve had to coin some sort of complicated phrase to qualify what you have with someone then the truth is, you fall under the Nothing category.

Knowing that I may be wrong, I’ll throw this discussion open as always. What do you guys think; is Mr. Mayer right?

7 Things I will Never Understand About Men

Understanding Men

Hey guys. So I’ve decided to introduce some new categories just to keep things interesting. First up is “Blog Jacking Friday”. The idea is pretty much self explanatory so here goes….Enjoy.

As I sit here enjoying my solitude, I try to put myself in a man’s shoes and gravitate towards his thinking process. After many attempts at this feat, the only success I have had is in managing to acquire a headache. I never have and probably never will understand some of the decisions, logic (sometimes lack of), and reasoning that the average man has.  I am not a man hater. I am however, someone who will hold anyone accountable for their actions and bulls**t behaviors. I’m only being real….

1. Spending A Ridiculous Amount Of Time With Your Friends

Most women could care less about whether or not their man spends time with his boys. It only becomes a problem when their man starts to put their guys before their woman. Why in the world should it ever be okay for you to spend more time with your guys and place them before your woman? Yet you still expect for your woman to be the one that washes your clothes, cooks for you, and caters to you sexually and emotionally?  Wah! Then you get mad when she asks you are you gay?

2. Getting Into A Relationship When You Want To Live Single

If you want to be able to slang pole freely then why even play the game? Why even tell a chick “yeah baby, its just you and me”? Why not just keep it funky with the chick you are dealing with and tell her that you dig her but you want the relationship to be open.  Believe it or not, there are many women who would go for that. It becomes your problem when you start to lie, cheat and sneak behind your woman’s back and make faux commitments. Then you are upset when your windows to your new car are busted. I’m just sayin…

3. Lose A Good Woman, Then Wife Up A MuskRAT

Why do men screw up a relationship with a good woman who treats them like a king and then start dating a woman who is not worth their effort? She could be the biggest whore in their neighborhood, have a vagina like a cesspool, and use men till they are bone dry, and still get love. The kicker is that once she finally screws them over for the last time and they finally figure out that this woman is no good, they find another good woman, but are so resentful and bitter from their last relationship that they are unwilling or unable to treat this woman with any appreciation. Thus continues the cycle of stupidity.

4. Trying To Gain Access To The Danger Zone

Men have a fascination with women and anal s*x. They are always trying to maneuver themselves in the sacred hole where things are only supposed to go out not come in. Anal s*x is a horrible painful, unnatural, activity in my opinion. Therefore, no we don’t think it is cute when you accidentally slip it into the danger area.  Stay away from my naughty hole!

5. You Don’t Have To Be King Kong

Men need to feel like they are their woman’s biggest, and best lay. She needs to see doves fly when he enters her erogenous zone. She needs to climb walls, speak Swahili, and praise his name. Sorry guys, not every man is King Kong.

6. You Are Not Jesus And She Is Not The Virgin Mary

Is there such thing as a male parthenophobic? (fear of virgins) Most men don’t necessarily prefer virgins but her sexual exploits better not outnumber his or all hell is going to break loose. Newsflash: Just as you have had your hot fun in the summer nights, so have we. In other words, stop expecting for the woman that you have or plan on wifing up to be less experienced than you. She had a s*x life before you, just like you did and you are not the first (or the last) who will want to get all in that.

7. The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side Complex

No dear, not every woman is going to want you. So there is no need for you to fear commitment and think that you might be missing out on something. Now, I’m aware that there are more men than women in this world, however, not every woman is going to want you! Love the chick that is giving a damn about you today.

LJ Knight
www.YeahSheSaidIt.com
If, You Don’t Say It, I Will

Say it with music…

Music

How many times have you sat by your laptop listening to the words it’s over now coming from the voices of the men of 112 over and over and over again? Or you stayed in bed for hours listening to Trey Songz croon Black Roses, Toni Braxton sing Unbreak my heart and Destiny’s child hide behind Emotions. Some may deny it, but not me. Music forms a great part of our lives. And the thoughts that flooded my head after I saw a friend change her BBM status to “What would life be without music” were definitely interesting.

Being the kind of music lover I am, going one day without music would probably kill me (ok, iKid) but just think about it, sooooo many things we do find expression in music.  Why? It’s pretty simple, over 6 Billion people in the world living for thousands of years equals an unthinkable bank of experience. Luckily for us today, some of the people from the past, found expression in music and as a result, we can learn a lot from past mistakes while also leaving messages in our music for generations to come. (The content of the present day music is however subject for another post).

