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Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 8: Jadesola

Hey people. So, I’ll just do the rituals and run away to hide let y’all read. If you haven’t been following the series, use this link here to read up on all you’ve missed and for those who don’t know, the series is jointly written by @cikk0 and I. You can check out his blog here.

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Kemi’s crib

*******************

“So how did it go?” Kemi asked. Jade seemed distracted but suddenly snapped back into the present. “What?” she asked.

“The date with Charles?” Kemi tried to scan Jade’s face.

“Oh that?”

“No. Of course that. Now shpeel. How did it go?” Jade’s face was completely devoid of expression as she started to reply:

“In one word, it was…”

*                *                *

“Beautiful, just utterly beautiful,” Jade breathed as she touched the orchids that lined the pathway to the building. As she arrived at the entrance, she looked up at the sign: “Derrick’s.”

“I can see you’re pulling out all the stops,” Jade chimed as she stepped into the luxurious culinary wonderland that was Derrick’s.

“How I for do na?” Charles replied. His eyes were bright with excitement. Someone was giddy tonight.

They were shown to a table and were not quite seated when Charles pulled out his phone. “Vibration.” He explained quickly as he maneuvered his track-pad. He was typing while he navigated his frame into the chair. Jade helped herself into her chair as well. Without Charles’ assistance. She suppressed a frown. Charles was not on his best behaviour today.

“What are you typing, Cha-cha?” He rose his face to meet Jade’s glare. He couldn’t have looked more culpable if the letters G-U-I-L-T-Y were stamped on his forehead.

“Erm. Nothing. Sorry.” And right at that moment, the awkwardness started.

“Entreés!” announced a waiter from behind Charles. Startled, he turned abruptly. Unfortunately, the waiter was already quite close. Charles, inadvertently it seemed, hit him with his elbow.

The tray clattered to the floor…

********************************************

University Of Lagos 11 years ago…

********************************************

“Choi! See babe!” Promise whispered.

“As in…” Charles replied.

“Champagne, go holler the babe na.” Champagne. One of many nicknames Charles hated.

“Mouth dey pain you?” Charles shot back

“Guy don’t fall my hand. You are the campus chairman na. Head of the Women Organizing Committee. The only guy to pull a year five chic AND an extra year law student in his first year!”

“Oh. So that’s why you guys started calling me a romancer of the elderly?!”

“Took you this long to figure it out eh?”

“Bagger…”

“Now, you’re in year two. This bush meat should be a breeze for you.”  Promise goaded.

Charles took the bait. He walked towards her.

************************

Derrick’s…

************************

Charles was again looking at his phone; giggling to himself.

“Up here dude.” Jade yelled.

“I’m so sorry, Jade. Chioma’s been cracking me up all evening.”

“Yeah. I noticed,” she quipped,

“Come on, don’t be like that. Okay. I promised you my full attention. And you’ve got it…” he trailed off as his phone beeped again. Without thinking, he looked at it again and touched his forehead as he bubbled with laughter.”

“Always a jerk,” Jade muttered,

*                *                *

“Hi my name is…”

“Charles.” She finished for him.

“You know me?” Charles was shocked.

“Yes. I know you. Everyone knows you. Even freshmen.”

“Ha. And what else do you know about me?” Charles asked

“I know that you have a small penis…” she giggled

“That is so not true! At its very worst, during haramttan, average. But when…”

“Calm down,” she interrupted again. “I was just pulling your legs. The outer two not your third.” Charles laughed in appreciation of a good tease. This was a smart one, he thought.

“Well played. And your name is?”

“Jadesola. But please call me Jade.”

“Well, you already know my name is Charles…”

“Yeah, but can I call you Cha-cha? You know.. Sorta like brand new.. my new catch?”

Charles was shocked by her boldness.

“What?!!”

*                *                *

Somehow, the bottle of red wine had toppled over and poured on the table. Also, said wine had speedily made its way across from Charles’ end to Jade’s. Her dress now looked like a crime scene. A few screams and wiping motions later, Charles offered:

“Look, Jade I’m sorry this isn’t working out the way we planned,”

“You bet it isn’t. Look at my dress! Oh dear Lord.” Jade whimpered.

“I’m so sorry this wasn’t the plan…”

And with that, it all made sense to her.

“You coward. You did this all on purpose didn’t you?” She spat

“Of course not. How could I?”

