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Monday Rush

Best thing you never had.

Hey everyone. Whoosh. What an interesting week last week was. Just too many talking points. We’ll get to them over the rest of the month. Now, todays post was inspired by King B herself – Beyonce. Yup. Contrary to what most of my female readers think, I don’t hate Bey I only think Kelly is way way cooler. In fact, one of the things I knocked off my ‘achievement list’ yes, I have one of those last week was copping her ‘4’ album. This post is however not a review of the album, I already did that on twitter.

One of the tracks on Beyonce’s album, her newest single as a matter of fact has a video out. And as I watched her clad in a beautiful wedding dress if I do say so myself… yes, seeing her in lingerie was’t the only beautiful thing in the video crooning the lyrics:

I wanted you bad
I’m so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be
The best thing I never had
And I’m gon’ always be
The best thing you never had

Check the video here —> Best thing I never had.

Yes ladies, those are the correct lyrics.. if only, you’d stop looking at the male model she got married to in the video and get back to the post.. thank you..

As I was saying, watching Bey say those words got me thinking, wondering about them. Best. Thing. You. Never. Had. A quick run through some of the comments we had here last week and some of the conversations going on in my social media world last week made me realize just how much a lot of us have bottled up inside. Maybe it’s the hypocritical nature of our culture  no apologies here or it’s just us a nation, as a people, because it’s something I’ve noticed over time; black people are experts at bottling things up, stringing emotions and holding on to our past.

I tried to get the guys here to loosen up a bit last week when I put up the ‘Living with Marvin‘ post. Well, read the comments and see for yourself what happened. So today, I’ve decided to adopt the only technique that has been proven to work with black folks when trying to get us talk.. Rants.

Yup, you heard that right. Forget what you saw in Beyonces video, when you’re worth over a million dollars, married to someone worth well over triple that amount, you can afford to have a smile on your face while you’re ranting.  Anyways, so the task today is simple.. ok, ok, not-so-simple. If you could picture yourself standing face to face with that one person you once thought you couldn’t live without, that one person you thought was the best for you and some even said that you guys were bound to get married, that one person who totally fooled you and ripped your heart out of your ass…

Yes, if you could stand face to face with he or she right now, taking into consideration how far you’ve moved on, how much you’ve achieved (or not) since you left him or her. If you could stand looking them straight in the eyes and say pretty much anything… what will those words be and why?

So, there you go. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

PS: Voting for the Nigerian Blog Awards has now come to an end. I’d just like to say a HUGE thank you to you guys for nominating and voting for us. Here’s hoping we win something at least.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

71 thoughts on “Best thing you never had.

  1. 1

    Posted by anonymous | July 11, 2011, 9:22 am
  2. 2nd?

    Posted by tobicomm | July 11, 2011, 9:23 am
  3. First! (I think)
    But anyway, I really cannot rant , I will not finish typing till 2moro… I get the point of this post tho. Let everything out once and for all.
    Good idea Toolsman!

    Posted by d3ola | July 11, 2011, 9:24 am
  4. 5th!!!

    Posted by General Sanni Abacha | July 11, 2011, 9:27 am
  5. top 5

    Posted by buga | July 11, 2011, 9:27 am
  6. Papilo I know say one day you go make us proud 😦

    Posted by General Sanni Abacha | July 11, 2011, 9:30 am
  7. well mine isn’t about someone i want to marry but to a friend.when i compose myself, i would comment.

    Posted by adaora | July 11, 2011, 9:34 am
  8. first to leave a proper comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i’ll smile veerrry condescendingly looking at him and his now fat always-has-been ugly wife (lmaoo i hate that girl shes such a b@#ch) and i’ll say, i hope you are happy, then sashay away (yeah i have an incredible walk).

    lool truthfully tho i havnt got nufin to say to him/them. i walked away then cos i knew i deserve better.

