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Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 12: El Capitano

This was not the expected outcome. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. Not him, not any of the chosen 19.

Especially not Jade.

It had been a month since he’d done the nasty with Jade. The nasty.
How could he even call something so awesome by such a distant misnomer? “The nasty?” he thought. For it had been anything but. Life had to go on though.

Two days after he and Jade had hooked up, he’d gotten a call.
“Hi. Who’s speaking?”
A gruff voice. “It’s me.”
“Who?”
“Me. The Captain as I hear you all like to refer to me…” Charles’ blood paused in mid-flow as he tried to catch his breath.

“Ggggood evening,” Charles stuttered.
“Coward. You hear the voice of a real man and you start stammering.”

Ordinarily, Charles wouldn’t stand for such insults. Especially from someone with whom he’d had relatively little interaction. However, today he offered up no protests. He couldn’t deny to himself that he probably deserved it…

“You’re lucky you didn’t sleep with my wife all those years ago. You’d be missing your penis by now.” Charles eyes widened with fear. Life without a penis would be unthinkable.
“I’d never do that now. Never. What the hell men?”
“Good. Now what is this I hear you’ve done with Jade?” Silence. Very awkward. The Captain sighed loudly. Must be a horrible snorer, thought Charles. The Captain chose to continue:
“I heard about it and I’d like to ask: why?”
Why, Charles thought to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to answer. Why? He spoke up: “I’ve been asking myself the same thing for a while now.”
“And what have you come up with?”
“Nothing worth saying, I assure you.” Again, the Captain sighed.
“You’re a man Charles. At least I hope you are. You have but one mandate: fix this. For all our sakes. Please.” And the line went dead.

Charles dropped the phone and ran his fingers through his hair, cursing under his breath as he did so.

Why? And had it been all worth it?

He brought out his writing pad and wrote at the top of a free page in bold type:

TO THE WOMEN I WRONGED.
He drew a crooked line underneath the words then he paused while staring into the ceiling. He looked down, fighting tears,
and continued to write…

Midway through, he stopped again. He pulled his phone out and began typing a message with a wry smile on his face:
“I think we’re all clear babe. All clear.”
A few moments later, with his eyes glued to the handset the whole time, a notification came up: “Delivered: Eno.” He maintained the wry smile and went back to writing…

********************

It seemed out of the blue, surreal even, when his phone rang and he saw her name on the screen. He held his breath and counted to five before he picked it…
“Hey. Guess you’re all still mad at me…” Her chirpy voice cut him off.
“No, you numbskull! You’re not that important!” That admission stung Charles but the brightness in her voice told him that the ugliness between them might be at an end.
“Alright, Kemi. What’s up?” He sounded drained. Defeated.
“Don’t be such a whiner. Ahn ahn, who stole your cookies? Don’t sound so beaten up jo! Look I have info. Serious info. It’s about Jade.” Charles perked up. The emotional rollercoaster was becoming a bit much for him to handle.
“Go on,” he said.
“Well… It appears you weren’t the only one she screwed or was screwing as it is.”
“Uh huh…” He answered,
“Yeah… Well… Jade’s kinda pregnant right now.”
“Holy Geronimo! Wh-wh-wh-whaat?! How pregnant? Ho-wh-whe…?!”
“The Captain WAS right. You DO stutter under pressure! Hold your horses. It’s not yours. Thankfully.”
“Thankfully,” he repeated. Right then, Charles didn’t know what to feel.
“But that’s only part of the gist o…” She continued. “The guy responsible, Mayowa, is keen and it seems your little mixer with Jade the other day straightened her out. Helped her understand her feelings. Charles are you there?”
“I’m here.” He muttered,
“So the major gist I called to give you is this…” Charles braced himself and sighed.
“What?”

“Our best friend is getting married!!!”

********

Hey people. We’re up to the final episode. You won’t want to miss out next week… If you haven’t been following the series, use this link here to read the previous episodes. OBFW is jointly written by @cikk0 and I and we’d like to say a huge thank you to the guys at Barows 21 for sponsoring it. Now to today’s magazine giveaway.

