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Wednesday Dialogue

Playing Precious

“I don’t love you anymore.”

I lowered my bottle of coke to the table; then shifted on my seat as I faced him.

“You don’t?” I asked in my husky voice. “That’s very honest.”

He smiled. Weakly.

I smiled back.

He shrugged. “We said we’d be honest.”

I said nothing; just stared at him.

He squirmed under my intense gaze, looking everywhere but at me.

This was an applaud-able task. Why? Because I’m hardly avoidable.

At all.

In fact, I’m what people call FAT. I’m very fat. I take the space of two, maybe three people.

“That breaks my heart.” I said softly.

I met Uche at the Supermarket. I turned into an aisle and he was there, walking towards me.

I moved on, pushing my trolley. People usually got bullied by my size – not him. He raised a brow. “Excuse me, please.” Giving me a look that said – ‘I won’t be bullied’.

I frowned. He smiled. I backed out for him. My first time in a very long time.

I had never loved anyone completely until Uche.

I let him see that there was more to me than my body. A captivating mind; A beautiful soul. And he saw. Yes he saw. With him, I let myself go. He was enraptured.

I know he never took me to see his friends or family. I never asked. Because I knew, the way we all know we’re going to die someday; that he was maybe a tad ashamed of his fat lady love.

I was too selfish to bother; I put my all into it. I wanted to be loved, be it fleetingly. I garnered the memories; I dug a pit, gently laid them there. Because I anticipated this day and now it was upon me.

‘You love me Uche, you do. Don’t go. Please stay. Choose me over that skinny girl I know you’ve been cheating with for months. I love you. I’m not as strong as I look or pretend to be. Don’t leave me alone with me. I’ll crumble. I’ll wither. I’ll die’

I didn’t say that.

“It breaks my heart but…. you are being honest” I said instead. And smiled again. “Have a good life, Uche.”

When he left, I slipped on my ipod earphones. Regina Spektor. “Suppose I never ever met you.. “ She crooned.

Then I cried. Then I stopped crying. I picked up a large size pizza and a tub of ice-cream on my way out. I continued my life. Alone.


Some may read this and laugh. Others may read and pity. What we have represented here with a FAT person can be any physical or non-physical attribute, which a person may or may not totally be in control of. What I’d like to know is, was she wrong for going on with the relationship, hanging on; hoping for a miracle? Was he wrong for claiming honesty when clearly, he was lying? For those of us who have been Uche or the gurl; use the comment box, speak your mind.

I was privileged to contribute to this post , which was written by Pemi, our awesome in-house ‘baby blogger’ 🙂 (follow her on twitter @UberBetty). Watch out for more stuff from her…


About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman


113 thoughts on “Playing Precious

  1. Hmmm, I know someone that her “fatness” (incessant illness) was the major reason i “Uche’d” out, thing is at first you try to say you can overlook the “fatness” and let love conquer all, but when all you discuss and talk about is this “fatness”, things become difficult, unnecessary fights start to spring up and everything begins to turn sour. In my situation, I decided to end everything before we became enemies, I believe it was the best solution at the time as we are still good friends discussing the issues and all that stuff. She’s still fat but I can handle things better as a distant friend than as a boyfriend. FIN

    Posted by Keyzer Soze | April 6, 2011, 9:31 am
  2. No she wasn’t wrong…I just hope she was happy at some point.

    Posted by StephanieIj | April 6, 2011, 9:42 am
  3. Hmnn! But why do fat people have more relationship problems than facially challenged(trying not to use thw word ugly) people? I’d take fat anyday.

    Posted by fattybombom | April 6, 2011, 9:44 am
  4. sad sad story. i see this everytime. love is strange and we find them in strange places. although we know that there is no one person for everybody, but there is a “type” of person for everybody. unfortunately, not everyone would have the luxury of being with their “type” of person eventually. that’s life! it aint fair… not a bit. it’s not a question of being right or wrong in my opinion. it’s just that they weren’t a “perfect fit”.

    Posted by UncleJevi | April 6, 2011, 9:47 am
  5. Like seriously keyzer, is there some thing wrong with being fat ???? I mean not every1 was created lepa shandy ! Like I can honestly relate wiv this blog… It’s esply sickening 4 me @ work, (jst changed departments) u hear pple who r simply “acquaintances” saying stuvs like “gosh missy u’r hands r massive, damn ur ass” @ 1st I decided 2 work on it and now with over 30k spent on slimming I’v decided 2 give it a rest (after all whn compared 2 my relatives, I’m d slimmest I.e size 16). N besyds, being “fat” doesn’t make u a pretty soul, my boyfriend loves it n that’s all that matters … Whew … 😀 I’m happy I’v let that out …

    Posted by bigshyandbeautiful | April 6, 2011, 9:48 am
  6. Err I have nothing against fat ppl, i just (as the blog) used the context to explain something else.

    Posted by Keyzer Soze | April 6, 2011, 9:52 am
  7. Recently I was in the situation of being ‘fat’ and playing precious in a relationship I enjoyed the feeling really and my Uche really didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Problem is I knew eventually the ‘fat’ would get in the way of things and damage our relationship so borrowing Keyzer’s term I uche’d out-it hurt like hell so I can’t fault her for wanting to stay happy and loved for as long as possible…..

    Posted by jAyajade | April 6, 2011, 9:55 am
  8. This is a deep one. So here’s my (not so) humble opinion having been on both sides before. (actually weighed 72 at 5’6″) many ppl will love fat ppl despite their size issues but the truth is that it’ll take a lot to stand up and not be ashamed when things go deeper. So, she wasn’t wrong. She would have grown unhappier as time went by when she began to want more and I’d love to blame the guy but the real truth is that he didn’t have it in him to sustain that relationship.

