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Wednesday Dialogue

This category contains 21 posts

Soar or plummet.

Have you ever heard of how the female eagle selects a mate for herself? She picks a twig, flies very high into the sky and drops it. The male eagles would then scramble to get the twig and bring it to her. Take a minute to think about it, imagine six male eagles scrambling high in the sky trying to pick a little twig that can break under the slightest pressure. The peculiar aspect of this ‘mating ritual’ is that the female eagle does this same thing over and over again. So how does she finally pick? The first male eagle that gets a twig three times, yup, bingo.
I find this ritual very interesting. Why? Most male eagles can probably get one of her twigs once right? But she is smart enough to realize this, so she runs the test a few more times to ensure she not only gets the one who is strong or smart enough but also, the male eagle who is patient enough.
If only humans would build up on some of their more useful animal instincts. Every animal has a form of mating ritual with which they pick their mates. These rituals sometimes produce the only mate that animal will ever have. This got me wondering about human beings, and our mating rituals. A female eagle can find a perfect mate in one day if she’s lucky enough to find a male eagle ready to put in what is required. However sometimes, the eagle’s mating ritual lasts days or even weeks simply because she won’t settle for less.
Let’s try to put together a mating ritual for humans based on ‘current’ general knowledge. Boy meets girl, boy throws a few gifts, recharge cards, BIS activation fees e.t.c around, boy says some things about how he has never liked a woman as much, used to be a player but ‘u don make him fall in love’ and just like that – MATE. Just like that, she ordains him Commander in Chief of her honeypot. Things go south a few days or if she’s lucky weeks or months later and it’s on to the next one while she continues to amass soldiers and in the process loosing her dignity.
The female eagle (what is a female eagle called by the way?) on the other hand, recognizes the VERY important things; most male eagles are probably smart or strong enough to come after her but will they all be patient enough to endure her test? Any other guy who is averagely good looking, financially stable and confident enough can walk up to try to woo you but only a guy who has reasonably good intentions will hang on long enough through various forms of tests to eventually have you (well, either that or he’s a really twisted psycho)

I’m sure some of you are already asking if this isn’t some form of fronting. Well, I really don’t think it is. I think our female eagle takes her time because she wants to pick out that male eagle strong enough to beat his competition, smart enough to pick the twig in such a way that it won’t snap and then patient enough to do this over and over again. I tried checking up to see if this process is usually for a life mate or female eagles are also fond of changing mates after a few romps in their nest but I couldn’t really find an answer. Whatever the case may be, even for something as ‘not-so-long-term’ as sex, I think we, as humans with particular emphasis on the females need to re-evaluate our mating rituals. I’m no expert and I’m certainly not trying to impose my opinions here, I’m merely comparing notes. It’s your choice… be the eagle or be the woman.

PS: A female eagle is called a hen-eagle!

*****

Well, there you go people. I edited this piece, which was originally written by a friend @onome_umukoro. Talking points? What are your mating rituals? Can we learn anything from the hen-eagle? And for the guys, how would you react to a girl that makes your work like the hen-eagle for something not-so-long-term as sex? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

The Shrink & I

The phone rings. I tell him to ignore it. I pull him back into bed, into the softness of my hands and the warmth of my embrace. His lips, softer than marsh-mellows, his body, firm and securing. I lust after him even while he’s with me. His heart, his mind, his everything… I’m in love with. He lays it all on me. Legs wrapped round his waist. I want more. I always want more. Our blissful image fades away as the stares and the jeers from the faces around us become more intense.

I’ve known Gbenga for 3 years and we’ve been together for a little over 2 of those wonderful years. He is married to a bitch. She literally drives him crazy. Despite his huge manly frame, it isn’t hard to know who the man of his house is. I’ll always remain thankful to her though. I’ll always be thankful she annoyed him so much he wandered into that bar. The same bar I was that night. He started with one shot and then more followed.  I had noticed him the moment he walked in and as I sat in the corner watching him, I knew he needed help. I knew he needed my help.

I became Gbenga’s shrink that night and days after, he opened his broken self to me. Maybe it’s because we have a lot in common, or maybe I’m just a damn good doctor. For whatever reason, he felt comfortable confiding in me and for the first time since he got married, Gbenga told someone he was scared of his wife. Her presence frightened him and he said he was sure the reason she hadn’t gotten pregnant for him was because his seeds could never germinate in her evil garden.

