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Monday Rush

Opposites Attract NOT.

So it’s another Monday (Yawn).. long and eventful weekend but I’m just glad we’ve gotten the Presidential elections over and done with. If you missed my post from yesterday, please check it here to cast your vote. Now, on to today’s business. For those who know me and the regulars here, you’ll probably know by now that I have a knack for turning things inside out (that’s “cool” for being a rebel). I recently read some stuff online and I thought to do my bit.

Today, I’ll try to take on an age old theory/law, which even has roots in science and most religions. This law of attraction which simply states: Opposites attract. Ok, let me just quickly state here that I’m not about to bust a law that’s way older than I am. Hells nah.. I’m only going to take on one bit of it and this is the relationship aspect. Now, contrary to what this law states, I believe to co-exist, be it in a simple relationship, or a marriage, the two parties involved need to find common grounds on certain aspects. Let’s take a look at some:

Food

There are so many angles to this. You can have the mismatch of the home cooking queen and the fast food king, the healthy eater and the not-so-healthy eater.e.t.c. No matter how you look at it, it’s a very vital point, which if not properly addressed before hand can easily drive the couple to splitsville.

Keeping up with the exes

There’s no wrong or right here. It’s just totally up to every individual to take a position. Personally, I have no issues staying friends with my exes (except things ended with her chasing me around with an axe). I just believe once that feeling goes away, it’s gone and it’s actually when you try running away from the truth that you get in trouble. Now imagine me getting with someone who absolutely can’t imagine why anyone should still have an exes number on their phone, or have them on their blackberry list etc. *Insert more chaos*

Personal hygiene

Let’s come out and say it how it is. Some people are just down-right duuurrrrty. Like they really don’t mind leaving used dishes in their kitchen for a couple of days. Heck, some even throw used condoms underneath their beds and some ladies.. just cause it’s a black bra, they wear that ish like it’s a birthmark. Some will not have issues with this but if you’re a born neat-freak like me (yes, I’m in rehab) it just won’t work.

Libido

In my short stay on this planet, I’ve come across all kinds of people and some of them, well, the best way to describe them is what they are – nymphos – yes, they exist. I’m talking about people who can hardly do one day without having sex. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. Now imagine someone like this, a dude perhaps, ending up with a total prude for a girlfriend or worse off, a wife. *Insert chaos* It’s one of two things, it’s either the person with the lower libido compromises to having more sex or the person with the higher, compromises to having less. Doesn’t it already sound complicated?

Extended family/Children

This bit will probably come into play for the very serious relationships and it is VERY important for your views to either agree completely or at least be close here. Personally, I don’t believe everyone should have kids (I’m sorry) But seriously though, not every couple is capable of raising kids. If one member of the team realizes this early on and ends up with someone with an opposing opinion, this will never go down well. Same thing goes for involvement of families in relationships.

I left out the “seemingly” obvious points like religion, money et.c. well, cause those might not necessarily come into play for the “not-so-serious relationships” (I think).. Anyways, that’s my bit. I’m sure I missed out things you can help point out or you could share your thoughts on the points I raised. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

39 thoughts on “Opposites Attract NOT.

  1. Yup! Spot on again. For me, one of my requirements is that a gf/future wife be catholic. I think it’s important for everyone to find out what they can’t do without, so that they are spared heartache. Most things shouldn’t be left to chance.

    Posted by jmacebong | April 18, 2011, 9:16 am
  2. Lmao @ “wears her black bra like a birth mark” ..
    I’ll be back …

    Posted by Missy | April 18, 2011, 9:16 am
  3. Nmyphos! Sum1 is gonna need anger mgt class if he/she doesn’t get it when needed.

    Posted by wale0700 | April 18, 2011, 9:26 am
  4. There r so many factors that cud influence relationship compatibility mehn so there r no rules or laws to it The only golden rule is in love/life anything is possible.”Opposites attract” is just an old wives’ tale-fallout from physics coined in the 20th century tbh ..!! its all BS.

    Posted by henrii88 | April 18, 2011, 9:35 am
  5. Opposites attract…..

    True but this isn’t really a complete statement in my opinion.

    Opposites attract….’with some similarities’

    I am married & comments from family/friends is that we are a ‘natural’ couple. (No, we didn’t date for years.Dated for 8 months b4 I popped the question & married her 6 months later)

    Our similarities almost equal our differences.

    Food…..

    She cooks,I cook too. She likes continental dishes but I prefer local dishes.

    Keeping up with the exes….

    She’s not had a lot,I have a lot. Not aware she is still in touch but she knows I don’t delete phone numbers of exes.And doesn’t raise an eyebrow if I call or receive a call on birthdays,special events,etc….

