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Monday Rush

N is for NO.

Hey everyone. Hope your weekend was half as good as mine (I strongly doubt this tho J ). So, I really wont be posting much this week; like I said last week, I’ll be talking a lot about our transition to the new site as well as The naked Convos #1. Like I said last week, I’ve gotten the sponsors to give us twenty invites to give away so between now and Wednesday, I have to find ways to give them all out.

Before we get to that, today’s post is a throwback. I wrote this a while ago for a friends blog and based on some recent events, I thought it’d be good to post it here so ….

**************

DMX once rapped “Tired of weak ass niggas whining over p*ssy that don’t belong to them” (Party up in here). A lot of times when I hear people talk about rejection and the fear of it, it’s mostly women doing the talking. Especially with our African women, they find the idea of a gurl asking a guy out almost ludicrous not to talk about a woman proposing to a guy. There really isn’t much to think about here because no matter the excuse we try to hide behind, and there are loads of them, from cultural to religious implications (yup, I’ve heard them all), the plain and simple truth is that we are all scared of rejection.

That being said; there’s a very thick line, heck, it’s more like a gorge between post-rejection wallowing and whining over something was never and probably could never be yours. Well, today, I’m not going to talk about the stereotype; no sir, contrary to what most people think, post-rejection wallowing/whining is also very common with men. It’s quite sad to see how a lot of guys misunderstand rejection for fronting or invitation for persistence. Don’t get me wrong, our women front, there’s no debate there. And sometimes, a little bit of persistence isn’t bad (Ask Obama and Michele) but you need to learn where to draw the line. Let me spell it out for you: sometimes – no, in fact, most times, No means NO!

You’re good looking ….. NO!

You drive a good car ….. NO!

You have a good job ….. NO!

No matter how much of a catch you seem to be by ‘popular standards’, I think being able to ‘humble’ yourself to the point where you can accept and process rejection (in all forms) is a very important quality. It’s sort of like being able to laugh at yourself (not at your own jokes), I mean, being able to look in the mirror after making a major mistake and then laughing at your own stupidity. A lot of men need to understand and accept the fact that not all women in the world want Mr. Perfect (some will rather have Mr. Just Ok, Mr. good looking with a temper or Mr. Ugly with a long John)

In conclusion, I’d like to add that the inability to process rejection is not only inherent in good looking or ‘seemingly’ hawt men. Even the not-so-perfect guys sometimes fail to understand why she won’t give them a shot. You might be tempted to ask “what exactly is their problem?” To respond to that, I’ll quote @LagosHunter: “just as some ‘hawt’ people have inferiority complex”, so do ‘not so’ hawt people have a superiority complexes.” And that simply explain it. Anyways, I guess the best way to find answers is to get you guys in on it. You know the drill; use the comment box to speak your mind. Why do you think people find it so hard to accept the word “NO”.

*****

And now, for todays, give away. I’ll be giving out five invites today and there are two ways to win.

I have here three very random numbers: 31, 57 and 74. If your comment comes in on either of those numbers, you’ll get a free invite to The Naked Convos #1.

Secondly, I’ve hidden two invites with two passwords in two of our old posts. The first two people to find the invites and come here to put up a comment with the post title under, which they appear as well as the password win invites. Good luck.

PS: Please make sure to comment with a valid email address and also, ensure you’ll be free to attend the event before participating.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

125 thoughts on “N is for NO.

  1. Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:02 am
  2. Yay?

    Posted by Mobanks | July 25, 2011, 9:02 am
  3. yay!!!

    Posted by buga | July 25, 2011, 9:02 am
  4. ding

    Posted by gbam | July 25, 2011, 9:02 am
  5. yayy!!!

    Posted by buga | July 25, 2011, 9:02 am
  6. * flicks hair in your face*

    Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:02 am
  7. Nooooooooo

    Posted by Mobanks | July 25, 2011, 9:03 am
  8. Yah!! First 10

    Posted by MzDharmi | July 25, 2011, 9:03 am
  9. This post is so familiar..

    Posted by H•A•W | July 25, 2011, 9:04 am
  10. First 10!

    Posted by kayshawy | July 25, 2011, 9:04 am
  11. I CAN’T EVEN B TOP 5 😦

    Posted by FOXY | July 25, 2011, 9:04 am
  12. Shit! من حقي

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | July 25, 2011, 9:05 am
  13. buhahahahahahaha

    Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:05 am
  14. waiting to be numero 31

    Posted by KK | July 25, 2011, 9:08 am
  15. omo to win this ticket go be long thing sha…. the two ways hard gaan!

