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Monday Rush

Heed them not.

Hey everyone. I was pretty close to putting up my first ‘untitled’ post today but luckily/unluckily, I read the post put up on @KevinWithAnL’s blog by @MsCantFindAName on Saturday and initially, I was tempted to do a reply to the post but I later changed my mind and decided to share something I’d had in mind for a while instead.

Step aside guys, this one’s for the sisters. Well, maybe not, because if you can successfully preach this sermon to your wife/girlfriend/side-chic e.t.c, trust me, they’ll come off better I think. After much research, in my mind I’ve come up with yet another not-so-list of the top 5 people our women should never really listen to/take advice from. So let’s get into it.

Call her Beyonce, Bey, Destiny’s first child, or as she now calls herself, ‘King B’, singer and actress, Beyonce Knowles tops my list of people women really should never take advice from and my reasons are not far-fetched. I think she’s just pretty much confused and confusing. I mean, why on earth do you do a single ladies anthem when you’ve not been single in ages? Why would you get women who look like a certain former radio oap here in Nigeria God forgive me singing the lines: “I can have another you in a minute?” She whines broke ass sisters so much that they start singing the lines “let me upgrade you…” and I’m like upgrade me with what exactly? The combined height of the 2 pairs of 6 inch heels  you own? As if this isn’t bad enough, the first single off her new album drums the lyrics “…who run the world? Girls!” into the ears of women and funny thing is, some are starting to believe this too. My 50 kobo advise, if your man is significantly bigger than you physically and he has drinking/smoking habits, kindly side step that song or better still listen from a distance.

Ugly Friends
They have existed since forever and every girl has them yes, even that oap I spoke about earlier too. What I just don’t understand is why our women allow them to influence their choices/decisions. I know you have little or no influence on who advises you on what and when. This is Nigeria, people love giving their opinions even on discussions they weren’t invited into. But if you’re going to take advice from anyone at all, especially about your man/relationships, why on earth will you listen to the ermm.. ‘unprettiest’ of all your friends. You know she wishes she has your man, heck, she’s probably offered him a lifetime membership card for her pumpum, which he probably turned down, out of respect for you so why do you take advice from her. Please don’t get it twisted, the ugly friend in question can also be a guy. In this case, he’s just plain hating on your man for coming to steal away his closest shot at being considered as a possible partner of a remarkably hawt woman. If you don’t have any other friend to take advice from create a fake twitter account and tweet questions. I’m sure you’ll get more than enough responses. Ok, ok, I kid.. but you do get my point.

Let’s just combine most talk shows into this point but I’d have to say Oprah takes the buck. When the curtains closed on her last episode, I’m sure some men arranged for special thanksgiving at their churches. This woman has such a following that if she writes her own bible, it would probably become a worthy competition for the real thing. Maybe I should have started from the fact that that people who have twisted/unclear theories about God scare me but honestly though, as much as she’s been a source of inspiration to many black women out there, it’s easy to see that her societal status colours her judgement on a lot of issues. Besides, why would you trust relationship advice coming from a woman who has been with a guy she isn’t married to for over 25 years but is publicly seen everywhere with a female ‘bestfriend’.  I hear there’s now a term for it: ‘Stedmantization‘.

I’ll probably lose my head for this one but yes, I said it, BLOGGERS. To be fair tho, the ones you should really be scared of are the blogs/bloggers that put up a lot of ‘list’ related posts. ‘4 ways to find out he’s cheating‘.. ‘5 ways to know he’s a broke ass‘… ‘13 rules of dating‘… ‘3 ways to make him say your name in bed‘…
Ok, maybe not that last one but you get the idea. It’s true I’m a blogger but those discerning enough will realize how pretty much open-ended most of my posts are. I sometimes share my opinions on issues but at the end of the day, I know we are all different people in many ways so certain issues need to be contextualized and properly processed before a conclusion/decision is made. Sure, you can read and peep into the lives of others through their comments but the puck stops with you at the end of the day.

Some might say they’re not so different from the bloggers with their lists and all but one thing that gets to me is all the sex related lists, rules and all. ‘5 positions that will take you from ‘oh’ to ‘Oh my God”… ‘Top 3 sex toys you can buy your man‘… Well, for those who are married and have no plans to cheat, my advise is that you can read Cosmo, but only for laughs. I mean, if your man is built like Mr. Chow from the Hangover movies, he’s doggy game will just never pop no matter what the guys from Cosmo tell you.

