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Men lie, women lie.

I’m still recovering from the outcome of my last post, so we’ll get to that later. On to today’s business. You’ve probably read the title and wondered, well, that’s pretty much straight forward so what’s he on about? True. There was just no creative way to craft what I was going to write about so I said it the way it is. Men lie, women lie – we all lie. That’s life.

Anyways, my objective here is to see if it’s possible to narrow down what men or women lie about most to just one statement. Yes, a phrase/sentence – perhaps. Not a “thing”. Why would I want to try this seemingly impossible task? Well, maybe its my calling (shoot me), but then again, I had a dream the other day about winning the Nobel peace prize (category withheld). For the purpose of this discourse, I’ve come up with two statements, one for each gender. Here goes:

 

Women fall in love with ideas.

Some of you might have heard this, in fact, I think it’s a fairly popular saying but have you really given it a thought. I’m talking to the women now cause if this statement is true, you might just find out why men lie about the things they do. Ask a lot, no, A LOT of girls what that guy they’ve been seeing for a few months or even their boyfriend really does and you’ll probably get an answer like: “oh, Tolu is a banker.” Dig deeper and ask what unit? what exactly does he do there? and you might just be looking for trouble. It’s even worse when he’s a, somewhat successful entrepreneur. You’ll probably get something like “Emeka runs his own outfit” Ok, what do they do in his “outfit” – blank.

Don’t get mad just yet, I’m trying to build a case here. I have a friend (some of y’all might know him) some of you have read about human chameleons, well, lets just say he’s one. In his four years in uni I watched as he changed his course (not officially) from medicine to law to engineering to … depending on the requirements he needed for the girl he was seeing at that time. You could work into his room and a stethoscope would be dangling from his bed or you’d see him with huge engineering textbooks e.t.c.

To say he was more than successful with getting the girls (he wanted) would be an understatement. Some months after he graduated and I went to his crib. He was still job hunting and lived in a flat with friends. On that day, he was expecting a girl and I was amazed as he went round all the rooms lending one electronic gadget or the other. I walked into his room later to see it transformed. He laid out about 6 remote controls on his bed and I noticed a loose cheque leaf sticking out of a book by his bed. The cheque leaf was his, written out to one of our other friends; 500k. I shook my head thinking surely, this wasn’t going to work right? He looked at me then and said, “all na idea“. Hours later, as the girl (who turned out to be a… erm… “socialite”) walked out of his room, I thought to myself…. ideas…hmmm…

 

Men fall in love with pictures.

Well, maybe the more appropriate word would have been paintings. Why? Because as much as you can manipulate a picture taken with a camera, there’s a limit to what you can do. But with a painting, the painter is in control. By painter, I mean women. The canvas? Their bodies. The paint colours, may range from simple makeup to body magic or 90210 (depending on how much of a painting you’re looking at creating). I guess I’ve spoken somewhat extensively about this topic here.

I’d just like to add a new angle. Men fall in love with pictures but they also sometimes paint these pictures themselves. Let me explain. When a guy gets serious with a girl, he wants to know everything and I mean EVERYTHING he can about her. Why? He’s painting that mental picture of you and him hanging out with his friends, his parents e.t.c. He’s imagining what his kids from you will look like, how intelligent they’ll be. Any girl who knows this can easily lie manipulate her way into his heart. And I’ve seen it happen too. The only question is how far is she willing to go? Will you memorize the periodic table or

 

I think I’ll stop here. These are my statements. Can you come up with any or do you have examples/experiences that can help support mine, use the comment box, speak your mind. Cheers.

PS: This is my 50th post and I promised to celebrate this. I’m cooking up something, watch this space, better still, hit the subscribe button :).

Playing perfect

Hey people. Hope the weekend was good… I’m sure some will expect me to comment about this weekend but I’ve chosen not to. So, straight away to the Monday rush. I’m excited cause I’ll be introducing y’all to my first guest blogger today. (*inner child back flip*) Her name is Pemi. She’s a young writer and I’m very sure you’ll be seeing her around here a lot more from now on. We’ll definitely appreciate your feedback. Cheers.

Feb 14

Somewhere Not So Far Away

The weather alone should have told them it was going to be a horrible night. The sky was dark, clouds heavy with rain. The cold wind whirled around them consistently, as if urging them to turn around; ‘Gooo Hoooome’ the wind seemed to be hissing.

But they trudged on obstinately. It was the one day in the year when they actually tried to remember why they fell in love. Except New Year’s of course, but they usually got really drunk before any reasons came up. They were a very attractive couple; he was tall and broad where she was petite. She had her left hand through the crook of his arm while her right hand tried to prevent her full skirt from dancing around her head in the wind. He looked down at her pretty face and smiled; she glanced up at him and returned his smile.

‘Oh, why did she have to change?’ he thought to himself.

‘Oh, why can’t he just change?’ she thought to herself.

They finally stepped into La Rio de Janeiro. Raymond had been here earlier in the week for a ‘business date’ with Natasha. But Layo didn’t know that, of course. The place was crowded but he strode up to one of the waitresses dressed in black and white. At his tap, she turned around to face them with a very wide, red lipstick-ed smile. She had a matching red rose on her chest, the size of the rose and the amount of revealed cleavage competed for attention.

‘Damn, now that’s a feast for the eyes!’ Raymond forced his eyes back to her face. “We have a reservation. Raymond and Layo.” ‘I remember when Layo bothered to dress up for me’; he looked down at Layo and mentally added, ‘when it’s not Valentine’s day.’

The red waitress walked them over to their table and Layo watched Raymond watch her skimpy black skirt. “Honey, the place looks beautiful!” Layo said. ‘Though you haven’t noticed that. Why don’t you invite her to join us? Moron. I remember when you looked at me that way.’

When they were settled at their table and the red waitress and her tempting wiles out of sight; Raymond reached over to hold Layo’s hand. “So, do you like the ring?” ‘What choice do you have, it was bloody expensive! And Natasha picked it out, she has good taste.’

Layo smiled; “It’s beautiful. I absolutely adore it!” ‘You never listen to anything I say. I wanted a necklace. Besides, Dapo got me a similar thing, with matching earrings!’

“I’m so glad we could do this tonight. You’ve being staying late at the office these days.” Layo said. ‘You cheating idiot; you could come up with a better lie.’

“Trying to make money for us.” He forced a laugh. ‘Come home to what? You never let me touch you anymore! Ice queen!’

An hour and a half later; they were about ready to give up on their phony smiles and empty conversations. The red waitress had shown up far too many times than was necessary; reminding Raymond of the days Layo had fought for his attention and reminding Layo of the days Raymond had eyes for her only.

“Shit! It’s raining! And we’re packed down the street. We have to wait it out.”

‘Oh Lord, make it stop! I can’t take this anymore. If only he’d talk to me; I’m sure we could make this work. I could make him happy.’ Layo thought.

This bloody rain had better stop now. If only she understood me; this wouldn’t be happening! We could be so happy.’ Raymond thought.

Thunder clapped and the rain fell in torrents; leaving the estranged lovers staring at everything but themselves.

THE END>

For me, this is just typical of a lot of couples out there. Yes, A LOT. I’ll just never understand why people keep these feelings bottled-up inside. That being said, have you ever been a Raymond or are you Layo? Share your experiences or thoughts on why you’d rather only think than express yourself to your partner.

UPDATE: Thoughts are italized and boldened. Also, if you enjoyed this post, kindly hit the share on Facebook or Twitter button below. Thanks 🙂

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