Our sessions continued for a long time before I hinted him about my feelings and even then, I knew I had to be careful. Not only does it go against professional ethics, I also didn’t want to scare him off. He was always so happy to get on my consulting couch. On it, he becomes the man he truly is; he laughs at my jokes and even cracks some too. Memories of his wife completely fade away whenever he rests on Lucy (yes, I named my couch).

The first cut they say is the deepest – not with Gbenga. It felt almost as if he expected it, almost as it he wanted it, almost as if he knew. Lucy became our spot for many weeks after that and I just knew he had to be mine. But the only way it will work is if he leaves his wife. I didn’t suggest it,  it was him. He knew we would have to adopt kids because I can’t have any. He knew he would have to face his wife and eventually face the world someday. Well, today is that day. Here I stand in his parents living room holding his hand firmly, watching for reactions as the words left his mouth: “Papa, this is the man I love and want to marry.”

*****

On the 24th of July 2011, same-sex marriage became legal in the U.S. state of New York sparking off conversations in many quarters. I co-wrote this piece with a member of the community here, @FoluShaw because we feel the time is right to bring this discussion to the fore.

There’s no denying the fact that we have homosexual men and women living in our society, some we know, others we don’t. Some of us openly judge them while others embrace them. As this is a very touchy subject, I’d like to plead for us to be as objective as possible with our comments. I’d like to hear your views on the subject starting with your personal opinion on homosexuality and our society. Use the comment box to speak your mind.

PS: We still have a few invites to give away to our event, The Naked Convos #1 holding this Sunday. To win invites today, you’ll have to follow the @TheNakedConvos twitter handle and look out for the challenge later in the day. Good luck.

Dilemma

“Why are you yelling?”

“You want the neighbours to call the cops?”

“I don’t give a f*ck” she yelled again.

“Who the f*ck is she?”

“You Better not lie to me cause I found the receipt in your wallet. I just can’t believe you would do this to me… not after all we’ve been through. Say something Tyree!”

*pause*

I’m Tyree, and the lady yelling at me is Keisha, my wife of 3 years. Keisha and I have been through hell together; she had my back when I had no one to turn to. She’s my life and I’ve promised myself that no matter what, I will do anything and everything to make and keep her happy. I love my wife more than life itself and I never meant to hurt her.

We’ve been living in our two-bedroom apartment for about two years now and sometimes, her family comes to visit. Three months ago, her cousin and her mom stopped by unexpectedly. Whenever they come, I try to be on my best behaviour. Her mum doesn’t like me cause she thinks I’m not good enough for her daughter (sometimes I think she’s right).

Ms. Ross is a 42 year old widowed society woman; a confirmed MILF. However, unlike her daughter she’s downright annoying and mean (to me at least). Monica (Keisha’s cousin) is also petite and sexy as hell but she’s a whore; everybody knows this. She’s always trying to make me do things with her but I never give into temptation. Keisha knew about Monica’s advances but she thought it was harmless. That’s what we all thought.

It was my brother’s birthday so me and the boys took him out for some drinks. I was totally wasted by the time I got home. I can hardly remember what happened but I know everyone was asleep. I didn’t bother with the lights in the sitting room; I just went straight for the couch. It wasn’t till I got there that I realized Keisha had been sitting there all along. She was wearing her favorite nightie, the silk and lace one. I couldn’t miss it; I bought it for her on our last anniversary.

I kissed my wife and she quickly grabbed my hand as if to support me from falling. “Come here, I’ve been waiting all night for you” she said. She held me tight in her arms and then she kissed me like she had really missed me. She helped me to the couch and within moments she was stroking and touching. We made sweet passionate love. The alcohol in my system made everything feel different – in a good way. She seemed a little more aggressive but I loved it.

When we were done, she got up and went into the bathroom, as she would normally do. But when she finished, she went straight into the room. I was too tired to get up so I slept on the couch.

Morning came, I woke up with the worst headache ever. Keisha greeted with me with a kiss “good morning babe, what time did you get back?” “What do you mean what time did I get back?” “I was in the room waiting for you but you never came.”

HOLY SHIT!

My head began to spin. “Where’s Monica.  And your mom?” “They left really early this morning.”

*speechless*

Keisha was wearing my t-shirt and a pair of shorts so I knew she wasn’t the one on the couch the night before. I couldn’t ask her any other question else she would have suspected something. God!!! I f*cked up! I’m never drinking again.