To wrap things up, I’ll just say even though this piece might come across as a joke because of the humor behind it, there’s some truth here too. People will advise whether you like it or not. The key thing is being able to pause right before you make that decision to contextualize things. Does it really apply to me? Who gave the advice? Why should I trust the person’s opinion? e.t.c. These questions will and should always be relevant event to us guys.  So, if you think I missed out a point or you disagree with any of my points, please use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

PS: You can still nominate us for the Nigerian Blogger Awards here: NOMINATE.

About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman


51 thoughts on “Heed them not.

  1. 🙂

    Posted by Son1aO | June 13, 2011, 9:01 am
  2. Yay!! Second!!!

    Posted by freshprinz | June 13, 2011, 9:05 am
  3. Like what was today’s blog about again?

    Posted by Shawana Kolawole | June 13, 2011, 9:10 am
  4. Great post bruv. I’ve said it time & time again, everyone is entitled to their own opinions not just on relationships & sex but everything else u can think of. I only get vexed when ppl try to sell theirs ass fact especially ppl with little or no experience in the matter. Recently, a virgin friend of mine tried too give another friend advice on sex…I was like WTH? Wat could u possibly know about that?!!!
    I think the moral of the post is. Feel free to listen to advice, just be smart enough to know if it makes any sense at all or if it can be applied to ur particular situation. And yeah, trust ur instincts except ur first name is OdinWithanA & ur last name is d same as a once popular girls’ doll.

    Posted by freshprinz | June 13, 2011, 9:19 am
  5. Well I don’t totally agree with this post ugly people can give worthy,useful advice and you can get a very key point that will benefit your relationship from a blog or magazine like cosmo.
    The best part of the post for me was the last paragraph where you wrote -‘ People will advise whether you like it or not. The key thing is being able to pause right before you make that decision to contextualize things. Does it really apply to me? Who gave the advice? Why should I trust the person’s opinion?’
    And this last part is very important even if it’s your mum giving you the advice.
    Thank you!

    Posted by mabijo | June 13, 2011, 9:19 am
  6. Preach on!!! I, for one, give crappy advice!! And I’m almost as bad at taking it.

    Posted by cecenostockings | June 13, 2011, 9:20 am
  7. God tula, I don’t even know where to start disagreeing from, *goes out for fresh air*

    Posted by Zara | June 13, 2011, 9:24 am
  8. ’ People will advise whether you like it or not. The key thing is being able to pause right before you make that decision to contextualize things. Does it really apply to me? Who gave the advice? Why should I trust the person’s opinion?’

    This quote applies to every thing in life, not just relationships…career, faith, even fashion…

    Well done.

    I think I agree with everything posted, Hook, line, sinker.

    Toolsman for the win 🙂

    Posted by ThinkTank | June 13, 2011, 9:24 am
  9. Ur opinion, ur post…. My opinion, my comment. Here goes

    1. Beyonce sings for d majority of pple that can relate to her songs than sing for ppl that are like her (well, she’s d only one like herself afterall). They’re just mere songs dat need to be sold, so please biko, leave my honeym alone

    2. Ugly frnds – ko da o… Even tho u myt be sure Kemistry’s not going to come accross this post (seeing dt u did not even code or use Estelle in lieu), how abt other ugly people that I’m sure are reading it ryt now?… Lol

    3. Oprah – true, infact, just for the fact that she’s sorta agnostic, I won’t recommend her views for any Lady I may dislike.

    4. Bloggers – I really like that u added this category. Bloggers, especially the talented ones, have a diplomatic ways of being articulate with their opinions, that is all. Although, it doesn’t mean I don’t agree with their views most tyms, I’m just saying, maybe Mothers, but not Bloggers, know best

    5. Cosmo – #NoComment

    Posted by Radeyo | June 13, 2011, 9:26 am
  10. Hahaha…..I agree wv 1-4…but 5 HELLLLLL NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    Cosmo….c’mon we practice a new position for a week from the cosmo’s karma sutra….I mean we ve exhausted d real karma sutra!!!!!