    Personal hygiene……
    We both like our home tidy but have different approaches to it.

    Libido…..

    Equals, I like sex too much not to have married an equal.

    Extended family/Children……
    We both have similar backgrounds hence share largely similar views on extended family and kids. I’m a firm believer, that we should marry partners with similar educational,social & financial backgrounds cos it makes a lot of sense in the long run.

    Toolsman,nuff respect. Your choice of blog topics is one of the best around. No groupie,just my observation.

    *For gbagauns/typos,my usual terms/conditions apply

    Posted by Lagoshunter | April 18, 2011, 9:44 am
  6. First…. I always find ur illustrative pics(per each post) spot on!! And very interesting……

    I do agree wit you that opposites only attract when its in reference to magnet; human beings errr…. Not quite!! Take out romantic boy/girl rships sef; even platonic same sex rships can’t survive if some common ground no dey….

    I think this isn’t exactly saying people must be siamese twins to get along but some fundamental aces like Toolsman highlighted above need to be checked….. I’v got friends and Exes that are so different from me yet we found common ground; so I guess that’s it!! Finding common ground!!

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 18, 2011, 9:45 am
  7. Just two comments? I’ll be back

    Posted by Mobanks | April 18, 2011, 9:46 am
  8. Nice Views Man. There are a couple of cases where opposites attract, using my marriage as an example I’m a bit of a party boy and ur typical nightlife Lover but my wife is the total indoor type who can’t stand the clubs and parties,her folks are muslim mine xtian, I love sports she only cares about E!, we share few common friends but we get along absolutely well. We kind of meet up at the middle with our lifestyles and I’ll say its helped us last 6 years of being together. we’re like two people living together happily with different views.

    Posted by fovbe | April 18, 2011, 9:48 am
  9. Great post, salient observations.

    However, I think that the Law of opposites attracting in relationships applies or is used when observing personalities and not issues/vaules. For example, they say that an extroverted individual would most likely do well with an introvert because they’d compliment each other.
    I can’t say that this is true in most cases but I have definitely seen many instances where this law actually works.
    Getting together with someone who has opposing values in the name of ‘opposite attracts’ is foolery.

    Personally, I sincerely doubt that I will end up with my ‘opposite’. I find that it is difficult for people who aren’t like me (personality-wise now) to get me by half. *shrug*

    P.S- Avid reader but first time ‘commenter’. I should get some kind of bell of blessing or something, no?

    Posted by 'Dania | April 18, 2011, 9:48 am
  10. Nice post tools!!well written.
    For me.,intellectual compatibility is key..i CANNOT be in a relationship with a shallow Being! Like what wud we be talking about.so pls if ur brain is made from eba particles..eh?dey ur lane.

    Posted by ecclesia | April 18, 2011, 9:49 am
  11. Lol!! Good stuff…for me when someone is unable to dream or be ambitious it just kills anything I may have felt for him.
    Nice work. The birthmark comment is hilarious!

    Posted by jayajade | April 18, 2011, 9:50 am
  12. True, true
    Add religious views and spending habits to the list

    Posted by afrosays | April 18, 2011, 9:58 am
  13. Anoda gud piece bruv.
    Now to d issue. As a physicist I can plainly tell Ʊ dat even d laws of attraction which d statement is from (electrostatic n magnetic) tell Ʊ (not expressly, but Ʊ shld be able to infer) dat d attraction or repulsion cannot happen unless der r certain similarities. In magnetics, both materials hav to be magnets wit opposin poles or between a magnet n a metal to attract (put wood see if e go attract na). So wat dis tells Ʊ is dat der first has to be a common ground. I feel it is d variety expressed in d differences of d person’s personality dat attracts Ʊ to dem. No one wants to marry an exact clone na. Just my 2 cents.

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | April 18, 2011, 10:00 am
  14. I think the “opposites” in the term refers to temperament and nothing else. Similar views and beliefs and needed to make the relationship function smoothly. Therefore u shud have similar (or at least understand other) points of view but u can have different temperaments/attitudes on the exact details. That’s what I think. And yeah its good to have some differences….a little bit of conflict never hurt anyone (Make-Up sex anybody?) 😀

    Nice post man.

