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Monday Rush

Homegurl-nomics

She’s funny – has a wonderful sense of humour. She’s intelligent – she always seems to know something about everything. She’s attractive – you know, in that, wifey-ish kinda way. You’ve been friends with her longer than you can remember. She’s seen them all come and go – tall, short, dark skinned, light. She laughed at you when you had the thing for skinny models, she helped pick out several birthday gifts, valentines day gifts and even ‘I’m sorry’ cards. Heck, she’s even raised you money severally when things were “tight”. Yes. She knows you almost as well as your mother – if not more. She’s not your sister (even though you call her that sometimes), she’s not your girlfriend, she’s not your best friend, she’s your “homegurl”.

Here’s the part you don’t tell her – she’s probably dark skinned, on the ermm… “chubby” side – ok, ok, she’s fat? She wears little or no makeup, hardly ever wears a dress (except that one time you dragged her to that dinner as your date); she knows as much as you, or probably more than you when it comes to the Premier League and sports generally; she has no problem belching or farting around you; discussing her menstrual cycle isn’t a taboo; and sex? You can’t remember the last time she brought up the topic but you always seem to discuss it with her cause well, she just gets you like that.

Most guys have at some point had or currently have the person described above. No matter how much we deny it, we all have that one (or more) go-to-gurl who always has our back. For some, it might be their moms, others, sisters and in some cases, they might not even be as described above. I know some friends with “homegurls” hotter than their girlfriends/wives. A lot of people say the best kinds of marriages happen when a guy marries his best friend. Probably so. But except I’ve been rolling in the wrong packs, finding a woman with all I described in the first paragraph combined with the opposite of all I described in the second, is very very rare these days.

Solution? Find the opposite of paragraph two, hook up with her and keep your “homegurl” on the side/close by? Did I hear you say trouble? Well, I don’t know about you but most times I hear girls in relationships feel threatened by their man’s “homegurl” is when she’s serious competition. And by that, I mean paragraph 1+ opposite of 2 + possibly more.

Where am I going with this? Well, I saw the movie, Just Wright yesterday and seeing Common and Queen Latifah’s characters hook up at the end made me wonder just how often that happens in life. Can the reason behind this be my theory on paragraph 1 & 2 or is there some other reason. Maybe we should even start from “homegurls” and why we men seem to need them. Let’s hear from the guys today and if you’re a gurl, perhaps a homegurl, please use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

PS: I know I’m supposed to pick the ticket winner for the Fela in Lagos show today but instead of picking the closest answer, I’ve decided to let it run for a couple more days. You have till midnight Wednesday, Nigerian time to put up your answer and I’ll announce the winner on Thursday. Good luck.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

63 thoughts on “Homegurl-nomics

  1. Guys need a ‘homegurl’ for that sensitive view on things. Most times, a guy’s way of cheering you up is ‘yo, sorry dude’ with a pat on the back.
    Girls give advice, lend a listening ear, do all that mushy stuff.

    Most times the homegurl doesnt end up with the guyfriend because some friendships run deeper than that.

    signed homegirl to two. 😐

    Posted by MsJulz | March 28, 2011, 9:05 am
  2. i can never figure out why guys come to me for advice sha… u can clearly see im sinking and ur asking me to teach u how to float… oh yeah?

    i prefer the term wingman tho

    either that or “homegirl that i secretly wanna bang”

    😐

    Posted by Zara | March 28, 2011, 9:11 am
  3. I think home-girls are actually cool!I’m sure I’m one 2 a couple of people,ok maybe just 2! But as long as u don’t try 2 experiment ish like sex,then its all good!I know a lot of guys dat wish they have one.because tbh,u really can’t tell ur girlfriend somethings and expect her 2 understand rightaway! That’s y d homegurl is there.sometimes u really don’t want 2 be around guys yet u want 2 watch footie,or drink or smoke or even play fifa or summin,all of which ur girlfriend may not want 2 be a party to!
    In most cases though,these friendships are ruined wen feelings are involved;and d ones dat survive the hurdle,well dey get married and have kids and live happily ever after!! 🙂

    Posted by bee | March 28, 2011, 9:12 am
  4. I L♥√ع being the homegurl… Meanwhile u said the closest answer, does that mean I was wrong??? Arrggghhhh!!