    Posted by O-girl | April 6, 2011, 9:55 am
  9. First and foremost…..I don’t laugh at jokes about ‘fat’ ‘ugly’ ‘poor’ ‘gay’ people. I find them in uber poor taste.

    We hardly made ourselves who we are & are in no position to judge others.

    Being ‘fat’ is a function of a number of things some of which are beyond a person’s control. Only the uninformed will think otherwise #IMO.

    I have ‘fat’ friends, have dates ‘fat’ girls and I know that most times, they are the most fabulous people to be around (somebody might say it is cos they are over compensating).

    Why did Uche going to the relationship? I couldn’t deduce that from the story,hence I am in no position to judge him.

    As per the chick in question, like all of us, she has a right to aspire, reach and acquire anything she desires irrespective of what the rest of the world thinks about her & her aspirations.

    Unfortunately, somethings come/happen to some people easier than it does for others…….Na so life be.

    My name is Lagos Hunter and I dare say…..”Pemi, you have written well” Toolsman, thumbs up….again!

    *Gbagauns & typos are 100% mine, please don’t steal them.

    Posted by @lagoshunter | April 6, 2011, 9:56 am
  10. Wow. This has to be the saddest story I’ve read in a long while. Being a big kid myself, I think I could understand what she’d feel. Why she stayed with him even when she knew he was lying. Everyone needs love. And the fact that someone was willing to show her some for a little while…it’s not right, I’d never put myself through that, but I understand. And for Uche…I don’t even know what to say. I can’t make any excuses for that level of douchebaggery. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
    Good read Tools.

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 6, 2011, 9:57 am
  11. *Typo/gbagaun spotted……..I have ‘fat’ friends, have DATED ‘fat’ girls and I know that most times…….

    Damn! I hate proof reading!!!!!!!!

    Posted by @lagoshunter | April 6, 2011, 10:00 am
  12. Fat people actually take break-ups more readily than the non-fats, maybe because from day 1 they can see the end, its jus a matter of when and how. This chic probably saw it coming, especially when they’re with a guy/girl who’s toogoodtoobetrue. A few tears here and there and eventually the icecream/chocs fills the void.

    I’m all for loving another individual from the inside, but the truth of the matter remains that many fat(physical/non-physical) people hate who they are, probably can’t stand themselves (esp.when they look in the mirror) that alone makes it hard for that person love him/herself… Who’s gonna wanna stay with that on the longterm? Except when the pity-factor creeps in.?

    Posted by ricdizzle | April 6, 2011, 10:05 am
  13. All i can say is, fat people have feelings too. Its very hard to lose fat especially when your body has gone past a certain point. I know this.

    Posted by dereni | April 6, 2011, 10:10 am
  14. Really sad…. 😦 😦 then again…we don’t knw y uche uche’d out..it might not have been cos of her “fatness”

    Posted by thelegendress | April 6, 2011, 10:11 am
  15. Well..first of all..the babe was suffering from a severe case of low self esteem.I know its hard to have a high one when u already hav a high level of cholestrol.but..love ur self enough.nd someone wud see a reason to love u right bk..yeah yeah same old story but serzly..she was a woman dt always held bk..she cudnt ask him why she cudnt meet his parents?.

    when he eventually said he didn’t love her.she still held bk her emotions..y?its always good to let out steam..even if it’s to no avail.
    There are three things to happiness.—>self worth, appreciation and security.
    Self worth is the ONLY one dt u dnt require another person to give to u.!..

    Posted by kechilauren | April 6, 2011, 10:14 am
  16. I’m fat *wails*

    Posted by Qtie | April 6, 2011, 10:18 am
  17. Wow.. reading the comments so far and I’m just so so proud to have you guys on here. @lagoshunter .. interesting comments (as always) @bigshyandbeautiful Im glad we gave you a platform to let out some thoughts. @kechilauren I must say I’ve never heard of the 3 things that make up happiness but I like it and self worth is definitely important.

    oh and @Qtie (^_*)

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 6, 2011, 10:25 am
  18. Wow, rily deep comments here… Well,I support Lagos hunter, ricdizzle n kechilauren’s comments.. All I v to say is that whether u r fat, skinny, ugly, short or whateva, u v to first appreciate urself b4 any oda prsn will..
    Nice one Pemi and Toolsman..

    Posted by dammydiva | April 6, 2011, 10:27 am
  19. Well….watever ya ‘fatness’is u gotta be comfortable wif yasef before expecting others to be comfy wif u. I’m a Taio Cruz crooner I’d ‘uche’ out on Meagan Fox and she aint ‘fat’

    Posted by @jobzibond | April 6, 2011, 10:31 am
  20. Memories: Yossie baby cc @jibola @shege @ganja….Tula axe their mommies….dem go give u the gist

    Posted by Actor No dey die | April 6, 2011, 10:36 am
  21. I think u shouldnt date someone ur not proud of in the first place….u should love ur partner wiv all their imperfections….his/her insecurities should be part of the reasons u love them…..one man’s meat is another man’s poison……..As a fat person, u should realize that there’s a man out there that would see u as “meat” and wouldnt find skinny girls attractive…..Hakuna matata 🙂

    Posted by xoxo_ebire | April 6, 2011, 10:38 am
  22. I totally agree with bigshyandbeautiful too…It’s sad to see that people judge based on just what they see, even worse when one is not honest.

