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Wednesday Dialogue

Soar or plummet.

Have you ever heard of how the female eagle selects a mate for herself? She picks a twig, flies very high into the sky and drops it. The male eagles would then scramble to get the twig and bring it to her. Take a minute to think about it, imagine six male eagles scrambling high in the sky trying to pick a little twig that can break under the slightest pressure. The peculiar aspect of this ‘mating ritual’ is that the female eagle does this same thing over and over again. So how does she finally pick? The first male eagle that gets a twig three times, yup, bingo.
I find this ritual very interesting. Why? Most male eagles can probably get one of her twigs once right? But she is smart enough to realize this, so she runs the test a few more times to ensure she not only gets the one who is strong or smart enough but also, the male eagle who is patient enough.
If only humans would build up on some of their more useful animal instincts. Every animal has a form of mating ritual with which they pick their mates. These rituals sometimes produce the only mate that animal will ever have. This got me wondering about human beings, and our mating rituals. A female eagle can find a perfect mate in one day if she’s lucky enough to find a male eagle ready to put in what is required. However sometimes, the eagle’s mating ritual lasts days or even weeks simply because she won’t settle for less.
Let’s try to put together a mating ritual for humans based on ‘current’ general knowledge. Boy meets girl, boy throws a few gifts, recharge cards, BIS activation fees e.t.c around, boy says some things about how he has never liked a woman as much, used to be a player but ‘u don make him fall in love’ and just like that – MATE. Just like that, she ordains him Commander in Chief of her honeypot. Things go south a few days or if she’s lucky weeks or months later and it’s on to the next one while she continues to amass soldiers and in the process loosing her dignity.
The female eagle (what is a female eagle called by the way?) on the other hand, recognizes the VERY important things; most male eagles are probably smart or strong enough to come after her but will they all be patient enough to endure her test? Any other guy who is averagely good looking, financially stable and confident enough can walk up to try to woo you but only a guy who has reasonably good intentions will hang on long enough through various forms of tests to eventually have you (well, either that or he’s a really twisted psycho)

I’m sure some of you are already asking if this isn’t some form of fronting. Well, I really don’t think it is. I think our female eagle takes her time because she wants to pick out that male eagle strong enough to beat his competition, smart enough to pick the twig in such a way that it won’t snap and then patient enough to do this over and over again. I tried checking up to see if this process is usually for a life mate or female eagles are also fond of changing mates after a few romps in their nest but I couldn’t really find an answer. Whatever the case may be, even for something as ‘not-so-long-term’ as sex, I think we, as humans with particular emphasis on the females need to re-evaluate our mating rituals. I’m no expert and I’m certainly not trying to impose my opinions here, I’m merely comparing notes. It’s your choice… be the eagle or be the woman.

PS: A female eagle is called a hen-eagle!


Well, there you go people. I edited this piece, which was originally written by a friend @onome_umukoro. Talking points? What are your mating rituals? Can we learn anything from the hen-eagle? And for the guys, how would you react to a girl that makes your work like the hen-eagle for something not-so-long-term as sex? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.


About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman


65 thoughts on “Soar or plummet.

  1. First?

    Posted by JideA | August 3, 2011, 9:01 am
  2. Second

    Posted by kayshawy | August 3, 2011, 9:01 am
  3. Congrats…

    Posted by kayshawy | August 3, 2011, 9:02 am
  4. Me?

    Posted by Sha-Sha | August 3, 2011, 9:02 am
  5. Iz It!

    Posted by ShoWade | August 3, 2011, 9:03 am
  6. top 10???

    Posted by amina | August 3, 2011, 9:04 am
  7. 1st ten?

    Posted by @demmylee | August 3, 2011, 9:04 am
  8. Hahaha Top 10!!! Watch out for me!!

    Posted by KIm | August 3, 2011, 9:04 am
  9. 6th

    Posted by me | August 3, 2011, 9:05 am
  10. 7th. Hmnn!