And Jade stormed out.

****************

Kemi’s Crib

****************

“No. Of course that. Now shpeel. How did it go?” Jade’s face was completely devoid of expression as she started to reply:

“In one word it was…” Jade hesitated as she thought out the appropriate word. Kemi couldn’t wait.

“Spit it out my friend. I don’t have all day!”

“Kemi, it was fucking awful…”

“What?” Kemi was stupefied. “How bad?”

“I cried afterwards. That bad.”

“Eek.” Kemi’s phone rang. She picked it. Jade watched.

“Hello. Hmm. Ok… WHAT? Are you even serious?” Kemi hung up. Kemi fumed. Jade was curious.

“That bastard Charles…” Kemi said

“What did he want?” Kemi shook her head. Kemi rolled her eyes. Kemi spoke.

“The name of the next girl…”

*                *                *

Charles put down the phone. Kemi and Jade would hate him for this but it was the best thing to do under the circumstances. He looked down and into Jade’s stare. Those eyes, those crazy beautiful eyes. They did it for him now as they did all those years ago.

He opened the drawer from where it came and placed the old photograph back in…

***********

There you go. So the story continues. Please use the comment box to share your thoughts and comments. Cheers.

R.I.P. Chi

Hey People.. Let my start by giving a MASSIVE shout out to you guys. I just checked the Nominees for the  Nigerian Blog Awards 2011 and we’ve been nominated in 5 categories. Wow. Im just so so overwhelmed and I’m also glad to see some of my favourite blogs got nominated too (s/o #TeamSawaleh).. It’s time to make the nominations count. You can start voting now using this link: here. Once again. Thank you guys.

I first met Chi when I was about ten. I think it was at my Grandmothers place and it was totally coincidental. My Granny’s next door neighbor was a showstopper. Her name was Anne (Can I ever forget). Anyways, it was my first time spending my holidays at Granny’s place and after playing outside for a bit, I started heading back in and that was when I saw them.. well, her. Anne was lifting two boxes and walking towards her apartment door. I must have stayed on that spot staring for ages. Then I came to my senses when this dude who I later found out was Chi, nudged me and told me what I needed to do. Without processing what he said, I ran towards Anne, half mumbling, I said “please let me help you with those”. Before getting her answer, I took the boxes from her and helped her take them into her apartment. For my efforts, I got a peck (on the cheek) and Anne called me a perfect gentleman. All thanks to Chi. We became inseparable from that moment.

Chi was just so good with the ladies. We met in the university. He had quite a few friends back then but I wasn’t immediately drawn to him cause I just thought he was a living gimmick who was also kinda weird. But I later found out he wasn’t from around here so I and my friends eventually accepted him and when he began rubbing off on my friends and I, that was when I knew he was special. He helped me learn so much more about women and in no time, striking the right chord with the ladies was so so easy.

Because of Chi, I learnt to cook. lol. Don’t be so quick to say thats a good thing oh.. because I totally did it to save my life. The crazy boy somehow got into my head and convinced me to always pay for (at least) the first three dates I went to with ladies. That might not sound so bad but back then, I had just left school, earning a ridiculous salary on my first job and I wasn’t the luckiest with the ladies so those first three dates came by pretty often. Solution was for me to learn how to cook and make sure dates 2 and 3 were at my place. Result was that my fortunes changed with the women and I discovered a talent I never knew I had. A talent that now earns me a mighty load of money. He will be missed.

I remember when I told Chi I was going to ask Jennifer to marry me. After his many congratulations, he added “You do know you have to be the first to change your Facebook relationship status”. If you didn’t know the kind of person he was, you’d wonder why on earth he thought of that at that particular point in time. But that was the Chi I grew up with. And you can imagine how much guilt I felt as I changed my Facebook status to “married” after I heard about his death.

I still can’t believe it. In fact, I know it’s not true because he always said it. Just like Jesus, he predicted his own death. He said a time would come when most people would be so mean and wouldn’t be able to process most of the things he had taught me especially about being a gentleman. When women would laugh at you for opening their doors or think you were ‘over-doing’ it by pulling up a chair for them at the dinner table. Yes, he said it. He said women would begin to think it is their prerogative to sleep on the dry side of the bed after sex. A lot of men would bullshit his teachings by applying them to only good-looking women. As social media advanced and his prophesies began to come to past, his depression began. We all thought he’d survive it. But…. Rest in peace my good friend. Chivalry.