    And seriously, we should look on the inside after all, all this will fade one day..corny as it sounds..And the chic should try to invest in some self-worth.I guarantee you, if you can paint an irresistible picture of being fly, it will work..YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF ….first..

    equally corny but true: “You are amazing,just the way you are”-Bruno Mars

    Posted by awizi | April 6, 2011, 10:38 am
  23. Pemi nd tula….(Y)

    Posted by kechilauren | April 6, 2011, 10:40 am
  24. I blame society. There was a time when heavily gifted women ruled the earth. Men wanted them because the heavier she was, the more fruitful she was believed to be. Soceity has made being plump a crime. They continue with their anorexic models and give people the mindset that it is uncool to date a bigger person

    Posted by MsJulz | April 6, 2011, 10:40 am
  25. One name: Jennifer Hudson 🙂
    Ok! Jokes apart, she’s not wrong to want to be loved! I mean, everybody wants to be loved and cared for. There are actually some men that like their women precious style so eat on my dear, your ‘the one’ will love you for you 😀

    Posted by Temitope | April 6, 2011, 10:43 am
  26. I once stopped seeing a guy because his “youknowhat” was small and he wasn’t willing to lick…..
    Was tired of the wack sex…

    Posted by nonametoday | April 6, 2011, 10:43 am
  27. Well I have a precious-like colleague, the girl loves herself die, she is sooo confident, over sef. She feels her voice is like oxygen, she likes to talk and feels herself o. The thing baffles me, but I admire her for it, cause I don’t know if I would be the same if I looked like her. Big ups to all the precious-like people who love themselves, you would be loved in return, just as you deserve. Amen. Me sef, I’m skinny but I shall tap into this prayer.

    Posted by SoniaofHBF | April 6, 2011, 10:46 am
  28. hahahaha…well, I did say this post isn’t only about fat people…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 6, 2011, 10:49 am
  29. sigh… Deep

    Posted by H•A•W | April 6, 2011, 10:51 am
  30. i dont think she should have ordered the large pizza and ice cream after he left tho…

    also, being fat is unhealthy

    dont b all “o im precious’s weight and i love it”, that shit will kill you

    i might be a bit on the insensitive side of life, but fat (when its not hereditary or an illness) is unappealing, and im not talking of plus sized sexy people…im talking of huge, two seat taking, shuffling, panting-every-two-steps folks

    get your shit together,


    Posted by yeahyeahwhatever | April 6, 2011, 10:56 am
  31. Fat girls…dunno y pple tink its a big deal to b fat? its no big deal to b fat!! If he can’t accept ð fact that u ® fat, pls move on and some one else wuld def come.
    Ave dis fwnd… She is BIG.. She bin thru dis a lot of times…she kips on dating ‘yeye’ boiz nd men, alwaz used to tell ha to stop nd just accept d fact she is gonna b single, cause she wuld alwaz come bck cryin with a bowl of ice cream, but in dis case , she comes wit cake.. Eventually she found someone nd dey ® avin a blast!!!

    Posted by baby boo | April 6, 2011, 10:59 am
  32. Bet if u had read it well u wlda seen in d first line that his definition of fat was incessant illness aka she prbably has sickle cell.

    Posted by bimbo | April 6, 2011, 11:00 am
  33. wow…being blunt rules..

    Posted by awizi | April 6, 2011, 11:01 am
  34. #SHOUTOUT to all the Fat ladies… thanx for coming out.

    Posted by Anon Amos | April 6, 2011, 11:04 am
  35. These comments have made me see things in newer lights than when I was writing. Thanks.

    I do believe she had some self-pride.. At least, not to grovel for him to stay. And she did move on. Even if she needed icecream’s assistance.

    But don’t forget that this ‘fat’ isn’t necessarily a physical attribute. Like Keyzer Soze said, it could be sickness or any other thing that makes one a tad insecure.

    Posted by Pemi | April 6, 2011, 11:06 am
  36. hahahahaha… SKills u r a fish!

    Posted by minini | April 6, 2011, 11:06 am
  37. no one wants me cuz i m fat… now eating cake and icing

    Posted by mrbuga | April 6, 2011, 11:31 am
  38. Oh please @lagoshunter…people make themselves extremely fat or fat whatever…have u ever seen a FAT baby born before. People make themselves what they are..no one was born poor,gay,..ok maybe ugly…conditions for being fat is either ure a spoilt kid or ure depressed and eat ur way there…nways for the story she has a right to aspire and be in a relationship like every other person…uche on the other hand..is just a fool..he actually does like/love her..he was prob pushed by his peers..prob..becos they made fun of her…cos I don’t understand how he woulda entered the relationship in the 1st place..I don’t have anything against being fat(I might make fun of you)..but I wouldn’t date one…

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 11:34 am
  39. yossie mama na super story o, Skills dey discriminate against big people. upon all d luv she and her family showered on Skills and his friends he dumped her.

    Posted by mrbuga | April 6, 2011, 11:37 am
  40. @ mr am out of dis world…..I ave seen a lot of fat babies ooo…lool.

    Posted by baby boo | April 6, 2011, 11:40 am
  41. I’ve not been Uche, I’ve not been the girl. I won’t pretend to keenly understand the experience of either party but I have fat friends.

    They prefer to be called “big” and they get love too. Maybe not as frequent as we thin folk, but they do get love. Most of the time, they just have to be more patient.

    We all get love, but we all leave or get left in the end.

    Afro said!

    Pemi? You rock. I told you before.
    Toolsman? You don’t need to be told.

    Posted by afrosays | April 6, 2011, 11:40 am
  42. Oooo….I forgot to mention, pemi is my friend!!! Nd she alwas makes M̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ proud!! Nd fil like an ‘olodo’ as well..