Which episode did Charles use the following term:  “Fuckiddy  wow!”?  The first person to give the right answer wins. Please remember to comment with an original email address. Also, past winners are not allowed to participate in the competition holding the week after theirs. Good luck.

Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 11: Bukola

********

Rodgers Bar

********

*phone rings*

“So… are you going to pick that?”

“Erm.. no.. it’s really not important.”

“Charles Charles. It’s good to see you as always and I can see you’ve been doing good for yourself.”

“Bukola Smith just complimented me. Wow. Something isn’t just right here. Have you totally gone soft on us? Or has the good Lord finally moved into your heart?”

“Well, maybe he has and maybe it’s high time you paid him a visit too.”

“Maybe?… You know, I must say I was really surprised when you agreed to meet up with me, not after our last encounter. You just seemed to vanish after that. Noone heard anything from or about you and for Bukola Smith, that is just all kinds of strange.

“What can I say, I needed some space. I needed to find myself. I took some time away from the lies and the deceit of this world. And yes, you were right. On that journey I met God and it’s because of him I came back.”

“How come? I don’t understand?”

“The only reason I agreed to meet with you Charles is because I need to make peace with my past. I need to resolve the past so I can move on.”

Bukola broke off into a speech about friends, friendship, family and the recognizing the people who truly matter in peoples’ lives. She must have been talking for about fifteen minutes when it suddenly hit Charles. That wasn’t where he should be. He had issues from his past that also needed resolution. A repentant Bukola was certainly more than a hint for him.

Charles took out his wallet and pulled out some money. He dropped it on the table, stood and proceeded to give Bukola a forehead kiss halting her mid sentence. “Thanks for meeting me. I’m really sorry but I have to run.” With that, he stormed out of the building and dashed into his car. It was almost 11pm and he had only one destination in mind.

*******

Jades Apartment

*******

“Charles? What are you doing here? Are you ok?”

“Interrogation at the door? Can I at least come in?” Jade stepped aside and watched with a puzzled expression as Charles walked into her apartment. “You do know it’s almost midnight right? So don’t look at me like a crazy woman when I ask you if everything is okay.” Charles remained quiet. He had a smile on his face as he started walking round the living room area. He stopped at a furniture piece beside the flat screen TV and bent over to examine some of the pictures in the frames. He picked up one that had him, Jade and Kemi in it and smiled again as he examined it closely. Jade had had enough of his silence. The look on her face clearly stated she was getting impatient with Charles’ quietness but deep within her, she was concerned.

“Oh, your date. Bukky. How did that go?” Jade finally asked. Charles turned to look at her; he replaced the picture frame on the furniture piece and then responded. “Do you remember the day we took this picture?” Charles smiled again as he resumed his slow pacing round the room. “I remember that stupid party, Kemi’s crazy crazy car…. What was it’s…

“Tyler” Jade responded, also smiling. Charles looked at her then and they both laughed together, memories floating across their minds. “Who on earth names their car Tyler? Kemi is just so special.” Charles paused again. The smile on his face was now a permanent one and Jade watched him closely rooted to the same spot she had been standing close to the door. “We stayed in that ridiculous excuse for a hotel. I still don’t know how they believed Kemi and I were actually married.”

“And I was your sister. The one that had been in the UK for so many years.” Jade added.  Charles continued walking. Now making his way towards Jade, he ran his left hand across the top of one of Jade’s pink leather sofas, shook his head and then smiled again. “You know, I owe you a confession from that night.” He looked up at Jade who now had her hands wrapped around herself in an embrace. She returned his gaze with a look that said “Go on…”

Charles continued walking slowly. Towards the door, towards Jade. “That night at the hotel when Kemi went downstairs to see the manager and I was asleep in bed. Well, I wasn’t. He paused again. “You came in from the bathroom after taking your bath.. I remember you took one look at the bed and then you let your towel fall to the floor. Jade remained quiet, the expression on her face not clear even as Charles moved within a few steps from her.

