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Monday Rush

Tell a tale.

Hey people. Whew. I really don’t know how to thank y’all for making #TNC1 a huge success. I must say I was overwhelmed and I’d like to appreciate everyone who turned up. I have to give a special s/o to our sponsors: Barows21, Naledis Clothing, Ayaba as well as our panelists, our wonderful host, Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi and also @otegaogra who kept people updated via twitter.

For those who missed it, you can catch up on what went down by searching for the event hashtag #TNC1 on twitter. We’ll also have pictures and possibly videos up later this week.

Ok, so, it’s almost 2am here and as much as I would like to take a break today, I have decided not to. Instead, I’m going to do something I’ve wanted to do for a while now. I have a folder on my system where I throw in stuff I don’t think is good enough for blog. From time to time, I’m going to be posting stuff from that folder just so you guys know we’re not writing demigods here. So here goes… Kindly share your comments, disses and the likes using the comment box. Cheers.

*********

It’s all about fairy tales today. Snow white had the dwarves, Cinderella had the fairy Godmother, Aladdin had a genie. If you were given a piece of paper and pen and asked to write a fairy tale for yourself, how would it go? Will you start out poor, widowed or as an orphan? Will there be a villain and a hero? Or lets even make things more interesting, how about if you could remix a fairy tale? How would it go? Hmmm…

*****

This is the story of a girl named Rahpunzo and it starts with the sun.

Now, once upon a time, a single drop of sunlight fell from the heavens and from this small drop of sun grew a magic green plant. It had the ability to erm… well, make people feel good.

Somehow, a depressed, single, bitter, horny and dreadlocked 40-something year old woman stumbled on the magical green plant. Years passed and a kingdom emerged around the area. The kingdom was ruled by a beloved king and queen. And the queen was about to have a baby but then she got depressed. Like really really depressed (from boredom of course). Her depression started affecting her pregnancy so much, she started looking really sick and that’s when the king and other citizens began to look for miracles or in this case, a magic green plant.

You see, instead of sharing the suns gift, the bitter woman whose name was Mother Gagoo, hoarded its feel good power. She also realized the plant made her dreads look cooler and all she had to do was sing a special song.

****

baby mi show colour e…

Yellow model cheese

Yellow model sipping

Yellow lamborghini

yellow top missing..

****

look at me now.

look t me now … oh

fresh than a mother fo

(s/o to @kidkonnect for this remix)

*****

All right you get the gist, she sings to it, her dreadlocks straighten out, look cooler than Whoppi Goldberg’s … cool right?

Gagoo grew careless with the plant and the people eventually found it. Not knowing what to do with it, the kingdoms only doctor prepared the plant for the queen. All he did really was chop it up a little and wrap it up in some parchment paper for the queen to light up. The magic of the green plant made the queen ‘feel good’ again.

A healthy baby girl, a princess was born with beautiful dreadlocks. They named her Rahpunzo.

To celebrate her birth, the king and queen ordered the KEPA (Kingdom Electric Power Authority) to leave the lights on for a whole day, even for people who owed. Before that one moment, everything was perfect. And then that moment ended. Gagoo broke into the Kings villa, stole the princess and just like that – she was gone. The people of the kingdom searched and searched but they could not find the princess.

But deep in the Okija forest, in a hidden tower, Gagoo raised the child as her own. Gagoo had found her new magic plant. All she had to do was hold the baby before a fireplace, take in deep breaths and it had the same effect as singing to the plant. This time however, she was determined to keep the child hidden.

“Why can’t I go outside Mama.”

“The outside world is a dangerous place filled with horrible selfish people. You must stay here where you’re safe, do you understand ganja (a petname she often called Rahpunzo)?”

“Yes Mama.”

But the walls of that tower could not hide everything. Each year on her birthday, the king and queen commanded KEPA to flicker the lights all through the night in hope that one-day, their lost princess would notice the sign and return.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

77 thoughts on “Tell a tale.

  1. Yes!!!

    Posted by kayshawy | August 1, 2011, 9:00 am
  2. 3rd

    Posted by tobicomm | August 1, 2011, 9:02 am
  3. NO

    Posted by buga | August 1, 2011, 9:03 am
  4. yay!!!

    Posted by o25 | August 1, 2011, 9:04 am
  5. 1st 5, 1st 10? *sigh*

    Posted by Jasmine | August 1, 2011, 9:04 am
  6. Hellllo!!

    Posted by d3ola | August 1, 2011, 9:04 am
  7. 4th

    Posted by sociallymisunderstood | August 1, 2011, 9:04 am
  8. NO!!! 😦

    Posted by JP | August 1, 2011, 9:04 am
  9. haha all i can say is your fairytale sounds a lot like “tangled” (the disney movie).