    Posted by baby boo | April 6, 2011, 11:45 am
  43. There’s someone for everyone…that’s how I see it..self esteem for fat people or those that are hard on the eye is key…else u’ll not truly find happiness…another fab piece @uberbetty

    Posted by sirkellz | April 6, 2011, 12:03 pm
  44. Well, I have seen fat babies but I understand your point about people making themselves what they are. I’ve heard people talk about some forms of obesity being hereditary but I guess I might need to get a medical person to come help out here…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 6, 2011, 12:09 pm
  45. *sigh* as much as we try to bully ourselves into believing we don’t discriminate, fact is-we do. And it isn’t just the big girls that face the brunt of it. Guys & girls alike are mostly moved by sight and would readily choose a girl who fits the form they have molded in their minds to be the perfect one.

    Anyways the point is, she wasn’t wrong for hoping and believing he would one day be proud enough to showcase her. Like they say, “it is better to have loved and lost…” Were I in her shoes, with my own ‘fatness’, I would devote my energy towards loving myself more because that eventually spreads to everyone around you.

    I do not know his reason for going into the relationship but I would say he was lying to both himself and her from d get go, she did not suddenly become fat did she? Maybe he wanted to try out the ‘dating a fat girl’ thingy and realized he couldn’t cope…maybe not.

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 6, 2011, 12:12 pm
  46. 2nd piece of yours I’m reading and Loving. Nice one. I hardly ever(bordering on don’t) judge people so I don’t have anything to add as per Tools’ opinion seeking question. If I were in her shoe, I would have done the same thing so *shrug*. I absolutly Cannot stand Obesity though……that’s a NO-NO in my books.

    Posted by Nono | April 6, 2011, 12:18 pm
  47. This is a sad story. But I admire the girl for just letting him go in the end. Its no good being with someone who doesn’t want you and isn’t proud of you. Yes, she wanted love and took it while it was offered, and when he took his love back, she didn’t fight. That’s self-respect. No one should feel like they’re doing you a favour by loving you, because there’s someone out there who will love you, flaws and all.

    The people I really feel sorry for are the “Uche’s” out there, who miss out on love because they care too much what people think. It’s not bad if ure just not attracted to, or u personally can’t see urself with a ‘fat’ person. But if its just about what random people think… That’s just sad.

    Btw, if ure ‘fat’, u don’t like it and you can do something to fix it, TRY! Because there’s no point expecting someone to love you that way if you don’t love urself that way.

    (I’m sorry this comment is so long)

    Posted by TecknicoleurGrl | April 6, 2011, 12:28 pm
  48. @lagoshunter just proved to us all with his comment that there are many sides to him and when he’s nt too busy hunting;he’s actually a nice ol human.

    @mr I’m out of this word: are u messing with ur comment? Really? My friend had a 4.9kg baby on 1st April… Obviously cldnt pass thru her coochie & had to be taken out via CS… *pls stop wateva it is u are drinkn; its too early*

    About this post…… Hmmnnn; it touches me in a deep place. I think that anyone has a right to want or no longer what anything and that’s ok. Howver; when it involves another psn; we hv no choice but to thread carefully. A “fat person” has enuogh to deal wit already;why mk it harder? When “fat” pple recover; most do because someone dared to luv them enough to mk them challenge the statusquo; so if eg if she was always ill; she may not stop being ill but she may have a certain approach to handling/dealing wit it that mks it a bit more bearable *see the movie luv & other drugs*…… BUT!! Let’s all be honest; most “fat” pple get pitied a lot and that sucks; so rather than stay out of pity; just do the needful and bounce if u’r not present anymore….

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 6, 2011, 12:36 pm
  49. IZ A LIE!!!! FAT or heavily gifted people(decieving yourself) never ruled the world!!…if this was true mr hefner wouldn’t be rich today!!!

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 12:38 pm
  50. @I’m out of this world..yes.people are actually born POOR.nd babies are born FAT, by this I mean.they are born with obese genes. I hav a friend who has been FAT since I can rememba.
    Her dad is obese!.nd she works out thrice a week. Nothing changes.her bones are large as welll, nd dt doesn’t help too.
    So pls understand this.

    Posted by kechilauren | April 6, 2011, 12:42 pm
  51. She isn’t wrong to want to be loved and to stay in the relationship even when she saw the end from the beginning. IMO, Uche shouldn’t have gotten into the relationship if he couldnt handle introducing her to the family etc etc, where did he think it would end up?
    I think it takes a person with a big heart and a take no prisoners attitude to be with a person who has features that the world would reject. If you love someone, love them totally, protect them from the world, set your friends straight the first time they laugh at the ‘fatness’, let them know it isnt OK, let the family see exactly why you love him or her and how happy they make you. Hiding them away is a chicken’s way out.

    Posted by W. | April 6, 2011, 12:52 pm
  52. @MrImOutOfThisWorld, I doubt if I’d be wrong to assume you are not a widely travelled/exposed guy.

    Let’s not go beyond Africa,lest we talk about the incidence of junk food.
    Just take a trip down to Eastern/Southern Africa and see the high incidence of large people in families of predominately large people.

    Your comment also insults women who grow bigger after child birth due to changes in hormones, metabolism, etc

    Oh, I have also seen toddlers who are bow legged because if they are over weight. This is distinctively different from vitamin deficiency.

    No one was born poor? Really? Ok, we will all pretend you didn’t just make that comment. ( I will ignore the “born gay” part, cos this blog no go fit contain the debate)

    You commented …..”uche on the other hand..is just a fool..he actually does like/love her”

    Pray tell, what in this blog post, helped you reach this conclusion? Because I doubt anybody else can reach such STRONG conclusions.