“Naked. That was the first and only time I’ve seen my … Bestfriend naked despite all the talk, all the accusations. I watched you that night as you slowly worked your moisturizer on your milky skin and I just wondered. It felt completely logical, heck it just felt right but why had it never occurred to me. To us.” Charles was now standing right in front of Jade looking straight into her eyes.

*silence*

“So this is the part where I slap you and call you a perv? Jade broke the silence. She unfolded her hands and was about to turn away when Charles stopped her. He pulled her close to himself and his lips found hers. Jade held Charles in a tight embrace and kissed him back. Slowly and then like reunited lovers hungry for each other’s touch, the kissing became more intense.

Their tongues continued to dance to music only Jade seemed to be able to hear. She had waited for this moment for ten years. Just when she thought it would never come; just when she had almost given up hope, he kissed her. Charles kissed her and what a kiss it’s turning out to be. Stars collided and the moon fell in Jades world as Charles’ hands began to explore her body. “So this is what it feels like’ Jade thought to herself. Finally, she wouldn’t have to be told how it went, she would do the telling. She briefly pictured the expression on Kemi’s face as she told her but her thoughts were cut short. Charles lifted her off the floor in one swift move and moments later, they were in her room but Jade was in paradise.

Her eyes fluttered open as her nostrils tingled with the smell of freshly made coffee. He was there, sitting by her bedside holding out a tray grinning from one ear to the other. “I made you breakfast…” Charles started… “… in bed? Oh wow… So this is how you woo all your victims.” Jade completed his sentence. “Oh will you shut up and take jo.” Jade took the tray, which had a cup of coffee, a sandwich and a bowl of grapes on it. She then placed it beside her and drew into him to kiss him.

The kissing continued for a long time until Charles pulled away from her.. “Your coffee…. It will get cold.” Jade was adamant. She tried to kiss Charles again but he pulled back. “Look at her… so much for you not being horny…” Jade pulled away and then rolled her eyes. “Well good morning Mr. Freaking Ego.” She finally said. Charles responded with a soft laugh and watched as Jade took a bite from her sandwich. “I know, I know… It’s good. You don’t have to tell me.” She shot a sarcastic look at him and continued with her meal.

“Look, we have to talk…” “Ok.. I’m listening” She responded with a mouthful of the sandwich. Charles moved closer to her on the bed and held her free hand. “Jade. Last night was… ” He paused as if for effect and let his words hang. He took a deep breath and then continued. “Last night was all kinds of amazing… “

“But? There’s a but? What’s with all this drama Charles, what?

“Look, I just think it’s best we don’t explore this. I think it will…”

“It will what? What Charles? You’re going to give me that clichéd speech about how it’s going to ruin our friendship. How it’ll all be good for a couple of weeks and then we’ll turn and go at each other like a frustrated married couple?”

Charles tried to speak but Jade continued. “Well, here’s some news for you Charles, I invented that freaking story and I’ve been telling it to everyone for the past ten years so except your version has some sick twist at the end, please save it.” She pulled her hand away from his and pushed aside her tray. Charles took a deep breath and tried to talk. “It’s just… we just… you just mean so much to me as a friend and we really don’t know if this is more than the physical”

“Oh no … no no no Charles. You didn’t just say that.” Jade got off the bed dragging the duvet along with her. She made the duvet into a wrapper and cover herself before she turned to Charles. “You know, maybe you are the selfish egotistical dude some people make you out to be after all. You need to speak for yourself because even a blind man could see my feeling for you a mile away. You know what, never mind. I should have known.”

“Jadesola… just calm down and listen to me…”

“Listen to what Charles? Listen to what? Uhn uhn.. I’m done. You know what, can you please leave. I can’t handle this right now.”

“Seriously, Jade. You want me out?”

“Yes Charles. Get out of my house.”

************

Hey people. just two more to go… If you haven’t been following the series, use this link here to read the previous episodes. OBFW is jointly written by @cikk0 and I and we’d like to say a huge thank you to the guys at Barows 21 for sponsoring it. Now to today’s magazine giveaway.

