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Wet Fridays

Sadomasochism Soliloquy

Nine months into a relationship things can easily start to fall into a routine in the bedding department – but that’s if you allow it.

She said she wanted to try something different so I fucked her with my words. The venue was the same – my bed. The players were the same – just the two of us. As she laid beside me chatting away waiting for that moment I would reach over and start our usual play, I looked lustfully in her big brown eyes I asked if she could do me a quick favour.

She asked what it was sitting up. I turned to my bedside table and produced a notepad. I flipped open to a page and as I held it out to her, I asked if she could help me read for typos. Disappointed, thinking it was maybe work related, she sighed as she took it. She began reading and I eased out of bed. I stood at the edge of the bed watching her eyes dart left and right till she paused and looked up.

Yes, keep going..

Engrossed in what she was about to read, she didn’t notice as I took out the cold bowl of liquor from the fridge. I flipped off the duvet that had been shielded us from my raging air condition revealing her gorgeous legs – she only had a huge t-shirt on – my t-shirt. I got on the bed and created some room for myself in-between her legs.

Go on.. But slowly this time.. I want to hear you….

She took a deep breath and began reading as I had instructed.

“Eric moved closer to Jordan (our names); his lips beside her ears and he began to whisper:”







As she pronounced each word, I dipped my finger in the liquor bowl and traced out the words on her legs starting from the bottom working my way up.












No, say that again… I said, smiling suggestively at her…

She looked up to me again and as the words escaped her mouth b-i-t-i-n-g .. following the movement of my fingers against her thighs I felt her body tingle all over…

I smiled and asked her to continue..
























As I completed the “r” on the word Deeper, my index finger landed centimeters from her yoni. I felt the cold air from the AC retracing the words I had written as they dried out and one look at her was all I needed for her to pounce on me. She said she wanted to try something different so I fucked her with my words – her words.


This is my version of a similarly titled post I once read. I know a lot of people say we Nigerians are sexually unimaginative but I absolutely disagree. I understand some of y’all might want to keep your signature bedroom moves close to your chest but this post is all about sharing. Do you think Nigerians are sexually unimaginative? If not, share some examples.. You can always comment as “Anonymous” hell no. Have a great weekend and please go out to vote tomorrow.



About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman


51 thoughts on “Sadomasochism Soliloquy

  1. Whoooooosaaah! *fans self*… I’ll be back *walks away*

    Posted by not_an_angel | April 1, 2011, 9:57 am
  2. dis is rilly bad for d mood i am today…….*yaws…Lawd..take d wheel!

    Posted by BKNY | April 1, 2011, 10:08 am
  3. I love this,very imaginative. phew! that was hot!! *opens shirt buttons*

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 1, 2011, 10:13 am
  4. *running off to grab a notepad*

    Posted by DL | April 1, 2011, 10:16 am
  5. You almost got me with this one, almost…..but my mind is elsewhere now…..

    Posted by SoniaofHBF | April 1, 2011, 10:16 am
  6. Fans self!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Posted by Taiwo Kamz | April 1, 2011, 10:19 am
  7. sigh

    Posted by Taiwo Kamz | April 1, 2011, 10:20 am
  8. Nigerians are not sexually unimaginative o. At least most of the dudes I’ve fucked sha! We keep it interesting. I REALLY like this post!

    Posted by nonametoday | April 1, 2011, 10:21 am
  9. Wow! That was intense. You’ve certainly proved that we can be imaginative * running off to find ‘doctor’ *

    Posted by ogirl | April 1, 2011, 10:23 am
  10. Can someone send this to the missus? We turn 9 months in 2 weeks.

    Posted by Munchie | April 1, 2011, 10:24 am
  11. *pause*

    Posted by lade | April 1, 2011, 10:24 am
  12. why dont u copy n send to her *wink*

    Posted by Taiwo Kamz | April 1, 2011, 10:25 am
  13. Wow…..nice nice nice!

    Posted by Ghazal | April 1, 2011, 10:31 am
  14. i looked for this for u. you can give her a “tantra Yoni” massage…he purpose of the yoni massage is for the woman to relax and experience pleasure.

    Thank me later


    Posted by Taiwo Kamz | April 1, 2011, 10:33 am
  15. Ha! This massage is too technical for me o!