    Posted by @demmylee | August 3, 2011, 9:06 am
  11. Top 10!!! Woohoo 😀

    Posted by baddest mango | August 3, 2011, 9:06 am
  12. Read this somewhere dis morning: In the Bible, Ruth patiently waited for her mate BOAZ. While waiting for your Boaz don’t settle for ANY of his relatives.​..Brokeaz,​ Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz,​ Dumbaz, Downlowaz,​ Fakeaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz​, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz, Drunkaz or Marriedaz and especially​ his third-cous​in Beatinyoaz​. Please wait on your Boaz & make sure he respects Youraz! Can I hear an Amen?

    Posted by typicallywoman | August 3, 2011, 9:06 am
  13. @typically woman AMEN!!!!! 😀

    Posted by baddest mango | August 3, 2011, 9:09 am
  14. Top 15??

    Posted by MsWaspy | August 3, 2011, 9:10 am
  15. hehehe, where is my zobo? :d

    Posted by JideA | August 3, 2011, 9:11 am
  16. There’s a gift for fourth place na, abi?
    Ok my comment on d note. I agree ladies should ‘front’ a little for a guy if she wants o, but d what I think is, any man that wants to stay with u will stay even if u do him on ur first date, and a man will leave if he decides to even if he catches ur twig 50 times b4 y’all get down.

    Posted by Sha-Sha | August 3, 2011, 9:12 am
  17. ROLLING @ BOAZ relatives

    Posted by JideA | August 3, 2011, 9:12 am
  18. I think I prefer the mating method of the prey mantis…she cuts off the head of her male mate after sex… 😀

    Posted by baddest mango | August 3, 2011, 9:12 am
  19. Looooooool! Esp @ Beatinyoaz!!! And amen for them sisters!

    Posted by cikk0 | August 3, 2011, 9:14 am
  20. #GBAM!!!!

    Posted by Mister West | August 3, 2011, 9:19 am
  21. Wow, very interesting piece, the hen-eagle epitomises patience, and I don’t mean to be boastful, bt I’m def a hen-eagle, my friends n ‘toasters’ alike hav accused me of settin high standards, I dnt agree with them, but I wud rather not settle for less than I know I’m worth.

    Posted by dunch | August 3, 2011, 9:23 am
  22. Lmho!! Amen!

    Posted by omoge1 | August 3, 2011, 9:27 am
  23. Lmao I’m lovinyoaz!

    Posted by KobbyJR | August 3, 2011, 9:28 am
  24. I don’t mind a girl putting me through this ritual as long as there is a certain level of mystery. Knowing im going to get anyway makes the ritual very annoying to me. Give me the impression that I have a chance but it’s not yet guaranteed, then I will soar for your twig 5 times if I have to’

    Posted by KobbyJR | August 3, 2011, 9:34 am
  25. Top 10?

    Posted by Moyo_A | August 3, 2011, 9:40 am
  26. Best Reply yet! 9ce.

    Posted by Bizkit | August 3, 2011, 9:48 am
  27. Good piece….I agree wiv d hen-eagle. Dats a perfect way 2 seperate d ‘wheat’ 4rm d ‘chaff’,2 knw who likes u enough 2 endure ur ‘tests’

    Posted by Ritzie | August 3, 2011, 9:52 am
  28. To me, it all boils down to commitment…

    Posted by JideA | August 3, 2011, 9:57 am
  29. Hmmmmm.

    Posted by Lady_corrs | August 3, 2011, 10:04 am
  30. Onome can write???? Hmmmn signs of end times. Sumone said a guy wld leave/stay regardless of how long u make him wait. I agree but to just an extent. I CANNOT count how many male frnds I know that have freed a babe cos she was too easy, even tho their initial intentions were pure. Same as I know a countless no of guys whose intentions were to ‘chop and clean mouth’ but on spending time with d babe during the ‘test period’ got to wanting more. Warraim sayn basically is that yeah a ‘test period’ makes sense cos it helps u both figure out just wat u want. *now goin to d drawing board to draw up a test routine for future toasters*

    Posted by bimbo | August 3, 2011, 10:07 am
  31. buhahahaha! Boaz’s relatives got me rolling! Amen Sista! Amen.