    Posted by kitkat | August 1, 2011, 9:04 am
  10. 1st 5

    Posted by Ritzie | August 1, 2011, 9:05 am
  11. Tula u r nuts for this story mehn! I swear down! I have a ridiculous visual of this story and I’m cracking up in this brt.

    Posted by bimbo | August 1, 2011, 9:05 am
  12. Is that the end of the story

    Posted by kankey | August 1, 2011, 9:07 am
  13. Awww. I’m soo proud of u honey. Truly peseverance pays. I can vividly rememba ur journey to the top. Hopefully there wld be many more of this to come. :*

    Posted by bimbo | August 1, 2011, 9:07 am
  14. i know some Madamé Gagoos…

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | August 1, 2011, 9:08 am
  15. 1st 10?

    Posted by Ritzie | August 1, 2011, 9:09 am
  16. Bimbo ur own is to be congratulating us. LOL Congrats Kayshawy. 😀

    Posted by highlandblue | August 1, 2011, 9:11 am
  17. Hahahahaha ganja!!!!!

    Posted by baddest mango | August 1, 2011, 9:12 am
  18. Hahaha…this is such a cool story.
    I’ll probably remix little red riding hood…make her not so little with big titties and tings (I’m aware this sounds like a porno flick…but yeah *shrug*)…The story is long, but I have it all in my head sha

    Posted by Iyamilele | August 1, 2011, 9:12 am
  19. Thanks Bimbo..u r the best! *winks*

    Posted by kayshawy | August 1, 2011, 9:14 am
  20. raphunzo smh……. naija version…. like it

    Posted by dammy | August 1, 2011, 9:15 am
  21. lmao @ Porno not so lil red riding hood

    Posted by S.Charles | August 1, 2011, 9:15 am
  22. “Yellow top missing” ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

    Posted by _dblack_ | August 1, 2011, 9:15 am
  23. So I was 2nd. Oh well… *shrugs* As for rewriting fairytales, I’ll b back.

    Posted by tobicomm | August 1, 2011, 9:15 am
  24. Boss thanks…I promised myself to eternally beef you if you beat me to it today! LOL! Feels good tho!

    Posted by kayshawy | August 1, 2011, 9:15 am
  25. OK! Lol!
    I need me some of that magic green plant….

    Posted by Cleo® | August 1, 2011, 9:16 am
  26. *rolling* and lmao! what an awesome re-telling. Can’t wait for the continuation.

    Posted by stfub | August 1, 2011, 9:16 am
  27. Oh wow.. This story has the makings of a mad Nollywood movie..I have said my own.. *Walks out while playing Kid Konnect – Look At Me Now (Afrojuju Remix)*

    Posted by TheRealAdonye | August 1, 2011, 9:16 am
  28. I just love this story ^_^

    Posted by cecenostockings | August 1, 2011, 9:17 am
  29. Kindly ensure we get to see pictures and videos from TNC1.

    Rahpunzo… Ganja…*smh*

    If I could write a fairy tale for myself it would totally be Robin Hood-esque…upholding justice by breaking rules…stealing from rich people.. Lool.. I would also love a world where everything was figures…not words.

    Posted by StephanieIj | August 1, 2011, 9:18 am
  30. Choi! See my life o…

    Posted by Rahpunzo | August 1, 2011, 9:18 am
  31. Off course it is Tangled remix…thst was the intent

    Posted by kayshawy | August 1, 2011, 9:20 am
  32. Madam gagoo? Nickname ganja? Smh n laffing.I’d like to be a princess in a world filled with MnMs…ill be called Princess M…and d man who makes d best MnM puddn will have my hand in marriage.we will reign d MnM world n have cute MnM babies, n live MnM’ly’ ever after. *sigh*

    Posted by misstang | August 1, 2011, 9:23 am
  33. Is there some sort of gift/prize for getting here early? Wats d cache? Its my first time on dis blog so do I get a welcome? Bells? Anything?

    Posted by dunch | August 1, 2011, 9:25 am
  34. I just wanna know what you were sipping when you were writing this post. I need some for err.. a friend who has mother-in-law issues.

    Posted by no1chick | August 1, 2011, 9:28 am
  35. @dunch doing d waltz for u…but wait o.dis green plant…makn everyone feel good..#NP because I got high…hmmmmm.

    Posted by misstang | August 1, 2011, 9:29 am
  36. Mother abi iya gagoo???….
    Too much “wale adenuga productions”….