*Fast forward to the present*

Here we are now! The lady on the couch got pregnant that night but she had to get an abortion. I thought I would never get caught but I was wrong. Now I’m here wondering how to explain to the woman I love that I slept with another woman because I thought it was her? Will she believe me and how on earth am I supposed to tell her it was her mother?

“Say something Tyree!!” she yelled.

************

Hey everyone. So I decided to edit and put up this thought provoking piece sent to me by one of our baby closet writers (@TEMIptation) because of the comments from the Rules of (Dis)engagement post I put up on Monday. This piece is not a true-life story but I can tell you I’ve heard a true story that’s probably worse. Yes they are rare but they happen. Sometimes you just find yourself in that position you just can’t explain. Underwear sticking out of your couch; strangers sending you raunchy messages and pictures e.t.c. How does one tackle these situations without hurting the people you love or completely destroying the level of trust they have in you. You know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

If I ruled the world (PG)

Hey people. Todays post was changed last minute. I got a mail late last night from someone who simply identified himself (I think) as Riley. The subject of the mail was: If I ruled the world. What you are about to read is the content of that mail along with inputs from me, @LagosHunter and @novacrossQueen. Enjoy.

Riley.
1. Legalize gay marriage: Its simple yo, if gay marriage was legal n shit, the fuckin’ butt pirates would come outta da closets, get registered, married and shit. Once I know where the gaylord fuckers live, I’m gon send in SEAL team 6 or some other hardcore mofo’s to take ‘em all out.
2. Legalize rape: Yeah, y’all fucktards read that right. Aint no bitch gon have the right to refuse any nigga. If a nigga wanna f*ck, all he gotta do is walk on the street, pick a ho, n say “bend the f*ck over bitch”.

3. Ban f*ckin’ condoms: Condoms just get in the f*ckin way of good p*ssy. A nigga can’t feel right wen he’s upside a p*ssy with a goddamn rubber on his d*ck. So, ban condoms and make anal sex the f*ckin standard for preventing preggies.
4. Get me a harem: Aint no f*ckin way in lesbian heaven imma legalize rape without 1st rounding up 3000 of the best bitches in da fuckin world fo myself! F*ck no. Yeah, Beyonce gon be there, singing “Who run the world? Riley!” while I f*ck the shit outta her. Imma have me some Amber Rose up in there, cuz damn, that b*tch got the freshest p*ssy a nigga eyes ever did see. Damn! Yeah, Some Nicki Minaj, some Ini Edo, some Chinese acrobats for the really crazy sex shit, I could go on but u get my fucking drift yo…

5. Save the f*ckin’ world: Yeah. I got a solution for one of our biggest piss-shit problems on da planet. The Isreal-Palestine crisis. Solution? Isreal-Palestine orgy! Imma grab em all, have em blindfolded and dumped naked into a large room with all the lights off.

In Summary:
Aint no need fo no mother*ckin summary, biatches! Ya already know what it is.

Riley Out.

@LagosHunter

1. Legalize abortion in every single country

2. Ban reality TV shows and auto tune

3. Call Tiger Woods to my office, pull his left ear and whisper “Guy, you fuck up!!”

4. Make it compulsory for every church branch and mosque to own/manage at least one orphanage

5. Rename “Absolut Vodka” to “Lagoshunter Vodka”

@Thetoolsman

  1. Get scientists to work with Brazilian doctors to find a way to commercialize the ‘King Magazine Cover’ look and then make it free for all women.
  2. Contrary to what some of you might think, Keri Hilson will not be my queen, she’ll be the Queen mother of the world and all women MUST love and revere her.
  3. Every country has to incorporate an ‘anti-bitchassness’ course into their school curriculum. Of course Uncle Diddy will lecture via satellite teaching students about ‘swag’ and the seniors how to and not to take the world’s official liquor – Ciroc.
  4. Shuffle up the world map: if we had a world flag right now it would be so boring… something like white, black (with a little orange stripe) and then white. I can’t have that. So Cameroun and Quatar have to swap.  Brazil and South Africa, Canada and Iraq, Israel and Japan …
  5. On second thoughts, maybe I’ll leave Canada where it is… make it the gay capital of the world, rename it GLEE.

