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Monday Rush

Eko o ni baje

Hey people. Hope we all had a good weekend. So, today, nominations for the Nigerian Blog Awards 2011 begin. If you like us enough to think we deserve a nomination, please do so here: NOMINATE. The bog name is TheToolsman and here’s the web address: https://thetoolsman.wordpress.com. Thanks.

This week seems to be all about story telling starting with this wonderful piece, which captures our Monday category (Monday rush). It’s written by a friend: Folorunsho Williams. Enjoy.

Ketu !

Ojota !

Iyana Oworo !

The conductor screams. “Enter with your 100 Naira I no get change o!”

I struggle to concentrate on my presentation scheduled for 8am. Stay calm young man, if they didn’t like it you wouldn’t have been called.

Behind me, two ladies discuss in hushed tones.

“Imagine the fool, telling me to follow him home after just two bottles of smearnov ize and nkwobi….mscheeeew.”

“He tink sey you be mumu. So where you dey come from now?”

“From Sunny house o.”

“Ahn ahn… I tink sey you no follow am?”

“I no wan go but as we dey comot na so I see sey na baby boy Honda Sunny dey drive now o. So I just tell am sey make e drop me for road. I come do like say slip catch me, na so I go im house o. We no do anything sha. You trust me nah.”

“Hmm.. Tina Tina. Sunny dey ride baby boy Honda.. for where, who dash am. Na keke napep Sunny still dey ride”

“Na lie, e don buy moto. I take my own eye see am”

“I say na keke napep Sunny still dey ride, no be him drop me for bus stop now now.”

I soak dis in and silently pray the bus moves faster so I can get off quickly.

“Money for front”, I search my pocket for my wallet as the driver  speeds along Ikorodu Road to the sounds of KWAM 1 screaming “Chicago… Nibi ton ti fegusi se lobster o…” (Chicago, where they cook egusi with lobster…) on the radio…

I search my suit pocket and have a sinking feeling immediately because I remember placing the wallet on the kitchen cabinet after giving my younger sister some money earlier in the morning. I can’t remember putting it back in my pockets.

“Mr. Oga give me money nah! Owo e da!”

I can’t come up with a response.

That same moment, two men jump onto the bus. One screams:

“Owo security da” (Where’s your security fee?)

The other shouts even louder, “owo nashona da?” (Where’s  your National fee?)

One of the two men bears a resemblance to Dider Drogba of Chelsea; he wears a faded Liverpool jersey with the inscription: ‘Olu omo 1’ written at the back. He drags the conductor from the bus as the driver shouts “Danger ma gba fun o” (Danger, don’t allow him o)

The other fellow is remarkably thin with a light complexion and has just a singlet on with a dirty pair of jeans. He replies “Eyin bawo, e ni duro se. A ma lu iya yin pa leni. Eyin were”

(You can’t try anything, we will beat the crap out of your mother today, you crazy people.)

Amidst the confusion the conductor goes insane, punching the body of the vehicle with amazing strength that shocks all the passengers even as he retorts “ki lo so…yeeeeeee, iya mi..”

(What did you say? Yeeeeee… My mother?)

He goes on punching as his driver alights and does the unimaginable…he strips completely naked and takes a boxers pose reminiscent of Mike Tyson skipping around while shouting “iyalaya e ma ku leni…iwo daa… comot your blow.”

(Your great great grand mother will die today.. where are you…comot your blow)

The lady behind me…who said Sunny doesn’t drive a baby boy taps me on the shoulder and says “You better come down and disappear before they return bros..dem go chop u raw o…”

I get down like a peacemaker amidst the gathering crowd and sight a huge billboard with BRF smiling and the slogan ‘Eko o ni baje’ written boldly on it just as a speeding keke napep almost runs into me. The driver is light skinned, his insults confirm my initial guess that he’s an igbo man.

Without much thought I hopped into the tricycle even as I yelled “Hire. Hire, abeg go go” … The driver calms down and starts to drive away. Just then I turned to look at the mayhem we were leaving behind and it was then I saw the graphic letterings stuck to the leather and glass covering made for the tricycle:

‘YNNUS YOB YBAB’

I manage a wry smile as we disappeared into the slowly brightening day.

END.