    This is not a fairytale but a tale brought to you courtesy
    “Shisha + kush + schnapp”

    Posted by ibetapassmynebo | August 1, 2011, 9:30 am
  37. Lmao!!! I swear I was imagining (is that right? I dunno jo) Rapunzel from Tangled with blonde dreadlocks and blue eyes for some reason….nice fairytale

    Posted by jAyajade | August 1, 2011, 9:32 am
  38. Welcome!!…I’m a very nice person hence this message (P.S: This is the only reply u will get *giggles*)

    Posted by Iyamilele | August 1, 2011, 9:33 am
  39. 1st 250? Yes? Yaaaaayyyy. My first ever comment on tools man’s blog. Raphunzo sha? Lmao.

    Posted by Sha-Sha | August 1, 2011, 9:34 am
  40. Chai! Toolsman, you have killed me today. Been laughing like an ode and am in a public place o….lmao.
    I wonder what you were thinking when you wrote this down. But I love it so!
    Wow…. Nickname ganja! I have died!!!!

    Nice 1….

    Posted by rolakejob | August 1, 2011, 9:35 am
  41. lol… nice one tho… bt this cant be the end oh…

    Posted by greekgoddess210 | August 1, 2011, 9:37 am
  42. MnM babies tho?

    Posted by jAyajade | August 1, 2011, 9:38 am
  43. See most of us r missing the point, the writer said create abi write ur own fairytale. Lemme go fine tune mine, ill be back

    Posted by dunch | August 1, 2011, 9:48 am
  44. lmao @iyamilele’s comment on dunch’s 1st timer comment. Ayaf die. I wld prolly rmx snow white bt it wld be ‘charcoal black’ #racism yes? No?

    Posted by @basooh | August 1, 2011, 9:50 am
  45. Toolsman oh…but you didn’t finish it now…!

    Posted by Lady_corrs | August 1, 2011, 9:52 am
  46. hmm.. the inspiration required to finish this kind of post is quite erm.. expensive…

    Posted by thetoolsman | August 1, 2011, 9:57 am
  47. Well organized event it was. (Y)
    Dre1

    Posted by Dreeee1 | August 1, 2011, 9:59 am
  48. And to the post I would remix Alladin….would rename him MI and Genie would be errr Djinee, Waje wud be princess, Jafar wud be Kelechukwu, the magic carpet wud be chocolate city…errrr #okbye

    In other news, I’m dedicating this award to God, for his support, my family for their love, my frenemies and prospective ‘P’s (hahahaha, the award shd come with fame ba? No?)!

    Posted by kayshawy | August 1, 2011, 10:09 am
  49. LOL……Baby Ganja….

    Posted by FunkeroX | August 1, 2011, 10:11 am
  50. er…are you guys talking about this same story I just read? the one about a ganja baby? i really think this is still not blog material.at all.

    Posted by Ekwe | August 1, 2011, 10:16 am
  51. Finally… What I have up there currently resides in a folder titled “do not post” on my system…

    Posted by thetoolsman | August 1, 2011, 10:21 am
  52. I am going to write my own version! Today!

    Posted by terdoh | August 1, 2011, 10:27 am
  53. ah. Good we are all clear on that. I would really like to sit behind the people who are LOL-ing and LMAO-ing and ask them how the hell they are doing it.

    Posted by Ekwe | August 1, 2011, 10:29 am
  54. Hahaha. U? Nice? Hian! Welcome o jare. And no there’s no prize except the awesome feeling that comes from knowin u beat like 10 other ppl to it

    Posted by bimbo | August 1, 2011, 10:31 am
  55. but then.. there really isnt a rule to what is ‘blog material’ or not and also, humour is very subjective … what tickles you and I might not tickle others…

    Posted by thetoolsman | August 1, 2011, 10:36 am
  56. Hmmm. Toolsman, I think you were partaking of the ‘magical green plant’ when you wrote this, no?

    Congratulations on the success of TNC! Pity I couldnt be there. We await the Pictures/Videos.

    Posted by ThinkTank! | August 1, 2011, 11:01 am
  57. That’s so very true @thetoolsman,
    @ekwe, we all hear love havn a good laff n it has already bn written b4 “not blog material”
    biko write ur own fair tale n keep this show moving abeg 😉

    Posted by FOXY | August 1, 2011, 11:03 am
  58. Notice the similarities between ‘Wale Adenuga Productions’ and ‘Wale Adetula Productions’? Hmmm…

    Posted by 0latoxic | August 1, 2011, 11:04 am
  59. *here o not hear
    all other typos r soooo mine

    Posted by FOXY | August 1, 2011, 11:05 am
  60. The crazy thing about the propriety or otherwise of putting up a post like this, especially on this here blog, is it is invariably going to inspire so many similar stories, not only in the comment section, but as blog posts on other blogs too, thereby making it the norm or as ekwe has said ‘blog material/worthy’

    Posted by 0latoxic | August 1, 2011, 11:14 am
  61. Lmao! Im in my physiology lab and im tryna stifle my laughter!
    TF??? Ganjah?
    Haha!
    I should try this..
    BTW does the green plant help in bum enhancement?