    Posted by bimbo | July 11, 2011, 9:37 am
  9. If i could i’d stop my EX from making the mistake that ended what we had,it was beautiful,she is an awesome person BUT yeah,a guy took advantage of her friendly nature,left her hanging and now all i feel for her is pity.
    She is all sorta awesome and i’d tell her but it’ll be wrong.

    Posted by dreeee1 | July 11, 2011, 9:37 am
  10. Top ten? Yes? No? 😦

    Posted by JuiceGirl | July 11, 2011, 9:39 am
  11. I will stand as tall as my petite frame would allow me, smile sweetly at him and repeat the words Bey crooned “I’m the best you never had”. I have actually said it, but in a truly nice way that had the guy agreeing with me.

    Posted by Theodora | July 11, 2011, 9:40 am
  12. Tula, to do this, a person would have to have risen above the pain & hurt of a relationship gone south. Lest folks start to go hard on the “feel good” trip of “Dear Ex, I’m better off without you now…….”

    That said.

    I’ve got nothing to say to nobody.
    Despite once being in a long term relationship,I’ve never been serious enough with anybody to contemplate if she was ever the ‘best I never had’

    Posted by lagoshunter | July 11, 2011, 9:41 am
  13. Top ten? Fifteen? Twenty? Yes? No? 😦

    Posted by JuiceGirl | July 11, 2011, 9:43 am
  14. I don’t have the person yet but I have let them go. Here’s to you S, have great sweet fun with Elegushi tramps!! 😥

    Posted by InTheDhark | July 11, 2011, 9:44 am
  15. Hmmmnnn… It depends. All I can think of right now are the lyrics to song “Jar of hearts” by Christina Perri. I guess she sums it up rather nicely. And yes, I will let him know that I will always be the best he never had.

    Posted by Miz | July 11, 2011, 9:45 am
  16. Hi..its been a while with a slight smile

    Posted by chichi | July 11, 2011, 9:47 am
  17. I will be bak!

    Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011, 9:48 am
  18. I know myself sha…I would act like all is well, even if I’m dying inside. What good would showing your true feelings do anyway? I remember when I ran into my ex a few months ago. I walked up to him and greeted him like an old friend. This was someone I thought we would eventually get married (yea right!). I pretended till the very end…then I went home, cried and ripped all his shirts that he left with me. Extreme, yes. But I felt oddly better.

    Posted by Cleo | July 11, 2011, 9:55 am
  19. hmm…i’ll write a proper comment in a few months.

    Posted by Georgeenah | July 11, 2011, 9:55 am
  20. Aunty #ontothenextthing, careers 1st, you all are fast food

    Posted by dammy | July 11, 2011, 9:58 am
  21. Tula….I don’t rant…I RAPE….my EX— give him d fucking of his life…and dats wot he would live without…no need wasting my saliva as purewater is now 10naira…I have to optimize!

    Btw..YO YO TO RILEY u re fucking gay! And this goes out to all those mofos waiting for riley to comment n oda bitches who say anythn riley says is right…too bad there aint no “like his status* up in here…Now this is a RANT…FUCK RILEY AND FUCK Y’ALL! GAY LORDS AND BITCHES!!!!!

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | July 11, 2011, 10:03 am
  22. Best I Never Had, cos it was a dream. Best he never had, cos I was real and he was too unreal to get that.

    Posted by sgcbyv14 | July 11, 2011, 10:07 am
  23. If it isn’t doctor Phil, as usual you never fail to disappoint in displaying your ineptitude when it comes to the use of english. ‘ Maybe it’s the hypocrite nature of our culture’?. ‘Hypocritical’ is the appropriate word

    Posted by PreyingMantis | July 11, 2011, 10:08 am
  24. Well, the phrase “Best thing you never had”, only reminds me of the girls that said no. The relationships that could have been but never were. And as much as I’d like to throw my hands up in the air and say ‘”deuces”, I can’t.

