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Our bestfriends wedding

Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 12: El Capitano

This was not the expected outcome. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. Not him, not any of the chosen 19.

Especially not Jade.

It had been a month since he’d done the nasty with Jade. The nasty.
How could he even call something so awesome by such a distant misnomer? “The nasty?” he thought. For it had been anything but. Life had to go on though.

Two days after he and Jade had hooked up, he’d gotten a call.
“Hi. Who’s speaking?”
A gruff voice. “It’s me.”
“Who?”
“Me. The Captain as I hear you all like to refer to me…” Charles’ blood paused in mid-flow as he tried to catch his breath.

“Ggggood evening,” Charles stuttered.
“Coward. You hear the voice of a real man and you start stammering.”

Ordinarily, Charles wouldn’t stand for such insults. Especially from someone with whom he’d had relatively little interaction. However, today he offered up no protests. He couldn’t deny to himself that he probably deserved it…

“You’re lucky you didn’t sleep with my wife all those years ago. You’d be missing your penis by now.” Charles eyes widened with fear. Life without a penis would be unthinkable.
“I’d never do that now. Never. What the hell men?”
“Good. Now what is this I hear you’ve done with Jade?” Silence. Very awkward. The Captain sighed loudly. Must be a horrible snorer, thought Charles. The Captain chose to continue:
“I heard about it and I’d like to ask: why?”
Why, Charles thought to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to answer. Why? He spoke up: “I’ve been asking myself the same thing for a while now.”
“And what have you come up with?”
“Nothing worth saying, I assure you.” Again, the Captain sighed.
“You’re a man Charles. At least I hope you are. You have but one mandate: fix this. For all our sakes. Please.” And the line went dead.

Charles dropped the phone and ran his fingers through his hair, cursing under his breath as he did so.

Why? And had it been all worth it?

He brought out his writing pad and wrote at the top of a free page in bold type:

TO THE WOMEN I WRONGED.
He drew a crooked line underneath the words then he paused while staring into the ceiling. He looked down, fighting tears,
and continued to write…

Midway through, he stopped again. He pulled his phone out and began typing a message with a wry smile on his face:
“I think we’re all clear babe. All clear.”
A few moments later, with his eyes glued to the handset the whole time, a notification came up: “Delivered: Eno.” He maintained the wry smile and went back to writing…

********************

It seemed out of the blue, surreal even, when his phone rang and he saw her name on the screen. He held his breath and counted to five before he picked it…
“Hey. Guess you’re all still mad at me…” Her chirpy voice cut him off.
“No, you numbskull! You’re not that important!” That admission stung Charles but the brightness in her voice told him that the ugliness between them might be at an end.
“Alright, Kemi. What’s up?” He sounded drained. Defeated.
“Don’t be such a whiner. Ahn ahn, who stole your cookies? Don’t sound so beaten up jo! Look I have info. Serious info. It’s about Jade.” Charles perked up. The emotional rollercoaster was becoming a bit much for him to handle.
“Go on,” he said.
“Well… It appears you weren’t the only one she screwed or was screwing as it is.”
“Uh huh…” He answered,
“Yeah… Well… Jade’s kinda pregnant right now.”
“Holy Geronimo! Wh-wh-wh-whaat?! How pregnant? Ho-wh-whe…?!”
“The Captain WAS right. You DO stutter under pressure! Hold your horses. It’s not yours. Thankfully.”
“Thankfully,” he repeated. Right then, Charles didn’t know what to feel.
“But that’s only part of the gist o…” She continued. “The guy responsible, Mayowa, is keen and it seems your little mixer with Jade the other day straightened her out. Helped her understand her feelings. Charles are you there?”
“I’m here.” He muttered,
“So the major gist I called to give you is this…” Charles braced himself and sighed.
“What?”

“Our best friend is getting married!!!”

********

Hey people. We’re up to the final episode. You won’t want to miss out next week… If you haven’t been following the series, use this link here to read the previous episodes. OBFW is jointly written by @cikk0 and I and we’d like to say a huge thank you to the guys at Barows 21 for sponsoring it. Now to today’s magazine giveaway.