    Posted by nengie | March 28, 2011, 9:14 am
  5. The fudged up part abt this here situation is that this home gurl is usually in LOVE with the guy!
    Y else wud she help him with ALL his shit…
    She kinda already knws she isn’t his type physically and in trying not to care abt it so it doesn’t tear her into pieces, she becomes ‘comfortable’…farting arnd him and stuff like that.
    She isn’t tlkng abt sex…cuz she’s probably not getting any…cuz she really wnts the doggie from the home boi…
    I hv been the ‘home gurl’ b4…helped him with every female he liked…and that was in my skinnier days. Dude didn’t notice till my last years in secondary school…it ended abruplty (in context sha…lol) but it was awesome…

    Posted by beforesheimplodes | March 28, 2011, 9:15 am
  6. 6 minutes 😐

    Posted by MsJulz | March 28, 2011, 9:16 am
  7. I totally agree with MsJulz. Some friendships go waaaay deeper than that. I’m definitely a ‘homegurl’ (not sure I like the sound of it, btw), who else is gonna give him all that tough love?

    And I’m still staring at the picture.. Betty?

    Posted by UberBetty | March 28, 2011, 9:17 am
  8. It isn’t everytime the homegurl loves the guy like that oh…sometimes she just finds that this person is really cool and they clique. And some times she’s already head over heels for someone else

    Posted by MsJulz | March 28, 2011, 9:20 am
  9. What about me?…I’m homegurl to like 2 guys and I’m hot (if I say so myself)…but I did date my homeboy for 5 yrs and we broke up cos I loved him but want in-love with him…how do u explain that…cos I’ve defied all the rules u set up in ur blog :’-(

    Posted by Tomi_Giwa | March 28, 2011, 9:24 am
  10. However! Homegurlism doesn’t always come with tugs in th ‘nani’ regions …or the annoying heart strings…guys need a home gurl men!
    But men…these days even if she’s fat and ugly…there is too much hate in the world for a gf to trust that it wud end at homgurlism! Lol
    Nw I’m just a home gurl to a few…its coolness! 😀

    Posted by beforesheimplodes | March 28, 2011, 9:24 am
  11. *wasnt

    Posted by Tomi_Giwa | March 28, 2011, 9:26 am
  12. Dude i totally love the idea of a homegurl. I mean, there are some things you can’t tell your girl that a homegurl will definitely understand. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m just really comfortable with that.

    And i mean tell anything. She might not even be sexually appealing and all that. At the end of the day, one might even hook up with her..I still agree that the best friend makes the best wife..or husband…I don’t know…homegurl..*twisted stuff*

    Posted by awizii | March 28, 2011, 9:36 am
  13. So many homegurls out there… do you mind your gf being another dude’s “homegurl”?

    Posted by thetoolsman | March 28, 2011, 9:39 am
  14. Its rily nice being the homegurl….it has made life much easier n fun..sm1 i can b ‘me’ with…shoutout to all d homegurls….beautiful post Tools!

    Posted by bukiola | March 28, 2011, 9:49 am
  15. Right. All this is cool and all, but the answer is real simple. A home girl brings sanity. Especially if, like me, a dude likes girls that always come with complexities. Remember how guys always say “if women were a course, all men would fail”? Having a home girl, or chic wingman as Zara says, helps it all make sense. Besides, it’s actually cool to know that there’s that one girl that you can be cool with, without wahala. None of the stress that sex brings and all that. But as for the babe being like paragraph 2? I can’t relate with that bruv. All my home girls (yeah I have more than one) are attractive.
    as for finding a girlfriend who wouldn’t be threatened by your home girl, especially when she’s hot competition? That’s something hard to come by…finding a babe that trusts you enough not to be insecure ….is possible. Just very rare.