Which episode did Charles declare the following to his friends:  “The search is over!”?  The first person to give the right answer wins. Please remember to comment with an original email address. Also, past winners are not allowed to participate in the competition holding the week after theirs. Good luck.

Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 10: Taiwo

*******************
University Of Lagos 9 years ago…
*******************
Jade pulled Charles closer and spoke, almost whispering: “But you know you could have asked us to come back later. Sheesh. Every freaking where smells like sex in here” she rolled her eyes. “Don’t gimme that look, are you telling me you didn’t realize what was happening from the way I sounded on the phone – go jo”.  “I sure will, as soon as Kemi comes out.”

Jade moved away from Charles and almost sat on the bad but she suddenly pulled herself up, shot a look of disgust at Charles and then proceeded to take a seat on the chair placed by the reading table in the room. Immediately she sat down Charles burst into laugher scrunching his nose and pointing at Jade’s chair.

“Ewww ewww ewww Charles.”

Just then, Chioma and Kemi walked into the room also laughing. “No wonder this one is carrying chest up and down with his kini wrapped up in that thick towel “ Kemi made a gesture towards Charles groin area.  Charles responded by looking away. Chioma then walked towards him… “Awwhh.. Chacha baby, we’re only teasing but I’m sure Daddy won’t mind a threesome with his three favourite girls in the whole world.”

Charles looked at Chioma, disgust written all over his face but then Kemi cut them short with “Whooo hooo… threesome! Threesome! Threesome!”  Kemi continued chanting even as Jade walked towards her, grabbed her by the arm and began pulling her towards the door. “I’m sure the diva feels pretty much better now. Really sorry we disrupted your normal scheduled programming. I guess that’s what bestfriends do. We’ll be on our way now, thank you.” With that Jade shoved Kemi through the door while she yelled out “byyyyyeeee.”

“Threesome, really? What was that Chi?” Charles questioned. “Exactly what it was. A suggestion.” “Oh so now, we’re going subliminal on each other?”  Charles’ accusation seemed to fall on deaf ears as Chioma busied herself with tidying up the room. “Oh come on Chioma. We’ve been here before and you know where I stand. We’ve been together for well over a year now and I’m loving every minute of our relationship why would I trash this for something so unsure, something I don’t even want.”

“Oh I know Charles. I know you don’t want Jade. I’ve never doubted that. But the question is: does she know this? Has she heard those words from your mouth?” Charles looked away, he knew it would come to this. Chioma came to his side then. “Look Charles, I’m not stupid. I have ears, eyes… I know what all your friends and even the whole school was saying about you and Jade before we began dating. Everyone thinks I’m a fool but I’ve looked through the women in your past and I’ve looked into your eyes and even though I know you love and care for her like your own blood, I know you don’t see her in that way.”

“I know you think telling her will break her heart but Jade is much stronger than you think she is. I’m a woman. I know how it feels to be led on. She deserves better Charles. I deserve a better man, a stronger man. I’m sorry Charles, I just don’t think I can go on with this”

**********

*Ring *Ring… Charles’ ringtone brought him back to the present.
“Helloooo. So, how’s your date going?”
“Terrible much.”
“How so? Taiwo’s a doll ke?”
“More like two dolls!”
Kemi laughed. “What’s he saying?” Jade asked while tugging at Kemi’s sleeve. Kemi ignored her and continued: “You don’t say…”
“Indeed, I do say,” Charles sounded like he was trying to catch his breath before continuing, “the chic is crazy!”
“Erm… why does your voice sound spacey? Don’t tell me you absconded to the toilet of the restaurant again?” Kemi chastised.
“It’s a toilet alright…”
“Yes?” Kemi asked suspiciously.
“At her house.”
“And I shouldn’t be surprised, why?”
“‘Cause I’m a pig. I know this.”
“Affirmative.”
“Look I know but this is some twisted ish!”
“What? What is so twisted that you have to bail into the toilet?”
“Threesome.”
“What?” Kemi’s eyes almost shot out of her sockets.
“What?” Jade whispered at Kemi. The suspense was killing her.
“With her twin sister, no less!” Charles added.
“Taiwo has killed me,” and with that, Kemi burst out laughing. Jade had had enough. She shook Kemi furiously, pressing for an answer: “WHAT IS IT???”
Finally aware of Jade’s presence, Kemi put her hand over the lower end of her mobile phone and spoke softly into Jade’s face: “Let’s just say Taiwo didn’t let us down…”