    No beef, I like speaking from a point of verifiable facts/knowledge & have very little patience for those who ride high horses. #EoD

    Posted by @lagoshunter | April 6, 2011, 1:03 pm
  53. @mr I’m outta this world, I’m a fat kid and I have been all my life… Have I been slimmer? Yes but even then, I wasn’t slim…
    I can kinda relate to this although I have never been ‘uche-d’ but I have struggled with insecurities as a result of my weight. I am so glad she dint beg him, sad though she resorted to ice cream…
    Beautiful post as always…

    Posted by nengie | April 6, 2011, 1:06 pm
  54. Mr “I’m out of this world” while fat is usually self inflicted, often times its as a result of some medical condition you don’t even know exists (experience). And yea, there are FAT ass babies, trust me.
    Like the authors said FAT here is metaphorical. I agree with kechi, lagos hunter and ricdizzle. I think that self worth is very important. If you don’t like the way you look and u can fix it then please do. But if u’r “different” but comfortable in ur skin&happy with the way you are then by all means, work it! However, don’t go about feeling sorry for urself, looking for pity and validation, that’s just BS. There’s nothing more unattractive than self loathing. You can’t expect to be loved by others if you don’t first love yourself, this is too true.
    Big ups to the authors, well written as usual Toolsman

    Posted by Dami | April 6, 2011, 1:07 pm
  55. My advice is to the Uche’s out there, do not stay with someone out of pity, there are too many mediocre things in life, love/relationships shouldn’t be one of them.

    Posted by Keyzer Soze | April 6, 2011, 1:08 pm
  56. Mr lagoshunter….u’ve said it all…K.O

    Posted by kechilauren | April 6, 2011, 1:20 pm
  57. Whoa @lagoshunter, if you weren’t already married with a baby and girlfriend(s), I’d sooo follow you right now. Asin. GBAMDIGIDIGBAMM

    As for the post, it made me really sad cos there are a lot of big girls out there that either settle for less cos of lack of self esteem or don’t even bother trying cos they are scared.

    society is really unkind to big people and its unfair but then again, life is unfair. there r some people that try to shed weight but simply can’t but there are a whole lot more out there that don’t even bother and whine abt it while stuffing their faces with ice cream and chocolate.

    When life hands you lemons…..

    Posted by Sam-Sam | April 6, 2011, 1:39 pm
  58. I’m a size 14 and by many people including me fat. But if you know me in real life, I have lots of confidence and don’t play that pity me bullshit.

    I have dated gmany guys and girls including a model. And I never felt like they were “Too good to be true” For the most part it all comes down to loving yourself, for the most part no one wants to be with someone who all the do is feel sorry for themselves.

    I’ve been in a situation like this before and isk if things turned sour because of my weight but he started commenting on it more and more and suggesting diets and telling me not to have soo much cake, I ended up breaking up with him. Sure his suggestions were probably valid and I was trying to lose weight but I don’t need the incessant reminders and disgust. So I chucked him soon as the sex reduced (how else am I supposed to exercise?)

    Posted by vanity | April 6, 2011, 1:41 pm
  59. @lagoshunter (y)

    Posted by bigshyandbeautiful | April 6, 2011, 1:46 pm
  60. Lol! @ vanity’s last sentence! Rilly, ow would u exersize?

    Posted by baby boo | April 6, 2011, 1:48 pm
  61. I just re read ur comment, u’r actually quite ignorant. Sad really…

    Posted by Dami | April 6, 2011, 1:55 pm
  62. I also believe it isn’t your business how people try to love and how they seperate partners. For instance I can’t date a guuy who isn’t tall. Is it his fault that he isn’t tall? No. But I find myself extremely unattracted to them. Sure they have great personalities or what not but I can’t. Some people cant/wont date fat people or light or dark skinned people or bald people etc. You can’t fault people for that and say its sad that people are picky.

    Also the nember of fat people who are born with the genetic disorder of fatness is slim, so 90% of fat people are just that, fat including me.

    I judge fat people sometimes including myself and we all do it too but are too shy to say something about it. I dont understand why fat people are treated with more sensitivity than short people or ugly people when in reality fat people have the most chance of changing the situation than those other physical classifications of people. I decided to add this because I read LH’s comment, putting fat people in with gay(depending on if you believe people are born gay or not) and short people is ridiculos, because fat is something you can help/ change (for the most part). Is it extremely dificult? Hell yea, going down from size 18-14 was the hardest thing ever and losing anymore weight right now has been the bane of my existence and I can admit its somewhat my fault for not running anymore (or having more sex), for eating all these carbs. Don’t tell me you feel sorry about weighing 400lbs and get 3 double cheese burgers, I don’t believe you. Get a grilled fish sometimes or a chicken salad. Make some compromises.

    Posted by vanity | April 6, 2011, 2:08 pm
  63. What about girls that r actually skinny and have esteem issues of been fat?

    Posted by akibotobiloba | April 6, 2011, 2:11 pm
  64. I always like being the bad guy..lol…ok wait!!…I haven’t seen a fat baby before..my bad(sorry for the naïve statement) as for poor..you know what I mean…you might be “born into a poor family”..doesn’t mean you’ll end up poor too..as for gay..I’m not even going to degrade myself entering this arguement..what I’m saying is obesity is a condition..not an illness..you don’t go to a doctor to get treated for fatness do you?..its what you eat and lack of exercise..that’s y u still stay fat..I’m not even going to respond to that after child birth statement..cos ure the one not exposed for even making it…on to the okafor one(that was a break up scene right?.so they were atleast dating)…I mean…okafor must have seen a whole lot of other qualities that made him date the girl..overlooking her being fat..so why would you take her to your parents..h late became ashamed..simple..it must not be in black and white na(in the post)…as for other shots at me…I can’t remember your point..sorry…if I didn’t make sense kindly attack me again…oh btw..I don’t need to leave my front door to know what I’m talking about…and don’t think becos a bunch of girls be praising you..you think you know it all…*thats me being jealous*(NOT!)