It is really amazing to think that anything, no, ANYTHING you’re going through, has been expressed musically by someone somewhere at some point in time. When Usher sang How do I say, he never imagined at some point you’d be so confused about how to approach that gurl. And if all you have is a crush, David Archuleta sang Crush. Petrified about your first date? The guys of Blink 182 were once there. Dates and dates follow and it’s all so great, feels like a teenage love affair? Alicia Keys said it already. Approaching love but got obstacles on the way? Mario sang Let me love you. She is getting impatient? Avant and Nicole – Our love. She’s feeling undecided? John Mayer – Friends, lovers or Nothing. But if you can wait…then Trey Songz – Can’t help but wait. You could also do the Unthinkable like Alicia Keys and Drake.

If you eventually make it there and it’s all you’ve dreamt of, nobody said it better than KCI & Jojo – All my life. Tell her why you chose her: Mario – I choose you. Make a promise: N’Sync – This I promise you. Tell her exactly what you want: Adam Sandler – Growing old with you. Tell your story: Robin Thicke – 2 love birds, Taylor Swift – Love Story. Be appreciative: Bon Jovi – Thank you for loving me. Remind her what life would be without her: Sisqo – Incomplete, what she really is to you: Michael Buble – Everything. And always be proud of her: Usher – There goes my baby.

And when you crave that other errm.. ‘love’, say it like Lumidee & Shaggy – feel like making love or Usher – Making Love (into the night) or Keri Hilson – Make Love. And make it worth her while too: Trey Songz – Jupiter Love, Neighbours know my name. Always keep things interesting: Usher – Trading Places and if you’re up for it: R.Kelly, Tyrese, The dream, Robin Thicke – Pregnant but what ever you do, keep it sweet: 112 – Sweet Love.

Whenever you get into a little fight…. Neyo – Mad. Suspecting there’s another woman? Neyo & Jennifer Hudson – Leaving tonight. So many rumours from her friends choking you? Usher – Echo. Cheating on her? Dwele – Cheating. Love another? Usher – what’s a man to do. If things don’t work out and you’re wondering what next, ask: Diddy & Keri Hilson – After Love. While waiting for an answer, mourn with: Mario – Soundtrack to my broken heart. And always go away with a lesson: Alicia Keys & John Mayer – Lessons learned.

Which song expresses how you feel right now?

Mind your mind.

The human mind is such a wonderful thing. One second your thoughts are moving in one direction and in a matter of sub-seconds, it morphs into another thing and on and on and on like that. To think research has shown that we only utilize a negligible portion of its total potential. Wow. Snap. How did I get here again? Yes, so you see, right now, I’m seated with a few of my colleagues in a training room and our facilitator is a young stud. Late twenties, light skinned, mary janes, high-waisted skirt, mild makeup – uber hottie. She’s been going on and on about how we can help my unit optimize its potentials by blah blah blah. Then I guess my mind did what it does best. I looked round the room, saw a few of my colleagues struggling with sleep, some of them were miles away in deep thoughts while some were actually taking notes and paying absolute attention. Then my eyes went back to little Miss Stud. I looked at her closely, her face, her lips, her eyes and snap. It flashed.

The picture was black and white, in a poorly lit room, the camera panned swiftly across her face as she let out a soft moan. I watched her as she moved closer towards me and this time the picture showed her biting her lower lip. Sweat trickling slowly down her face. I shifted on my seat as she walked past me. I turned to look at her and I saw her turn her face and move her behind even closer to the figure kneeling behind her. This time, I had to shake my head. The person who was now walking back towards the front of the room and the person in my thoughts seemed like two different people; yet it was the same person. I wondered then, what kind of lover (excuse the word) she was, what kind of people she attracts…

The lecture ended a few minutes later and as I left the room, I smiled at her thinking to myself “if only you knew…” I used to think it was just me; I and my crazy mind. I often imagine people (especially the seemingly righteous ones) in compromising positions – after all, we all “do” it, don’t we? I once shared this with a friend and her reaction was surprising. The way she waved it aside as if it was a normal thing was kind of funny. So I’ve decided to throw it out here. Do you, or don’t you? And if you do, how often?

Tools.

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