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | March 28, 2011, 9:50 am
  16. Yeah, the homegurl is just that humorous, intelligent, female close friend that was just going to be ur babe till she failed the ‘physical attraction’ criteria.

    I dint quite get the paragraph addition and subtraction thingy tho; it was beginning to sound like some morse coding or sumtin. But I think I somehow get the idea.

    I think I’ve got me some homegurl(s) sha.

    Posted by radeyo | March 28, 2011, 9:59 am
  17. Homegirls don’t necessarily have to be farty and unattractive. But my bf/husband’s must. I wouldn’t want to have to compete with or worry about her

    Posted by Sam-Sam | March 28, 2011, 10:11 am
  18. I agree wit zara #TeamWingman….n its def not all d time d homegirl loves d guy.

    Posted by Qtie | March 28, 2011, 10:12 am
  19. I’m a firm believer in the ‘marry your best friend’ maxim. I have 2 or 3 ‘homegirls’. One also doubles as my girlfriend. 🙂

    Posted by je_mc2 | March 28, 2011, 10:16 am
  20. There are certain things guys can’t discuss wit their male friends and wives/girlfriends, hence the need for the ‘home gurl’ bt sometimes, d home gurl ends up falling for d guy, sometimes it works out, sometimes they both find out they were better as friends…I dnt mind being a ‘home gurl’ tho..

    Posted by dammydiva | March 28, 2011, 10:20 am
  21. enuff tyms… i took a survey (those toolsman kinda random uneducational and unreliable typa surveys) and found that 86.78% of homegurls actually love the guy.

    Posted by radeyo | March 28, 2011, 10:23 am
  22. @redayo iAgree bt I said “not all” 🙂

    @Dammydiva *raised eyebrow* a guy shd b able t tell his wife/gf everything, she shd b his bestfrd too n vice versa, yes?

    Posted by Qtie | March 28, 2011, 10:29 am
  23. And it was accurate to decimal places.. hahahaha..

    Posted by thetoolsman | March 28, 2011, 10:32 am
  24. Lucky you?

    Posted by thetoolsman | March 28, 2011, 10:32 am
  25. well, the remaining 13 point sumtin percent have only just gotten over the LOVE phase becos they’ve decided to face the reality of their real position. 😀 ;).

    Only one person calls me redayo… hmmmm! Are u who i think u are?

    Posted by radeyo | March 28, 2011, 10:37 am
  26. Ok, lol, typo. Radeyo*

    Posted by Qtie | March 28, 2011, 10:49 am
  27. I’ve seen tonnes of cases when “homegurls” end up with the guys..I like the idea of a homegurl.but looking at it from the girlfriends perspective.it can be annoying to know that ur not the “only” significant female in his life besides his mother and sisters..it is always nice when the homegurl and girlfriend are one and the same.it makes things easier nd less complicated

    Posted by abc | March 28, 2011, 10:51 am
  28. I’m a homegurl to a coupla dudes and we share lotta crazy stories, have good snorty laughs, flirt a bit but that’s just all there is to it. I’m a sister, love-doctor, pseudo-gf, etc to them and I always have their gf’s best interest at heart even when said girl doesn’t know me. I won’t mind if my bf has a homegurl, won’t mind someone advocating for me just like I do my ‘homeboy’s’ gf. Lol. It’ll only become a problem if he starts to keep meetings with her a secret. ‘Fire-on-the-mountain’ kinda problem 😐

    Posted by KaraHearts | March 28, 2011, 10:53 am
  29. Even if she’s way hotter than you?

    Posted by thetoolsman | March 28, 2011, 10:58 am
  30. Mr. Radeyo, stop forming inspector here.. I’m not giving out twitter handles!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | March 28, 2011, 10:58 am
  31. As with every guy I meet, I would have assessed ‘home-boy’ and gotten over the crush stage so we can ‘settle’ down to real friendship business. There’s been that awkward time tho when an ‘homeboy’ said he’s always liked me and things got a bit complicated but thank God we were able to deal with it. So much dat the ‘confession’ now seems to be a figment of my imagination. 😦

    Posted by KaraHearts | March 28, 2011, 11:03 am
  32. All I want to know is what are those things u can tell your “homegirl” nd not ur girlfriend.I just want to know sha..becuz I wud wnt my bf to tell me evry single thin on his mind.yes! Nd I’m sure he won’t like me withholding things nd telling my “wingman”.

