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The Penis Monologues Remix Finale (Scene 5 & 6)

The Ladies Man (By @KevinWithAnL)

Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are

Ok, meet Sandra, Ngozi, Tolu, Rita, Zaynab, Amina, Tara, Deola, Ada, Mayowa, Oge, Michelle and Vivian.

Your conclusion?

Yes! I’m a ladies man.

No I’m not ashamed when called a “woman wrapper”.

No I’m not dating any of the above listed and yes, I do have a girlfriend!

I’m not about to make excuses for my inability to repel ladies – no no no no no.. mba..

It’s just not in my DNA.

You see, I’m your normal run of the mill guy though of very rare breed… By rare I mean in the words of a great philosopher called D’banj – “I’m endowed’.

Yes! My lower body endowed aka my penis is a long thing.

Take Mayowa for instance:

Good friend, having man troubles. We talk on BBM after a few days after following each other on Twitter, I gave her a shoulder to cry on, now, to remove my shoulder na die o! But we are just friends. I know this because I tried kissing her once after a ‘counseling’ session and she expertly dodged and stormed out.

Then Oge:

Likes me but can’t date me because we played “mummy and daddy” while growing up and I saw her panties then. I’ve asked her for a rematch now that we are all grown up so she can revenge and erm… look into my boxers but she keeps saying, “that’s a long thing” (As if I don’t know! Mscheeew)

Then there’s Michelle and Vivian

Twins! Two of the hottest girls to walk the surface of this planet; can’t date one of them because I can’t choose. It’s both or nothing so I’ve moved them to the friend zone, hoping that after “a few drinks” some night, we’ll get into a threesome. Till then, I’m their “friend” and nothing more.

There are lots of others. I’m confidante-in-chief to at least five other girls; sexpert to two others and wingman to loads…

Finally, I’ll tell you about Shakirat:

No, she doesn’t look anything like her name, I promise you. And no, she’s not my friend. She’s my girlfriend. What else?

She drives my nuts nuts.

My ‘Pen’ ‘is’ out of ‘ink’ when I’m with her


She’s the SI unit of nagging and the Chief Insecure Officer of the female folk. *sigh*

Yes, I’m bored but I won’t leave her. Not except my penis says so.

Those are my friends… So who am I? My name is Dizzle and I’m your ladies man.

Call me a bastard (By @JibolaL)

Ada is my friend.

There should be a limit to how you tease and flirt with people you call your friends.

I’m always her victim when we go out

Dancing and grinding against me in those short dresses

“I feel safe with you” she says.

But she’d grind my penis into blue balls

Fuck you

My hard dick always replies

She can’t claim she’s never rubbed her ass against something hard

I couldn’t stop imagining what I’d do to her

Opportunity knocked. We partied all night

She crashed at my place

It was not the first time

But this time, my purple balls deprived me of sleep

She had been extra hot in her LBD and Loubou pumps.

I went to the guest room where she lay

Tiredness had probably splayed her thighs

I made my move

She was a light sleeper.

With a confused look she said NO.

No ko, No ni.

I slapped her thighs farther apart and rammed in.

One strike. No miss.

Nnammmdi!!! She screamed.


I knew she wanted it.

Imagine I hadn’t taken initiative and acted instead like a pussy

That’s how she’d have been deprived of good dick

I still have Fisayo’s scratch marks

On my chest neck and forearms

Feisty bitch.

I treated her to dinner at my place.

Filet Mignon made by me

And my best Merlot

After flirting through dinner,

She said she wanted to go home.

Nibo? (For Where?)

I tried everything



And almost begged

God forbid I beg for ‘Nani‘.

I walked her to my door, gave her a chance to change her mind

When she made to walk away I slapped her.

You’re crazy!

Did your daddy ever give you such fab living?

I grabbed her by her hair.

My Brazilian hair!

She screamed.

Brazilian hair ko, Vietnamese hair ni

I yanked it harder.

By the way I pounded her pussy on the floor, she must have had rug burns.

I still have her scratch-marks to show for it

It was worth it sha, she was really tight.

My penis thanked me.

Call me a bastard. It’s music to my ears.

So, there you go. The concluding scenes to the Penis Monologues. There are quite a lot of talking points in today’s post so I hope we can look beyond the humour and err… Jibola and highlight the cause, effects of rape, being “the ladies man” even when you’re commited e.t.c. So use the comment box and speak your mind. I’d like to give a huge s/o to all the contributing writers. They’ve been amazing If I do say so myself. What else can I say, there’s more stuff in the pipelines. Cheers.

