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Our bestfriends wedding

Our best friend’s wedding: Episode 1

Hey people, trust the weekend is going on well. As promised yesterday, here’s the revised pilot of the series. From here on, we’ll have shorter and more reader friendly episodes (I pray). As always, I’ll appreciate any form of feedback. Cheers.

*Ring *Ring

“Will you just find me an educated midget.”

*Ring *Ring

“I can’t do a show on vertically challenged people without talking to a midget can I?”

*Ring *Ring

“Arrrghhhh stop ringing gaddemit.

“Let me call you back.”

Hello

I did it! I did it Kemi.

Oh, Charles I’m sorta in the middle of something… can I…

I just did it Kemi…

What did you do?

I bought a ring…….. I just went and bou—

A what?

You did what?

I bought a ring!

What kind of ring? For what? For who?

Well, that’s what you’re going to help me figure out.

Kemi

I looked up to see Charles’ pearly white teeth grinning at me as he held open the door to my office with one arm while he clutched on to an opened jewelry box with his other hand. Oh, manners. Hi. My name is Adekemi Manuel. Host of “The Late Late Night Show With Kemi”, daughter to His Royal Highness, the Ooni of Ife and wife to Captain Babatunde Manuel. We’ll get to that later.  Standing at the door to my office is Charles.

Charles: “Well, don’t just sit there. Are you just going to …. What are you doing? Who are you calling?”

Kemi: Hello…

Jade: Hey, Kemi, can I call you right back, I’m kinda in a tight position right now”

Kemi: Well, let me make it tighter for you – Charles bought a ring?

Jade: A what?

Kemi: Yes, you heard me right, he bought a WEDDING ring.

Jade:  For what? I mean for who? ……. Whaooooooo … ouch.. Oooouuuuccchhh…

Kemi: Err…  Jade, are you ok?

Jade:  Ooooouuuch… Yes, I’m fine, I only almost just fell off an elephant.

Charles: Elephant? Where on earth are you this time?

Jade: Oh, so you’re there……. I’m in India; traveling with a UN team and I hope that ring is for Sandra.

Jade:

 Jadesola Adeyemi. The most selfless person I know, possibly the most selfless person in the whole world. She’s always in one place or the other somewhere in the world helping people and almost always forgetting about herself. More about her later..

Kemi: You mean Tara…

Jade: Oh, there are just too many of them.. but, yes, her…

Charles: Oh, hell no.. she has manly feet and that spooky sound she makes when she sleeps….not happening …

Kemi: Just stop. Stop it Charles. Why did you buy a ring if you have no one to give it to. Is this all a joke?

Charles: Well…. I’ll turn 30 in about ten weeks from today …. I visited my mom yesterday and she just…. she said somethings and I thought, what the heck, it’s time.. I’m matured enough… I’m ready…. so I went out and bought a ring.

Jade: Kemi, please slap him for me.

Kemi: Gladly.

Jade: So that’s just why you bought a ring?

Kemi: wait, so, now what do you want from us.

Charles: Seeing as you guys are my bestest friends in the world and probably know more about me than anyone else, I’ve decided that you’ll help me make the decision.

Jade: huh? Is he being serious?

Charles: I know how hard a task it can be, considering my erm… past … and present… but here

(Charles brings out a folded sheet of paper from his pocket).

I call it, my “deed map”… On it, I have 19 names of girls I’ve been with at some point in my life and a little background information – most of which I’m sure you already know, if you can remember that is – well, I was aiming for ten but I just couldn’t… – so, 19 gurls and I need to eliminate 18 of them before my birthday so I can propose.

Oh, one more thing, this isn’t the bachelor – this is my life so, better take it seriously.

Kemi: You can’t be ….serious..

(Kemi said with her mouth wide open as she further examined the “deed map”)

Jade: I’ll be back next tomorrow.

Charles: That’s the spirit.. Oh, I’m late for a lunch date. I’ll talk to you girls later. Ciao

Charles

Charles Effiong. Youngest Ad Agency Creative Director in the country. Successful smooth talking mutherfucker; mini sex God, ladies man and best friend to Jade and I for almost 10 years. This might sound like a joke but I know when Charles is serious and this is one of those times. God help us.

 

*3 Days Later

 

Jade: Kemi, have you even read this …this thing he calls a list?

Kemi: yup..