    Posted by BoukkieO | August 3, 2011, 10:08 am
  32. Lmao @typicallywoman! AMEN

    Posted by Ms_Anee | August 3, 2011, 10:11 am
  33. *clears throat for the potential serials killers in here*
    I believe this mating ritual can only be applied to animals becos the ‘Fucking’ man…err..sorry…the ‘Walking’ man does not have the patience to play ‘Catcha’ with an erection.
    So the females have had to adapt to the ‘Fucking’ man ( yea, I prefer this term) keeping the mating period as short as possible with little or no games ensuring that this mating thing doesn’t become anything serious.
    But Tula, its not clear how the eagle keeps the male eagles enticed…does she flash her crotch or something? Of course, I’m asking for a friend.

    Posted by no1chick | August 3, 2011, 10:13 am
  34. hahaha.. Bimbo.. you’re not well.. where’s your own post?

    Posted by thetoolsman | August 3, 2011, 10:26 am
  35. LOL. Tula I think eagles marry for life. No partner changes. Now the mating ritual thing starts unconsciously. Most girls say they prefer you to slide in as a friend first before considering you for a relationship. Oh well, as No 1 chick said, if you dont wanna be hurt and you want something non-committal like casual sex, then you should mentally fool ur mind by cutting the chase as short as possible.

    Posted by highlandblue | August 3, 2011, 10:35 am
  36. Waiting game?
    So now every chick is gonna go “I do that too”

    Yimu at y’all sitting in your houses in your night gowns all day watching Kim Kardishian & Big Brother and saying you’re the ‘Hen-Eagle’ game.

    You think your Mr Right is gonna patiently wait at the door for you to dress up when he finally comes knocking???
    Actually do you know what? He already did…
    He rang your bell and you gave him the eye,called him the “Pizza delivery BOY” & sent him next door.

    It isn’t rocket science why bad girls finish first, get all the good guys,marry first & live happily ever after.
    It is because they know that it is a competition to get a ‘good man’ and it is a fierce one!

    Keep on fronting and you’d end up like Sister Ngozi who is now a church usher.
    When you see her you’d think she’s a size 8 by choice,what you don’t know is that it is all the fasting and praying for a “Mr.Anybody” that has made her lose so much weight.

    Ladies, *Ding Dong!*
    Mr right is at your door, what are you gonna do about it??

    Posted by Lagos Hunter | August 3, 2011, 11:00 am
  37. Amen!!!

    Posted by taiofierce | August 3, 2011, 11:08 am
  38. 😦

    Posted by Chinny | August 3, 2011, 11:22 am
  39. Wait, let me get this straight, U meet someone U like, who likes you back, but U put him through a series of tests to see if he’s the ‘real thing’? Is this ICAN? There’s a reason why it’s the mating ritual for eagles; it’s primitive, without need for thought. Any woman waiting for men to jump through hoops to prove their worthiness had better remember that nobody likes exams, and there are lots of other women out there who know what they want, and will get the few good men faster

    Posted by Sick_Sage | August 3, 2011, 11:37 am
  40. …and that is all.

    Posted by kenyauk | August 3, 2011, 11:47 am
  41. I’m so luvin dis piece… The Eagle’s patience is only discoverd if d hen-eagle herself is patient. U myt end up settling for boaz’s nastyaz n all oda relatives if ur nt patient or careful enuf.