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 2:47 pm
  65. Oh and there’s a difference between big and fat…j.hudson is big…and she can get it anytime of the week…don’t get it twisted…*dbanj nodd* dueces!!!….

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 2:53 pm
  66. You know what pisses me off even more? Its people(girls especially) who are not anywhere near fat complaining about being fat. Fuck outta here with that BS. Only thing I don’t agree with you on mr lagos hunter,is drawing a line when it comes to jokes. All is fair in love and war. Fat jokes,ugly jokes,gay jokes,religious jokes etc are not in poor taste if properly crafted. My fav gay joke: “if you can take a dick,you can take a joke” 😀

    Posted by YouareNOTfat | April 6, 2011, 2:54 pm
  67. I believe SOME people are born gay.

    Posted by @lagoshunter | April 6, 2011, 2:54 pm
  68. I’m taking this as a big compliment. Thank you.

    Posted by @lagoshunter | April 6, 2011, 3:00 pm
  69. Just seeing @vanity’s post…what I’m trying to say isn’t any different…yet you shallow people are dick riding lagos hunter…just becos he’s scoring a bunch of babes..like prob the babe that said “she probably has sickle cell”..like really?(Wanted to over look that but I’m kinda mad now)

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 3:10 pm
  70. @mr i’m out of this world
    actually u can go see a doctor for being ft, some people are fat as a side effect of a particular disease, or hormonal imbalance, ive seen it happen to someone in my family, just as u can get slim from being ill, some effects of some sickness is weight gain

    that being said
    I am a member of team #big girls
    i have never ever been skinny
    and yes sometimes it affect my confidence
    some days i feel like a blob and i withdraw into my self
    even skinny people have off days
    and others i see myself for who i really am
    absolutely gorgeous

    am i trying to lose weight
    being overweight isnt healthy
    and no matter what we all say, we all want to be sexy and be approved of in societies eyes
    the world has inputted it in us that slim is sexy
    I would never want to be skinny
    my type of boobs on a skinny person would make me look like a joke lol
    That being said i ate my way throughout my undergrad to a size 18
    and now im back to a 12
    Have i lost a guy because of my weight? NO!!!
    my ex boyfriends have had no issues with my weight
    if for anything i was probably fat cos no one was complaining
    it took looking in the mirror and the vain eyes of lagos girls to get me off my butt and to the gym

    I can relate with FIN, ur weight does make u self conscious and sometimes u might feel u dont deserve love
    Its all in the mindset
    Can a guy dump u cos u are Fat YES
    i can dump a guy because he is fat
    I might be big but i dont want to date a fat guy
    infact thats one of my motivations for losing weight
    you have to be who u want
    dont be a nickel looking for a dime.

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 3:21 pm
  71. @awizi, bruno Mars’ comments are for the utopian world…

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 6, 2011, 3:27 pm
  72. i think we can safely say, jhud as crossed over to team skinny, she is nowhere near fat anymore

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 3:28 pm
  73. lmftaooo (Laff my F**N thin ass off ooo)

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 6, 2011, 3:28 pm
  74. can i gbam this enough!!!!!!!!

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 3:30 pm
  75. i want to hug you,
    u totally read my mind
    I wouldnt date a fat guy no matter my size

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 3:32 pm
  76. Deluded…thats what they are called… or attention seekers.
    Some of em have had their self esteem battered so really that could be it as well…that is in obodo oyinbo sha!

    Posted by beforesheimplodes | April 6, 2011, 3:44 pm
  77. Lol…are you being serious???

    Posted by beforesheimplodes | April 6, 2011, 3:46 pm
  78. Everyone (no matter the shape, size, color or sickness) has a right to aspire, love and be loved. The success of failure of any relationship depends mostly on the guy. Mr Uche should have made up his mind before jumping into this…it all boils down to thinking things through n through before getting all serious, it might be difficult for ladies cos they think with their hearts but i didn’t expect Uche to do the same. He led her on only to leave her in a lurch, that’s just selfish of him.

    Posted by i-wired | April 6, 2011, 3:50 pm
  79. 77 comments n counting 🙂

    Posted by bigshyandbeautiful | April 6, 2011, 4:04 pm
  80. Yossie baby wey wan kill okere.lwkmd. But actornodeydie,she loved you from her heart.

    Posted by hustlergbangba | April 6, 2011, 4:04 pm
  81. *now humming to myself* ignore ignore ignore

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 4:07 pm
  82. kpshewwww.. these 2 peeps are a bunch of insecure, low self-esteemed individuals looking for a safe spot to wallow in their self pity…. leeches!!! that’s wat they are… and they found that safe spot in themselves

    Love, which i do not subscribe to by the way, does not thrive on false compassion… when it does, it’s only a matter of time before it wears thin!…

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 6, 2011, 4:09 pm
  83. From what you said, they are seeing a doctor for a disease, which gaining weight is a SYMPTOM!!!..not for being naturally fat…if you go to any doctor and say I’m fat what do I do..he’ll say exercise and cut fatty foods…or offer lypo..he wont write you a prescription…geez and to think someone called me ignorant!…I’m done with this arguement….y’all think whatever!!…dueces again!!!