@novacrossQueen

1. Order the production of self cleaning vibrators  – I’m so tired of taking breaks in-between to clean shit… Unlimited self naks baby. But get your own damn batteries, Zara batteries 😀

2. Legalize gay marriage – gay people have the right to marry and be miserable too, heck if you wanna marry furniture, go right ahead. Misery loves company

3. Cables that f*cking untangle themselves!!!

4. A virgin/AIDS/herpes/whatever-else-is-transmittable-through-sex GPS tracking system, so I know who the f*ck to avoid. I’m just tryna not catch anything.

5. Legalize marijuana – I speak for everyone and their mama when I say this, this might very well lead to world peace. Also, food might become scarce due to munchies and all but who cares *shrugs*

Also, 5and a ½ – burn all the bras in the whole entire world, and burn the nigga that invented it, and burn his dog for good measure. #FreeBoobies!!!

******************

So, the question today is not-so-simple. If you had a shot at ruling the world for one day, list 5 things you’ll do. Use the comment box and speak your mind.

PS: I tried replying ‘Riley’ through the email address he used to contact me and the mail bounced.

Meet E.G.O.


*singing* It’s too big, it’s too wide, it wont fit… I got a big you know… Oh, not that.. and certainly not that famous head either.. Today we shall be discussing a very big and famous Elephant. It’s been around for so long we all just live with him and I thought it was about time someone called him out.

A couple of posts back we looked at things men don’t want in their women and it sparked off all sorts of conversations, sub-posts and a couple of bloggers even did female versions of the post. One thing I realized after putting up that post was that in asking men what they do not want in women, I was inadvertently asking for what they do want. This became more obvious as the comments came in and some of those comments helped form the foundation for this post.

Looking through the thread, I realized one thing stood out. Almost every guy that commented mentioned the fact that they want their women to be exposed/intelligent. In fact, I did a word search on that page and it was interesting to see that the word intelligent/intelligence came up sooooo many times and this was a sharp contrast to the what women DONT want post on The Cream and Coffee Blog where the word came up only twice.

Now, I’m sure there were a lot of factors responsible for this but I want to pick on this to start todays conversation. As a lot of women asked on these posts, can men really handle these things they ask for? It’s a male dominated world and successful black women are constantly bombarded with haunting statistics suggesting many of them are doomed to remain spinsters or as we have it nowadays, become bi-sexual or homosexual. Is it coincidental that a lot of women didn’t spend time talking about how they wanted their men to be more educated, exposed and intelligent than them?

Many women spoke about wanting open-minded men, well, maybe that was their way of saying I want someone open minded enough to accept me even if I’m more intelligent/exposed/successful than him, maybe. The question is, how many men can really REALLY handle this. Lets look at a couple of scenarios:

Scenario 1
So she talks you into attending her high school reunion with her. You really didn’t have too much of a choice since she attended yours. But you attended ‘Model College Somewhere‘ and your reunion was a party at Elegushi beach. On the other hand, she attended ‘*Insert British name here* Private School‘ and ALL, yup, all of her classmates went on to school outside the country; most making it into Ivy League Colleges where a lot of them met their partners/spouses. At the cocktail, you look the part and all but then one question keeps coming back to you all through the night and after avoiding it a few times, a very nosy guy (probably her ex) confronts you and asks:
“Somto, I didn’t quite catch what college you graduated from.” *Crickets*

Scenario 2
At another event, a birthday dinner perhaps. You’re seated at the dinner table with your girlfriend and loads of her friends and their boyfriends too. The conversation goes from one thing to the other and at some point people start talking about the countries they’ve visited overseas with your girlfriend unconsciously chipping in and not noticing that you’re the only person at the table who hadn’t contributed. Suddenly someone turns to you and asks.. “…So tell us Somto, what interesting places have you visited?” *Crickets*

These are just two scenarios but what you also don’t know is that over time, she has had to dumb down her conversations with you. Wanting to discuss new books she’s read, politics, international news e.t.c but seeing as your only interests are football, food and twitter fights, she’s had to compromise. Of course there are alternatives and we don’t even have to look far. Her royal highness ‘King B’ in one of her many many sermonized songs spoke about ‘upgrading men’ but then again, quoting something I found online (I need to find the source) “The problem with upgrading a man is you rarely see a return on your investment. And what happens when the two of you break up? All the women he dates from henceforth will reap the rewards of the new man you helped create. However, is it a double standard when it comes to men taking women from rags to riches?”