Jade: How did some girls get on this list. I mean.. Eno?  Isn’t that the one who couldn’t climax?

Kemi: Well, quit talking like you don’t know your friend is Captain Save-a-ho

Jade: This is marriage we are talking about Kemi… forever and ever…

Kemi: shush.. quit talking like marriage is some life imprisonment sentence.. there is something called ‘divorce’ remember? And as sad as it might be, if a time comes when he needs to use that exit card then he will and we will SUPPORT him as his friends.

Jade: his parents split up when he was ten.. he’s wanted to get married since then just to prove to them that it’s not so hard to keep a family together…

Kemi: well.. that was till he discovered his super powers ..

(I and Jade were now standing at the waiting area of Charles’ office watching him far off walking towards us with a light-skinned slim-figured lady walking alongside him)

Jade: Powers? Oh.. that?

Kemi: yup.. that.. colour-struck tadpole that he is.. look at how the girl is soaking him all up.. For all you know he could be giving her advice about her relationship

Jade: Or they could just be talking about work

Kemi: Work? Really? Come on, I’ve come around here too often to know that the actual amount of time these ad agency guys work is so little?

Jade: Anyways, he’s almost here… so who do we start with?

Kemi: Eno won’t be a bad start..

Jade: Seriously?

Kemi: Yes

Jade: Are you trying to ruin his future? I jus—-

Kemi: Nope. And that’s why I think we should knock off all the weak contenders first.. come on, you and I know he’s not going to propose to Eno

Jade: Err.. well… I was even thinking of imposing a no sex clause while all of this is going on..

Charles: No what? You do know sex is a veeeeeery important part of any marriage.

Kemi: Oh please, don’t preach to us like you do your victims. This is our show and we’ll run it how we want.

Charles: but but you guys—-

Jade: And don’t think we won’t know too.. I can smell your lies a mile away

Kemi: But we’ll cut you some slack and see just how well you behave for starters. You asked us to take this seriously so you also have to. We’ve come up with a plan..

Jade: We have? I mean.. yes, we have.

Charles: Good. It’s about time too. Lets hear it.

Kemi: Well, every week, we’ll pick two girls from the list. You’ll have to find a way to split your time between both girls during the week and at the end of the week you’ll send us a report.

Charles: Huh? A report?

Jade: You heard her right.. A report.

Kemi: A DETAILED report. I’m not talking bout your sexscapades. I’m talking pros and cons. If we’re going to do this, then we’ll have to go all the way down to details

Charles: Wow.. now I regret adding that ‘taking it seriously’ bit.

Jade: One more thing, during this erm.. period, please try to stay away from other women so you can focus. 19 women is more than enough drama already.

Charles: Ok with the rules already.. who do I begin with?

Kemi: Well, this week, you have … Eno and….

Jade: Erm… Shayo..

Charles: Shayo?

Kemi: My God.. don’t tell me you cant even remember the names of the people on your own list.

Charles: Of Course I can.. just erm… memories…

Jade: Well, keep them in the past and focus on now. So, are you going to start out with dates or what?

Charles: That’s my call isn’t it? Thank you ladies for your time; I’ll have your “report” in by Sunday.

Jade

As Charles ushered us out of the waiting room, I couldn’t help but imagine how all of this would end. I love him like a brother and wanted him happy but I secretly prayed he was truly ready for all of this.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

37 thoughts on “Our best friend’s wedding: Episode 1

  1. First…

    Posted by chukyjunior | May 21, 2011, 3:59 pm
  2. 2nd

    Posted by Usain Bolt | May 21, 2011, 4:01 pm
  3. I like it!!
    I actually cant wait to read the others. tag me o, incase am not online (@ekwem)

    Posted by ekwe | May 21, 2011, 4:01 pm
  4. First… I hope.

    Posted by chukyjunior | May 21, 2011, 4:01 pm
  5. Y do I have a feeling he’s gonna end up with one of d 2 girls??? Well *fingers crossed*

    Posted by zany | May 21, 2011, 4:08 pm
  6. Fun fun fun!!!
    Uber excited…this shall fill in the gap for the A-zed stories

    Posted by Iyamilele | May 21, 2011, 4:11 pm
  7. I still don’t know why one’s name is jade o..lool..anyway..this thing is going to get more complicated than the one before..bookmarked!