    Posted by deidar | August 3, 2011, 11:52 am
  42. Hmm….
    I’m not a patient person, so all the fronting doesn’t apply to me. I see/meet/hear about etc a guy, I like him…why waste time? Go for whatever if it doesn’t work, try again!
    However any guy who doesn’t run screaning for the hills after spending time with me is a keeper! I scare myself sometimes. Lol.
    Or just be like the female praying mantis or black widow spider…

    Posted by Cleo® | August 3, 2011, 12:04 pm
  43. Tula’s got it! 🙂

    Posted by kayshawy | August 3, 2011, 12:10 pm
  44. #COSIGN!

    Posted by kayshawy | August 3, 2011, 12:11 pm
  45. Nice work tula!! can’t seem to get enuf laughter from the comments so far.
    Truth is girls like to front,its who we are,even wen a lady is married she still fronts for her hubby,bt if I liked a guy who liked me as much,I wud nt front o,I wud go all out for it n hope for d best. Bt Thing is jst dt most guys now want sex b4 commitment n dnt knw weda its to test the waters,rily dnt get,@ d same time,d gal doesn’t wanna jst be havin sex bt wants a serz relatnship.
    Wo, dating is jst a complex process joor, wish twas as easy as d eagles have it!!!

    Posted by zoe | August 3, 2011, 12:12 pm
  46. Slide in….hmmm OK!

    Posted by kayshawy | August 3, 2011, 12:13 pm
  47. Test sha….

    Posted by kayshawy | August 3, 2011, 12:18 pm
  48. I don’t have time to compete.
    A yes or a no would do. We’re not eagles.

    Posted by afrosays | August 3, 2011, 12:19 pm
  49. Typical, the woman does the chase thing, orders the costliest martini, plays you for a fool then asks why you left with the prom ‘ho!
    See the world has changed, men have feelings too (Lagos Hunter described sister ngozi to a tee!) I know too many 34-37yr old females now begging nay gagging for a man but who would have a hag when there are a million wags to choose from?
    Quit the jibber jabber, stop the fronting game, bring something to the table! A good attitude for one! You didn’t come out to meet the same girls that brought you did you? Neither will you girl that you’re dancing with marry you but the guy that said hi by the bar might!
    Loosen up, its not about pretending to be churchy in a club @ 2am its about learning how to laugh and letting go only then would a real man bother. Forget the too easy too hard part, be YOU! If the too easy theory worked I doubt most of the so called easy females I knew in Uni would even get a man talkless get married!

    Posted by Willy Wonka | August 3, 2011, 12:30 pm
  50. “She picks a twig, flies very high into the sky and drops it. The male eagles would then scramble to get the twig and bring it to her.”

    “The first male eagle that gets a twig three times, yup, bingo.” This information is incorrect.

    @onome_umukoro: Ever heard of the word ‘plagiarism’?

    Posted by PreyingMantis | August 3, 2011, 1:24 pm
  51. @PreyingMantis: please explain.

    Posted by Sam-Sam | August 3, 2011, 1:43 pm
  52. Eisss..oga hunter, pls take that ngozi joke back. Are there no other non-igbo names you can use? You have until 2hrs before I summon Ndi-igbo.

    Posted by no1chick | August 3, 2011, 2:06 pm
  53. We are not eagles , we are humans & we have brain, we should use that to assess our prospective BFs rather than judge with animalistic & primitive standards. i don’t have a problem with ladies putting dudes through the waiting game, for all i know, all games have break time & end time. Be smart about the period of the waiting game you deploy because as much as you think, the guy is competing for you, other girls are after him too.
    Finally, @lagoshunter killed it with his “sis ngozi” who I’m sure sings “i am married to jesus,satan leave me alone” after 37yrs & true true, Badgirls always finish First.