Which episode did Charles use the following term:  “Fuckiddy  wow!”?  The first person to give the right answer wins. Please remember to comment with an original email address. Also, past winners are not allowed to participate in the competition holding the week after theirs. Good luck.

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About thetoolsman

I mostly refer to myself as an unrepentant media addict .. Well, cause I'm mostly always hunting for information through one media channel or the other... Hit me up on twitter @thetoolsman

Discussion

76 thoughts on “Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 12: El Capitano

  1. 1st

    Posted by Domina | August 4, 2011, 9:01 am
  2. 1st?

    Posted by Dolly | August 4, 2011, 9:01 am
  3. nooo

    Posted by buga | August 4, 2011, 9:01 am
  4. Yes!!!!!!!

    Posted by Domina | August 4, 2011, 9:01 am
  5. Nooooo 😥

    Posted by Sha-Sha | August 4, 2011, 9:01 am
  6. Y’all are crazy mehn

    Posted by *sigh* | August 4, 2011, 9:03 am
  7. 5th?

    Posted by audrey | August 4, 2011, 9:04 am
  8. Wow.. Top 15?

    Posted by @TheRealAdonye | August 4, 2011, 9:04 am
  9. First ten. Yes!

    Posted by dunch | August 4, 2011, 9:04 am
  10. ode ni bobo tula yi sha, do and pot the last episode jo

    Posted by buga | August 4, 2011, 9:05 am
  11. yaahhhhh

    Posted by mizdharmi | August 4, 2011, 9:05 am
  12. Top ten! Yes? No? 😦

    Posted by Didi | August 4, 2011, 9:05 am
  13. u guys r just crazy! putting such a spin to it??

    Posted by 'il Cicero' | August 4, 2011, 9:05 am
  14. But you people are wicked sha….I thought you said 12 episodes?? 😦 o well…. Awesome story!!!

    Posted by jAyajade | August 4, 2011, 9:06 am
  15. yikesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

    Posted by misunderstoodsmind | August 4, 2011, 9:06 am
  16. WOWWWW!!!!!….Shetttttttt!!!!! lol
    This is mad. Very brief, but I like 😀

    Posted by Iyamilele | August 4, 2011, 9:08 am
  17. top 20…..now going to read post….ive joined the craze:(

    Posted by esquire | August 4, 2011, 9:08 am
  18. Even tho I dnt knw wat d rush for first is, I shall not b a last carrier. *now going back to read post*

    Posted by dunch | August 4, 2011, 9:09 am
  19. Yeee!! Cha cha o! waiting with bated breath- literally- for the final episode

    Posted by BoukkieO | August 4, 2011, 9:10 am
  20. 1st 10 ?….
    1st 20?…
    1st 30?…..

    Posted by Lade | August 4, 2011, 9:11 am
  21. I must sha comment 2dy.

    Posted by EiBeeDee | August 4, 2011, 9:12 am
  22. Take ur chilled zobo prize! \_/

    Posted by kayshawy | August 4, 2011, 9:13 am
  23. Fuckiddy wow….Jade’s pregnant for another! Shet!

    Posted by Sha-Sha | August 4, 2011, 9:13 am
  24. Chris, Tula, you guys are crazy! I love the twist. Can’t wait for next week!

    Posted by Didi | August 4, 2011, 9:13 am
  25. Yaaay!!!!!!! This was the end I predicted…. Woohoo!!!

    Posted by Jasmine | August 4, 2011, 9:13 am
  26. Oh no!
    Didn’t see that one coming!
    *sigh*

    Posted by Cleo® | August 4, 2011, 9:14 am
  27. Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 4: Yetunde

    Posted by Mobanks | August 4, 2011, 9:15 am
  28. Good twist to the story after-all! Jade has been a bad geh all this time sha, kpanshing Mayowa steady and forming love for Chacha! U go girl NDU!