    Posted by Jade Mustapha | May 21, 2011, 4:18 pm
  8. *ghen ghen* wale and his two female besties 🙂

    Posted by yemmie | May 21, 2011, 4:18 pm
  9. Am reading ds post with lady antebellum – I need you playing….and am crying……

    I don’t kno wots more confusing….d post, the song or d fact dat am a midget???

    *sips greygoose*

    Posted by ibetapassmyneighbour | May 21, 2011, 4:19 pm
  10. Zany,I thought so too..like how they do in the movies. But I trust Tulz to throw in a twist..or more.

    Love this but caman! How in the world is 1 dude dating/shagging 19babes simultaneously? That’s blue murder mehn! He kinda sounds like Tula tho…

    Posted by chinnydiva | May 21, 2011, 4:26 pm
  11. brilliant…

    Posted by awizi | May 21, 2011, 4:36 pm
  12. If for any reason he makes us choose, I’ll conclude its for him. 😐

    Posted by zany | May 21, 2011, 4:38 pm
  13. Took the words out of my mouth!

    Posted by jAyajade | May 21, 2011, 4:58 pm
  14. Lovely. Can’t wait!

    Posted by Mz.T | May 21, 2011, 5:06 pm
  15. If Jade isn’t married he is def ending up with her except….

    Posted by oba | May 21, 2011, 5:31 pm
  16. Will do sir…

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:21 pm
  17. erm.. for Nollywood-ish stories, please check Africamagic…

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:22 pm
  18. hmmm.. about A-zed… we’ll get to that soon…

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:23 pm
  19. Wharris going on here Yemmie.. you’re feeling familiar abi.. Well, just so you know, I’m co-writing this series…

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:24 pm
  20. hahahahahaha…. no you wont be voting anyone out anytime soon…

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:25 pm
  21. huh? why so sure tho… and by the way she isn’t married…

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:26 pm
  22. erm.. Chinny cool down now, let the story even unfold before you conclude he’s dating/shagging all 19 at the same time..

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 21, 2011, 6:30 pm
  23. …Except you probably just ruled the chances of that happening by writing that comment!

    Posted by 0latoxic | May 21, 2011, 6:50 pm
  24. Niceeee..
    I have a feeling hez gonna end upp with someone that is NOT even on the list..can’t wait..:)

    Posted by kechilauren | May 21, 2011, 7:39 pm
  25. So I guess he might just end up with 1 of his “best friends” and a mighty fight might also occur …

    Posted by khorje | May 21, 2011, 8:10 pm
  26. So this is like sum twisted version of “The Bachelor” except the dude doesnt even get to make the decision. Me likey 🙂

    Posted by kitkat | May 21, 2011, 11:59 pm
  27. This is really good, Toolsman. I anticipate more 🙂

    Posted by @Qurr | May 22, 2011, 12:44 am
  28. Or one of them falls for him while he falls for someone else…nice one Tuls… How often will u post the series???

    Posted by nengie | May 22, 2011, 6:31 am
  29. U guys watch 2 many nigerian movies. Ahn ahn see d way y’all r trying to predict d end wen dis is jst d 1st post.let’s jst relax n enjoy d suspense n anticipation. Makes it more fun. @toolsman, luvly write up by d way

    Posted by zee-berrie | May 22, 2011, 9:32 am
  30. Once a week starting next week.. still haven’t made up my mind if it’ll be Thursdays, Fridays or Saturdays .. will keep y’all posted.

    Posted by thetoolsman | May 22, 2011, 9:51 am
  31. Help me tell them o! Its not a Nollywood film na! Have mercy.

    Posted by jAyajade | May 22, 2011, 8:06 pm
  32. he’ll end up with jade. she is in love with him and he prolly luvs her as well but doesnt knw it yet. typically story line.. just like brown sugar.. i seriously hope i’m wrong.

    Posted by ugofrances | May 23, 2011, 9:10 am
  33. typical

    Posted by ugofrances | May 23, 2011, 9:13 am
  34. I would like some consistency on this series. Thank u

    Posted by Neefemi | May 24, 2011, 1:39 am
  35. Too much africa magic is affecting a lot o people!*haha* seepredictions! Anyway thumbs up toolsman!keep d suspense going!

    Posted by diana | June 1, 2011, 9:34 am
  36. Nice! Can’t wait 2 know who eventually gets d ring.

    Posted by talesbypixie | June 2, 2011, 11:29 am

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