    Posted by ΣΓΤ | July 25, 2011, 9:11 am
  16. 16

    Posted by KK | July 25, 2011, 9:11 am
  17. 17

    Posted by KK | July 25, 2011, 9:12 am
  18. 😐 I want to aattend the event too 😦

    Posted by cecenostockings | July 25, 2011, 9:13 am
  19. 19

    Posted by KK | July 25, 2011, 9:15 am
  20. 20

    Posted by KK | July 25, 2011, 9:16 am
  21. Post Title : Frankenstein
    Password : Frank

    Posted by MiniTeddyBear | July 25, 2011, 9:16 am
  22. Omo na to de comment away na….just keep commenting and commenting.

    Posted by Lady_corrs | July 25, 2011, 9:16 am
  23. Our Best friend’s wedding episode 10: Taiwo

    Posted by Domina | July 25, 2011, 9:17 am
  24. Frankenstein
    Frank
    😀

    Posted by Chinny | July 25, 2011, 9:20 am
  25. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 9:20 am
  26. Hian…..NO I DO NOT WANT AN INVITE….BUT LL BE THERE….I JUST PRAY SUM1 RECOGNIZES ME 😀

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | July 25, 2011, 9:21 am
  27. Some people don’t just like accepting the fact that they’ve lost a challenge. That’s why they don’t know when No means No. Finally sha it all boils down to inferiority complex.

    Posted by Lady_corrs | July 25, 2011, 9:22 am
  28. Me?

    Posted by Mobanks | July 25, 2011, 9:23 am
  29. what numba? 31 yet?

    Posted by me | July 25, 2011, 9:24 am
  30. ….

    Posted by Mobanks | July 25, 2011, 9:24 am
  31. what numba? 31 yet? yaay

    Posted by me | July 25, 2011, 9:25 am
  32. I’m gonna give this ticket out when I win it…..yes, amma do that. Rejection….touchy subject jor!

    Posted by kayshawy | July 25, 2011, 9:25 am
  33. d rush for first comment will now reduce. Anyway I think I hv a healthy evaluation of myself n I hv put d first moves on a dude b4, my ex n we r still frnds.

    Posted by kunbillionaire | July 25, 2011, 9:25 am
  34. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

    Posted by me | July 25, 2011, 9:26 am
  35. Dis is hard lolll

    Posted by MzLucyM | July 25, 2011, 9:26 am
  36. Toolsman I better win a ticket biko oh.

    Posted by Lady_corrs | July 25, 2011, 9:27 am
  37. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 9:28 am
  38. “Mr Ugly with a long Johnny”. Classic Tula shit!

    Posted by terdoh | July 25, 2011, 9:30 am
  39. Apart from the fronting, sometimes girls say no, no, no and actually mean it at the time but eventually change their minds after a lot of pressure and/or persistence. That’s a reason some guys won’t accept no for an answer.

    PS: Superiority complex is just so irritating.

    Posted by Glory | July 25, 2011, 9:31 am
  40. time to aim for 54th place

    Posted by me | July 25, 2011, 9:31 am
  41. Just imagine that I was the 30th comments. *goes to corner to sulk* I give up toolsman!

    Posted by Lady_corrs | July 25, 2011, 9:31 am
  42. well even the bible encourages us to be persistent. its in the parable of the woman who kept going to the judge so yeah it pays to be persitent but i personally think you should know wen to draw the line.

    ps. why do you have to make everything diff toolsman?????

    Posted by dat ibo gurl | July 25, 2011, 9:31 am
  43. ……………………………..

    Posted by hmm | July 25, 2011, 9:32 am
  44. Yay me! I won!!!
    What now?

    Posted by MiniTeddyBear | July 25, 2011, 9:32 am
  45. Hahaha 😦

    Posted by KIm | July 25, 2011, 9:32 am
  46. just about to give up

    Posted by fingerscrossed | July 25, 2011, 9:33 am
  47. 54th yet?

    Posted by fingerscrossed | July 25, 2011, 9:33 am
  48. ………………………….

    Posted by ................... | July 25, 2011, 9:34 am
  49. i beta win!! 🙂

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:35 am
  50. what ? i ddint win? Tula?? u better start rigging this thing!!!

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:35 am
  51. yes?

    Posted by ................... | July 25, 2011, 9:36 am
  52. boohoohoo…i will just keep posting silly comments till i get to 54

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:36 am
  53. yay

    Posted by dat ibo gurl | July 25, 2011, 9:36 am
  54. I havent even read the whole post…:))

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:37 am
  55. me?

    Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:37 am
  56. i win…yes???