I must confess that I sometimes miss these kind of experiences (yes, sometimes). Anyone who has experienced Lagos should have one of such stories to tell, it’s the reason why I love this city. Think you have a funny (or not so funny) story to tell bout a Monday morning experience in Lagos (or any other busy city for that matter). Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

61 thoughts on “Eko o ni baje

  1. First???

    Posted by nengie | June 6, 2011, 9:16 am
  2. For some reason you dint translate Eko o ni baje….

    Posted by kayshawy | June 6, 2011, 9:17 am
  3. Yea baby! Now lemme read 😀

    Posted by nengie | June 6, 2011, 9:17 am
  4. Na wa o….u ppl shud try and read d post before commenting nau….

    Posted by freshprinz | June 6, 2011, 9:19 am
  5. Lmao.. Started Laughn before i finished it…. Razz lagos…. Well i dnt stay in Lagos so no experience for me…. but What is ===>> Eko o ni baje…. i sha know Eko is Lagos…

    Posted by pheary | June 6, 2011, 9:23 am
  6. Nice one…typical day in Las Gidi…esp if u’r on d Danfo or BRT hustle…*sigh* no be small ting o…

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | June 6, 2011, 9:25 am
  7. To think I’m even struggling with the translation sef….Eko O ni Baje
    – Lagos no go spoil
    – Lagos will not spoil
    – Lagos will not be destroyed
    – Lagos will not come to ruins
    – Lagos erm erm, the writer should put me out of my mystery jo! Good one!

    Posted by kayshawy | June 6, 2011, 9:25 am
  8. Mehn, iv had this experience twice…

    The first time, just as I was about to open my mouth to beg, the guy beside me tapped me and said ‘don’t worry, I’ll pay’… Such relief!

    Second time, I had only 1000 notes to pay for a 10 naira fare… And d drivers have a reputation for reigning insults on passengers like myself… I felt someone tap me from behind, twas a friend… Used gist to tie him down, he paid for me 😀

    Posted by nengie | June 6, 2011, 9:26 am
  9. And u my friend are a lucky man…cos the Fight helpd u… U finally didnt pay the money sha…give it to me!

    Posted by pheary | June 6, 2011, 9:26 am
  10. “Enter with your change o! Conductor no get sense o!”

    “Wole! Road clear!” Says the conductor at the back of the bus to the driver sitting in front of the bus speeding on a Lagos highway

    I didn’t grow up in Lagos but 11 years after,I’m now as Lagosian as they cum.
    Lagos, the fast paced city where the buses don’t stop for you to get on or off……

    Dear Lagos,I love you

    Posted by Lagoshunter | June 6, 2011, 9:29 am
  11. Funny stuff. Nice.

    There was this one day: a conductor refused to give me my change, and I wished that the door of the danfo would fall down. It did. At the next bus stop.

    He gave me my change eventually.

    Posted by joachim | June 6, 2011, 9:31 am
  12. Direct translation is ‘Lagos will not spoil’ but I think it’s just a phrase used to solicit support from the citizens in ensuring the continuous growth and development of the city. Like some sort of “clarion call”…

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 6, 2011, 9:32 am
  13. @Nengie I’v been on both sides of d divide of ur experience severally…paid for a few ppl cos dey had N1000 notes for a N10 or N20 trip…also had N1000 to pay for a N20 trip…not sexy at all.
    As for not havin money…last time it happened to me was when I was in secondary school…omo na beg I beg o…thank God I was still a kid…der was no abuse…hehehehe
    N I agree with Vick…all these ppl chasing 1st to comment…hian…read d post first na…

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | June 6, 2011, 9:37 am
  14. Hahahahahahahaha…I just had a good laugh 😀 iLike..!esp the -Baby boy sunny- part.! 🙂

    Posted by Adahna | June 6, 2011, 9:38 am
  15. Lol..nice story..lol@smirnnov izee..chuckles*

    Posted by kechilauren | June 6, 2011, 9:38 am
  16. Tula, its actually the website address of the blog that’s required.

    Posted by chinnydiva | June 6, 2011, 9:42 am
  17. oh.. thanks 🙂

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 6, 2011, 9:43 am
  18. Hmm!! I’ve got two words.. BRILLIANT and NOSTALGIC!!

    Posted by kcollins | June 6, 2011, 9:45 am
  19. ‘…everybody red-eyed, ain’t nobody humble….’
    Lived in giddi forever (ok, at least since i was 4). The closest i’ve gotten to such was not having any money. I just tapped d conductor and told him i wanted to get down cos i didnt have any money. when i got off i got on 2 more buses waited a bit den told em d same story. Needless to say, i got home without having to pay a dime. Just kept trekking and playing 419 on the conductors….*shrug* i hate begging….