About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman


106 thoughts on “The Penis Monologues Remix Finale (Scene 5 & 6)

  1. mr. @JibolaL, where do i leave my name and number?

    do we have to sign contract first?

    also, i have long nails 😐

    *sips sprite*

    Posted by Zara | April 22, 2011, 9:27 am
  2. Rotfl….. I’m coming back

    Posted by Onome | April 22, 2011, 9:28 am
  3. THIS IS THE END?? *WAILS* I’ll be back after drying my tears! *sob

    Posted by jadesola | April 22, 2011, 9:29 am
  4. I have always loved jibolal’s style of writing. But I’m sure if nnamdi had stilled tried to woo them he would gotten satisfied without the rape. Sad still, dat kinda rape is d worst “familiar strangers”

    Posted by loba | April 22, 2011, 9:30 am
  5. How come all the characters (1-6)were well endowed? Discussion for another day.

    I know someone that is like our man in scene 5 just that HE GETS NONE!!! As in zip, but he’s a wing man to the hottest of the hottest.

    In scene 6, that man should learn that R&B (Rape & Beg) is no crime but R alone is evil, and also begging for Nani gets results if done in the right way.

    @thetoolsman: its either you get more characters or bring back A-Zed

    Posted by Keyzer Soze | April 22, 2011, 9:36 am
  6. This cannot be the end naw!!!

    Posted by tolz | April 22, 2011, 9:36 am
  7. I like the way ladies man says their just his friends, like if he had the opportunity to have sex with any of them he won’t jump for it.
    Can never ever date a ladies man, it has to come with insecurities.
    And ‘Call me a bastard’ is just wow!! An eye opener. No grinding on no male friends, no late nights in no mans house.

    Posted by iyamilele | April 22, 2011, 9:38 am
  8. @jibolal *cough* I can relate. Somewhat.

    Posted by JCpx | April 22, 2011, 9:39 am
  9. this can’t be the end.. i’m sure he’s just kidding… errmmmm efore i continue, begging for nani can be prettty stoopid if the nani opens up @ 5am in the morning after crashing comfortably whilst u were almost having a priapism… abeg jor… no invites until there’s a 75% chance that u’ll hit home… as for Rape, that’s a no-no!

    Posted by ilcicero | April 22, 2011, 9:42 am
  10. R&B though…. We learn new things everyday…

    Posted by JCpx | April 22, 2011, 9:44 am
  11. Awww…guess all gud things must com to an end…
    I can relate WELL wit scene 5…altho my views on sex r different…na me be Lord Of The Friend Zone…
    As for Nnamdi in scene 6…rape is rape…der’s no tushin it up…let’s call a spade a spade n not simply a farm implement…if konji catch am like dat der r so many other ways of relievin his urges…nuff said

    Lookin forward to ur next articles bruv…

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | April 22, 2011, 9:47 am
  12. lmao..! Jibola Ur Nnamdi is a rapist oh…! Hahahahhaha Agro na basterrdd finally..!

    Posted by adahna | April 22, 2011, 9:47 am
  13. I’m back….
    @kevin Lol @ SI unit of nagging n d chief insecure officer of d female folk..
    @jibola y rape sha,if u had begged properly 4 d Nani u might ve gotten it.
    @toolz don’t let it end nah

    Posted by Onome | April 22, 2011, 9:47 am
  14. Errrr dizzle is a pussy…yea I said it…..jibolal….no comment………..I like it by force…make ur way…make it urs…..*am horny again damn!!!!*

    Posted by ibetapassmyneighbour | April 22, 2011, 9:50 am
  15. This is nt fair. It cnt end like this. *crying*

    Posted by msyewieo | April 22, 2011, 9:53 am
  16. LMAO @ SI unit of nagging

    Posted by Mobanks | April 22, 2011, 9:54 am
  17. If I didn’t know Jibs personally, I’d have sworn he’s done this before. Great job guys! Tula, vagina monologues perhaps?

    Posted by Gbemi | April 22, 2011, 9:56 am
  18. *enters room* peeps..”Hi ladies, Dizzle here”

    Posted by Kelvin | April 22, 2011, 9:57 am
  19. First off. . .since every writer has been talking about their 10-inch penises, how come we’r getting just 6 monologues? Methinks it shld be one monologue per inch,so we’re owed 4 more.

    Posted by Sick_Sage | April 22, 2011, 10:01 am
  20. Shet!LMAO Omg! Hi jibola ;;)

    Posted by layo | April 22, 2011, 10:02 am
  21. Hmmmmmn….
    Ladies man…..*throws africa salute*

    Call me a bastard….El bastardo indeed!