    Posted by thinktank | April 18, 2011, 10:03 am
  15. Toolsman first off I luff the pic very on point 2ndly opposites attract do not relate to people…kinda like music u might wanna stick with ur own genre, now imagine being a rock fan and ur boyfriend likes country music?(Ɣε̲̣̣̣̥§ I hav been there…and I wasn’t pretty) ofcourse it didn’t make us break up but it was part of the catalyst cos there was a bunch of other tins too…not neccesarily good or bad just different opinons and I gotta tell u it was catastrophic….so Ɣε̲̣̣̣̥§ opposites do attract(in physics) but when it comes to people stick wit ur own kind

    Posted by ifunanya | April 18, 2011, 10:09 am
  16. Opposites do NOT always attract o!
    I once dated a dude who loved home cooked meals, I like eating out…..we fought a lot

    You didn’t mention views- whether the person is liberal or conservative. That’s very very important. I’m very liberal, a free spirit in fact….I can’t be with a very conservative person…..

    Nice post 🙂

    Posted by Gbemi | April 18, 2011, 10:53 am
  17. Thank you Sir…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 18, 2011, 10:59 am
  18. lol. Thanks.. when you’re a graphic artist, you get used to hunting through the internet for the “perfect” image…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 18, 2011, 11:01 am
  19. I see the point in this nicely written post. However, I think human beings are too random for certain laws to hold for their category. I believe there could be as many happy ‘opposites’ relationships as there are as many unhappy ‘similars’ relationships (yet another hypothetical survey of mine)
    I think the polarity of attraction doesnt rily rily matter like that sha… atleast reading a few ppl’s personal experiences in this comment thread confirms my point…

    Posted by Redribs | April 18, 2011, 11:02 am
  20. Hmmm.. rare.. lucky you…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 18, 2011, 11:02 am
  21. *DING *DING *DING *DING *DING

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 18, 2011, 11:05 am
  22. Insightful comment. Thanks …

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 18, 2011, 11:06 am
  23. Lovely blog as always…I just want to say sometimes..opposites MUST attract…someone has to be the soft cushion for the hard blows of the relationship..then they understand traces of similarities they have…one party is always domineering..just my view!

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | April 18, 2011, 11:12 am
  24. Fovbe’s comment I love…cos he used his marriage as an example.
    The most important thing in a relationship is trying 2 make it work even tho u both hav differences! If u havnt tried 2 make it work then how can you say it won’t work.

    I like fast foods doesn’t mean I won’t prepare a meal at home 4 my partner who doesn’t.
    Altho I’m on #teambecoolwithurexes but if a lady isn’t cool wit her partner bin friends wit his ex…I still don’t c how dey can’t be 2geda.
    he’s untidy doesn’t mean I can’t clean up after him or train him 2 be tidy. She wears d same bra doesn’t mean u cannot buy her bras when dere’s an opportunity to. He wears only 1 pair of black socks…but hey I like him, I mean it stinks but doesn’t mean I can’t get him new pairs.
    4 me Opposite sides do attract.

    P.S I enjoyed reading…1st time reader

    Posted by Pops | April 18, 2011, 11:21 am
  25. This is why some of us are proponents of signing pre-nups… Why the heck will i have a complete opposite – i’d rather not marry than have someone in my house that i completely ignore – maybe she’d end up killing me sef… Food – I am so finicky when it comes to food – lil’ oil, great presentation, etc… and if I say i’m not eating then dont ask the SECOND TIME or try to cajole me; SEX – U can only compromise ur position.. befr mariage, it’s okay to give so compromise your stand but after marriage…
    Extended Family – who like a crowd anyway… call me before coming to disturb the peace with your visits… be glad if i pick

    Children… Not everyone needs children… None is perfect, 1 is ideal, 2 is making room for allowances… above that i an extreme!

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 18, 2011, 11:31 am
  26. Quite frankly I think human beings are friggin confused
    ‘Opposites attract’ is almost as old as ‘You are who you attract’ both sound so wise and deep…and true….and therein lies z problem!
    All these rules… *tweh*

    Posted by beforesheimplodes | April 18, 2011, 11:37 am
  27. btw, keeping up with the EXES is something that i really enjoy… i love my exes and they love me in return

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | April 18, 2011, 12:03 pm
  28. Opposites attract,yes. ‘Similars’,bond. Truth is, attraction begets a relationship but just like chemistry, if theres no substance the relationship soon withers.

    However, I must point out that dating someone who’s your complete opposite can be very exciting for short term stints.

    I cannot imagine being married to someone who doesn’t have similar interests, beliefs and goals. fin

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 18, 2011, 1:36 pm
  29. Opposites attract cos we’re fascinated by things different than wot we know or are used to. But as with most things compromise and communication is key. If you aren’t willing to listen and consider your partners point of view no matter how similar or different you are, you’re headed for splitsville.