    Posted by freshprinz | June 6, 2011, 9:46 am
  20. Haha….reminds me a lot of my mushin neighbourhood…we see ds things everyday….hehe….

    Oh yea…ds experience wher a conductor overcharged me and refused to gv me my money bcos I was a chick…not knowing my cuz was d “tokyo” of mushin park…..u can imagine the rest…
    My agbero days re over thank u Jesus!!

    Posted by chinietwit | June 6, 2011, 9:47 am
  21. Hahaha..nice piece. The lagos I’ve grown to love. When I talk about lag to some of my ‘eastern’ friends,they never understand what I see in this city. I tell em ‘Owa’ cannot be replaced by ‘Onia’ (which is ‘e dey’ in igbo) in any part of the world. I go on further to tell em that do they have molues or agberos or anything that’ll make their day uncomfortably remarkable..they don’t. So inspite of all our gra gra,I can’t live anywhere else. Its lagos for pete’s sakes…do you reckon? Eko o ni baje!!!!

    Posted by no1chick | June 6, 2011, 9:47 am
  22. Times like this I hate this dead zone called Yola! I miss lagos a whole lot! Nice post but I suspect you’ve actually got into a fight like this before! Lol. Well detailed 🙂

    Posted by Sandie Pandie | June 6, 2011, 9:48 am
  23. I hope I never experience such…what mouth would I use to explain?

    About the vote, what do we do now? Post the site addy instead? Probably with another email..

    Posted by StephanieIj | June 6, 2011, 9:54 am
  24. You can send an email to nigerianblogawards@gmail.com to correct the error.. thanks 🙂

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 6, 2011, 9:57 am
  25. Buahahaha….Lagos…EKO…ve missed dat town….can’t remember entering bus…..am a Cab person….thank God I was born there tho…

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | June 6, 2011, 10:00 am
  26. Hehehehehehe… Baby Boy Sunny… Eko o ni Baje ooooo… Fashola is working!!!

    Posted by Mystic | June 6, 2011, 10:04 am
  27. Omg so that was the “Baby Boy”! *laughing*

    One of the worst things that could actually happen on a Monday morning (or any other morning for that matter) would be having to jump on an okada (thanks to traffic issues), considering the state of many of our roads this rainy season, as well as the mercilessness of our drivers. Arriving at your destination “decorated” with an assortment of mud splashes is very embarassing.

    Posted by Glory | June 6, 2011, 10:06 am
  28. LOL! nice one

    Posted by epsilon_92001 | June 6, 2011, 10:12 am
  29. Funny thing is, ‘Eko oni baje’ could also mean “Today’s Lagos has spoilt” or “Lagos does not have spoils (bad behaviour)”… Yoruba just has its equivocal translations sometyms…

    Posted by Radeyo | June 6, 2011, 10:17 am
  30. lol@ sandie i actually haven’t gotten into such fights before. its just what you see every day.

    Posted by folorunso williams | June 6, 2011, 10:20 am
  31. LOL! Very familiar Scene… I think I’ve had more experiences than the writer sef. I was just skipping past the parenthesized translations becos I’m too used to them.

    Nice one Mr. Williams. Good pick, Toolsman #PunIntended 😉

    Posted by Radeyo | June 6, 2011, 10:23 am
  32. Toolsman don’t mind me jare…was born in Lagos, Orile Iganmu precisely but now in diaspora *sadface*…”no place like home”- “ko si awo bi ile”

    Posted by kayshawy | June 6, 2011, 10:24 am
  33. See confusion! Tell me about it!

    Posted by kayshawy | June 6, 2011, 10:25 am
  34. Haha nice post. “Yes hold your #100 change. Then you’re sat next to the conductor in all the glory of his body odour. He then gets up to take the bus fare rubbing his sweaty body on you. Yup been there.
    For the time I had no money, twas a keke maruwa. Found out I forgot my purse. Lucky for me the guy sat next to me pays my fare.

    Posted by sundayschild | June 6, 2011, 10:29 am
  35. Hmmm…funny!!! I Love my Lagos.