    Posted by DL | April 22, 2011, 10:04 am
  22. So D’Banj is now a philosopher, hmmmmm!!! Mr Dizzle I cnt blame ur gurl, if she feels insecure, wit all dose ladies in ur life why won’t she… too bad, u’ll soon leave her, wen u find anoda dat wld “make ur nut go nuts”… Kelvin nice work there, weldone…
    Errrr, as for Nnamdi, like dey’ve all said, rape should not ve been the last resort, frm the way u described dem babes, dey’ll ve given it up freely, all u needed to do was press d right buttons… I ve learnt my lesson, no excess grinding of male frnds into blue balls, except boify sha…LOL!!! Nice one Jibola, I like d whole yoruba comment once in a wyl, despite he is an ibo dude!!!

    Its so sad dis has to b d finale…. Toolsman, thank u for entertaining us and educating us also…

    Posted by Ms Duro | April 22, 2011, 10:08 am
  23. So D’Banj is now a philosopher, hmmmmm!!! Mr Dizzle I cnt blame ur gurl, if she feels insecure, wit all dose ladies in ur life why won’t she… too bad, u’ll soon leave her, wen u find anoda dat wld “make ur nut go nuts”… Kelvin nice work there, weldone…
    Errrr, as for Nnamdi, like dey’ve all said, rape should not ve been the last resort, frm the way u described dem babes, dey’ll ve given it up freely, all u needed to do was press d right buttons… I ve learnt my lesson, no excess grinding of male frnds into blue balls, except boify sha…LOL!!! Nice one Jibola, I like d whole yoruba comment once in a wyl, despite he is an ibo dude!!!

    Its so sad dis has to b d finale…. Toolsman, thank u for entertaining us and educating us also, coz dere’s always sumtin to learn admist the laughter…

    Posted by Ms Duro | April 22, 2011, 10:09 am
  24. 10 inches? Wow! *now checking*
    @iyamilele…I go where my ‘head’ asks me to go, so if opportunity shows itself, ah! No dulling
    @ibetapassmyneighbour…ur name says it all neighbour..but when diz strikes, hmm…

    Posted by Kelvin | April 22, 2011, 10:09 am
  25. Ehen,about d pieces; Dizzle is inches away from being a ‘shoe-shiner’ or ‘car-washer’,as we call’em. But he has a girlfriend who can bang- redeeming factor. Doesn’t mean he isn’t cheating on her mentally tho,as d bible says; If U lust after a woman in Ur heart…(i forget d rest). Nnamdi is just a dickhead,but I hv friends lyk that, their reasoning is; y would a woman eat ur money,and tease you, and then refuse 2 shag? I can’t say they don’t have a point. . .

    Posted by Sick_Sage | April 22, 2011, 10:10 am
  26. :(..loba is soo right, rape by familiar strangers are the worst kinds.cuz most times, u share mutual fiends, hence they are always in your face.
    As for the ladies men out there that always claim the “just friends” status. Notice that the guy didnt CHEAT on shakirat bcuz he didn’t want to but cuz the babes involved wernt interested.sigh*
    Its sad but this story goes with the notion that “guys cheat not becuz they don’t love you but becuz the opportunity arises.”
    GREAT JOB.kevin,jibola and adetula.to say I’m impressed will be an understatement:)
    Note to my boyfriend ,if u read this,that notion shd NEVER apply to you.if opportunity arises eh?pray, Call me nd we’ll TALK bout it.lol.
    thanx and God bless

    Posted by kechilauren | April 22, 2011, 10:12 am
  27. Once again…Well written, excellent stuff.
    Jibola, I’ve always wondered why my female friends will grind and wind all up on me all night and then come home only to sleep off and leave me dreaming of glories tasted yet uneaten. On nights like that…Na God sha…I have learnt that God is truly the great comforter *sigh*
    PErsonally I to me Rape no be option. Though at the same time I wonder… ladies please tell me? What exactly was the Ada girl trying to achieve?

    Konji na bastard.

    Kelvin, kelvin…Ive never been much of a ladies man so I cant really relate but I do serve as confindante to several ladies. (at least 10 now) *sigh*

    Never had the pleasure of being a “sexpert” though.

    Good Job guys. Toolsman! I really hope there’ll be more though.

