The Ladies Man (By @KevinWithAnL)
Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are
Ok, meet Sandra, Ngozi, Tolu, Rita, Zaynab, Amina, Tara, Deola, Ada, Mayowa, Oge, Michelle and Vivian.
Yes! I’m a ladies man.
No I’m not ashamed when called a “woman wrapper”.
No I’m not dating any of the above listed and yes, I do have a girlfriend!
I’m not about to make excuses for my inability to repel ladies – no no no no no.. mba..
It’s just not in my DNA.
You see, I’m your normal run of the mill guy though of very rare breed… By rare I mean in the words of a great philosopher called D’banj – “I’m endowed’.
Yes! My lower body endowed aka my penis is a long thing.
Take Mayowa for instance:
Good friend, having man troubles. We talk on BBM after a few days after following each other on Twitter, I gave her a shoulder to cry on, now, to remove my shoulder na die o! But we are just friends. I know this because I tried kissing her once after a ‘counseling’ session and she expertly dodged and stormed out.
Likes me but can’t date me because we played “mummy and daddy” while growing up and I saw her panties then. I’ve asked her for a rematch now that we are all grown up so she can revenge and erm… look into my boxers but she keeps saying, “that’s a long thing” (As if I don’t know! Mscheeew)
Then there’s Michelle and Vivian
Twins! Two of the hottest girls to walk the surface of this planet; can’t date one of them because I can’t choose. It’s both or nothing so I’ve moved them to the friend zone, hoping that after “a few drinks” some night, we’ll get into a threesome. Till then, I’m their “friend” and nothing more.
There are lots of others. I’m confidante-in-chief to at least five other girls; sexpert to two others and wingman to loads…
Finally, I’ll tell you about Shakirat:
No, she doesn’t look anything like her name, I promise you. And no, she’s not my friend. She’s my girlfriend. What else?
She drives my nuts nuts.
My ‘Pen’ ‘is’ out of ‘ink’ when I’m with her
She’s the SI unit of nagging and the Chief Insecure Officer of the female folk. *sigh*
Yes, I’m bored but I won’t leave her. Not except my penis says so.
Those are my friends… So who am I? My name is Dizzle and I’m your ladies man.
Call me a bastard (By @JibolaL)
Ada is my friend.
There should be a limit to how you tease and flirt with people you call your friends.
I’m always her victim when we go out
Dancing and grinding against me in those short dresses
“I feel safe with you” she says.
But she’d grind my penis into blue balls
My hard dick always replies
She can’t claim she’s never rubbed her ass against something hard
I couldn’t stop imagining what I’d do to her
Opportunity knocked. We partied all night
She crashed at my place
It was not the first time
But this time, my purple balls deprived me of sleep
She had been extra hot in her LBD and Loubou pumps.
I went to the guest room where she lay
Tiredness had probably splayed her thighs
I made my move
She was a light sleeper.
With a confused look she said NO.
No ko, No ni.
I slapped her thighs farther apart and rammed in.
One strike. No miss.
Nnammmdi!!! She screamed.
I knew she wanted it.
Imagine I hadn’t taken initiative and acted instead like a pussy
That’s how she’d have been deprived of good dick
I still have Fisayo’s scratch marks
On my chest neck and forearms
I treated her to dinner at my place.
Filet Mignon made by me
And my best Merlot
After flirting through dinner,
She said she wanted to go home.
Nibo? (For Where?)
I tried everything
And almost begged
God forbid I beg for ‘Nani‘.
I walked her to my door, gave her a chance to change her mind
When she made to walk away I slapped her.
Did your daddy ever give you such fab living?
I grabbed her by her hair.
My Brazilian hair!
Brazilian hair ko, Vietnamese hair ni
I yanked it harder.
By the way I pounded her pussy on the floor, she must have had rug burns.
I still have her scratch-marks to show for it
It was worth it sha, she was really tight.
My penis thanked me.
Call me a bastard. It’s music to my ears.
So, there you go. The concluding scenes to the Penis Monologues. There are quite a lot of talking points in today’s post so I hope we can look beyond the humour and err… Jibola and highlight the cause, effects of rape, being “the ladies man” even when you’re commited e.t.c. So use the comment box and speak your mind. I’d like to give a huge s/o to all the contributing writers. They’ve been amazing If I do say so myself. What else can I say, there’s more stuff in the pipelines. Cheers.