    I was on a bus(a tata bus) from mile 12 and the driver didn’t stop for a passenger at a particular bus stop in ketu,in annoyance the passenger(a woman) slapped the driver, the conductor(young female,the drivers sister) slapped the woman,this crazy woman went back to the driver tried to take steering from the driver hitting and slapping him,passengers that tried to stop her got their share.The driver stopped the bus at Ketu bus stop and beat out the devil in the woman,tore her blouse. Finally,lastma and the police intercede and we were able to get off the bus.
    Eko o ni baje o!

    Posted by mabijo | June 6, 2011, 10:34 am
  36. “eko oni baje”… eko – Lagos, oni – today, baje – spoilt…

    “eko oo ni ‘baje” … eko – Lagos, oo – doesnt, ni – have, ‘baje – spoils (bad behavior).

    u shld get what I mean if u’re really Yoruba…

    Posted by Radeyo | June 6, 2011, 10:35 am
  37. *paid

    Posted by sundayschild | June 6, 2011, 10:36 am
  38. @Radeyo I get you loud and clear…I was referring to the twist in translation…pardon my failed attempt at humour *biggrin*
    And hey I’m as yoruba as they come! Gbabe!

    Posted by kayshawy | June 6, 2011, 10:40 am
  39. Lmao!Nice one!cant say i’ve ever had your experience but i’ve been in buses where stuff like this has happened and i dont envy the victims one bit!
    As for my love for Las gidi,its unrivalled!I’ve been to the north and east and everytime i always find my way back here cos eko lon bi mi si.

    Posted by georgeenah | June 6, 2011, 11:08 am
  40. K I’ve got another one. This one’s about two girls gisting behind me. One goes “you kno say micheal jackson die because dem take light. Na when dem de do dat im face for hospital, na im dem com take light.” This babes friend must have been as stunned as I was.
    I actually love listening to random gist. This one was well hilarious.

    Posted by sundayschild | June 6, 2011, 11:38 am
  41. Hehehehe… Gosh, funny piece. iLike (y)

    Posted by Jay | June 6, 2011, 11:41 am
  42. bwuahahaha…afi d “Tokyo” of mushin park…guess nobody should mess wit u nigbayen…

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | June 6, 2011, 12:10 pm
  43. good laff! nice one hunter! i was expecting an epistle buh it came out quite “short!” nice! here u go… u have earned your respect back!

    Posted by thumbwrita | June 6, 2011, 12:15 pm
  44. bwuahahaha…now that would have been a crazy bus to be in…as in…it wont have been funny when it was happening tho…

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | June 6, 2011, 12:15 pm
  45. LOL…funny piece, hilarious comments…(Y)…

    Posted by dammydiva | June 6, 2011, 12:35 pm
  46. Nice piece …sunny is a bad guy ..iya iya ooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Posted by tunji | June 6, 2011, 12:54 pm
  47. we check ip address, you cant vote twice with the same computer

    Posted by BBB | June 6, 2011, 12:56 pm
  48. LMAO the last line was the best, She must have been so high to think a keke was a baby boy, lmao
    YNNUS YOB YBAB
    LWKMD

    Posted by BBB | June 6, 2011, 12:57 pm
  49. One day like that, I entered a bus at Alagomeji, heading to Maryland. I usually paid 50 naira on that route, but on that day, the conductor was talking 70 naira.
    Some man had gotten on the bus n must’ve expected to pay 50 naira too, so he got into an argument with the conductor. It wasn’t even raining or anything, so why the extra 20?
    Sha sha, the conductor was doing gra gra. He ignored the man at first, but halfway through, he asked the driver to stop n was harrassing the man, trying to pull him out of the bus. The man finally got down, but he pulled the conductor with him. Nice, young, well-dressed man o! He turned out stronger than the agbero! He didn’t get on the bus again, but he showed the conductor a little something.

    Then on another day…a rainy day, (I was heading to the Island) there was a matter between a danfo driver abi conductor, and some car owner. The danfo had hit his car, n the man was making a huge scene, probably because of the lady in his car. When things got heated, there was collar-pulling. Next thing, the danfo guy put his hand in a puddle, n rubbed it down the car-owner’s pressed shirt!! LOL
    I love Lagos 🙂

    Posted by mzkenzo | June 6, 2011, 1:02 pm
  50. baby boy sunny lwkmd

    Posted by Mariam | June 6, 2011, 1:03 pm
  51. Nice story there by ♍γ̲̣̣̥ friend….. ßů†̥ he has alot of questions τ̲̅ȍ answer from M̶̲̅ε̲̣̣̣̥…..