    That being said, I really care for my only ever serious ex. And I wish her well, she didn’t break my heart, we just parted ways. So if I run into her, hopefully with her new man, I’d say “Congratulations”… At least I think I will

    Posted by ThinkTank | July 11, 2011, 10:14 am
  25. Because I’m not one to talk too much.

    My words will be simple and to the point…”Thank you for teaching me how to love and unlove.”

    Posted by JuiceGirl | July 11, 2011, 10:15 am
  26. Hmmn! Funny how i can write this comment. Never thought i’d be able to summon the courage to. I’ve been hurt one too many times by people i cared deeply for, but that’s life for u. Out of them all, I think the person who wud take the #1 Scumbag Award wud be the one that i had to hear about his wedding from my friends only two days after we supposedly ‘tried to work things out’ in our relationship (an abusive relationship). I cried and hurt for weeks on end feeling like i’d been impaled with a knife and i dreaded that one Akward Moment when i’d bump into him and his ‘new wife’.
    I’d played out the scene in my head one too many times, but when it did happen none of wat i thought wud happen panned out.
    I bump into him at a Family friend’s Funeral and there’s this Razz, Ugly Ass, Bleached out chic beside him. Yes i said so caase i felt insulted that after me, the only thing he cud bag was her? Serzli? He shuda done better…but oh well, in that one moment, the mixed look of shock, regret and fear all at once in his 6ft 5 frame was extremely satisfying. Knowing that my minute 5ft 6 self cud make him cower….So i look him in the eyes and smile, walk over to say hello, and i cud see his wife look me over and thinking ‘who is this fine girl?’ *smirk* yes, i’m being cocky…was wonderful.
    And in one moment i realised, i’m the best thing he ever came close to having but was too stupid to realise it…and yeah, i was stupider for ever thinking he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    Posted by Black Rose | July 11, 2011, 10:22 am
  27. I’d say….”Hey you, long time! Hope you doing OK? How’s the family and hubby? Awon ara ile nko? Abbl…..”

    Posted by kayshawy | July 11, 2011, 10:24 am
  28. I’m cool with all my exes!I’m not the type to suck on the yogurt of a relationship till it turns to water!that said,the most significant ex(the one I thought I could get married to)the lyrics of jill scott’s my love will do just fine!

    Posted by divadrama | July 11, 2011, 10:27 am
  29. But then again, how do you know you’re the “best anybody never had”?
    How dare we even assume we are actually good enough to be the other person’s best?
    Are our opinions of ourselves always a reflection of the truth??
    I think……hardly not.

    Posted by lagoshunter | July 11, 2011, 10:28 am
  30. @LagosHunter ur last comment’s just on-point!

    Why are we quick to judge who’s best for us or who we’re best for?

    Posted by MsWaspy | July 11, 2011, 10:45 am
  31. few months? are u anticipating something?

    Posted by mabijo | July 11, 2011, 10:48 am
  32. I’ll probably just flaunt in his face how successful I have become since I left him.

    Posted by Lady_corrs | July 11, 2011, 10:51 am
  33. @Lagoshunter: How do you view yourself? If a company refuses your services, haven’t you heard the expression ‘You just lost the best man for the job’? The expression “best anybody never had” is a reflection of how we see ourselves. If you’re able to discern between right & wrong, you should be able to know if you’re too good for someone or a position etc. I think it’s common sense

    Posted by TweetFight | July 11, 2011, 10:59 am
  34. ibetapassmynebo…LOOOOOL… Lil’ bitch, why u mad tho? Yo nigga aint hittin’ it right?

    Anyway, Beyonce dunno shit. Most of y’all dunno shit either thats why y’all be eating up the big steaming pile that the bitch be dumpin’. Talkin bout best you never had n shit. How the fuck u kno u the best? Bitch please…

    Now, everyone be spillin’ they guts all over the place. its kinda disgusting yo. Imma go get me some Tequila shots. Imma be bak when y’all find somthing fuckin’ intersting fo a nigga to comment on n shit.