    Posted by ThinkTank | April 22, 2011, 10:12 am
  28. WeLl rape is rape BUT kinda rape could have been avoided by both parties. In the guys case jus like someone pointed out, there are ways 2 relive d urge, if joy soap isn’t working, try putting hot boiling ring on it, u wldnt evn thnk about sex for days. For the ladies *sigh* we all do it, even if most of us know that keeping someguys in the friend zone might not end well, infact some of us do it because we like d him,we can’t date him,and we can’t let go..so we keep them there, knowing fully well some kind of attraction still exists..and when something happens we wld be shouting “I was violated!” When junior was rising from the ashes while u whr grinding, u didn’t thnk it was wise to sleep in ur own house?? Both wld have to share the fault in this type of rape. And beware of the friend zone ladies! To some guys it is “U will still come and cry on my shoulder one day-zone”!!,

    Posted by jadesola | April 22, 2011, 10:13 am
  29. Hmmmm
    lesson learnt? Stop grinding while dancing if you won’t be banging…

    Posted by misscwa | April 22, 2011, 10:18 am
  30. @ThinkTank…10? Hailings o! U must be ‘Dr feel good’..
    @kechiLauren…yeah! Diz didnt cheat cos d opporunity wsnt there..yet..he’s bored but still stays cos he’s getting ‘some’..truth is sooner than later, he’s gonna bolt!
    @MsDuro..ure on point like a full stop, once d nuts need scratching, dizzle gets to walkin’
    @DL..dizzle salutes u back!
    @jadesola…well said..

    Posted by Kelvin | April 22, 2011, 10:22 am
  31. *StandingOvation*
    Kevin, Jibola … no comment.
    I’m hoping there’s gonna be more. This is something I’m proud to have been part of. Tools, I’m definitely down for some more.

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 22, 2011, 10:25 am
  32. huh? My character didnt talk about being endowed tho?

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 10:28 am
  33. And this is why we had to include this Scene… <_<

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 10:29 am
  34. you too? wow..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 10:32 am
  35. Me I’m crushing on the rapist. Lmao.

    Posted by Myt_Sushi | April 22, 2011, 10:33 am
  36. @tools … U know mad pple! Expect a DM from me! LMAO

    Posted by DavidUzzi | April 22, 2011, 10:33 am
  37. Nnamdi is a filthy rapist. That is all. I know tools is joking, this isn’t the end .. Right? 😐

    Posted by palavachronicles | April 22, 2011, 10:36 am
  38. O_o… err.. please educate us.. why?

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 10:39 am
  39. Scene 5 is definitely a biography.

    Posted by @dapsins | April 22, 2011, 10:44 am
  40. What do u mean the end??? O_O *sniff*

    Posted by katie | April 22, 2011, 10:46 am
  41. And ermm…I see Nnamdi is the reason Nollywood movies potray sex as a man using his pestle to pound yam inside the woman’s mortar!! Thot it was a myth until I saw “By the way I pounded her pussy on the floor, she must have had rug burns.” HIAN!!

    Posted by jadesola | April 22, 2011, 10:59 am
  42. @thetoolsman @KevinWithAnL @CapoeiraPanda @JibolaL @JCphoenixx…..you guys wanna go again? 6scenes no go do Terraculture. Good stuff from y’all by the way.

    Posted by @sheriphskills | April 22, 2011, 11:01 am
  43. @ Jadesola: Hot boiling ring?! The horror!!! Eyin tun brutal o

    Posted by Laoye | April 22, 2011, 11:01 am
  44. ……

    Posted by @sheriphskills | April 22, 2011, 11:05 am
  45. My eyes! my eyes!! my eyes!!! *deep breath* beautiful post! Jibola n kelvin.. We should talk in august 😀

    Posted by Sandie Pandie | April 22, 2011, 11:09 am
  46. Chief insecure officer? Loool. I enjoyed every bit of this but not d rape bit (shit scares me) More monologues please!!!

    Posted by MissLindie | April 22, 2011, 11:12 am
  47. “She said she wanted to go home.

    Nibo? (For Where?)”

    @JibolaL,When I am done laughing,I will comment…

    Posted by @ikagu101 | April 22, 2011, 11:22 am
  48. Scenes 1-4. . . Everyday lyfe. And yes d gals dat bump n grind n don’t give it up r pure evil. Scene rape; no no no no no can do

    Posted by donsege | April 22, 2011, 11:41 am
  49. Toolsman…… Consider this a warning: We are not having only 6 posts…. Surely; the penis has a bajillion more stories to tell…. I’m sure! I’m certain! So biko stop rough play…..
    I’m sorry I’m not ungrateful; its just very difficult to get enough Penis… 😀

    Rapist?!! Did u ever see the movie “I spit on ur grave”?…. End of story…..

    Posted by @gorgeousbskin | April 22, 2011, 11:41 am
  50. @SheriphSkills..abi o, we need more to rock TerraKulture..#justSaying ni o!
    @JibolaL..iwó da? U berra coman answer ur gbese here o!