***************
Charles’ Place
***************

“Arrrgggghhhh! Crazy! You guys knew?”
“Dude,” Kemi said, “we always know.” Jade replied smugly.
“Bloody saboteurs,” Charles mumbled under his breath.
“What?” both ladies asked, unsure of what he’d said.
“Oh nothing,” Charles lied. Kemi curled her eyebrow as if to say: “I don’t believe a word coming outta that pie hole!” “Seriously, I said nothing. I was only thinking aloud about Bukola Smith.” He lied again.
“Ahh Bukky,” Jade gushed, “Hmm,” her eyelids fluttered and she began to whisper into Kemi’s hear. Charles was very familiar with that look and it sometimes never ended well. This time around though, Charles was sure it would end in absolute disaster.
“But you saw this coming,” Kemi started…
“You want me to date Bukky next?” Charles guessed.
“Smart man” Jade replied.
“See these mad women.” Charles spat back. He was in the middle of a playful, drawn out hiss when his phone rang. He took one look at the phone and made to pick the call at first then hesitated.
“Erm… ladies. Excusez moi,” he eased himself into his bedroom and into the adjoining toilet while the phone rang. Once he was out of earshot, Jade looked at Kemi, “And who could that be?” “Damned if I know,” Kemi replied.

In the bathroom, Charles was pleading, “No, no, no. It’s not like that. I’m sorry. You know I didn’t want this but just give me a few more weeks. Promise, promise, promise.” He paused to listen to what the person at the other end was saying before he continued. “No. Haven’t mentioned it yet. Still not the time… It will be soon. Ah. Alright dear. Talk to you soon.”

He expected there to be questions awaiting him upon arrival. Secrecy was not a thing that enjoyed prominence between the three. He sat down and was greeted with blank stares.

“So Bukky Smith it is,” Kemi reiterated.
“Yes.” Charles said. “So no questions?”

“About what exactly?” Jade replied. It suddenly dawned on Charles that they were not in a curious mood and he was glad for that. At that moment, the doorbell rang.

“Ahn ahn, I’m not expecting anyone. Who could it be?” As he said this, Charles got up and made for the main gate outside the building. “Please hurry back … I can’t be late for my date with Mayowa.” Jade yelled at Charles. The moment he exited the living room, it caught Jade’s eye and she quickly tapped Kemi’s shoulder. All Jade did was say one word: “Phone” and Kemi was across to Charles’ seat in a flash; grabbing the mobile phone that Charles inadvertently forgot on the side stool in one fluid movement.
“Oya oya do quick, look the phone over before the cow returns!” Jade encouraged. Kemi looked at the phone and pressed a couple of buttons. She soon furrowed her brows:
“That’s weird…” Kemi hummed.
“What’s weird?” Jade perked up.
“Why would Cha-cha be receiving calls from Eno in secret?”

***********

Hey people. We’re almost there… If you haven’t been following the series, use this link here to read the previous episodes. OBFW is jointly written by @cikk0 and I and we’d like to say a huge thank you to the guys at Barows 21 for sponsoring it. Now to today’s magazine giveaway question:

What was the amount on the bill given to Charles after his first date at Derricks? The first person to copy and paste the sentence from the episode, which has the correct answer into the comment box wins. Please remember to comment with an original email address. Also, past winners are not allowed to participate in the competition holding the week after theirs. Good luck.

PS: I’m going to be putting up a major announcement tomorrow. You won’t want to miss it.

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