    Posted by kCL | March 28, 2011, 11:06 am
  33. I’m hot :D. Ok, that sounds too vain. Lol. Let’s just say, I’m more intimidated by a very clever, intelligent girl than a very hot one. ‘Hotness’ is relative if u get what I mean.

    If she’s ‘hotter’ than me, only thing that’ll make me insecure is if he isn’t treating me right. if he isn’t, then I’ve got bigger issues than his bestie’s level of hotness

    Posted by KaraHearts | March 28, 2011, 11:10 am
  34. Thank you so very much for this comment, I was hoping someone would ask. So.. answers anyone?

    Posted by thetoolsman | March 28, 2011, 11:12 am
  35. Lol @ qtie and kcl : ok, yh he shld tell his wife/gf..bt there are times he wud nt knw hw to put it to d wife, n d home gurl mite just b in d best position to help him wit d right words..he wud tell his wife, d home gurl mite just b d first prsn he wud tell..and err..u d wife/gf would nt knw dis..so b happy..to u, u r d’ first prsn’ knowing bout d issue..

    Posted by dammydiva | March 28, 2011, 11:12 am
  36. uh…no 😀

    Posted by awizii | March 28, 2011, 11:14 am
  37. ermm..am a homegul 2 a couple of guys most of dem my frnds ex.(ok dts irrelevant)..n my present boo has sme homeguls dt i dnt hve a prblm wt.. bt dere was once ds guy dt i was his home gul n we ended up havn smetn..whch @ d end of d day didnt work out n nw we r tryn 2 form we r stl clse bt i tnk deep dwn it cnt b as it used to..so 2 me its a NO NO to homeguls turning glfrnd/wife cs if tngs dnt workout u cnt b as clse as u used to…

    Posted by pebbles | March 28, 2011, 11:17 am
  38. I don’t think I wud v a problem wit my boo havin a ‘home gurl’ as long as she doesn’t v a problem wit me.. My ex had a home gurl, nw d home gurl and I r like bestfriends…. Some guys just dnt knw hw to balance havin a babe and havin a home gurl too, hence, d both of them clash..

    Posted by dammydiva | March 28, 2011, 11:18 am
  39. @KCL: well, if he’s havng issues at work,at a loss of what to get for your birthday, or he’s bitchy ex is tryna make a come-back cos suddenly he can afford to eat at pattaya everyday of the week, he’ll need his ‘home-gurl’ to set him straight. Surely you don’t expect he’ll tell u that would u? And thank God he’s telling her, cos his male friends would tell him to ‘hit that’ and that’s likely (very) to open up a can of huge worms. Also, she’s like a cross between a sister and a friend and sometimes, she heals his broken ego. Gfs are sometimes fussy and don’t just get that he needs toughness and jst d litllest amt of tlc.

    Trust me, if you aren’t married to him yet and he dumps ALL his issues on you without ‘seiving’ em first, ul prolly have quarrels. 🙂

    Posted by KaraHearts | March 28, 2011, 11:22 am
  40. @karahearts, thanks for explaining..very good examples there..

    Posted by dammydiva | March 28, 2011, 11:27 am
  41. So I hear I v exposed sme guys’ secrets, dt babes wud start wondering if he tells d home gurl his issues first b4 he tells dem..sorry o..didn’t mean to..lol…wt matters most is dt, he is in love wit u and not her..b happy..lol

    Posted by dammydiva | March 28, 2011, 11:30 am
  42. So I’ve been a home girl to a couple of ppl and I’ve had bfs with homegurls, plus loads of my frnds (male and female) have had/been homegurls. From all this experience ooooo, Someone always likes someone. Humans just rnt wired that way.if hanging with someone makes u happy, ova time u start to romanticse it. I rememba one homegurl dat was vvvvv fat and not fine ooo invitin sum bf for boys 2men concert. And d idiot too wanted to go. Iru homegurlism oshi ni yen?