Well, thats a question for a possible sequel to this post. Today I’d like to ask, can men look past that big old elephant called ego and REALLY handle being with women who are smarter/more exposed/more successful then them and when does a woman’s intelligence become emasculation? You know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

PS: Voting continues at the Nigerian Blog awards. Use this link to here to cast your votes.. thanks.

The Hardest Question Ever?

Hey everyone. Voting continues at the Nigerian  blog Awards. Please show some love to us and all your other favorite blogs by voting here. That’s that. Now, it’s going to be a short one today. Why? Well, cause I’ve only come here to ask a question. Initially, I wanted to structure this as another exam but the question is kind of cheap and also,  I think it will be absolutely impossible to come up with a marking script for your answers so I changed my mind.

I bet now you’re really curious. So, I got into an argument, well, more like a conversation a few weeks back (typical me) about what could possibly be ‘the hardest question ever‘, well, sort of. After an hour of back and forth, we came up with a question, which, well, I’m not exactly sure is the hardest question ever but being the music lover that I am, I took instant interest in it and decided to share with you guys.

Now, here’s the original question: What is the greatest love song ever done? (pauses for effect). Yeah. I thought as much. Let’s not even get into all the reasons why it’s almost impossible to find an answer to that question. And the term ‘Love Song’…sheesh.. just sounds so cheesy. Anyway, for a second there, I’m sure you mentally ran through God knows how many songs. So you see why developing a marking script would have been totally impossible? So, what I’ve decided to do is narrow things down and see if it’ll help. So here’s my question. “If you could choose one ‘love song’ done between 1990 and today, which in your opinion ‘perfectly’ captures the term ‘love song’, which would it be?”

Long right? What I’ve tried to do is narrow this down ‘our generation’. Now, to properly answer this, you’ll probably need a few minutes to think up your answer. Also, I know a lot of the guys are about to switch off to the background and just read up other peoples comments but I’ll ask you this. Have you ever listened to Elton John sing ‘Your Song’… The Beatles – Something, Stevie Wonder – As, Whitney Houston – I’ll always love you, Percy Sledge – When a man loves a woman.. Ok ok.. Let me come back to our focus years. Michael Buble – Everything, Jason Mraz – You and I both or perhaps tunes from the more common artistes, R.kelly, Usher, Jagged Edge, Sade, Beyonce e.t.c.

Have you heard some of these guys profess love on a tune and deep within you, gangster dude, barbie chic or whatever your personality, you just imagine having that one special person you could say those words to? I know a lot of factors go into this, from personality to musical preference yada yada.. All I’m trying to see is if we have a couple of titles mentioned way more than others in the comment thread.

So there you have it. It’s all about music, love and the cheese today. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

Choice vs. Life

This is a true story.

Sophia: Born as the 5th child in a family of 3 boys and 3 girls. A university graduate. Born and bred in one of Nigeria’s big cities.

Jerome: Nigerian Father and Spanish mother. Lost his mother at the age of 15, His only blood sister resides in Europe and he has not seen her in over 8 years. Jerome stopped speaking to his dad 2 years ago.

I can’t really remember how we met but I do know it was within the first weeks of our lives as university undergraduates. He said to me his first impression of me was that I looked like someone who couldn’t wait to join a cult. Jerome was easily any girl’s eye candy. He was 6ft 5’, with a shaggy hair and lean body frame. For the next 6 years, Jerome became my roommate and eventually my best friend. Most of my good and bad university memories have Jerome in them.

Sophia was a jambite like us when Jerome met her. A wheelbarrow by itself is useless. You have to push it for it to become useful. My friend Jerome, was a wheelbarrow and Sophia was his pusher. Because of his estranged relationship with his dad, Jerome practically hustled his way through school with a lot of financial support from Sophia. Soon after graduation, Sophia realised she was pregnant. Sophia and Jerome decided to get married before the child was born and then relocate to the US.

4 months later.

Sophia comes crying to me. She says she believes she’s making a mistake by keeping the pregnancy and marrying Jerome because in 4 months he had done absolutely nothing towards their plan of getting married and relocating to the US. She was considering an abortion but was scared and asked me “If I was your sister and in this situation what would you advice?” and I said to Sophia “I would tell my sister to have an abortion and I think you should too.”

Sophia made a decision to have an abortion the following day but she didn’t because Jerome convinced her otherwise.

5 months later.

Sophia and Jerome get married under makeshift conditions and she delivers a baby boy soon after. I was asked to be his God Father.

6 years later.