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | June 13, 2011, 9:30 am
  11. erm.. please be quick so you can come back to enlighten us…

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 13, 2011, 9:34 am
  12. <_<… you don't say…

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 13, 2011, 9:34 am
  13. But toolsman, not taking advice from bloggers/blogposts includes this Post, yes? No?
    Taking advice from friends that have had no idea about ur problem/challlenge sucks most times…
    Keen post!

    Posted by Didi | June 13, 2011, 9:37 am
  14. Yeah I agree with the ugly people give good advice part…..very true! We could say some though…..

    Posted by Shawana Kolawole | June 13, 2011, 9:40 am
  15. *standing ovation*…Ave heard a lot bout u nd 2day is my first tym ere nd I’m luvin u alredi…u re rili ryt,gurls shud neva listen 2 beyonce!!!…I mean,y shud gurls run de world?,and even if it does happen,one almost perfect guy will be de fall of dat reign…nd 2 oprah,well,she dsnt knw wats lyk 2 be in a rltnshp!…cosmo has its moments nd bloggers?,dey re smtyms psychologists dat gvs u therapy wiv de use of dre pen…nice 1

    Posted by naijabelle | June 13, 2011, 9:47 am
  16. Tula’s just angry! :p

    Posted by Delphine | June 13, 2011, 9:51 am
  17. Oh I love this mehn..and oh not cos its worthy advice to the ladies in our lives (are you reading this? Lol)
    Anyways for ‘King B’ I had said sth similar on @SamanthaSiren’s post yesterday…she’s a desperately helpless lady seeking some sort of Feminine goddess status…started with ‘Independent Woman’ then she went to ‘Single Ladies’ and now ‘Running the World’ Beyoncé (Oh! I love her ass though) is just trying to hard…she should relax and focus on fertilising her eggs!

    For Aunty Oprah, ah well…”Money talks and the rest of us gawk” so as long as she’s got the cash, our words remain trash!

    For Cosmo n Ugly friends, I don’t think I have to fear that but wait o, Tula! I’m a blogger, shey she can heed my advice sha

    Posted by Kelvin | June 13, 2011, 9:51 am
  18. ahn ahn.. angry about what now 😦

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 13, 2011, 9:54 am
  19. Thanks 🙂

    Posted by thetoolsman | June 13, 2011, 9:54 am
  20. if your man is built like Mr. Chow from the Hangover movies, he’s doggy game will just never pop no matter what the guys from Cosmo tell you…
    Good Read!

    Posted by nneka | June 13, 2011, 10:01 am
  21. Hmmmn…I believe opinions are like armpits…everybody has theirs…some stink others don’t. *shrug*
    Frankly I think d final paragraph kinda negated d entire post…cos if ultimately it’s a matter of contextualisation then u can get advise from just about anybody…so long as u contextualise…no?
    *sips from a tall flute of shilled Zobo Imperial*

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | June 13, 2011, 10:04 am
  22. …Sorry bout d loong comment though 😀

    Posted by Kelvin | June 13, 2011, 10:07 am
  23. Hahahahaha
    Tula u af Madt finish … Choi see as u finsh Kemistry for here….LMAO!!!

    Posted by bluegod2010 | June 13, 2011, 10:10 am
  24. Lol…I 4got 2 ask,do u ve nyfin against kemistry?…

    Posted by naijabelle | June 13, 2011, 10:36 am
  25. Even if your point about ugly friends was probably a joke, I think it was a tad childish. Being ugly doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bitter and would give bad malicious advice. I’ve seen ‘pretty’ girls do same. Even worse cos they are more greedy and believe they deserve everything. Then again, not all of them. Also, I don’t believe anyone in their right senses would take ‘King B’s’ advice; if indeed they do, they’ve got bigger problems than who they have chosen as agony aunt.

    That being said, I totally agree with “People will advise whether you like it or not. The key thing is being able to pause right before you make that decision to contextualize things.”

    Nice post. These things do happen. You did well writing about it. 🙂

    Posted by Vee | June 13, 2011, 10:52 am
  26. Lol,nice one…ugly frnds n advice..dat cracked me up

    Posted by beeyuteeful | June 13, 2011, 10:54 am
  27. I don’t know what Tula is on about, I give pretty good advice..or is it advise now? humph!

    Posted by DOMINATRIX | June 13, 2011, 11:00 am
  28. this post is on-point. I totally agree wiv u Tula. Every1 feels there’s a sort of value they can add 2 ur life by advising u and just so 4 d sake of peace, one shld lend a listening ear 2 them but one shld also be able 2 separate the wheat from the chaff.