    Posted by exclusivedammy | June 6, 2011, 2:24 pm
  52. smearnov ize,nashona, ma fo oju iya e, iya e o ni duro, ma fun iya ni blow, ogun a pa iya e, oloshi ni iya e, iya yin! We don’t know what their mothers have done to them. Still on still, Eko o ni baje! Nice one Wili

    Posted by binamo | June 6, 2011, 2:42 pm
  53. “Soji hmm,soji hmm….ko ya nogere ko wo egbe” dat shd be d motto of Lagos.iLike d piece.
    I v numerous xperience o,d no-money,d big-money even the carry-my-change-go.errthin,I done did it but d one I love most didn’t happen to me sha.
    So we were in dis Campus shuttle and d driver saw a gal @ abule oja wearing disa super mini stuff and he went berserk
    Driver “how she go dey wear dat kain cloth comot for house,she no knw hw she b?”
    Passenger 1(who happened to be a student,a girl) “how e take concern U̶̲̥̅̊ wetin be ur bizness,U̶̲̥̅̊ knw wetin ur daughter dey wear for sch?”
    Driver “ehn my daughter no fit wher dat kain thing,I go kill am.her mama wan die?”
    The whole bus turned to a tournament field.
    P.1 “I wan get down o,no be ur bizness,O wa,how e take concern U̶̲̥̅̊,let me get down jaare.mind ur bizness”
    Driver stops bus,barely “get down joo,stupid gal.na how dem dey dress be dat” P1 got down and went
    P2 “why U̶̲̥̅̊ wan kill urself nw,d gal way U̶̲̥̅̊ dey talk about sef no knw whether U̶̲̥̅̊ see am”
    Driver “can’t U̶̲̥̅̊ c how U̶̲̥̅̊ dressed (compare woman: 50-somthin,gal : 20-somthin) they fit rape am”
    P2: definitely,U̶̲̥̅̊ fit rape am.dats y U̶̲̥̅̊ r shouting”
    Driver “I go all of una enter bush now,I go get accident for here”
    Bus goes into pandemonium and me I kuku screamed “Na ur family U̶̲̥̅̊ go enter bush o,na U̶̲̥̅̊ go get accident”

    I luv Lasgidi

    Posted by thisgal | June 6, 2011, 2:52 pm
  54. Honestly A̶̲̥̅♏ enjoying dis blog page, ℓ̊‎​ think its better τ̲̅ȍ d̶̲̥̅̊ sense n nonsense people write on facebook…. Lagos ‎​ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ a̷̷̴̐͠ nice place τ̲̅ȍ live I̶̲̥̅̊f̶̲̥̅̊ γ☺u undastd d̶̲̥̅̊ way τ̲̅ȍ live Hε̲̣̣̣̥rε̲̣̣̣̥…..

    Posted by exclusivedammy | June 6, 2011, 2:59 pm
  55. @ musingsofagidimallam, it wasn’t funny at the time cos I was actually seating in front and I was scared for my face and life.

    Posted by mabijo | June 6, 2011, 3:11 pm
  56. Baby boy sunny l’omo..tuale baba…ehen! ori e wan be…o shuo ju..paro lo! Eyin bawo…o ye ke jasi….oooooooshe!

    *turns swag back on*

    My good man, that was a very good read..you did it again son…Well done…

    Please nominate my blog in the best book, poetry or written category in the Naija blog awards thanks a mighty bunch!

    http://awizi.wordpress.com

    Thanks!

    Posted by awizii | June 6, 2011, 5:23 pm
  57. LOL.*sigh* Nostalgia. I miss Lagos jhor.

    Posted by cecenostockings | June 6, 2011, 5:58 pm
  58. ‎​​​​‎​‎​​=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)) @ Owo security da” and “owo nashona da?”

    Posted by missqueue | June 6, 2011, 6:09 pm
  59. nice one wilo!!!
    now you have made me really home sick…

    wonderful city full of activities it is..
    lagos for show!!!

    Posted by Bolatito Olayemi Disu | June 6, 2011, 9:56 pm
  60. I’m a city girl! I can only live in Lagos or Nyc……Lagos is like a crazy girlfriend u can’t leave…

    Posted by Gbemi | June 7, 2011, 9:22 am
  61. Sunny told me he ws goin to use my BABYBOY n he did…nice piece bro,
    U tink say to enter danfo for eko na beans?

    Posted by Charles | June 7, 2011, 12:21 pm

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