    Me sha ooo. Fat oo fine oo ugly ooo, I dnt care. I want no homegurl for my man. I’ll continue to be sumone elses mans homegurl sha. U never know I mite get bored and decide to have him. 😀 😉

    Posted by bimbo | March 28, 2011, 11:32 am
  43. Kai, madam Bimbo (no famzing :|) thaaris sell-fish oo. Honestly, thaas what I would love too, but as I know he’ll say I’m ‘inconsiderate’ and it’ll prolly cause more harm than good, I’ll just let him have home-geh and hope he stays true to me his main love *sigh*

    Posted by KaraHearts | March 28, 2011, 11:44 am
  44. @kara.u gav me a brilliant explanation..:) but deep down we alll still wish we got the guy with no “homegirl” but us..but being selfish is not a virtue.sigh* so we love them regardless.

    Posted by kCL | March 28, 2011, 12:18 pm
  45. Nice post man! It just so true. I have had a couple of them. Atimes they are just friends and atimes they are people I used to date that things didn’t work out with but we just ended being good friends. My only issue with it is that even iif they won’t admit it most home gurls are secretly in love with the guy.

    For me sha, dating ur home gurl is the best kind of relationshoip you can have.

    Posted by oba | March 28, 2011, 12:21 pm
  46. *coughs….emm..emmm!

    Posted by bukiola | March 28, 2011, 12:40 pm
  47. Story for tortoise……dat wan no mean say make u wan attempt enter ya home gurl

    Posted by Eez Me | March 28, 2011, 12:45 pm
  48. Wow! I still dont understand how i would be cool with my man going to some girl first with some problems before coming to him..i still dont understand it. The way I understand Love, i dont think there should be anything u shldnt be tell your partner if u are really in love. My boo right now is my best friend..we fart loudly in each others presencen when he feels like taking a cig we do it together(knowong fully well he wldnt like me to smoke, thereby reducung his urge for smoking) we talk bout crushes we both have outside our relationshps and, we get terrible gifts 4 each other and laugh over it and stuff…i think thats what it should be about! Sorry for the TMI..just had to share!

    Posted by omo | March 28, 2011, 1:00 pm
  49. I think I’ve been a homegirl to a few people one I ended up dating…and even though I may not like the idea of my bf/husband having one if I’m really honest with myself I think it helps the relationship in a way..a sounding board for some of his ideas that I may only know a little about or helping him learn to phrase his apology correctly when he pisses me off 😀 In retrospect I’ve knwn some of my ex’s homegirls and we got on well….I guess its a meat/poison kinda issue.

    Posted by jAyajade | March 28, 2011, 1:38 pm
  50. Hmmmm….. I’ll BRB

    Posted by H•A•W | March 28, 2011, 2:12 pm
  51. I have a lot of homeboys though..keeps you sane..and I don’t have sexual feelings towards any of them..not all of them are in relationships but we just like hanging and faffing around..I think its really healthy.

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | March 28, 2011, 2:49 pm
  52. I have one main homeboy, no sexual attraction or anything ..having him in my life keeps me sane ..I love him like a brother …I have however discovered that everything I tell my HB, I tell my BF.. So BF is actually a HB too 🙂 … I’m pretty sure my BF has atleast one homegirl (I’m pretty sure shez hot too) ..but I don’t mind … Wish he dint have one but its not that big a deal .

    Posted by nike | March 28, 2011, 3:25 pm
  53. Its cool to be a homegurl as long as nobody starts catching feelings. I’m homegurl to 2 awesome dudes, the first for going on 8 years and the second for 3.