    Posted by Munchie | April 1, 2011, 10:37 am
  16. come on.. LOL

    Posted by Taiwo Kamz | April 1, 2011, 10:37 am
  17. Very very nice… I’d luv to have this done to me and no we’re not sexually unimaginative it’s just that sex to a large extent is still a taboo subject here…

    Posted by TJ | April 1, 2011, 11:00 am
  18. I don’t do sex,nt yet nyway…but I’d love 4 dis to be done to me someday *fanning self vigorously*

    Posted by InnoCute | April 1, 2011, 11:30 am
  19. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

    Posted by mabijo | April 1, 2011, 11:41 am
  20. YES THEY ARE!! Infact Nigerian boys should be banned from knacking. Hahahahahahahahahaha

    Posted by juiceegal | April 1, 2011, 12:38 pm
  21. Creativity to keep our appetite for sex evergreen & exciting in my experience, depends on the inhibitions (or lack of) of partners.

    However, the need to be creative & keep our sexual lives exciting is sort of the reserve of stable/long term relationships.

    For sexually independent people,it is much different. The potential/reality of a new fuck is always exciting (until maybe, we sadly realize the sex is a lame as fucking a refrigerator).

    So Toolsman,if we are talking about sexual ingenuity in general,I believe Nigerians can be quite creative.

    Over the years,I’ve had(and still having) the full spectrum – from frigid to partners who favoured blindfolds,dildos, high rise balconies,audio/video recording, hand ties,exhibitionism,drugs,spontaneous shags in public places…..

    *Gbaguans & typos are mine,so mind your business*

    Posted by @lagoshunter | April 1, 2011, 12:39 pm
  22. LOL.. i was waiting for ur comment

    Posted by Taiwo Kamz | April 1, 2011, 1:06 pm
  23. First time here and I like what I see , big ups to the toolsman. Sadly our babes are not as freaky as they pretend to be. Don’t get me wrong they can talk dirty and act all freaky but when it comes to the actual deed they chicken out. I can imagine some babes that’ll look at you like weray if you give them a notepad but this is good stuff tho. Nice way to get one’s imaginative juices flowing. I’d probably spend my weekend thinking of something freakishly different (after I vote that is).


    Posted by @mrfafo | April 1, 2011, 1:08 pm
  24. I’ve said it before, words do nothing for me. If you gave me a note pad to read of while you poured liquor on me spelling words, I would not be amused.

    The nigerian guys I’ve been with have been very awesome with their imaginations, haven’t been with a naija girl yet so idk but I imagine she’d be reserved

    Its no secret that I’m sexually open, adventurous even but idk I’ve done too much shit to be turned on by words including phone sex operating.

    Posted by vanity | April 1, 2011, 2:43 pm
  25. Interesting comment.. I’ve heard a few ppl blame our ladies.. sadly they’ve not really expressed their views as concerning “themselves” here…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 1, 2011, 2:50 pm
  26. I’ve read some stuff about exhibitionism but until recently I never knew I’d come across it here in Nigeria.. Dang we are closet freaks (hypocrites) in this society..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 1, 2011, 2:52 pm
  27. Yeah… I can imagine how being a phone sex operator can kill certain things for you but then again, were you non-responsive to words before you took the job? I can imagine a lot of Nigerian women reacting the same way you said you would if their partner gives them a notepad to read from.

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 1, 2011, 3:03 pm
  28. LMAO at “yoni” never heard that before. Sounds funny! See what I did there? Ok, I’ll shut up now. 😐

    Posted by Delphine | April 1, 2011, 4:02 pm
  29. Err..tools..great mind there, very coughs* creative. Nd detailed!!I think that’s an important skill in seduction. “Paying attention to details” once u rush evrything it takes away d intrigue of suspense.nd suspense definitely heightens arousal..

    Posted by cryptic | April 1, 2011, 4:11 pm
  30. oh my word! lol

    Posted by mizzaina | April 1, 2011, 4:13 pm
  31. err…….i got nothing.
    nice one tools.
    oh wait,…
    naa, still nothing.

    Posted by mizzaina | April 1, 2011, 4:16 pm
  32. 🙂

    Posted by BBB | April 1, 2011, 4:19 pm
  33. Biko wait; can @lagoshunter ever leave a 3 *ok 5* line comment? Plus is there anything u haven’t tried?…..hain!!I await the day u will not hv a personal experience about smtn…
    *i no dey sell cow meat oooo; na question ni*

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 1, 2011, 4:22 pm
  34. Cryptic? Err… ok Interesting “first timers” on this post…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 1, 2011, 4:24 pm
  35. lol.. nothing? seriously? change the liquor maybe…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 1, 2011, 4:25 pm
  36. well.. the man calls himself Lagos Hunter… did you ever ask what he “hunts”? Yeah.. that might just answer your question even though I’m sure he’ll still come around to giving a response himself..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 1, 2011, 4:27 pm
  37. I love this post… I’m sending my boo the link… So much tension to relieve this night, so we can vote well tomorrow!!! After reading it, I know he’ll come up with another crazy idea… Can’t wait!!! ^_^

    Posted by Roxanne | April 1, 2011, 4:30 pm
  38. Onishe-kushe ni bobo tools yi o! Hian! What an imagination!