    In summary:
    1. Bitch, why you mad tho?
    2. Beyonce should STFU.
    3. Fuck this.

    Riley out

    Posted by Riley | July 11, 2011, 11:02 am
  35. Ranting u r d best I never had is just a way to console yourself. The only reason u shld utter dose words is if it makes u sleep better at nite. D guy/gal has moved on, if u were rily d best, he/she wld b crawling after u so wat mkes u thnk he still harbors ne feelings towards 2 u, wen u go all apeshit spewing bee’s lyrics, he/she is prob thinking *whew* thank God I dodged dat bullet.

    Posted by yemi | July 11, 2011, 11:03 am
  36. I’d hold her by the shoulder… Look her straight in the eyes.. And start singing Eamon’s Don’t want you back (even tho she’s been happily married for years now) then round it all up with some lines from Marvin’s room. Then blow my nose on her husband’s shirt and walk away into the sunset, balls in hand. #Winning! 😀

    Posted by Genesis | July 11, 2011, 11:04 am
  37. Shout out to ma nigga LagosHunter. Keepin’ it real.

    Posted by Riley | July 11, 2011, 11:05 am
  38. here goes
    I wish we sat and talked properly,
    Wish you had called just one more time
    See I knew it was the end,
    But I wasn’t sure enough.
    Even now, I’m not sure
    I made the best decision
    But I’d live with it.
    I hear you found a new girl
    I hope she makes you twice as happy as I made did
    And I hope
    You don’t drift apart like we did.
    Whew

    Posted by nerdy | July 11, 2011, 11:28 am
  39. …..i believe the end justifies who is the best.

    Posted by Magneto | July 11, 2011, 11:43 am
  40. Yo yo yo RILEY aint mad tho my nigga has no choice than to hit it right….”Bulls eye”…..he aint gay like you n all ur ff’ers……I am just flowing with the post but still at that…FUCK YOU!

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | July 11, 2011, 11:46 am
  41. ahn ahn! You sure se you no be the Riley sef. Any how, now I’m wishing I was you Ex- that way, the less talking and plenty fucking (rape) would be gratifying. Check Tula’s post on friday to see what best describes your actions. Apart from the lack of satisfaction part sha. *wink*

    Posted by griffinthinks | July 11, 2011, 11:51 am
  42. I done did it.

    back in the days Bisi told me my mouth stank of my mum’s breast milk…..meaning i am a baby compared to her, so no chance.

    Now we work in the same establishment (different location) and sometimes I had to do (part of) her appraisal…..she called me Boss!! i bought her lunch 😀 we talked about those days and she saw how wrong she was

    You dont have to be nasty about saying “I’m the best you never had” …..

    Posted by Amoeba | July 11, 2011, 11:54 am
  43. Lmao! Dammy genesis ure a bloody retard! Ill be back to put up a real comment about my own ex. The one that matters sha. D oda 2 are pure water people. ex. The one that matters sha. D oda 2 are pure water people.

    Posted by Elle | July 11, 2011, 11:59 am
  44. *sigh* here goes….
    I know we’re still friends
    But can I speak, clearly, honestly?
    I love you
    Well, loved you
    And you did too
    We were perfect, balanced, synchronized
    Moving in tune…
    First kiss….now that was something
    And I thought it’d never end..
    Then you found ‘her’ and well….
    I went all blue… But I picked myself up and found someone to love who loved me too…
    But everytime I thought of you…..
    Many years and ex-boyfriends later…
    We’re still friends- with chemistry that would shame science, but still friends..
    You still have her and while I’d like to disagree, she’s beautiful too….
    But what about that night when we nearly….
    Didn’t that mean anything to you??
    Obviously not if you’re just staring at me like that…like an alien….like its nonsense coming out my mouth….
    At least I can get over you now…no one-sided feelings, no half measures. Have a nice life, I’m done.