Today I have a few questions. Firstly, do you think Chivalry is dead in these parts? Was it ever alive? If your answer to the first question is yes, then I’d like to know why you think so. If not, please share instances and maybe some experiences with us. or should I have started with the definition of Chivalry? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

Heed them not.

Hey everyone. I was pretty close to putting up my first ‘untitled’ post today but luckily/unluckily, I read the post put up on @KevinWithAnL’s blog by @MsCantFindAName on Saturday and initially, I was tempted to do a reply to the post but I later changed my mind and decided to share something I’d had in mind for a while instead.

Step aside guys, this one’s for the sisters. Well, maybe not, because if you can successfully preach this sermon to your wife/girlfriend/side-chic e.t.c, trust me, they’ll come off better I think. After much research, in my mind I’ve come up with yet another not-so-list of the top 5 people our women should never really listen to/take advice from. So let’s get into it.

Beyonce
Call her Beyonce, Bey, Destiny’s first child, or as she now calls herself, ‘King B’, singer and actress, Beyonce Knowles tops my list of people women really should never take advice from and my reasons are not far-fetched. I think she’s just pretty much confused and confusing. I mean, why on earth do you do a single ladies anthem when you’ve not been single in ages? Why would you get women who look like a certain former radio oap here in Nigeria God forgive me singing the lines: “I can have another you in a minute?” She whines broke ass sisters so much that they start singing the lines “let me upgrade you…” and I’m like upgrade me with what exactly? The combined height of the 2 pairs of 6 inch heels  you own? As if this isn’t bad enough, the first single off her new album drums the lyrics “…who run the world? Girls!” into the ears of women and funny thing is, some are starting to believe this too. My 50 kobo advise, if your man is significantly bigger than you physically and he has drinking/smoking habits, kindly side step that song or better still listen from a distance.

Ugly Friends
They have existed since forever and every girl has them yes, even that oap I spoke about earlier too. What I just don’t understand is why our women allow them to influence their choices/decisions. I know you have little or no influence on who advises you on what and when. This is Nigeria, people love giving their opinions even on discussions they weren’t invited into. But if you’re going to take advice from anyone at all, especially about your man/relationships, why on earth will you listen to the ermm.. ‘unprettiest’ of all your friends. You know she wishes she has your man, heck, she’s probably offered him a lifetime membership card for her pumpum, which he probably turned down, out of respect for you so why do you take advice from her. Please don’t get it twisted, the ugly friend in question can also be a guy. In this case, he’s just plain hating on your man for coming to steal away his closest shot at being considered as a possible partner of a remarkably hawt woman. If you don’t have any other friend to take advice from create a fake twitter account and tweet questions. I’m sure you’ll get more than enough responses. Ok, ok, I kid.. but you do get my point.

Oprah
Let’s just combine most talk shows into this point but I’d have to say Oprah takes the buck. When the curtains closed on her last episode, I’m sure some men arranged for special thanksgiving at their churches. This woman has such a following that if she writes her own bible, it would probably become a worthy competition for the real thing. Maybe I should have started from the fact that that people who have twisted/unclear theories about God scare me but honestly though, as much as she’s been a source of inspiration to many black women out there, it’s easy to see that her societal status colours her judgement on a lot of issues. Besides, why would you trust relationship advice coming from a woman who has been with a guy she isn’t married to for over 25 years but is publicly seen everywhere with a female ‘bestfriend’.  I hear there’s now a term for it: ‘Stedmantization‘.

Bloggers
I’ll probably lose my head for this one but yes, I said it, BLOGGERS. To be fair tho, the ones you should really be scared of are the blogs/bloggers that put up a lot of ‘list’ related posts. ‘4 ways to find out he’s cheating‘.. ‘5 ways to know he’s a broke ass‘… ‘13 rules of dating‘… ‘3 ways to make him say your name in bed‘…
Ok, maybe not that last one but you get the idea. It’s true I’m a blogger but those discerning enough will realize how pretty much open-ended most of my posts are. I sometimes share my opinions on issues but at the end of the day, I know we are all different people in many ways so certain issues need to be contextualized and properly processed before a conclusion/decision is made. Sure, you can read and peep into the lives of others through their comments but the puck stops with you at the end of the day.