    But Eno and Charles…hmmmm

    Posted by kayshawy | August 4, 2011, 9:15 am
  29. hahahaha…. I love it! very nice twist… 🙂

    Posted by simmylala | August 4, 2011, 9:16 am
  30. Oh my fuckiddy gosh… .jade shudnt get married to sumone else na.. No matter how stupid charles is, they belong together… 😦 so sad..bt I can’t wait for the final episode…*dancing windeck*

    Posted by cupcakemouse | August 4, 2011, 9:18 am
  31. nice one o…c twisting…lol.. d charles running his hand thru his hair put an image of a white man with long hair in my head….okbye..good one

    Posted by dammydiva | August 4, 2011, 9:19 am
  32. All i can say is good for charles or is it bad for charles, i get that phrase all mixed up. But this is an eye opener for charles, whatever will dear sissy lover do now?

    Posted by nycegurl | August 4, 2011, 9:19 am
  33. Our Best Friend’s Wedding: Episode 4 -Yetunde

    Posted by @TheRealAdonye | August 4, 2011, 9:21 am
  34. so the best friend’s wedding is actually not about charles, it’s Jade right? or dis was a last minute twist….

    Posted by dammydiva | August 4, 2011, 9:23 am
  35. wt wt wtwt wt wt wt :O am in shock..wttttt niceee gud for him..bt tula nw cn turn tngs arnd n she wnt marry agn..

    Posted by pebbles | August 4, 2011, 9:24 am
  36. So I just had a feeling that toolsman won’t let it bcum sumfn frm nolly wood *rme* na wa o … Me I sha knw there must b a sequel !

    Posted by foxy | August 4, 2011, 9:26 am
  37. Tanx a bunch.. sips Zobo….

    Posted by Domina | August 4, 2011, 9:28 am
  38. Shet! Shet!! Shet!!!
    Fuckidy Wow!
    Nice twist.

    Posted by Kemmiiii | August 4, 2011, 9:36 am
  39. nice one

    Posted by Rose_Anne | August 4, 2011, 9:49 am
  40. LOL. Is this the real Domina?

    Posted by highlandblue | August 4, 2011, 9:49 am
  41. Hahahahahaha…I love you guys mehn…awesome twist…*wild ecstatic applause* Great stuff…absolutely great…

    Posted by musingsofagidimallam | August 4, 2011, 9:56 am
  42. Love the twist, mehn! Thankfully, I don’t have to eat my pomo of a shoe now… and once again, I hope I’m not speaking too soon *pulls hood over head*. It’ll most defo be sad to see this series end though. Beautiful story. And I’m confident I can say this even with an episode left to ‘air’.

    Great job, ‘repairman’. Nice one, ‘sicko’ 😀

    Posted by 0latoxic | August 4, 2011, 9:56 am
  43. Which Domina do u knw?

    Posted by Domina | August 4, 2011, 9:56 am
  44. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Posted by thetoolsman | August 4, 2011, 9:58 am
  45. Hahahaha.. thanks

    Posted by thetoolsman | August 4, 2011, 9:59 am
  46. But what d heck is charles doin wiv Eno???? Tula shed some light abeg. Just read d whole series now. Awesome stuff!

    Posted by Immortal TeddyBear | August 4, 2011, 10:03 am
  47. Let me jst say…..Finally!!! I’ve been waiting for this post for what seems like months!

    Posted by @eznira | August 4, 2011, 10:11 am
  48. Lol part 1 part 2 ba?

    Posted by Miss Campbell | August 4, 2011, 10:17 am
  49. Gpu tula and cikko for dis twist mehn. Ahn ahn ki loi de gan naaa. U think u can just be playn with us any how??? Wat rubbish! Mscheeew I’m actually angry.

    Posted by bimbo | August 4, 2011, 10:17 am
  50. Charles and Jade kinda remind me of Barney Stinson and Robin.