    Sorry about the length…..had a conversation like this before so most of it isn’t imagined. 🙂

    Posted by jAyajade | July 11, 2011, 12:03 pm
  45. Oh, this is where I respond and we pick a fight with each other?

    Nah,

    Common sense says I should take a seat and act like I didn’t even read this comment.

    Posted by Lagos Hunter | July 11, 2011, 12:26 pm
  46. Well the person I would like to say this to is the former
    Love of my life. However I can’t in all honestly say I’m the
    Best he never had, we had good times.

    He has a new girlfriend now and I can tell he thinks she is really
    Great. I also have someone new and he’s pretty freaking awesome.

    Bottom line we were the best thing to each other at a point, it fell apart and now we are each the best thing to someone else. No looking back, life goes on.

    Posted by stfub | July 11, 2011, 1:18 pm
  47. *sigh*
    What would I say? I’m happy where I am now, and I dont even like to think about the times, especially the sour times.
    I dont think I’d have anything to say because really and truly, it was tough, but I’ve moved on.
    “I wish you well” <- would that do? LOL

    Posted by Yass | July 11, 2011, 1:39 pm
  48. *Pumps fists with you*

    Posted by Lagos Hunter | July 11, 2011, 1:59 pm
  49. Nice post tho…i got nothing to say to her. Itz her life afterall…I just hope u copped an ORIGINAL copy of the album.
    Wishin u the best in d awards.

    Posted by Art Guiness | July 11, 2011, 2:10 pm
  50. In this case, I am the EX that this wld be said to as I have always left the men. My recent ex wld kill to say these words to me I know. He is the best I nevr had

    Posted by some girl | July 11, 2011, 2:19 pm
  51. Oooooosssssshhhhhaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Posted by kayshawy | July 11, 2011, 2:19 pm
  52. Tula u’re d best I never had 😐 oya make fight break out

    Posted by nyekus peperempe | July 11, 2011, 2:45 pm
  53. Can I be your ex???

    Posted by kayshawy | July 11, 2011, 2:52 pm
  54. Opinion ni….

    Posted by kayshawy | July 11, 2011, 2:54 pm
  55. I dated a guy for 4 yrs… He cheated, we broke up, he begged, we made up… A cycle that went on for 4 yrs and then one day it all ended, he said ‘he wasn’t ready for marriage and didn’t want to waste my time by asking me to wait’. That was 2years ago.. I’d seen it coming so tho I was hurt, we parted as ‘friends’.

    Present time; he’s been out of the country and came back some weeks ago. We had a chat and he was like ‘I’m the only girl that ever really loved him n blah blah blah, that he thinks we were meant to be together’, my reply; I gave you 6 years of my life, because it took me almost 2 years to get over you, I’m glad U realise what I have to offer but I’m sorry I can’t go down that road with U again.

    Posted by Jasmine | July 11, 2011, 3:22 pm
  56. thanks for giving me my first lesson in heartbreak and kicking me out of naivety
    i will always be the best thing you ever HAD

    Posted by BBB | July 11, 2011, 3:25 pm
  57. If I had the guts, I will prolly say dis:
    I waited 4 dat point whr I’ll hate u but it ddnt come. Ddnt think I’d get over u but here I am. I don’t regret meeting u, I met a whole lot of great people through u and I wldnt trade dt 4 anything. Oh, nd I knew u were lying about her all d wyl. Finally, I really HATE ur girlfrnd.
    But seeing as I am a chicken, I’ll jst smile and ask how ur doin.
    X_x

    Posted by anonyyy | July 11, 2011, 3:52 pm
  58. I’ll just walk away,the words won’t just suffice.