Sophia is 5 months pregnant with their second child and she is living in the US in an abusive home with Jerome and their son whom they had named Dominic. In terrible pains and for the fear that she might get killed; Sophia runs out of the house and calls the police. Since moving to the US, their squabbles had gotten worse. One day,  she and Jerome had a fight and despite her pregnancy, he beat her mercilessly. The police show up and Sophia kicks Jerome out of the house and is taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

24 hours later.

Sophia is in labour. She gives birth to a baby girl that had to be incubated for 4 months because her organs where underdeveloped. With no husband and father in sight, the medical bills bankrupt her. The baby girl is named Crystal.

1 year later.

Nobody knows where Jerome is but he is in touch with friends via email. Jerome denies his daughter flat out. Sophia is out of a job. Her financial situation deteriorated rapidly and she soon begins to live off the charity of her church. 18 months later, she gets tired, asks her church for one last favour, a ticket home for her and her kids.

Today.

Sophia is 32 years old with two kids, no husband, no job and seriously overweight. She cries every time we talk on the phone. I send her money regularly but it can only go so far. I have not spoken to Jerome in over 5 years and nobody really knows where he is or what he is up to but we all doubt if he is better off. He has never seen or touched his daughter who is a splitting image of her brother who is naturally a splitting image of his father.

Do I look at my Godson and feel guilt that I once advised his mother to terminate her pregnancy of him?

Yes.

But most times I look at the bigger and sadder picture and feel absolutely no guilt but loads of anger. Dominic and Crystal deserve a better life. It doesn’t matter how life turns out eventually for them, I strongly believe their parents were very selfish and immature 12 years ago. No child deserves to be born out of his parents’ guilt or religious fear. An abortion is a routine medical procedure and no big deal if performed under the right conditions. This is just one of many sad stories; I am yet to hear one with a happy ending.

My name is Lagoshunter, I am an unapologetically pro abortion.

Hey people. It’s going to be a touchy one today. Up until now I avoided this topic but after reading a comment from last Friday’s post, I knew the time was right. Mr. Hunter has painted one of many scenarios that brings us to that question: Where do you fall? Pro-Life or Pro-Choice. Don’t just pick a side, tell us why. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

Separated.

The topic I’m going to discuss today is one I have creatively avoided since I started this blog (don’t ask me why). Sometime last week, I came across a quote from one of my favorite bloggers. He said:

“Many are unaware of this, but “longdistancerelationship” is actually Arabic for u’re nt in a relationship anymore, u f*cking idiot!” – Champ

I tweeted this and I got a truckload of retweets as well as mentions asking if I agreed with the statement. Again, I ‘creatively’ evaded the questions. As if someone was trying to tell me something, over the weekend, I attended an event where I somehow found myself in the middle of a discussion centered around the same topic. I could have simply kept quiet but I’ve come to realize that as a blogger people tend to expect you to have an opinion on most subjects. I shared my thoughts and the responses I got brought about this post.

This is the ‘Wednesday Dialogue‘ Category so I’ve decided to throw the topic open for discussion but before we get to it I’ll throw up a little background.

It’s funny because I guess I can argue for both sides of the coin. I once got out of a prospective relationship because the girl in question lived on one end of Lagos while I lived on the other end. Don’t bite me just yet; there was more to the story. I’ve also been involved with someone who I never got to see for many many many months and I must say that those months are still so special to me. I’ve sampled many opinions on the subject and I’ve been able to narrow them down to the following points.

It’s the men
Its easy to point fingers at the guys and say we just can’t handle distance because we are physical beings. We have a natural desire for physical contact with the opposite sex and as a result, we give into temptation when we are away from our partners for so long.

Blame the women
On the flip side, the guys can argue that most women seem to be able to handle it because they are more emotional than physical beings. To a large extent, technology can cater for emotional needs. With the various forms of instant messengers, Skype etc, one can pretty much get by.

What’s at stake
Another way to look at it is to ask ‘what is at stake?‘ Some believe the higher the level of commitment, the easier it is to handle distance. The probability that a married couple with a child living having a long distance stint will have issues is less than a married couple without a child? Same applies for a 2 year old relationship when compared with a 6 month old relationship.

Also, if one of the parties involved compromises on way too much to get into the relationship, making the decision to leave/cheat when faced with a long distance stint will be much easier as opposed to when the relationship started off with both parties on the same plane.

