Hey people. Start of another week and despite my ridiculously short weekend, I’ve decided to remain positive. So I was going through so of my old posts and I realized I had done two quite similar posts in the past. One on ‘what women want‘ and another on ‘what a girl needs‘. I began to wonder why I hadn’t done a similar post on men and the first answer that came to mind was maybe because there’s this general assumption as regards what men want from the opposite sex. Ask most women and even some men and their answers will probably not vary much. The world has stereotyped the wants of men when it comes to the opposite sex to mostly physical. If that’s the case and the world knows what we want from women, so what then don’t we want?
Most of lastweek I spent my very little free time re-reading Malcolm Gladwells Outliers (excellent read for those who haven’t read it) and this book always gets me wondering about the powers of statistics. Now some of the findings in the book are results of years and years of research carried out on thousands of people. As much as I would love to do that, I really don’t have the time.. well.. and the money. So I decided to take my chances with yet another no-so-survey. I rounded up three very vocal and opinionated young men from different backgrounds and I asked them one question:
What are the top five things that put you off a woman in their order of importance?
These were their answers:
5. Inability to hold an intelligent conversation: I like to talk a lot, about anything and everything. So its important that she’s able to match that. I’m not asking for a know-it-all (Olorunmaje), I just want a girl who knows how to express herself when she’s got an opinion or shut up, listen & occasionally chip in when she doesn’t.
4. Sense of style (Fashion-wise): I’m not asking for a Gucci, Louis, Prada Hoochie. No sir, clothes (handbags & shoes) don’t make the lady.. I believe the key factor here isn’t the tag but the lady wearing them.
3. Sense of humour: If you can watch a whole episode of Seinfeld & your lips don’t even curve even a wee little bit then you’ve lost me. I’m sorry but Basketmouth don’t count. You’ve lost me.
2. Sexual Orientation: I’m not asking if you’re gay or straight. I want to know what your opinion on sex is and honestly I’d like to know what your sexual appetite is like. Not asking if you’re ‘gonna bang’ either.
1. Clingy Babes: You’re bored and I’m busy at the office but you think I should chat with you via BBM all day??? #Jonzing.
5. Speech: major turn off if she cannot speak properly. I’m talking eloquence, diction and use of vocabulary. Pronunciation also. Don’t want to be talking to a girl that pronounces “teeth” as “theet” or “throat” as “troth”.
4. Hygiene: body odor or mouth odor or both.
3. Appearance: I love stylish girls that know how to dress and know what outfit is best for their body and not wear the wrong stuff cause it’s in vogue. Makes them look out of place. Big tummy and no hips? Drop the high waisted skirt.
2. Overly dependent: Big NO!
1. And most importantly…. Feet. That’s what I use to judge. If you ain’t got good looking feet or well taken care of ones… it turns me off.
5. Emotionless: well, this only applies when things are serious… The inability to express feelings and/or desires physically or otherwise ticks me off!
4. No goal(s): if I discover you’re just a ‘anywhere belle face’ chic, all about eateries and shopping! No plans for life… I can’t
3. No humor: if she’s not spot on with my jokes, retorts or comments and I have to explain or I notice she’s not sharp enough to understand.
2. Artificialness (for lack of a better word): Any girl that can’t be comfy without the plastic things, fake lashes, nails..All Fake everything etc…nope!
1. Her voice: I enjoy conversation, so if your voice ain’t worth hearing, I shut down.
PS: I didn’t mention beauty, this is because, for me, its the FIRST deal-breaker. If u haven’t got that, we can’t even get here!
Now, if you take a good look at the three responses, you’ll notice that some things stand out.
Sense of Style/Artificalness/Appearance –> Appearance
Clingy Babes/Overly Dependent/No goals –> Dependence
Sense of humour/No humour –> Humour
Now, I also asked some of my friends this same question and though I didn’t document their answers, I realized there was a pattern. The men of my generation were particular about their women’s appearance. They wanted them to exhibit some measure of independence and they wanted women who could not only relate with their sense of humour but also bring on the laughter from time to time.
I’m glad Kelvin added that last bit to his response because that’s assumed to be a constant. This discovery was however surprising to me and I could branch out from here into several theories but that would require more discussion and surveys. Until I can amass that much time and money, I’d have to rely on you guys. For the guys, I’d like your answer to the same question. If you agree with the guys I interviewed then simply express your opinion as per why you think the three things I highlighted really stood out. For the ladies, please don’t be left out, do you think the guys were being completely honest? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.
PS: If you missed the poll from yesterday, please check it here.
I’m still recovering from the outcome of my last post, so we’ll get to that later. On to today’s business. You’ve probably read the title and wondered, well, that’s pretty much straight forward so what’s he on about? True. There was just no creative way to craft what I was going to write about so I said it the way it is. Men lie, women lie – we all lie. That’s life.