    There’s a saying that goes – ‘Please give me your advice, I promise not to take it’. I follow this 2 d tee. I always ask ppl for what they think but at d end of day, I always go wiv my guts, which usually pisses them off!

    Regarding Beyonce, any1 that listens 2 a happily married woman preaching about Singleness is hopelessly dumb.

    N lastly, regarding ugly friends. I have no ugly friend, as in they’re all hot babes, does that mean I’m d ugly one then?

    My 2 penny!

    Posted by wordsofanaries | June 13, 2011, 11:01 am
  29. I read d comments of ur posts more than the post

    Posted by Dammy | June 13, 2011, 11:04 am
  30. Bad advice can come from anybody and anywhere….beautiful pple, ordinary pple, ugly pple, celebs, city people (even agberos and bus conductors), blogs, dear funmi on vanguard thursdays, ur boss, ur subs, pastors, imams, babalawos, etc!

    The point is in being able to have an idea of what you think will make you happy….we cant but listen to advice, they will always come except you decide not to share your problems and I’m sure you will get an advice for not sharing your problems…

    I agree with your post tho….1, 3 and 4 but 2 and 5….context and personality will define that! Plus I’m sensing you are really beefing an ugly friend right now…Chemistry??

    Posted by Shawana Kolawole | June 13, 2011, 11:26 am
  31. @wordsofanaries,did I just hear u say happily married woman? *scoffs*…if u haven’t heard de news,well,here it now;beyonce isn’t a happily married woman because she has refused to give her husband a child.her reason,”I’m still focusing on my career”..u know,smtyms,I 4get she is even married nd still fink she is dating jay-z!

    Posted by naijabelle | June 13, 2011, 11:31 am
  32. yes ooo! on point as usual… especially cosmo… magazine joke of the century.. dunno why women still fall for those tips tho’

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | June 13, 2011, 11:46 am
  33. I wish I had time to read these comments.

    Anyhoo, I don’t know why we always tend to relate artiste’s songs to their personal lives? How many things can occur in ones life to make an album of?

    Beyonce songs shouldn’t always be connected to her life. She singing for different people who are in a certain place at a certain time and who would relate to whatever it is she’s saying in a song.

    You can’t just tell yourself, okay Bey says “to the left to the left” so you push your man aside…for pete’s sake “Upgrade you”‘s message was even bout being a lady who’d uplift her man by being a real woman.

    Beyonce is not God and her songs aren’t the bible but is an artiste you entertain creatively mostly with your imagination. You cannot flaw movie producers for creating movies with scenarios they haven’t experienced.

    That being said, Beyonce can write and sing about single ladies even if she has been married from birth. 🙂

    Posted by StephanieIj | June 13, 2011, 11:47 am
  34. So because a woman decides to wait for ‘the right time’ before bringing a child into this world while married makes her not a happily married woman ? I really want to see what a Beyonce/Jay Z child will look like but having/raising a child isn’t a decision that should be rushed.

    Posted by mabijo | June 13, 2011, 11:55 am
  35. oya, stop being angry.. sorry

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | June 13, 2011, 11:59 am
  36. does that mean u r ugly or…

    Posted by Tobi | June 13, 2011, 12:02 pm
  37. Thank you! Also,single ladies could have been written way before she was married.

    Posted by mabijo | June 13, 2011, 12:08 pm
  38. Wonderful contradiction. A blog advising people not to take advice from blogs….

    Posted by Il Magnifico | June 13, 2011, 12:10 pm
  39. Free Beyonce nah. Last time I checked she wasn’t a motivational/inspiration singer.
    Last time i checked, there was freedom of expression. If you decide to live by the rules Beyonce/bloggers/oprah/cosmo dictate, then good for you.
    Advice is advice, from the good, the bad or ugly …. it’s all the same. it’s up to you to look in the areas of your life u need help, determine if this person’s input will help u positively, and decide. If not, we’ll all be schizophrenic. If you take Beyonce’s lyrics literally, you’ll go from having a boyfy, to being ‘me, myself n i (bcos he didnt put a ring on it) to being dangerously in luv, to crazy in luv …. phew. they are just songs. If you decide to make it your religion, good for you!

    Posted by niyoo | June 13, 2011, 12:22 pm
  40. extremely ugly, but that’s not why we are here is it?