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:38 am
  57. me!

    Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:38 am
  58. please God…:))

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:38 am
  59. yay…doing the dance…i won!!

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 9:39 am
  60. This toolsman is an adult jor!! Dat said, d reason why som won’t take ‘NO’ for an answer could b religious beliefs. Ever met som1 dat kept chanting ‘I know who I am!’? …or ‘I will hav what I say I will have!’ ? They will like 2 faith away ur will!!
    DISCLAIMER:
    I’m not against positive confessions & acquisition of desires by faith in any way for I am born-again myself. But dis is a reason y som will NOT tk NO for an answer.

    Posted by chukyjunior | July 25, 2011, 9:40 am
  61. free invite?????? didnt know the tickets were up for sale

    Posted by dat ibo gurl | July 25, 2011, 9:41 am
  62. A trial!

    Posted by chukyjunior | July 25, 2011, 9:42 am
  63. No means NO! Nobody like rejection and sometimes pple give mixed signals.. A guy I showin u a lot of attention etc yet he’s not askin u out! And then wen u ask him wassap, he says he jus wants to be friends!!! And u’r like ‘ermm, but u acted like u like me’ … And he’s like NO…
    No … NO

    Posted by @deevagal | July 25, 2011, 9:42 am
  64. No means NO! Nobody like rejection and sometimes pple give mixed signals.. A guy I showin u a lot of attention etc yet he’s not askin u out! And then wen u ask him wassap, he says he jus wants to be friends!!! And u’r like ‘ermm, but u acted like u like me’ … And he’s like NO…
    No … NO
    Life is a bitch, No?

    Posted by @deevagal | July 25, 2011, 9:42 am
  65. tula biko who won cos i dnt even know how u are deciding

    Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:44 am
  66. *joining in the laughter* Mobanks you tink say na jazz? Bimbo thank you jare

    Posted by highlandblue | July 25, 2011, 9:44 am
  67. Did I win the ticket?

    Posted by MzDharmi | July 25, 2011, 9:45 am
  68. im sooo mad! 56th and 58th * arrrrggggghhhhh*

    Posted by bimbo | July 25, 2011, 9:45 am
  69. trial

    Posted by SomeoneSpecial | July 25, 2011, 9:46 am
  70. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 9:46 am
  71. ………………

    Posted by SomeoneSpecial | July 25, 2011, 9:46 am
  72. trollloooolololol wordpress just warned me to take it easy

    Posted by SomeoneSpecial | July 25, 2011, 9:48 am
  73. i like this!some people should know that no is indeed and infact NO!

    Posted by adaora | July 25, 2011, 9:48 am
  74. i tink i shud stop now. it haff do 😦

    Posted by SomeoneSpecial | July 25, 2011, 9:48 am
  75. The fear of NO… Lol

    Posted by Ganja | July 25, 2011, 9:48 am
  76. 😦 i tink i’m 73rd

    Posted by SomeoneSpecial | July 25, 2011, 9:50 am
  77. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 9:52 am
  78. Well…people hate seeing themselves as inadequate (superiority complex).

    And its a show of not knowing ur S.W.A.T.

    For instance…some girls hate pretty boys,good guys,neat guys. Some guys hate classy,fly girls.

    Ur supposed strength with one individual myt be ur weakness wif another.

    Personally I prefer bourgeois kinda girls. They blend better.

    I mean, my kinda girl wud own a few louboutins and she still go down her street to fetch water…..on her head.

    Bottomline: don’t fink everyone will like u, talk less of wanting u.

    F.

    Posted by @FoluShaw | July 25, 2011, 9:52 am
  79. :(.. so sorry, was rooting for you 😦

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 9:52 am
  80. Dnt even knw wot the event ‎​is about :s. My own ‎​is the post. Am so glad this is comin from a guy. Its really annoyin to see a guy that believes he is soo hawt, he must be God’s gift to women. And when u say No, he believes its either u’r not well, u dnt appreciate that sum1 that hawt ‎​is “chasin” u, or u’r just frontin. Superiority complex. Ʋ called it right. NO is NO!! It should not be mistaken for frontin or playin hard to get!!
    On the other hand tho, persistence pays off but not when its done cos of pride/arrogance.
    Oh and “Mr ugly with a long john” had me *rolling*!! #asyouwere

    Posted by Brownegurl | July 25, 2011, 9:53 am
  81. My henemies!

    Posted by Mobanks | July 25, 2011, 9:54 am
  82. No means no…and it goes both ways.