    Loving d comments…

    Posted by Kelvin | April 22, 2011, 11:42 am
  51. Noooooooo! It can’t be over! *wipes tear*. Great job guys! Dizzle is obviously waiting for the perfect excuse to bolt. Once he finds another babe who can make his nuts go nuts, he’ll gladly dump Shakirat. As for Nnamdi, why na? He could have just tried to woo the babes a bit more instead of succumbing to animalistic traits. I agree, rape by familiar strangers is indeed the worst kind. But the girl is partly to blame. How can you grind on the guy all night and sleep over at his place and expect nothing to happen? She shouldn’t have led him on like that. Don’t get me wrong, there’s no justification for such a dastardly act as rape but all I’m saying is that we ladies need to be very careful. And Tools, can’t there be like 20 parts? I refuse to believe this is the end.

    Posted by Dotbabe | April 22, 2011, 11:44 am
  52. And @Dapsins…éran ko ni é..this is a Work of FICTION! Which one is biography inside? If I catch u ehn, dis town won’t contain us o! Agbo jedi jedi like u..

    Posted by Kelvin | April 22, 2011, 11:46 am
  53. Can someone pls explain to me why anybody’s attracted to/crushing on the rapist?? I think he’s absolutely disgusting scum!! Jibola nice work though. And d ladies man…hmmmmmm. Tools this can’t be the end oo

    Posted by Spiffy | April 22, 2011, 11:52 am
  54. I think we’re all definitely down. I think Tools has some plans though … so Mr. Tula we’re waiting on your email.

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 22, 2011, 11:55 am
  55. Jibola you’re a rapist. Olorinla oshi!

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | April 22, 2011, 11:57 am
  56. Jibola and Kelvin good stuff..

    I don’t know but I think deep inside some girls love to be rammed..fuck whatchu heard.

    Nice one,,

    Posted by awizii | April 22, 2011, 12:01 pm
  57. Mine either

    Posted by 'Jiböla | April 22, 2011, 12:03 pm
  58. Ok now I feel like goin out & raping someone…

    Posted by stkola | April 22, 2011, 12:07 pm
  59. P.S where is lagoshunter in all these?

    Posted by loba | April 22, 2011, 12:07 pm
  60. @kelvin …it is said..*empty vessels…..* aha! Am sure wen it enters…then we wud b bak to scene 1!!!
    Jus thnkn bout scene 6…..ohh my dayssss!!!….*i lyk it ruff..can’t help it..scratch marks like bobby V…hmmmm!*

    Posted by ibetapassmyneighbour | April 22, 2011, 12:08 pm
  61. Great great post, Nnamdi’s character is being played out by so many guys these days, guys who are sick&tired of the tease. Rape is a mortal sin, fit for capital punishment- but to me, the blame remains on chics like Ada who put themselves in those compromising situations…stay out or put up!

    And ‘Mr. Dizzle'(wonder why Kelvin used this) that’s not the definition of a ladies’ man tho, you a step away of being a shoe-shiner/carwasher..cos waiting for those ‘friends’ will give u grey hair. #thatisall

    Posted by RiCDiZzLe | April 22, 2011, 12:11 pm
  62. @kechilauren I dnt believe a guy who loves u will cheat on u..a lot of relationships r based on infatuation and lust not love..if u LOVE someone y wud u deliberately do somethin that wud hurt em jst because d opportunity presented itself?this is my belief sha..probably y iv neva had a lastin relationship cuz d minute I know he’s cheated its Adios amigos!n I sumhw always manage 2knw (CSI sturvz (-_-)
    Newaiz nnamdi d rapist!!ther r quite a few guys like that..God save us girls..as I always say never be alone with a guy u aint doin d rest is in Gods hands as 4drizzle most guys out there r like that so..pbbt

    Posted by olly | April 22, 2011, 12:13 pm
  63. Hmmmmmmmm. Nice to read this from the penis’ angle.

    Posted by Nk'iru. Njoku | April 22, 2011, 12:16 pm
  64. @ibetapassmyneighbour..choi! Diz’ is finished…lol..nice one! Kelvin didn’t brag about nuttin sha..I’m innocent
    @RicDizzle…hehe! Yeah, I get d definitn, dizzle just has d tag cos he’s ‘ a ladies fave’ and I used d name cos errr..err..its a name I hold dear, actually a family nickname 4me!

    Posted by Kelvin | April 22, 2011, 12:26 pm
  65. What’s wrong with crushing on the rapist. Lmao. She ate free fillet mignon and won’t give the guy some. (Ignore the ‘ate free fillet mignon’). I’m even very sure at some point, she started enjoying the..well..rape. Btw. I’m a virgin. I want to be raped too. :’).