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 4:10 pm
  84. i believe i said effect not symptom, someone i know got fat from the hormonal imbalance of removing a breast lump, she was skinny before, now she is a size 16, and the lump is gone, but the fat remains, that my friend is not a SYMPTOM.
    plus sideeye
    at ur flimsy attempt at sarcasm

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 4:17 pm
  85. and yes you can go see a doctor for being “naturally fat” especially if it is in your genes, and the weight is beginning to cause complications, actually u can have surgery to lose weight when u are obese, its called a gastric bypass

    and yes i believe you are ignorant
    thats not me being sarcastic

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 4:22 pm
  86. One thing i noticed here when i first started reading this blog is comments bear mutual respect,you dont have to be insuultive while disagreeing or making a point…. Can we pls try to keep that up? This no be tejuosho market…. *civil + decorum,pls*

    Also,Can we all just agree to ignore Mr out of this world?…….. Clearly he woke up & wore his devil’sadvocate cap today ……

    @lagoshunter….. we still be riding ur dick, rock on badass!!!*yeeeeeeee haw!!!!

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 6, 2011, 4:23 pm
  87. as an addendum, it’s not about being fat or ugly or thin or well proportioned or beautiful!!! it’s always about the ‘GAME’… she was willing to play the game insomuch as he was willing to give her wat she wanted… same for him.. he was willing to play along as long as he was being ‘serviced’ properly and his non-existent ego was massaged by another… remember the story of the king who wore no clothes?… they are a representation of that ‘king’…. by the way, most ‘plus-sized’ ladies that i know are some of the ‘sweetest’ i have met!

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 6, 2011, 4:25 pm
  88. Oh btw,…Keyzer Soze….ur name took me years back mehn…Usual suspects is one of my all time fav movies & Kevin Spacey was epic in it…*where is he now sef?*..

    Oh the last scene where he flexes his supposed crooked leg & walks off into the horizon…. *jaw dropped*

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 6, 2011, 4:31 pm
  89. The Nu NHollywhood…. Act 1 Scene 1

    Lagos Hunter: Bad Guy and troublemaker
    Mr.Outofthisworld: Shy guy or Other Guy? ain’t sure but right now playing the devil’s advocate
    Tula: Broker – peddles all sorts of stories
    H.A.W: Young lady – stricken with ‘Badguy’ Syndrome
    Sonia of HBF: Ms.Educated – acts quiet and reserved but…

    story, story….

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 6, 2011, 4:38 pm
  90. So I’m sure thetoolsman’s very surprised pple v a whole to say about this… But come to think about it, if pple are this opposed 2 dated plus sized pple, what about the physically disabled ? :s

    Posted by bigshyandbeautiful | April 6, 2011, 4:42 pm
  91. In other related news……….. the real precious though Gabourey Sidibe…..*phew!!!!

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 6, 2011, 4:57 pm
  92. for real??? i thot they were both playing each other… just like the world is structured, it’s all abt exploitation… she exploited his presence and he exploited her need… wat better mutual agreement could be reached?

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 6, 2011, 5:01 pm
  93. Hahahahahaha!!!!….do you even know what SYMPTOM means…ok I agree I’m ignorant(I have to be)…oh and if you use a bb/iphone..I’m sure there are other fun apps like dictionary, google and wikipedia…dueces!!(For the 3rd time)..omg what a laff!!…

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 5:04 pm
  94. This piece is beyond lovely! N true! A lot of ppls go thru dis n dats y I love it. Precious just wanted love, she’s searched for it n finally felt a bit of it. Wud u blame her 4 takin dat one chance @ it? D most important tin is dat she felt it. I fnk she’s brave to let go, I also fnk its beta to b alone dan with someone dat doesn’t sincerly love u…

    Posted by elaine | April 6, 2011, 5:16 pm
  95. since i know u’d be back,
    id answer you
    sweetheart there is a difference between symptom and consequence, u are the one that needs to utilize a dictionary, a symptom will disappear when an illness is cured,
    Do you really want to take this on with me
    btw if i use an android or even a nokia i am sure i can get a dictionary on it too #justsaying
    that alone shows the way you reason

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 5:22 pm
  96. Ok, you know what I’m really a nice guy..so I’m really sorry if I came off rude or childish to anyone (LH & BBB) and I always take correction(as u saw I apologized for the fat baby statement)…and also to toolsman for disrepecting your blog…but I feel most of you took me out of context..I won’t explain and waste ur time….NB…I was on the side of the fat girl in the first place…lol….nways sorry y’all…oh and bbb..a symptom might not necessary go away even when the disease has been treated(there I go again trying to prove myself)..oh can I say dueces one last time..pretty please!!!….lol

    Posted by mr I'm out of this world | April 6, 2011, 6:10 pm
  97. This is going to be a long one…..

    Context! Context! Context!…..without it, communication between/amongst people would be hopeless.

    It is amazing how a number of comments have shifted the focus of the original post (Pemi, feel free to correct me if/where I am wrong)

    Let us call the girl in the article “Precious” for the sake of this discussion.

    The blog alludes to her size with these words….”People usually got bullied by my size”
    This tells me she doesn’t consider herself fat simply because she is a size 12 who would love to be a size 10 instead. She is big, the kind of big that can not be ignored if you ever came across her. Hence she hardly falls into the category of a person who has eaten herself fat.

    Precious is fat, the kind of fat where you’re not likely to see your size of dress in just any shop. Usually these kind of people are born this way and it is a biological/genetic condition, meaning she can’t help being who she is.
    @Vanity & MrImOutOfThisWorld, I deduced that her size must have been something she has had to deal with since being a child. You don’t go to the gym or see a doctor for such, it is a physical nearly impossible to change.