    Posted by MiniTeddyBear | July 25, 2011, 9:55 am
  83. For those still wondering what event people are winning invites to, please check this — > https://thetoolsman.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/announcement-the-naked-convos-1/

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 9:56 am
  84. Because rejection hurts… SIMPLE…

    Posted by raihanah | July 25, 2011, 9:58 am
  85. yaaayyy!!!finally i get something.

    Posted by adaora | July 25, 2011, 9:59 am
  86. 😦 i missed it twice. first as ………. and now as SomeoneSpecial.. oh well, i guess today isnt my lucky day… *shrugs*

    Posted by SomeoneSpecial | July 25, 2011, 10:01 am
  87. I’ve always known girls handle rejection much worse than guys do. Like guys develop a thick skin after being rejected many times. LOL. But tell the girl no once and she wants to die. (I am speaking from experience). When do I know that a no is a NO? Well, I believe the Scripture that says, Let your yes be yes and your no, no. Everything else comes from the devil. So I operate that principle and when she says no, I try to believe her. And yes. Even this comment is a sub. Nice post Tula. Socially relevant as always. And your competition for Naked convos? I’m just amazed and tripping here. *doffs hat* Good luck to the rest of you in your struggles for free invites.

    Posted by highlandblue | July 25, 2011, 10:03 am
  88. *sigh*

    Posted by @demmylee | July 25, 2011, 10:03 am
  89. I don’t care if you have a hummer or you make a six figure salary every month or your dad is a chief or whatever, if I say no…I don’t mean “maybe” or “yes”. I’m not fronting either, I just mean no.
    Thank you.

    Posted by Cleo® | July 25, 2011, 10:06 am
  90. No means NO. for real tho, a lot of people (guys) dont know when to back offf and some like to think the girl’s just fronting…..too bad for such guys cos in some cases the girl could eventually decide to play them for fools (maga) .just for the fun of it. Rejection hurts, yes, but its best to accept it early enuff.

    Posted by Domina | July 25, 2011, 10:08 am
  91. Tula how did you do the counting???!!!

    Posted by kayshawy | July 25, 2011, 10:11 am
  92. highland blue u are not well. you people are bringing scriptures into this….. issorai!

    Posted by showkey | July 25, 2011, 10:16 am
  93. well. it depends…. see, i have learnt that rejection is a good thing but again…. womeb resist in order to be conquered. the thing is knowing who you are dealing with. believe me when geh lik diena tell u no, na no be that no. she nor go shange ha mind…. this na my comment. meanwhile, *singing* somebodee call my name ———

    Posted by showkey | July 25, 2011, 10:22 am
  94. Nice one Tula…correct topic. I also like d fairness in winning d tickets too…plain GENIUS.
    On to the topic…to put it simply nobody likes to think of himself as being inadequate, which is what rejection implies. However like u said, it takes being able to look urself in the mirror n laugh at urself; if u made a mistake. And besides like peeps have said here, not everybody will like u…the sooner we can accept that the easier it’ll be.

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | July 25, 2011, 10:23 am
  95. yay!!! dancing awilo …lol

    Posted by kiah | July 25, 2011, 10:30 am
  96. gidimallam dan allah mae wannan butt kissing! kai… chirey lips mana. baban ashaewo

    Posted by abdullahi | July 25, 2011, 10:36 am
  97. Buahahaha! Mallam pls respond!

    Posted by highlandblue | July 25, 2011, 10:48 am
  98. Oga but its true. U know some girls I have had crushes on and made moves on in the past (which were rebuffed) have told me later that I should have tried harder. And I’m like, well you said no and I took your words for it. In order not to damage good relationships I have had to back down. EARLY. But then, we prolly never would understand girls. I have had to say no myself sometimes. And I have always meant it. Oya remove the Scriptures from my statement and what changes? Nothing. :p

    Posted by highlandblue | July 25, 2011, 10:51 am
  99. Spot on! My good man, despite the plethora of excuses people (especially girls) come up with for not asking someone they like out or proposing to them, it all boils down to fear of rejection.

    But we believe that Like in any business venture, the person who takes more risk will always feel entitled to more reward. We feel it is better for both parties to take steps towards a relationship if they so desire one. Keep things balanced. This is our opinion.

    Posted by ThinkTank! | July 25, 2011, 10:51 am
  100. I KNW I’M SHA ATTENDING .. IF U LIKE DON’T GAUN ADD MY NAME TO D LIST NA OBAMA GO SETTLE DIS FIGHT !!!
    COS U DIDN’T GIMME SHIRT NOW U’LL NT GIMME INVITE ! MAKE I HALF …

    Posted by FOXY | July 25, 2011, 11:10 am
  101. This is sooooooooooo ibeta!!……

    Posted by 0latoxic | July 25, 2011, 11:23 am
  102. Who says No means No? Everybody and I mean Everybody got a price!! U just have to look for the price tag and pay.