    Posted by omo | April 1, 2011, 4:49 pm
  39. Nigerian girls aren’t frigid in fact nigerians in general can be freaky…so freaky its darn near frightening the one thing you need to assure them of is an unspoken vow of silence. As long as you don’t kiss and tell. Everything goes. Nice article though gave me some ideas (rubbing hands together in anticipation)

    Posted by annonymous | April 1, 2011, 5:05 pm
  40. My dearest @gorgeousbskin, I was thinking about the length of my comments myself too.

    Then I concluded that comments that simply go…… “Toolsman, nice one” or “Fans self” add no value to the discussion nor do they give Toolsman any ‘real’ encouragement/feedback (My assumption).

    Have I tried everything? Nope! Believe it or not, I have not had a Ménage à trois. Although I am a very deliberate person who seeks new/specific experiences (sexual & otherwise), my bucket list is still very long.

    And an item on that list is actually meeting you in person….*Wink!

    Posted by @Lagoshunter | April 1, 2011, 5:08 pm
  41. Great stuff but I think I agree with the dude dat complned about naija babes being too unwilling to think (or do) outside d box. Half the time they do that whole virgin routine (even after the first time o) and expect us to play along. I’m not saying I don’t like the good girl moves but there are times when a brother just wants a lil more. Sex in a pool at midnight, a lil role-play, tie up & feel free to spank me, turn me on & watch me turn you out!!!! *sigh* oh well, maybe someday I’ll find a partner willing to be creative. Till then, I’ll keep tryna explain to my girl that phonesex isn’t a chore…..

    Posted by ExWhore | April 1, 2011, 7:07 pm
  42. This man oooooooooooo….. Hain!! *U get mouth*…..

    About ur long comments, I agree, U def bring in the much needed encouragement/feedback/mind tweaking to the discussion & i cant fault you for that………….

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 1, 2011, 8:35 pm
  43. *adds this routine to list*, and that tantra yoni massage thing..

    , please toolsman they update me when u dey put up posts like this in the future.. for i am student yearning to learn new things

    thank you. God Bless

    Posted by Ricdizzle | April 1, 2011, 11:47 pm
  44. Ok, here is my two cents..speaking from personal experience..zilch but all I know is dat I have all these crazy things I want to do in my head, till I meet d right person, that can still count as been freaky right? Maybe not but I think Nigerians r really freaky u just don’t get to hear about it till u r probably ready to spill ur juicy details too.

    Posted by ......... | April 2, 2011, 12:51 am
  45. We all know that when it comes to sex most nigerian girls are boring. Yes sexully unimaginative…let’s just say like 90%..like someone said..they be forming “good girl” or “do you think I’m a slut”…meanwhile the other 10% that do get real freaky 6% of them are prostitutes(yep)..that’s why most guy would never stop doing prostitutes!..you’d be suprised what a good naija prostitute would do for the right cash..and then the 4% are real hard to find..trust me and you’ll never see them at GETZ or all these creamy places..they probably in lagos island…I’m mean how many babes have u heard of that “jumped” a home boy..yep 4%…I can go on about this shit…#okbye

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 2, 2011, 5:17 am
  46. Come where have I been? How come no one told me about this blog?? *looks left and right*

    Posted by Ayeesha | April 2, 2011, 6:13 pm
  47. Practice makes perfect, in my honest and humble opinion. Wale, nice one as always..iSalute

    Posted by @awizii | April 5, 2011, 5:36 pm
  48. Well,I’m so sorry to be corny but chemistry combined wiv love could be crazy most times!and mr tools’yoni’I see u have been ‘tantric’ Nigerian men just can’t handle the freak that nigerian women bring to the table!hence the coy attitude!seriously though,a woman has to feel comfortable before she can unleash her inner freak!I mean,I’m not about to suck on his balls only for him to tell the whole world bout it!

    Posted by divadrama | April 8, 2011, 2:40 pm
  49. As for me oh, words, touch and sight can get me going. I won’t say I’m up for everything but creativity is good oh. As long as he’s willing and doesn’t do something that would lead to getting hurt and willing to return the favour. Not sure about role play though 🙂

    Posted by bee | April 8, 2011, 3:58 pm
  50. Whao

    Posted by idontevenknow | June 15, 2011, 10:32 am
  51. Meeehn…..u dis mr Tula(I figured this was coined from tools) u wii not kee me…damn… I have to read all the post u have …….got to know about ur blog like 2weeks(or so) ago,nice one

    Posted by kankey | June 27, 2011, 10:07 am

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