Anyways, my objective here is to see if it’s possible to narrow down what men or women lie about most to just one statement. Yes, a phrase/sentence – perhaps. Not a “thing”. Why would I want to try this seemingly impossible task? Well, maybe its my calling (shoot me), but then again, I had a dream the other day about winning the Nobel peace prize (category withheld). For the purpose of this discourse, I’ve come up with two statements, one for each gender. Here goes:
Women fall in love with ideas.
Some of you might have heard this, in fact, I think it’s a fairly popular saying but have you really given it a thought. I’m talking to the women now cause if this statement is true, you might just find out why men lie about the things they do. Ask a lot, no, A LOT of girls what that guy they’ve been seeing for a few months or even their boyfriend really does and you’ll probably get an answer like: “oh, Tolu is a banker.” Dig deeper and ask what unit? what exactly does he do there? and you might just be looking for trouble. It’s even worse when he’s a, somewhat successful entrepreneur. You’ll probably get something like “Emeka runs his own outfit” Ok, what do they do in his “outfit” – blank.
Don’t get mad just yet, I’m trying to build a case here. I have a friend (some of y’all might know him) some of you have read about human chameleons, well, lets just say he’s one. In his four years in uni I watched as he changed his course (not officially) from medicine to law to engineering to … depending on the requirements he needed for the girl he was seeing at that time. You could work into his room and a stethoscope would be dangling from his bed or you’d see him with huge engineering textbooks e.t.c.
To say he was more than successful with getting the girls (he wanted) would be an understatement. Some months after he graduated and I went to his crib. He was still job hunting and lived in a flat with friends. On that day, he was expecting a girl and I was amazed as he went round all the rooms lending one electronic gadget or the other. I walked into his room later to see it transformed. He laid out about 6 remote controls on his bed and I noticed a loose cheque leaf sticking out of a book by his bed. The cheque leaf was his, written out to one of our other friends; 500k. I shook my head thinking surely, this wasn’t going to work right? He looked at me then and said, “all na idea“. Hours later, as the girl (who turned out to be a… erm… “socialite”) walked out of his room, I thought to myself…. ideas…hmmm…
Men fall in love with pictures.
Well, maybe the more appropriate word would have been paintings. Why? Because as much as you can manipulate a picture taken with a camera, there’s a limit to what you can do. But with a painting, the painter is in control. By painter, I mean women. The canvas? Their bodies. The paint colours, may range from simple makeup to body magic or 90210 (depending on how much of a painting you’re looking at creating). I guess I’ve spoken somewhat extensively about this topic here.
I’d just like to add a new angle. Men fall in love with pictures but they also sometimes paint these pictures themselves. Let me explain. When a guy gets serious with a girl, he wants to know everything and I mean EVERYTHING he can about her. Why? He’s painting that mental picture of you and him hanging out with his friends, his parents e.t.c. He’s imagining what his kids from you will look like, how intelligent they’ll be. Any girl who knows this can easily
lie manipulate her way into his heart. And I’ve seen it happen too. The only question is how far is she willing to go? Will you memorize the periodic table or
I think I’ll stop here. These are my statements. Can you come up with any or do you have examples/experiences that can help support mine, use the comment box, speak your mind. Cheers.
PS: This is my 50th post and I promised to celebrate this. I’m cooking up something, watch this space, better still, hit the subscribe button :).
Ok, so this really isn’t a post. It’s more of a survey but I didn’t just want to put up a poll. Now, a friend of mine sent me a link to this blog post on how men should totally call chics after shagging (especially if it’s the first time and if it wasn’t defined as a one night stand from the onset). Well, this got me thinking about the endless debate on how a lot of us seem to know exactly what is we want from someone seconds, minutes, hours or for some, days after that first encounter.
Now, don’t jump the gun, Im not going to tell you to do us a list (maybe I will). What I’m just trying to see is if we can all come up with an average amount of time for guys and also for the ladies for how long it’ll take you to know if he/she is a lay or a stay.
For frequent readers here, y’all will know I can be a very very picky person (even sexually). Well, thats me. A lot of guys I know care very little about how intelligent the carrier of the yoni they stick their shlung in as long as they don’t intend for her to have their kids. In fact, screw intelligence, some don’t even care if they look like shit and I guess for people like this, coming up with an average amount of time it’ll take to classify chics should be minimal – seconds perhaps???
As for the ladies, things could get a bit tricky since they probably take a lot more “non-physical” characteristics into consideration. (I could be wrong here). My guess is that in making her decision, she’ll like to know what you do, the kinda genes that run through your family (hell no) and yada yada yada.
Before, I get to the erm… “methodology” I’ll just share my opinion. Some will say, love grows on you and you need a lot of encounters before you can make that decision and I agree with all of that BUT, I’ll still stay except you’re hooking up/getting married for a reason you more or less have no control over (you knocked her up, his father is Dangote, he is Zukerberg e.t.c. e.t.c), the truth is, after a few encounters – and I say encounters because it doesn’t just stop at looks – you can conveniently tell which side of the coin anyone falls.
That being said, lets get into this. So, I’ll make it easy, before your comment, kindly state your gender and then how long you think it’d take to categorize a person as lay or stay. e.g:
Ok, there you go, speak your piece. Cheers.