    Posted by @demmylee | August 4, 2011, 10:23 am
  51. it definitely aint me. I’m the DOMINATRIX

    Posted by Chinny | August 4, 2011, 10:25 am
  52. yaay ok @toolsman sum1 actually predicted dis outcome And ANYhow dis ends I already know n I wont say it so u wont changeit

    Posted by @basooh | August 4, 2011, 10:43 am
  53. TWIST is trending, yeah? -___-

    Posted by Didi | August 4, 2011, 10:45 am
  54. Woooooow is all I can say so loving this erm first time I tried I got top 10 issokay my report card says good try harder next term

    Posted by audrey | August 4, 2011, 11:01 am
  55. Now I’m happy, this is what I was looking forward to!

    Posted by taiofierce | August 4, 2011, 11:08 am
  56. Asin, I’m pissed. What is wrong with a nollywood story, it gives us all a respite from the realities of this messed up world. Y can’t Charles and Jade just end up together???

    Posted by Sam-Sam | August 4, 2011, 11:12 am
  57. Our best friend’s wedding had better be about charles and jade somehow getting married! >:o

    Posted by Moyo_A | August 4, 2011, 11:35 am
  58. Well said my friend!

    Posted by bimbo | August 4, 2011, 11:46 am
  59. Let me jst say…..Finally!!! I’ve been waiting for this post for what seems like months! And I dunno what y’all are excited abt… really not finding this twist funny! 😦

    Posted by @eznira | August 4, 2011, 11:50 am
  60. Infact, Tula, u just ruined my day. I know it seems kinda ridiculous but I’ve gotten attached to Jade and charles. 😦

    I kinda have a feeling that the Charles/Eno gist is the real shocker of the series though.

    Posted by Sam-Sam | August 4, 2011, 11:54 am
  61. Cos I bow to only one Domina. I should know who exactly. Thank you Dominatrix. *bows* As you were.

    Posted by highlandblue | August 4, 2011, 12:14 pm
  62. O_O

    Posted by avocado | August 4, 2011, 12:21 pm
  63. Fuckidy, wtf, wat a twist. Thumbs up toolsman.

    Posted by snowman | August 4, 2011, 12:52 pm
  64. @toolsman i dont care for this twist that you just added to this series, Charles and Jade had better end up together. #TeamCharles

    Posted by Rose Anne | August 4, 2011, 1:06 pm
  65. Nice twist. Toobad though, Charles’ loss.

    Posted by theGeneralsDaughter | August 4, 2011, 1:14 pm
  66. I hope we all understand y nollywood movies continue to sell. Sumwhere deeeeeeeeeeeeep down in us, we like predictable endings

    Posted by bimbo | August 4, 2011, 2:18 pm
  67. Mayowa is Charles’s Yoruba alter Ego

    Posted by Meyer lansky | August 4, 2011, 3:28 pm
  68. #GBAM!

    Posted by kayshawy | August 4, 2011, 4:19 pm
  69. LOL.. I predicted this twist a while back.. I’m bad like that. 😉
    I’m going to get a lil corny and say: no matter how much love there is between too people, some things just aren’t meant to be.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah its just a story but Woohoo!!!! My girl Jade is getting married. 🙂

    Posted by Jasmine | August 4, 2011, 5:55 pm
  70. Jst read d whole series and I’m like – Wow!
    Great Story (Y)

    Posted by yettty | August 4, 2011, 8:51 pm
  71. I ve said this before and I ll say it again, great story guys. The denouement is to die for, I hope the climax would be equally awesome. Poor Charles. Sometimes you act so late when you have a friend you really like and you forget that they might have already fallen for someone else. He played way too many games with her. Sometimes its good to be straight up.

    Posted by Sir Fariku | August 4, 2011, 10:46 pm
  72. Okay! Fuckiddy wowzerrrrrs! Ogini? Kilode? Menene? Wetin?

    But next thursday’s not far again sha, I can’t wait to see the fantastic turn that all this shenanigans will take.

    Thumbs u to thetoolsman and cikkO 😉

    Posted by MsWaspy | August 5, 2011, 5:04 am
  73. Interesting story! Can’t wait for episode 13!

    Posted by OmeraMo | August 5, 2011, 8:33 am
  74. Sick 1 bruv!

    Posted by TheBlackHibiscus | August 11, 2011, 12:30 am

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