    Posted by bossikeh | August 3, 2011, 2:09 pm
  54. That he waited doesn’t mean he won’t leave ur ass. I know this personally. I’ve never been a fan of putting guys to d test cos seriously wat r u testing him for? To see if he has flaws like every oda human????
    Back to my story, I had a guy wait on me for 3 months and it was not because I was fronting oooooo!!! I was just genuinely uninterested in having a relationship at that time cos my head was sumwhere else.
    So I kept telling dis guy point blank NO….. @ a point sef I started to avoid him cos I was starting to feel a lil evil but dis broda wasn’t giving up. Infact it was like d more I said NOOO d more he was convinced dat “it wld work”. He even offered to “love me for the both of us n dat if afta 2 months of his loving for 2 I still felt d same way he would leave me for good”……. Well I didn’t agree to dat but lil by lil he wore me out n I agreed to date him. *_*
    He treated me like a princess for 5 months and den I caught him cheating. I expected him to beg n apologise n see if we could work through it. ERROR. He begged alright o! On his knees in front of my house but he kept on saying he didn’t cheat, it was like I had dumbass tattooed on my forehead…..

    Posted by pero | August 3, 2011, 2:30 pm
  55. Lol @typicallywoman!!!
    Wait for boaz and make sure he be lovinyoaz…..
    Hmmm, mating rituals et all…
    Personally tho, I think fronting is fun sha but when it does boil down to the real ish, just be yourself, be real…
    Your personality is test enough for who ever wants to get with you… stay true to you and in the end u’ll be happy u did!!

    Posted by zoey | August 3, 2011, 3:08 pm
  56. Like smone said…eagle dey find life partner.

    If u wanna have an affair or a fling, no need to waste time, kick d game rolling straight up.

    If however, u r thinkin of a steady relationship, u myt wait smal sha, but i think if a guys gonna leave, he ia gonna leave.

    My ex and i dated for 4yrs, i shagged him like d wk we met sef (covers face in shame) but it lasted 4yrs. 🙂

    Posted by Foxy b | August 3, 2011, 3:27 pm
  57. I don’t think anything needs to be said anymore. You’ve nailed it.

    Posted by awizii | August 3, 2011, 3:43 pm
  58. I don’t think anything needs to be said anymore. You’ve nailed it.

    Posted by awizii | August 3, 2011, 3:43 pm
  59. Thank you. That will be all.

    Posted by ThinkTank! | August 3, 2011, 3:56 pm
  60. Buahahahahahaha!

    Posted by highlandblue | August 3, 2011, 4:05 pm
  61. Hmmmmm, I just hate all these bloody ass games people play!!! If u wait, this wld happen. If he does like this it means this, if she does like that, it means that!!! These are the things that fuck up our relationships! Just be urselves!!!

    Posted by drpeperempe | August 3, 2011, 11:12 pm
  62. At Lagos hunter nailed it………….If you like a boy why put him through all them tiring tests? i mean, the only reason why you like him is cause he posseses traits you like abi? what else biko……There are too many rules to relationships abeg……….go for the guy if you like him. period! its d 21st century

    Posted by esquire | August 4, 2011, 8:37 am
  63. There’s absolutely no harm in fronting. If a guy really wants a girl, he’ll stick through all of her fronting. If he’s not patient enough, then he didn’t really want her. And I don’t see how/why marrying first is an achievement; that’s just like saying “I was born in 1957 and you, in 1959. Haaaha! In your face!” Yeah. No.

    Posted by dokinta | August 4, 2011, 3:47 pm
  64. THIS —> “I was just genuinely uninterested in having a relationship at that time cos my head was sumwhere else.
    So I kept telling dis guy point blank NO….. @ a point sef I started to avoid him cos I was starting to feel a lil evil” is what our people call “fronting”, and as far as they’re concerned, those are excuses that we all come up with to make them wait.
    A few years ago, while I was mourning the loss of a family member, this guy just kept trying to get me to see why we would make such a wonderful couple. I made it clear that I wasn’t even thinking about starting a relationship in the state that my mind was, but he wouldn’t quit! He pushed it too far when he started making comments about comforting me in my bed and kissing my tears away. No one told him to lose my number after I gave him a very large piece of my mind.
    As far as our men are concerned, fronting = not saying yes to them as soon as they ask!

    Posted by dokinta | August 4, 2011, 3:57 pm

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