    I, On the contrary will not tolerate such closeness from my significant other with “some chic” The same way I would back off if any of my bestie’s babes had issues with our relationship is the same way I expect him to get rid of whatsherface once I’m well in the picture.

    Posted by Yve | March 28, 2011, 3:27 pm
  54. Oh yh, I’m like 3 dudes’ home girl .. And I totally have their gfs’ interests at heart

    Posted by nike | March 28, 2011, 3:29 pm
  55. I was a guy’s ‘home girl’ he told me everything about everything then we decided to start dating and well -__- not exactly the best idea. I don’t mind being the home girl a guy can talk to about anything as long as his girlfriend does not bring her weyre near me

    Posted by Mone | March 28, 2011, 3:41 pm
  56. The only home girl my bf had, met his elder brother, fell in love and they got married.

    I don’t have a problem with homegirls cos my kind of man would understand where to draw the line.

    Funny thing’s I’ve got quite a no. of homeboys who I converted from “toasters” to that role. 2of em, their gfs hate me. 😦

    Posted by StephanieIj | March 28, 2011, 3:56 pm
  57. funny how my gf stole my ‘homegurls’…now dat i think of it, mayb dat was her plan all along

    Posted by subbysmollz | March 28, 2011, 7:07 pm
  58. First and foremost, this post re iterates the philosophy that a guy & a girl can be “just friends” with no sex involved.

    I love my home gurls cos they are the only ones that bring me down from cloud nine when I am making a fool of myself and tell me I can go further when I’m tempted to quit.

    Home gurls rock and they (literally) don’t give (you) a fuck!!

    *Grammar & typos are 100% copyrighted by me*

    Posted by Lagoshunter | March 28, 2011, 8:12 pm
  59. Hmmmmmm. Well, I have this “homegurl” I met about 8 months ago. She’s definitely the “take home to momma” type and has almost all d qualities I want in a babe(I fink she is kinda my own Gordon Ramsey…but she is short and I wouldn’t say she’s 10/10 when it comes to her looks). She has a boyfriend and tells me “everything”. Problem is “one thing led to another” and we’ve been doin “it” even tho she is engaged(whew!!!…it’s been a while since my last confession). I guess d lesson for me here is “what u don’t wanna eat…don’t smell”.

    Posted by NOTAPEOPLEPERSON | March 29, 2011, 2:21 pm
  60. Every sane man needs a home-gurl, who better to break down d complexities of women…Ladies, dnt be tkn it p joor….hez only telln d home-gurl frst, so he wud knw hw best to communicate it to u….

    Posted by Dozie | March 31, 2011, 2:18 am
  61. these things are easier said than done! Having a ‘Homegurl’ is a two edged sword held by an acrobat! Many a time, we (especially to us guys) succesfully wield it and most of the time we wield it wrongly. Depending on your kinda personality/Circumstance a Homegurl can be a gift or a curse.

    @Notapeoplesperson :: Really??

    Posted by DavidUzzi | April 8, 2011, 5:19 am
  62. I have some four homeboys (somewhat razz ring to it), purely platonic bond, as a matter of fact, they all have girlfriends. A while ago, I met a homeboy of the homeboys (a close male friend of the boys’) who was into me and we got talking. Next thing I know, mutual homeboy’s talking about not wanting to come between me and my homeboys cuz he found out one of them, in his words, was crazy about me. Huh? Go figure!

    Posted by Vicki | April 11, 2011, 10:47 pm
  63. I have some four homeboys (somewhat razz ring to it), purely platonic bond, as a matter of fact, they all have girlfriends. A while ago, I met a homeboy of the homeboys (a close male friend of the boys’) who was into me and we got talking. Next thing I know, mutual homeboy’s talking about not wanting to come between me and my homeboys cuz he found out one of them, in his words, was crazy about me. Huh? Go figure! For more reasons that that, we ended whatever we started. I never tried to find out which of my guys it was, (though I know deep down) but really, I don’t care. Like I said, they all have girlfriends and I’m/we’re happy being hommies.

    Posted by Vicki | April 11, 2011, 10:49 pm

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