    Posted by Myt_Sushi | April 22, 2011, 12:34 pm
  66. I reiterate… This cannot be the end! Thank u :).
    @JibolaL, u know what I say about ur vivid imagination *sigh*.
    We want more @thetoolsman please *batting eyelashes*

    Posted by crystalclearwords | April 22, 2011, 12:50 pm
  67. wow!!! d #PM! me i knw sha knw sth….Now i knw y kelvin was screaming on my TL since morning #PM #PM #PM #PM….hmmmm, my frnds must read d #PM

    Posted by Mariam | April 22, 2011, 12:51 pm
  68. HA!!!.. erm… S&M isn’t rape oh.. pls don’t get it twisted.. nothing nice about rape…

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 12:53 pm
  69. I love this.

    Posted by kk | April 22, 2011, 1:02 pm
  70. @myt_sushi….O_O..*not a gud way to start ohh* trust me!

    @kelvin….its ok! I kno u innocent…loool…I mean….*jus friends…Np mario – just a friend*

    Posted by ibetapassmyneighbour | April 22, 2011, 1:10 pm
  71. I totally agree with you on that.I donot believe a guy who totally loves a girl shdNOT cheat on her.infactuation is really rampant these days.
    It can be likened to a man who is totally full nd when he is presented with the fanciest cakes, he just comments and doesn’t eat except he is a glutton.but unfortunately we have relationship gluttons in the world today, they eat from anywhere, fancyy or not even if they own the best restaurants.
    I pray this kind wud nt be our portion.amen!

    Posted by kechilauren | April 22, 2011, 1:16 pm
  72. Ohhh! Dang it!! I give up, *now tossing my readers anonymous lapel*

    Jadesola and Dotbabe I am so with u on ur comments. So easy to blame tha rapist, so easy to push tha blame on tha brova, what about u? U just want a brova dat will be ur playmate, abeg get a fag!! If u notice it going up, remember what goes up must come down,and dis days it comes down hard *yeah ahh said it!!*

    Love the awesome writing and the subtle lessons.

    By the way, now u see those who comment, believe me there’s a world of pips that view this and don’t comment. ~i know! Just got kicked out! #okbye

    Posted by gregg | April 22, 2011, 1:25 pm
  73. @kechilauren there’s is a typo somewhere in there..hehe..but my point exactly..cheatin is inexusable.ill 4give him but I’m gone..I’d rather pitch my tent alone than pitch it with sum1 knowing fully well he’s a cheat..

    Posted by olly | April 22, 2011, 1:29 pm
  74. Sorry I mean SHD..remove the NOT:D

    Posted by kechilauren | April 22, 2011, 1:34 pm
  75. Gives you a *side eye* while wrapping weed…..

    Posted by @LagosHunter | April 22, 2011, 1:46 pm
  76. Oh trust me. I know.. I see the stats and if everyone who reads comments.. lets just say the wordpress co. will notice… thanks for coming out of your shell..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 1:50 pm
  77. “My ‘Pen’ ‘is’ out of ‘ink’ when I’m with her…” LOL! Camaaaan! That’s as graphic as it gets!
    Jibola’s bit reminded me of the rape scene in Tyler Perry’s For Coloured Girls. The familiar kind of rape.
    A girl grinding you till you have navy blue balls should NOT be an excuse for rape. You let yourself get ‘ground’ by her in the first place. If you can’t handle it, warn her or something. *sigh* There. Is. Simply. No. Excuse. For. Rape. IT’S INHUMANE! #ThatIsAll

    WOW just WOW!!! THIS SHOULD NOT BE THE END!!! Can’t you guys do the remix of the remix of The Penis Monologues? Maybe y’all can title it The Penis and the P’nani Dialogues???!!! Please?! Pretty please!!!! *groveling*

    Posted by Delphine | April 22, 2011, 1:55 pm
  78. Hi hi ☺

    Posted by 'Jiböla | April 22, 2011, 2:01 pm
  79. buhahaha.. the remix to the remix… I’m sure Uncle Diddy would be proud of this.. what can I say.. just keep checking back.. we’ll see..

    Posted by thetoolsman | April 22, 2011, 2:21 pm
  80. Its always fun reading ppl’s comments here. Ther’s absolutely no excuse for rape, but some females cud b pretty mean tho. Any one who crushes on a rapist prolly just likes d idea of rough sex; there’s really nothing to like abt rape. I think Delphine’s idea (The Penis and the P’nani Dialogues) is also an interesting one. No?