    Posted by Kemmiiii | August 1, 2011, 11:24 am
  62. Where the part 2? Au e finish?
    Can we do marvel comic heroes too!? Superman n batman n things?
    I wanna b flash!
    Lemme go coin my version…

    Posted by bii | August 1, 2011, 11:30 am
  63. This Raphunzo babe sounds like sum1 I know. With her ganja infused dada!

    Posted by Sam-Sam | August 1, 2011, 11:45 am
  64. This story was written under the influence of some heavy narcotics…attempting to try this at home may lead to some conditions beyond our control

    Posted by Meyer Lansky | August 1, 2011, 12:28 pm
  65. Ganja baby?! LOL!!!
    Laughing is prohibited in this hospital lounge. I should have waited till I got home. Awesome twist tho. (Y)

    Posted by Moyo_A | August 1, 2011, 12:42 pm
  66. LOL, I did laugh at this.

    Okay, let’s arrange wizkid as Rumplestilskin.
    He’d want to eat Timaya and Goldies’ baby. (Timaya is the king that married Goldie when he learned that miss jawo jawo, she could turn Gala sausage rolls to gold bars.)

    The baby’s name is Banky Wellington Timaya Jr.

    Posted by afrosays | August 1, 2011, 1:07 pm
  67. hahahahahahaha… Swagga hair food

    Posted by minini | August 1, 2011, 1:17 pm
  68. i didnt see the humor in this…….i’m sorry but it felt like i was reading an Enid Blyton book gone wrong.

    Posted by esquire | August 1, 2011, 1:49 pm
  69. Once upon a time there was this young lady who lived an ordinary and good life. One day as she was going about the business of living her loving life with smiles she decided to clear the surroundings of her not so large compound. She stumbled upon a small hole in the ground, she wondered who dug a hole there and on closer examination discovered that it was full of a shitload of cash. She knew that with the amount she saw she won’t hv to work another dai in her life.
    She took care of famille n frnds n spent her life travelling to exotic cities and then set up a school 4 upcoming djs and dancers.she lived happily all her days

    Posted by kunbillionaire | August 1, 2011, 2:21 pm
  70. LMAO…@Afrosays version!!
    serious something there…choi.

    Posted by anita | August 1, 2011, 2:39 pm
  71. LOL. I let you win just to maintain the interest of a healthy rival. Since Mobanks has given up. 😀

    Posted by highlandblue | August 1, 2011, 2:44 pm
  72. Wowza! Dat was some funny ish! Errr…my own fairy tale will feature me as a princess in a town called “muwonleru” who was exiled with her parents after the king’s wicked sister, “ayamatanga” usurped the king…in d process of d exile, both parents are caught in d line of fire…so I’m left alone in d “forbidden forest” left to my own devices…den I meet a beautiful vampire “Edward” #swoons! We fall in love,he bites me…we have a baby “reneesme”and form alegion of evil spirits in d forbidden forest and go back to “muwonlero” to kick “ayamatanga’s ASS”
    ROTFLMAOSMIPIMP!
    This was just a spoof! Written in a very boring lecture! *winkwink*

    Posted by #1 asa fan | August 1, 2011, 2:54 pm
  73. I tried to read this post the first time, got bored, skipped to comments , read all d comments about the story being funny and shit, decided to read d post again (to find out what TF is laughable about d story ) and eventually found it funny…I actually laffed out loud at “mama gagoo”

    Posted by Domina | August 1, 2011, 3:17 pm
  74. ganga is the truth…

    Posted by awizii | August 1, 2011, 9:09 pm
  75. My God! my God! Thou shalt not forsake me! Chei, what is this ehh? *rollin and holding sides*
    Mother Gagoo tho, she’s getting ganja…look at her now oooo!

    I abso-fucking-lutely love this post, I just love how unserious this is.

    I’d remix Shrek…that one sef na fairytale abi? Ehen, so Shrek will be Omobaba the comedian, Fiona will be Goldie, their kids will be aki and paw…and errr…ok lemme stop here 😀

    Posted by highPriestess | August 2, 2011, 5:22 am
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