    Posted by Pokemon | July 25, 2011, 12:47 pm
  103. @olatoxic…..I don’t beg for invite…ask tula am VVIP….pssssh

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | July 25, 2011, 1:11 pm
  104. so this means u no dey hear word?

    Posted by FOXY | July 25, 2011, 1:31 pm
  105. Like I always say its delusional for u to think cos ua hot and popular,every guy/girl wants u!Not everyone dwells on the glitz and glamour or the sheer magnificence of you!

    Posted by Similicious87 | July 25, 2011, 1:36 pm
  106. Guys, you can join the ‘THE NAKED CONVOS’ on facebook —> http://on.fb.me/nPJaQx for latest updates and info on activitoies, events, et al… #TNC1

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | July 25, 2011, 2:27 pm
  107. LOL.. I swear Toolsman You have interesting and hyperactive readers

    Posted by H•A•W | July 25, 2011, 2:29 pm
  108. lmaoooo….

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | July 25, 2011, 2:30 pm
  109. And you’re one of them 🙂

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 2:43 pm
  110. Well,no does mean no bt @ d same time,u cud be changed to yeah in certain instances. Dere s a guy I like a lot rite now,I told him I can’t ask him out cos he s d guy n dts wat guys shud do,it shud nt b d oda way round. He s crazy abt me bt he s also takin his time cos he knws I want a serz relatnship.(M seeing sum1 also so technically I can’t date him until I ve broken up wit my bf) .I tink wen ur frds wit sum1,u both come to a stage where rejection doesn’t come to play,I express my feelings,u express urs n we both figure out a way to sort out our feelings n @ d same time ur cautious so dt no one gets hurt n derein lies maturity.even if one person says no,u both r stil frds cos dere is an understanding btw d both of u,dts d way I see it anyways.

    Posted by zoe | July 25, 2011, 3:47 pm
  111. With some guyz… Telling them no just makes them want u more! I’m gettin smewhr wiv dse don’t worry… Smetyms No doesn’t mean No! Some pple see “No” as playing hard to get and they love hard to get… It makes them want u more and some girls love being wanted more…. Hence they say No!

    It’s a twisted world y’all ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

    Posted by Rebellious_Doll | July 25, 2011, 4:44 pm
  112. Change hyperactive to constantly horny!

    Posted by highlandblue | July 25, 2011, 4:48 pm
  113. my no means no, my maybe means maybe and my yes means yes. and toolsman i guess this #convos is for peeps living in lagos only so i wont bother trying to win a ticket.

    Posted by nycegurl | July 25, 2011, 5:18 pm
  114. Post: The ghost called toastiing
    Password: ghost

    Posted by Pero | July 25, 2011, 5:42 pm
  115. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | July 25, 2011, 5:44 pm
  116. Its so easy to say ‘No means No’. Well,yea…on many issues,when I say no,I mean nothing other than no.
    There are other times tho,when I’v said NO…nd I knew in my heart that I jst wanted to be cajoled or convinced otherwise.

    Nice way to win the invites,I’m impressed by the fairness.
    Congratulatns to all winners…wld’v given u a fight if I were in Lagos. 🙂

    Posted by krimmedic | July 25, 2011, 5:58 pm
  117. Yayyy me!!!

    Posted by Pero | July 25, 2011, 6:29 pm
  118. i know say i get utomatic ticket for shifting my sunday flight to monday and yaaay 121st comment

    Posted by skilobo | July 25, 2011, 8:06 pm
  119. automatic*

    Posted by skilobo | July 25, 2011, 8:07 pm
  120. @Foxy, have u ever said no?
    Wont you go to bed with yinka ayefele for £1 million…..u r not even that costly sef…..we all have price mate!

    Posted by Rambo | July 25, 2011, 9:01 pm
  121. Everybody wants to be rich and famous, i offer u that and u will change ur No to capital YES!!….would Beyonce marry Jayz if he was poor??

    Posted by Rambo | July 25, 2011, 9:05 pm
  122. Lagbaja sang… ” I no wan hear story..
    You too dey talk story
    Ngabti Ngbati Ngbalo nko?
    Ma f’ejo pa mi o!
    Simple YES or NO
    Let your YES be your YES
    And your NO be your NO”

    Posted by kemmiiii | July 31, 2011, 2:31 am

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