    Posted by HeWhoMustNotBeNamed | April 22, 2011, 3:49 pm
  81. Oh wow, rape is such a sensitive topic,
    And thinking that a girl has been teasing you and you “deserve” sex is just nonsense
    You could have said no to the grinding.
    No excuse for rape men
    And its sad that its those you know that rape the most
    Girls have to be so careful
    I’ve come so close many times
    I’ve just been lucky with my choice of friends
    Really good writeup jibola,
    The one about the guy friend
    Well I can’t comment
    I have guy friends, that I know I can never sleep with
    I might have crushed on them at a point sef but now its strictly platonic
    Its not by force, if he gets a serious gf I’d back off
    Tula you should totally do for the vagina
    I’d write def

    Posted by 36f | April 22, 2011, 3:50 pm
  82. And to the girl who wants to be raped, that’s just sad. I would never wish that on an enemy

    Posted by Sam-Sam | April 22, 2011, 4:18 pm
  83. Mine either tho…

    Posted by The Capoeira Panda | April 22, 2011, 4:20 pm
  84. *sigh* the last scene hits close to home. While in Uni,I had this friend who experienced something similar. We(myself,bf,a girlfriend and her beau,another friend and her) had gone out that evening-a typical night in town,alcohol flowed freely and we basically had a swell time. It was soon getting late and she worried me to take her back to her hostel at the other end of town. You see,I was the one who made her come. The extra dude had requested and I convinced her to come knock up a few with us,”what harm could there be?” I enthused. She reluctantly agreed to come and by morning,I sorely regretted that question.

    Mr. Fancy convinced her to stay the night,we were all in a hotel and he swore he would have her back home bright and shiny the next morning. Maybe it was naivete but she never thought he would make sexual passes at her that night. Hours later, with a bruised lip and a broken hymen to show for it,she knew better. She had made several attempts to scream for help,in our drunken stupor, we were all deaf to her screams. He finally let her out when morning came and she ran to my room. No words passed her lips but we immediately knew. I was dumbfounded. The happy-go-lucky fellow we had hours before been trading banter,a closet rapist?

    Even now,many years later,I still shudder when I remember it. Ofcourse she couldn’t bring herself to share the story with anyone besides us. After all,who would believe her anyways? She had willingly spent the night with a man alone. She had it coming you would say,but that is only one way of seeing it…

    P.S. I’m sorry for going on and on,maybe my story was unnecessary. However,I believe the friendly rapists are the worst of the lot. You just never see it coming. I only wish our society was more lenient on victims of sex-related crimes.

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 22, 2011, 4:55 pm
  85. Forgot to add that I thoroughly enjoyed the read *cue applause* the comments here are always interesting as well. I guess I’m adding to more fellows to my follow list. @kevinwithanL and @jibola, expect my follow. Good job guys.

    Posted by chinnydiva | April 22, 2011, 5:15 pm
  86. Classic case of saving the best for last. Wallahi! Jibola and team, you get an ovation from me. Tools, if this is going to hit the screen or stage or whatever, just lemme know.

    Posted by Vicki | April 22, 2011, 6:04 pm
  87. Erm…. Lemme put my mouth in wetin no concern me; there is absolutely NO excuse for rape bt pls be realistic, some girls actually do like d idea of it… Anyways… Lovely write up…. Y’all gave me an awesome read … Big ups to @KevinWithAnL n @Jibolal

    Posted by lauryn | April 22, 2011, 7:17 pm
  88. oh my days, i’m guessing @kevinwithanL chose this character all by himself, virgin whore….lol. great writing tho. and jibola’s character got me thinking real hard. there’s a very thin line between S&M and rape o, some guys take the ‘babes like it rough’ thing too far. if she say she no wan do den it probably isnt role play, even tho with the way some babes have been reacting to this i’m starting to doubt all my mother ever taught me bout all this ‘no means no’ thingy. hmmm…could it mean yes after all???…

    Posted by freshprinz | April 23, 2011, 12:21 am
  89. I beg ur pardon!!! Rape & Beg is NO crime. Would u be nice enough to shed more light on that?!

    Posted by Diva | April 23, 2011, 4:54 am
  90. I’m reading some comments & I’m getting worked up. I work at a rape crisis center so Scene 6 is like real life to me.
    I do NOT see how the girl in scene 6 is partly to blame. Rape is just that rape & in civilized countries u go to jail for that & u get listed publicly as a sex offender. Even if the babe is butt naked & she says no her wishes shld be granted.

    @thetoolsman I say an article on rape is in order.

    Posted by Diva | April 23, 2011, 5:12 am
  91. Wow! Nice one guys, a lot o peps usually avoid this topic. As for me it must take a lot to actually rape a girl cos I can’t even for the image in my mind talk less of doing it. Its a monstrous act and shldnt be taken lightly, if u can rape someone, u might as well be able to kill someone as well, ladies watch the company u keep and don’t get blinded by materialism.