    Posted by DOMINATRIX | June 13, 2011, 12:32 pm
  41. Labels labels!that what we humans love!Putting people in so many boxes until they end up in the box six feet below!UGLY is as disgusting as the person who labels others UGLY!I’m sorry to sound like I am on a high horse of some sort!buh I av seen so many BEAUTIFUL WOMEN that are so ugly from the inside n their beauty radiates not!#NOSHALOWHAL!
    However,different tips work for different people!like I always say’if ua gon dub from someone’s paper on life,it need not be word for word’

    Posted by divadrama | June 13, 2011, 12:46 pm
  42. Loool.. But Tula just gave advise with a list, so I guess for this, u’d fall into the Category of “bloggers that make lists”-‘5 people women shouldn’t take advise from’so uve warned us not to take ur advise nw. No? #okbye then. Jokes

    Posted by isha | June 13, 2011, 12:55 pm
  43. i dedicate this *hi5* to you!

    Posted by Tobi | June 13, 2011, 1:35 pm
  44. But wait oh….POINT 4 —–

    Pure OXYMORON!!!!!!!

    Why am I “weisting” my time here…Pfffft!

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | June 13, 2011, 1:50 pm
  45. Lol..this girl is just plain crazy…..there’s a disclaimer now…

    Posted by awizii | June 13, 2011, 4:39 pm
  46. *surreptitiously heading to Chronicles of Dania to check if i have any lists*

    Posted by 'Dania | June 13, 2011, 4:48 pm
  47. I should buy you lunch for this——–> “Regarding Beyonce, any1 that listens 2 a happily married woman preaching about Singleness is hopelessly dumb.”

    Posted by Nugwa | June 13, 2011, 4:57 pm
  48. How do u know she’s not happily married? Do u live with her n her husband? Has jay-z come out 2 announce that he’s not happy with his wife’s decision 2 defer motherhood? It annoys me when ppl apply african mentalities 2 occurences in the western world. If Beyonce decides 2 focus on her career well into her 40s, does it make her a bad wife? As far as us outsiders are concerned, jay-z’s happy with his wife. Stop saying things u don’t know!

    Posted by wordsofanaries | June 13, 2011, 5:06 pm
  49. *clears throat* Ion even know where to start from….Errm…Beyonce. Can I kindly request that she be left alone.I’m on a certain board of Beyonce Lovers(as per Die Hard) so I take things about her very p.Lol.On a serious note,like every other person with a stellar voice,she’s singing to make bucks…big bucks! & whether you can’t reason with her Single Ladies Anthem or the Who Run The World (Girls) Chorus,it might not mean much.Last I heard,middle east princes are still paying a million dollars for private club performances from King B.Yes,middle East princes and about Single Ladies she said “all my single ladies” not “all we single ladies”.About Girls running the world,E! reported that she made 2million dollars more than JayZ last year so from her Vantage point & in her own world,she sorta kinda runs it,(“runs” here not meaning the same intense meaning as being Obama).About Independent Woman,she signed a pre-nup so it makes a lot of sense (even though the song came out before the engagement)…point is,you get my point.Free Beyonce abeg! Thank you…*sighs* now I can breathe!
    Moving on,I think the important thing is that comments,contributions,blogs and other ishes are all just simply opinions and not rules you have to compulsorily live by.
    Cosmo is always a good read btw…Always!
    And about Oprah,ever since I heard about the O Religion and the fact that she is the god of it,she died in my world.Asin She DIED! -_-
    As for Ugly friends…*sighs* There’s a reason we’re friends so no mean-speaking.

    PS:My Beyonce comment is HIGHLY biased.I’m a die hard fan,forgive me if I came off too….ya dig?
    Tula,always a nice read! (Y) Beht,why do I get the feeling you were angry when you wrote this? Lol.

    Posted by beemuse | June 13, 2011, 7:43 pm
  50. I love beyonce and i’m a proud stan! yes i’m that girl that crams the lyrics to all her “girl power” songs and sings them till i lose my voice..HA! Aint nothing wrong with female empowerment music,lol.

    Posted by kitkat | June 14, 2011, 2:16 am
  51. #teamBEYONCE she can do NO wrong in my books,
    see Bemuse comment for Reference

    Posted by BBB | June 14, 2011, 5:07 am

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