    Posted by doynoyesanmi | July 11, 2011, 5:07 pm
  59. Why didn’t u love me enough to stay with me?
    Why did you give me so many beautiful memories when you knew we wouldn’t be?
    Why didn’t you give us a chance?
    You were d best boyfriend i never had

    Posted by dat ibogirl | July 11, 2011, 6:17 pm
  60. I dont have such people in my life 😀

    Posted by kemmiiii | July 11, 2011, 7:32 pm
  61. but that lingerie eh…. *clears throat*
    want to get to that point when i don’t have to say anything hurtful to her but genuinely be happy/sad (and not gloat) for her whichever the case may be. cos thats when id know i am over her for real. if i am wid someone else and still carry hurtful feelings, I guess she still has some sort of power over me.

    Posted by bykerboi | July 11, 2011, 8:05 pm
  62. Cldnt resist posting.
    My ex is now married. We jam once in a while cos we attend d same church. I dont say much, i actually smile and greet d 2of dem.

    We av lots of mutual frnds cos we all went to d same skool so dey always hear how well im doing. D girl is now fat and all, az in, when we jam ehn, its sooo obvious dey feel one kind and me lookin all sexy wit a smile on my face. (she snatched him from me with born again acts. yeah i slacked small)

    No need 2 say a word jare, d guy stil tells his frnds he regrets us breakin up and d girl, well, she knows she can neva meet up. 🙂

    Posted by Smiles | July 11, 2011, 8:49 pm
  63. i would look her in the eyes with a very big grin and repeat the same words she told me ” u can never make me happy”; i am glad u called it off, cos now i know what happiness is without any struggle……….it was tough but i managed to move
    i dnt hate you, but rather am grateful ……. i have found joy and it aint with you

    deuces

    Posted by skay segha | July 11, 2011, 9:30 pm
  64. Hmmm….

    The post is clear.

    But the comments are confusing.

    I sincerely think that u can’t tell if U are/were the best sm1 ever had unless the person tells u.

    So all this talk is self – delusion.

    I once told a girl she’s the best I’ve ever had but now I’m with some1 who has topped that…immeasurably.

    Its good to be confident, its better to be cocky, but to tell ur self ‘Ur the best sm1’s ever had’ that’s plain silly.

    Even if the person gets married, they can still find some1 way better than u.
    Don’t fool yourself.

    Smarten up.

    F.

    Posted by @FoluShaw | July 11, 2011, 9:53 pm
  65. And I bet this has to do with the fact that you’re with the best person you can possibly be with.. yes? no?

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 11, 2011, 10:33 pm
  66. Ahh. On this post I haff carried last of immense proportions. Its fun coming a whole 24 hours after the last comment. Abeg I agree with Riley and Lagoshunter. I believe there are beta people out there than the person I am with. But I love her so much I pray I never meet them. Is that weird? And well, about ranting to an ex, what does that achieve? The moment she/he is with someone else you will be compared to them anyway and the (positive or negative) difference will be clear, without you even having to say anything at all.

    Then Ibeta, leave Oga Riley alone. Come here lemme pet you.

    Posted by highlandblue | July 12, 2011, 9:59 am
  67. Husbands shirt? Dude, guess u ready to meet mistuh grim….

    Posted by DL | July 13, 2011, 11:19 am
  68. Wowwww!!!
    Ok…dis z pretty stale buh i jus had to comment….
    Y’all shud stop deluding yourslvs!!
    I was once lyk y’all haha! Thankfully d oda chic in question wait i was d oda chic. D chic in question showd mi dat its nt enuf to b prettier or smatter or even mre popular with d guy’s frnds
    U v to b WHAT HE NEEDS!!! u cant b d ‘best he never had’ he knws what he wants,what he needs and at d appropriate time 4 hm…

    Posted by Bunny | July 13, 2011, 7:21 pm
  69. This post has made me laff and cry @ d same time…LMAOOO.. Anywayz,evry1 wit dre opinions.. Anytime I see my exes, am like WTF was I thinking….if I have to say that a third time, then I gve up, I’d just go to my church and pick up a veil and strt nunary, yeah I said it..LMA000..deucess y’all

    Posted by me | July 22, 2011, 9:43 am

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