    Posted by bee | April 18, 2011, 2:27 pm
  30. ‘Black bra like its a birthmark’ LOL
    Well… like someone pointed out earlier, opposites can only attract if there is some sort of similar base. The core values btw a couple need to be the same, that’s things like religion, extended family (visits are fine, no moving in, NEVER! and the day he takes his mother’s side against me is the day I walk out.(also applies to my family, no partiality)), number of children (no room for opposites, could break a marriage)… The rest tho, is a toss up, whatever works. Im personally very talkative and stubborn. I can be with an equally stubborn person, but if he talks anywhere near as much as I do, just NO. I wont date non christians, no point, no future.
    Things like food, Im half and half, love to cook, love to eat out, so either way im good. Exes, I keep up with them, don’t mind if he does or not. Personal hygiene, must be clean clean clean (as I am) no room for opposites here, no room for adjacent sef, lol. Libido has got to be equal or close, I’m in the middle somewhere, I’m sorry but if he wants it every day, he is gna have to give it to himself (boy I pity that left hand).
    I think like all laws governing human behavior, nothing is absolute. We are unpredictable in every way, so opposites attract might work for some and not for others. Great post hun

    Posted by olawunmi | April 18, 2011, 5:42 pm
  31. Nice post and yes you do choose your topics well. However fun this was to read tho, I don’t totally agree. Main reason being that when the ‘saying’ was coined, I’m very sure they meant personalities. Innate personalities, unique characteristics individuals possess that just magically makes dem dovetail with someone else. Hygiene, libido, food, family, this are all external characteristics, attitude we somehow pick up along d way and ones we can change for someone we truly love not cos they evne try to make us change but cos we know deep down dey are wrong and we want to make ourselves better for that loved one. Food? Very trivial if u ask me. You love eating out, I love havng homecooked meals, what says we can’t both eat what we love at d same table without any chaos? Sex, we can all agree (even hollywood too) that nymphos most always need to get help. Nuff said. And I said, nymphos, not a very healthy sexual appetite, mark u.

    However, you do have a point with religion and family background and yes it should be considered very carefully most especially background cos real chaos may ensue if background differs greatly. I agree with @pops on hygiene and most everythng.

    Basically, I think when it comes to relationships, the ‘serious’, we-hope-to-get-married types, rules rarely work. Let them get in, make their mistakes, fight their fights, and hopefully, they’ll have sweet stories to tell by their 50th wedding anniversary. Lol
    P.s: my parents couldn’t be more different but each day I pray, I pray for the kinda marriage they have. 😀

    Posted by Kar-ah | April 18, 2011, 6:39 pm
  32. Off topic: Love the blog. A lot. Do you have a Twitter?

    Posted by WaterForBreakfast | April 19, 2011, 1:56 am
  33. Okay I so have a blog crush on u *hides face*

    But yea u dnt ve to be total opposites, u need to see eye to eye on major issues such as those listed above.
    A hijabite dating a drinker/smoker would be silly.

    Posted by Diva | April 19, 2011, 5:15 am
  34. Thanks alot.. @thetoolsman on twitter…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 19, 2011, 6:20 am
  35. 😀 😀 :$ thanks

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 19, 2011, 6:26 am
  36. gidimallam has said it all………there just has to be some common ground…….

    Posted by miss xxx | April 19, 2011, 3:30 pm
  37. oh………plus i think i deserve some bell of blessing tooo………… 😀

    Posted by miss xxx | April 19, 2011, 3:32 pm
  38. everyone’s got a few deal breakers.for me, off the top of my head its religion and intellectual compatibility, give or take a few others. that said, there are extenuating circumstances.You usually don’t know what you can or cant deal with, until you meet the person. I’ve always wanted to be with someone a lot older, say ten years older, yet i hooked up with my age mate. someone from a similar background, yet i hooked up with someone from a polygamous, dysfunctional family, while mine is as straight as they come. on the other hand, I’ve always wanted a tall guy and from my experience with short guys, I’m not budging on that one. so really, no hard and fast rules….does Lagoshunter have a blog btw?

    Posted by fearless | June 29, 2011, 10:22 am
  39. everyone’s got a few deal breakers. for me, off the top of my head its religion and intellectual compatibility, give or take a few others. that said, there are extenuating circumstances.You usually don’t know what you can or cant deal with, until you meet the person. I’ve always wanted to be with someone a lot older, say ten years older, yet i hooked up with my age mate. someone from a similar background, yet i hooked up with someone from a polygamous, dysfunctional family, while mine is as straight as they come. on the other hand, I’ve always wanted a tall guy and from my experience with short guys, I’m not budging on that one. so really, no hard and fast rules…. does Lagoshunter have a blog btw?

    Posted by fearless | June 29, 2011, 12:45 pm

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