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Friends, Lovers or Nothing

As I sat on my not-so-swivel chair in my room (long story) facing Marcy (my laptop for those who don’t know) thinking of what to write about today, my itunes Dj did its thing and shuffled from Train’s Soul sister to John Mayer – friends, lovers or nothing. Immediately, my fingers began to tap and in no time, I was singing along. People who know me will tell you I think John Mayer is a genius (not just musically). As the song hit the final chorus before the bridge, I leaned back into my seat, still singing, and then I paid more attention to the words of the song. Friends, lovers or nothing: we’ll never be the in-between so give it up. Anything other than yes is no, anything other than stay is go, anything less than I love you is lying.

Hmmmm I thought to myself. And then, wow! I guess I must know a lot of liars then. In fact, of the 6 billion people on earth, I wonder how many non-liars there’d be. The thoughts of

hell being overcrowded briefly came to my mind but I pushed it away and focused on this discovery. Lets break this down:

Friends, Lovers or Nothing:Or you walk in with her and seeing some friends in the room, you proceed to introduce her as your “friend” only for you to get into the room and she totally goes cold on you. Then there are those times when your friends tease you about him being your boyfriend and you get so mad and totally throw a fit. For most of you reading, I’m sure you’ve probably been in one of the situations I mentioned above (if you haven’t, well insert a compliment here or return to your planet : ) ).

Now lets go over Mr. Mayer’s words again: friends, lovers or nothing. I could dig up the dictionary meaning of these words but that would just be a total waste of time. We all know who friends are. However, let me state here that terms such as “friends with benefits” do not fall into the “Friends” category Mr. Mayer referred to. You don’t have hot steamy make-out sessions with your friends. Neither do you employ their help in ending your celibacy/sex drought. Period.

As for Lovers, well, in this part of the world, that’s one word that is taken to mean all sorts.  (By the way, I hate the word…gosh…sounds like something my father would say..) Let me start with the dictionary meaning: Lover: a person having a sexual or romantic relationship with someone, often outside marriage. Wow. Ok, wasn’t expecting that but there you have it…being lovers doesn’t necessarily mean you’re married but the inclusion of sex or romance clearly differentiates it from friendship. So this is the category where aloooooot of people probably fall. Don’t ask me for specifics, I didn’t make the classifications so I don’t know how it works with married people who claim to be lovers of people other than their spouses.

The lyrics from the bridge of the song: “Anything other than yes is no, anything other than stay is go, anything less than I love you is lying” helps to further clarify things. Such qualifications such as “friends with benefits” or statements such as “oh, we just help ourselves…”sexually”…” only mean one thing, you guys fall into the last category: Nothing. The next time he/she says the words “I love you” and your response isn’t “I love you (too)”, you’ve only helped to decide which category you fall.

Quick Disclaimer: Like many other words, our definition of Love in these parts isn’t exactly same with the rest of the world. So please clarify with your partner before accepting his/her “I love you”.

Another question you might ask is, do all lovers make it to the altar? Well, Mr. Mayer wasn’t specific and neither was the dictionary (can you blame them). The onus really is on you to decide where you fall or where you “want” to fall and where that eventually leads you. One thing I’m sure of is that friends can become lovers and lovers can end-up married. But if you’ve gone from lovers to friends or you’ve had to coin some sort of complicated phrase to qualify what you have with someone then the truth is, you fall under the Nothing category.

Knowing that I may be wrong, I’ll throw this discussion open as always. What do you guys think; is Mr. Mayer right?

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