**************

Ok, there you have it. The stage is now set for our debate/discussion. Do you agree with the statement I quoted above? Tell us your answer and let us know if your reason falls under any of the points I listed. If not, please use the comment box and share your opinions. Cheers

Obianuju

Hey everyone. First of, if you haven’t gotten your nominations in for the Nigerian Blogger Awards, please do so here: NOMINATE. Today’s post was inspired by members of #TeamSawaleh (don’t ask). Some of y’all who follow me on twitter might have noticed my erm… ‘seeming’ obsession with the song titled ‘Obianuju’ for the past couple of weeks. Well, every time I hear the song playing, this is what comes to my mind:

She is tall with keen features. The lips of a goddess. The daughter of Venus in brown skin. A soft voice that is like the singing of angels. Distinctive feminine curves that are generous but not excessive. She has the kind of beauty that is confusing. Her looks and her background just don’t add up.

Knowledge is our salvation but it can also be our enemy. Our joint quest for knowledge has brought us to this point of sinful discovery. People see me as the epitome of righteousness, carefully selected. Faultless. Forever pristine and holy in every situation. But sometimes the most righteous among us lose the ability to reason when it comes to the opposite sex.

Loneliness is a solute.

My solute.

I have found my solvent in her touch.

Arousal.

The weakness of man.

So easily achieved by the stimulation of senses. Touch being the most dominant. She gave me her body to worship and I bowed at her altar, pleased her like I was on trial and her pleasure or lack of was the verdict. Her salvation has left me imprisoned. Every time I see her, I want to dip into her well of passion. Take her to that place where our souls dance together. Where we float like dancers suspended above the rest of the world.

There is pleasure in giving pleasure, in not being selfish; but she won’t let me please her in sixty nine ways as this knowledge is still strange to her. My missionary to her world has left us in a position of missionary. The deliverer has become the delivered. She won’t confess to it but I know she has been trained to believe it is her prerogative to exert pleasure. And she is so good at it she should include it in her non-existing resume.
Bold
Italics
Underlined
Twice.

However, the intimacy I seek is beyond my bedroom. I watch, sadly as she walks away, carrying dishes looking ever so uxorial. Her hips swaying, moving rhythmically to the sounds of an invisible orchestra.

Obianuju: She who has come in the midst of plenty.
She seems to take her ‘plenty’ away with her when she leaves; managing to transition me from common sense to insanity.

Sanity however taps me on my shoulder moments later as I hear the familiar knock on my door.
“Come in.”
Sister Esther gently pushes the door open, walks into my room and almost instinctively shouts:
“Obianuju!”
In the thickest of igbo accents.
“Obianuju! Nwelu aka gi anwa nwulu anwu bia fichaa table Father Francis”.
(Obianuju bring that your dirty hand here and come and clean Father Francis’ table.”)

************************
I know this piece has quite a few talking points but for me, the thought of seeking/finding ‘love’ in strange places has always amazed me. Memoirs of the Prince and the pauper.. Schwarzenegger-gate etc.. I’m not one to encourage infidelity (in any form) but what if that rich tycoon will find true happiness with that maid? Other talking points include temptation and that other thing I won’t mention. Please use the comment box to share your thoughts. Cheers.

Hunter Speaks: No one wants someone who isn’t already taken?

Going to the dentist is one of the two things I don’t enjoy but I do anyway. The other is flying.

I see my dentist twice a year for scaling and polishing.

Sitting at the reception of Dr Sadare’s dental clinic, I pick up a girly magazine and flip through its pages to pass time as I wait my turn.

No one wants someone who isn’t already taken” is written in bold yellow letters across a page. It is an article on why chicks find married guys (or guys in a relationship) very attractive.

I stop flipping and start reading……..

5 minutes later.

Sigh, the article is the same old thing. When it comes to relationships, the unattainable is always more desirable.

Sigh…..

Personally, I don’t think it is a big deal to tell a chick I am flirting with that I am married. Some chicks find it very offensive while some don’t. It makes things less complicated and saves both of us a lot of time…..no need pursuing a relationship that isn’t going to turn into one. Even as a single guy, it was always easier to get a girl on the side if I was already in a relationship.

It is generally easier for a guy to get another chick if he is already in one relationship or already married. This is not my opinion, it is just a fact.

Despite this fact though, some people still lie about their relationship status for a number of reasons. Some guys say they lie because they don’t want to be rejected.  While this sounds very plausible, I think it complicates things in the long run. I will never understand why guys do it.