    Posted by maximus | April 23, 2011, 10:00 am
  92. Wowww, :(. This goes a long way to show how traumatic rape is. Hope she turned out fine, O:)

    Posted by nkemj | April 23, 2011, 12:52 pm
  93. @delphine and @36f, say no to grinding????? Easier said than done, be a guy first then let me see u say no, lol

    Kudos to the writers, great stuff. @ tools_man still waiting for yur pin

    Posted by Tosman | April 23, 2011, 9:21 pm
  94. There is no excuse what so ever for rape tho.

    Posted by Tosman | April 23, 2011, 9:24 pm
  95. Maybe I’m being too sensitive… or whatever. But I dislike this post! Yes the ladies led him on … Blah blah! Great lessons to learn … Yeah we know. But no – don’t vividly write about Rape explaining how! NO! The whole ‘lesson learned’ could be presented in a different way. A less provoking way. I do not like it Jibola – u know who I am!

    Posted by tomorbidforme | April 24, 2011, 8:48 am
  96. oh so the last story was even rape. x_x….(minus that slap sha…nice scene. :D..)

    Oga Kevin *sigh* hope Shakirat has read this blog cos she might not even be sure she’s no.1.

    Posted by StephanieIj | April 24, 2011, 12:39 pm
  97. Scene 6 was a near experience for me…I won’t support Rape but ‘konji’ was eaten up my guy, Nnamdi, like a virus and an antivirus just laid next to him. He didn’t need to download a new version…lol.

    A new follower of ur blog, thumbs up to @thetoolsman et al…this is one of the most active small communities i’ve come across on the web…waiting on the ‘Vagina Monologues!’

    S/O to @CapoeiraPanda!

    Posted by madu | April 24, 2011, 8:12 pm
  98. inspirational stories :>

    Posted by tunaug1 | April 26, 2011, 9:18 am
  99. There’s nothing like a dull Nigerian.can’t say I didn’t laugh but rape is terrible, let’s not console it.

    Posted by kobbe | April 26, 2011, 10:21 am
  100. Any man who rapes a woman is WEAK,it’s the same as hitting a woman…a woman is meant to be loved and cherished. If you have a problem with grinding,then let your female friend know instead of making plans in your head to rape her . Even if a woman walks naked in front of you,you are supposed to flee(I’m not saying women walking around naked is right tho).but still,this goes to show that most men are somewhat very wEAK. Girls be careful with whom you keep company.

    Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2011, 2:22 pm
  101. Before we conclude on d rape, lets not forget dat gurlz like ”bastards”…. Its not exactly rape if dats wat she wants.

    Posted by 1stdextro | April 27, 2011, 2:36 pm
  102. Scene5: LMAO! Chief insecure unit officer? Hahahah. Scene6: I feel safe with you” she says.
    But she’d grind my penis into blue balls
    Fuck you”” with a confused look she said NO.
    No ko, No ni.
    I slapped her thighs farther apart and rammed in.
    One strike. No miss” *rollling* lmfao! Hahahhaha. Oh well..out of all the penis monologues, this has to be the best! *sigh*

    Posted by Velvet | April 29, 2011, 3:26 pm
  103. I understand what Ada meant- saying she felt safe with Nnamdi… Some girls think oh- this my friend, nothing cld ever happen between us, so if I don’t wna be starting something at the club, I might very well grind on him.
    Well, wrong! He is not a concrete pillar, and ure not in his mind, plenty can go down between u two.
    If u want to go all out- dancing like u have no parents, go do that with random strangerS. Plural so nobody gets ideas… Or better still, grind on your girlfriends. Either way, you still have fuun
    NOTHING justifies Nnamdi’s actions. He is a dirty dirty rapist!!! Raping a woman cos u treated her to a date? Why? She’s not entitled to have nice things? Or to enjoy them? That she must pay- with sex?
    Also taking advantage of Ada when she was asleep!!! Even if she wanted the dick, no foreplay nothing just bam!!! Let me not get carried away, cos he’s a fictional character…he’s bad ohh n it shall not be well with him!

    As for Dizzle!!! LOL ladies man indeed. He would wash the car somebody else would drive, shine the shoes another person would wear. Anyway, he has a girlfriend so he’s not so bad…
    I’m not really interested in him as a character- and he should understand his girlfriend’s insecurities. He’s quite close to a number of ladies… Don’t say squat about trust here o… She’s beginning to nag n he’s looking for opportunities…

    Loved the monologues!!! Internet trouble so m just catching up

    Again I must say this. Tula I love your blog

    Posted by Yasminn | May 5, 2011, 8:15 am
  104. 🙂 Thanks

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 5, 2011, 3:40 pm


  1. Pingback: This Week’s Post- The vagina monologues « slimsiren - April 30, 2011

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