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Black Hollywood

Hey guys, so I decided to skip “Wet Fridays” this week. Why? Well, cause there’s just so much you can talk about when it comes to sex (ok, that’s not true). Anyways, it’s been pretty serious up in here this week especially with that post on the presidential elections so I’ve decided to ease out the seriousness a bit with yet another “not-so-list” of things Hollywood has taught me about black people as collated from friends, family and the internet. Here goes:

1. Playground basketball tournaments, street dance-offs, rap battles, and even step competitions are life and death propositions.

2. When a woman is about to leave a serious relationship she changes her hair

3. Only non-black teachers effectively help the worst students in the worst school of any urban distinct.

4. All black brothers in the US are wealthy even if they push a meat van (ask LL)

5. Don’t trust her with your man

6. Don’t trust him with your woman

7. Black cops all apparently make a sh*tload of money. (Ask Will Smith & Samuel L.J.)

8. All black churches are full of singing talent.

9. Police will always shoot first and ask questions later.

10. Black people never listen to any of the following genres: Rock, Country, Pop, Punk, Metal, or techno.

11. There are hardly any black people in the future

12. All big mommas (aka grandmothers) always have a striking resemblence to aunt jemima?

13. Doesn’t matter how incompatible two people may be they can fall in love over the most random of things e.g. basketball, hip hop e.t.c.

14. Black families don’t go on vacation often and when they do, they DRIVE down to visit long lost family members in the south

15. If it takes place before 1970, then all white people are the devil.

16. In the hood, you always have to make the choice between doing a job that involves illegal activity or going the straight and narrow track.

17. Black women in the movies don’t mind getting their weave messed up during sex. AT ALL.

So there’s the list, time for you guys to chip in. Use the comment box and speak your mind and please remember to go out early enough to vote tomorrow. Cheers.

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Not-so-myths

Hey everyone. Hope we had a good enough weekend and hope y’all voted too. So, I had a surreal weekend but after discussing politics with some friends I caught a bit of a discussion some ladies were having about well, MEN. And I wondered how easily a lot of women generalize whenever it comes to certain issues. In fact, it’s so bad that some of these generalizations have grown into “myths”.

So, today I’ve decided to do something I’m not quite fond of doing here. Lists. Yes, I hate them, but today, I’ll be looking at some “not-so-myths” the ladies have come up with concerning guys.

Flats not allowed

I have female friends who wear flat shoes (yes, this includes slippers) out maybe twice a year. Yup. You heard me right. Reason? They make them look weak, too dependent and also, guys dig anything in heels. Well, I’ll say they’re mostly right. Heels have a way of err.. making the not so obvious – obvious or the already obvious – more conspicuous if you know what I mean. But even though a lot of guys won’t admit this, sometimes, a brother just wants to be able to look down at his gurl, cup her face in his hands and kiss her. There’s something ridiculously cute about this. No?

Natural hair sucks

To the guys reading, ask yourself the last time you saw your gurls natural hair and you’ll understand this point. Until recently when a few women began advocating for natural hair (did I say few, I meant, very very very few), most women treat their natural hair like taboos. The moment they take out their weaves, they lay on thick layers of scarves and head gears till they make it to the salon. Yeah yeah, you’ll probably go, African hair isn’t all that especially for women who have it short but again I say, there’s something about seeing your woman in her natural state (ok, I could be a weirdo). But “occasional” cornrows (if you have the looks for it) aren’t so bad. No?

All men want virgins

As this issue was recently the topic of discussion on my twitter timeline, I will not over-flog it. I’ll simply leave it for your guys to discuss. But in my opinion, I don’t think all men would rather get married to a virgin – I certainly won’t go out of my way to hunt a species that’s already endangered.

Beejays

This point is similar to the one above. And I’m pretty sure even the guys themselves might tackle me on this but again, I’ll stick my neck out for the guys who’ve told me in confidence that that ish does nothing for them and they’re scared as hell cause you might not know if shorty is epileptic or just awful at licking lolly.

Nails

Actually I can throw in a lot of stuff like eyebrow shaping etc here but I’ll just go with nail fixing and nail polish generally. Quite a lot of women seem to believe all or most men find this attractive. Well, maybe a lot. Why? Because the assumption when you don’t, is that you’re some religious junkie or you’re a member of #TeamNatural. Guys may like a little something going on in that area but when your tips escape France and start looking like Okija tips or your nail polish chips and your nails look like an atlas, we don’t appreciate that. Reason why most guys would rather you go bare.

Bigger is always better

This has to be the ultimate not-so-myth. Most gurls (even Ice T’s Coco) will probably tell you they wish they had more this or more that. Why? Cause that’s what men want. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, I’ll tell you now that in almost every case when a guy ogles a super endowed chic, he’s thinking in the “now”. When it comes to the longterm (even though he knows he can always be a dog (another myth) and stray), he wants assets that have longer expiry dates on his woman.

There you have it. I hope some of y’all disagree with some of my “not-so-myths”. Whether you do or not, I’m sure you’ll have a thing or two to say. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

 

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