Girls do it too but rather than lie that she is single when she isn’t, a girl is more likely to lie that she isn’t when she actually is. It is all part of the forming, she has to give him the impression that she is already taken. This is also a good strategy when she isn’t looking for a serious relationship.

Many chicks actually hit on married men, hoping to “land” them, for three reasons:

1.” Somebody has them, so they must be good enough……they are confirmed.”

2. “They have sex regularly. They’re experienced in bed”

3. It is a challenge….”let me see if I can steal his attention from his wife/girlfriend”

My mind drifts to some discussions I have had with my friends in the past..…..

UncleT: I’ve been happily married for 5 years and I have never been as comfortable and confident approaching women as I am now because it’s a win-win situation. I have nothing to lose. When a girl I’m flirting with knows I am married, it is either she turns me down and I go home to my loving wife or she doesn’t, we both have fun and I still go home to my loving wife.

Binta: All guys cheat. If I like a guy and he likes me, I will date him. I don’t care if he is taken or not. Simple! Why care? After all, he is going to be unfaithful to his girlfriend/wife whether it is with me or not.

Chuboy: As a single guy in a relationship, it is easier to get a girl, although I usually have to make them believe there is a possibility at being the main one…….that is, overthroning my girlfriend.

Oyinkan: I once dated a married guy. Not proud of it sha. When it started, the guy didn’t say anything at first and I assumed he was single. I was already head over heels in love by the time I realized he was married. I figured things must have been bad between him and his wife for him to be toasting me. I don’t really know, I made sure we didn’t talk about it much though, because deep down inside me I was jealous every time he was with her instead of me.

Amadi: I lie. I lie about being married. I find it so much easier. I lie because I can’t stand rejection. It is sometimes difficult to keep the lies up but I still prefer it. It can get tricky sometimes because I am not sure what will happen if a side runs bumps into my wife and I in a public place.

Samson: It makes a lot of sense that women warm up quicker to guys in a stable relationship because women compete with themselves a lot…..“Because she has him, I want him for myself” In short women are just complicated.

Angela: Single guys, especially those over a certain age, think that because they are unattached means that every single woman wants them. Nonsense! If they only knew that their attitude completely kills any interest we have in them! A married guy is just less complicated.

Babs: A woman likes to be in control. She knows (or at least thinks she knows) what to expect from the relationship. On the other hand, dating a single guy takes more effort and requires a lot of second guessing. Her mind starts thinking things like -“Does he like me?”, “Do I look stupid?” or “Why did he say that?” or “Emm,I don’t want him to get the wrong ideas and start thinking I like him….” etc.

Obby: Why would you say it’s OK to flirt when you are married in a relationship? It is completely wrong! I am a single attractive woman that gets hit on by married men, and it’s rude and disrespectful to their wives and to me. Many married and single people don’t care to respect the covenant of marriage. Flirting should remain something you do with your spouse or as one single person to another. Not a married person to a single person or a single person to a married person! *Hiss!*

TK: As a single guy, I have to say nothing upsets me more than a hot chick complaining about being single when dozens of single men like me are dying to call himself her boyfriend. It’s true that single men can be less comfortable to talk to “because” we are so actively seeking a relationship, but give us some slack, please.

Innocent: When I wear a wedding ring, I get a lot more female attention. When I don’t, I don’t.

Miss K: I am single and not ready to be committed in a relationship. So I prefer to date a married guy. He usually has nothing to prove like most single guys. He will not disturb me and be asking me stupid questions like “where are you?” “Who are you with?”And I don’t need his permission or approval to be anywhere or with anybody.

Dave: I am single and searching. That is all I need to say these days. Girls are desperate to get married. Why make it complicated? I don’t know how you married guys are able to get girls when they know you are already somebody else’s property.  My girlfriend isn’t in the country so in a way I am single even though I am not searching…… at least not for long term. *Smiles*

Jennifer: It is just easier to flirt with a married guy. Everybody knows what’s up……..

My phone rings and at the same time, the receptionist says to me “Err, excuse me sir, Dr Sadare is ready to see you now…….”

Back to reality….I drop the magazine and stand up.

The next 20 minutes is going to be very uncomfortable but I don’t mind. I can’t flirt much if I’ve got bad breath, can I?

Deep Sigh…….

The Hunter has spoken. So, are you UncleT, Miss K or Oyinkan? What are your thoughts on the subject? No one wants someone who isn’t already taken? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

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