    Why then are we making comments like it is a situation she can do something about?

    We have gradually moved a way from the original context, which was judge Precious’ and Uche’s actions during and at the end of the relationship within the context of Precious’ fatness or any similar physical/non physical attribute. And we are not focusing on OUR opinion of fat people.

    Facts: Precious protagonist who is already fat and in her opinion, this has an impact on her relationships so she has to deal with it every single day. Uche is the antagonist, he is the one who appears to have a ‘choice’ to be in a relationship with the “Precious” of this world.
    Pemi/Toolsman Request: Use the comment box and tell us your opinion of both Uche’s and Precious’ behaviors/actions during and at the end of their relationship.

    Other examples of people like Precious….
    1. A chick who is 6ft 5 inches tall
    2. A guy who stammers terribly,
    3. Maybe a guy/girl who walks with a limp.

    If Precious were a real person with this story, she’d probably be shaking her head and wondering where most of us get off judging her…….

    Posted by @LagosHunter | April 6, 2011, 6:39 pm
  98. *In DJ Tee’s voice……”Action!”

    Posted by @LagosHunter | April 6, 2011, 6:43 pm
  99. Pls, tools, when next would we be updted on azed ??? 😦

    Posted by bigshyandbeautiful | April 6, 2011, 7:02 pm
  100. Wow! Cudnt read all comments but MsJulz, if u can read this, I’m in love with you and your comment. :* :* :*. U said it like it is hunay!

    Posted by ty timi | April 6, 2011, 7:15 pm
  101. on point

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 7:52 pm
  102. lol
    truce 🙂
    and in this case the weight gain was’nt a symptom of the lump, it was a consequence 😛

    Posted by bbb | April 6, 2011, 7:53 pm
  103. Why can’t you make up your mind..yes..when a mother eats too much during pregnancy..the baby is likely to come out big..try google if you’re confused..as for the being born poor..maybe you don’t realise poverty exists..whatever your opinion is..its obvious that you are a little shallow..I’m not insulting you..I mean read your last statement ..how!

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | April 6, 2011, 10:26 pm
  104. awwwwww……. Mr i’m out of this world weds BBB *clutches side dying of laughter*……..
    That their house will be royal rumble meets WWF… action and entertainment guaranteed…..

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 6, 2011, 10:36 pm
  105. Lovely blog! Kinda relates to me..only thing is..the guys were plus sized..I’m far from skinny too but they were quite big..but I didn’t lead them on or get into a relationship..one of them was fat because of his family genes…youre prbli thinking I didn’t go out with them cuz of their size? Nah..its cuz they knew they were fat and wanted all the love and sex they could get from every girl that crossed them…I’m just saying..it balls down to self esteem..they saw it as a way of boosting it not realising they were turning to sex freaks..:) #as you were

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | April 6, 2011, 10:47 pm
  106. Tula, I sure say ur prick go dey hard on top this many comments…LMYO…Orobo no be crime but I can’t date one sha considerig my shanko side, I don’t wanna have to experience what Jude suffers from Efe cc Vanguard cartoon….on that note I close this comment roll *drops megaphone*

    Posted by Actor No dey die | April 7, 2011, 7:14 am
  107. Hmm… well… let’s just say soon…

    Posted by Thetoolsman | April 7, 2011, 7:53 am
  108. No blogs abt rude pple ???

    Posted by rgin | April 7, 2011, 12:01 pm
  109. IMO, the guy just stated what he would accept in his relationship and what he wouldnt. I like the point @vanity made and stand by it. I cant date a short guy even if he was the funniest thing in the world.How am i supposed to reach down to him everytime i wanna kiss him.The guy simply looked into the future and saw that he wouldnt be able to cope with her and off she went. If it bothers her so, she would begin to act on it immediately and stop stuffing her face. I dont feel sorry for anyone who’s fat cos most times i see any such person,they are eating…how am i to be sorry for you? There are the short people, autistic people to consider and theirs is irreversible so what is ‘fat’ compared to them??? All this pity talk for fat people is plain stupid to me.

    Posted by Vixen | April 9, 2011, 8:03 pm
  110. Just got to say, some ppl gain weight easier than others while some shed weight quicker than others thats a fact. On women who gain weight after pregnancy, yes hormones and metabolism play a role, but some women use it as an excuse to over indulge themselves and they most likely arent into the the exercise culture so they pile on the pounds and end up keeping it. when they do finally decide to work on it, they have so much to loose that they get discouraged and stop. As for toddlers, their parents mught be giving them too much to eat and they are not burning it fast enough. If you eat or over eat and not exercise to burn enuff calories you get fat. period. This excludes the ppl with genetic disorders.

    Posted by Bee | April 10, 2011, 10:39 pm
  111. sorry not hating on your friend or anything, but while working out, did she change her diet or eat as she always does? Thats an angle she can explore if she hasnt already.

    Posted by Bee | April 10, 2011, 10:43 pm
  112. Sad how people forget that fat people are human too and have emotions… Nice work P!

    Posted by Amiola | April 11, 2011, 9:01 am
  113. “Sad how people forget that fat people are human too and have emotions”

    @amiola Wow! condescending much? im sure no one has forgotten that they do. lol.

    the issue of how fat people should be treated is a very tricky one. Whether or not you feel they should be treated with a pity or otherwise, i think its unacceptable to treat anyone with any feature you may consider undesirable with disdain or disrespect. Although this is not limited to fat people, it certainly does not exclude them.

    ps, its easy to talk when you are not the one in that position…IMO this should not even be an issue in the first place.

    Posted by @Akin_d | April 15, 2011, 10:30 am

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