Cosmo
Some might say they’re not so different from the bloggers with their lists and all but one thing that gets to me is all the sex related lists, rules and all. ‘5 positions that will take you from ‘oh’ to ‘Oh my God”… ‘Top 3 sex toys you can buy your man‘… Well, for those who are married and have no plans to cheat, my advise is that you can read Cosmo, but only for laughs. I mean, if your man is built like Mr. Chow from the Hangover movies, he’s doggy game will just never pop no matter what the guys from Cosmo tell you.

To wrap things up, I’ll just say even though this piece might come across as a joke because of the humor behind it, there’s some truth here too. People will advise whether you like it or not. The key thing is being able to pause right before you make that decision to contextualize things. Does it really apply to me? Who gave the advice? Why should I trust the person’s opinion? e.t.c. These questions will and should always be relevant event to us guys.  So, if you think I missed out a point or you disagree with any of my points, please use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

PS: You can still nominate us for the Nigerian Blogger Awards here: NOMINATE.

Hunter Speaks: No one wants someone who isn’t already taken?

Going to the dentist is one of the two things I don’t enjoy but I do anyway. The other is flying.

I see my dentist twice a year for scaling and polishing.

Sitting at the reception of Dr Sadare’s dental clinic, I pick up a girly magazine and flip through its pages to pass time as I wait my turn.

No one wants someone who isn’t already taken” is written in bold yellow letters across a page. It is an article on why chicks find married guys (or guys in a relationship) very attractive.

I stop flipping and start reading……..

5 minutes later.

Sigh, the article is the same old thing. When it comes to relationships, the unattainable is always more desirable.

Sigh…..

Personally, I don’t think it is a big deal to tell a chick I am flirting with that I am married. Some chicks find it very offensive while some don’t. It makes things less complicated and saves both of us a lot of time…..no need pursuing a relationship that isn’t going to turn into one. Even as a single guy, it was always easier to get a girl on the side if I was already in a relationship.

It is generally easier for a guy to get another chick if he is already in one relationship or already married. This is not my opinion, it is just a fact.

Despite this fact though, some people still lie about their relationship status for a number of reasons. Some guys say they lie because they don’t want to be rejected.  While this sounds very plausible, I think it complicates things in the long run. I will never understand why guys do it.

Girls do it too but rather than lie that she is single when she isn’t, a girl is more likely to lie that she isn’t when she actually is. It is all part of the forming, she has to give him the impression that she is already taken. This is also a good strategy when she isn’t looking for a serious relationship.

Many chicks actually hit on married men, hoping to “land” them, for three reasons:

1.” Somebody has them, so they must be good enough……they are confirmed.”

2. “They have sex regularly. They’re experienced in bed”

3. It is a challenge….”let me see if I can steal his attention from his wife/girlfriend”

My mind drifts to some discussions I have had with my friends in the past..…..

UncleT: I’ve been happily married for 5 years and I have never been as comfortable and confident approaching women as I am now because it’s a win-win situation. I have nothing to lose. When a girl I’m flirting with knows I am married, it is either she turns me down and I go home to my loving wife or she doesn’t, we both have fun and I still go home to my loving wife.

Binta: All guys cheat. If I like a guy and he likes me, I will date him. I don’t care if he is taken or not. Simple! Why care? After all, he is going to be unfaithful to his girlfriend/wife whether it is with me or not.

Chuboy: As a single guy in a relationship, it is easier to get a girl, although I usually have to make them believe there is a possibility at being the main one…….that is, overthroning my girlfriend.

Oyinkan: I once dated a married guy. Not proud of it sha. When it started, the guy didn’t say anything at first and I assumed he was single. I was already head over heels in love by the time I realized he was married. I figured things must have been bad between him and his wife for him to be toasting me. I don’t really know, I made sure we didn’t talk about it much though, because deep down inside me I was jealous every time he was with her instead of me.

Amadi: I lie. I lie about being married. I find it so much easier. I lie because I can’t stand rejection. It is sometimes difficult to keep the lies up but I still prefer it. It can get tricky sometimes because I am not sure what will happen if a side runs bumps into my wife and I in a public place.

Samson: It makes a lot of sense that women warm up quicker to guys in a stable relationship because women compete with themselves a lot…..“Because she has him, I want him for myself” In short women are just complicated.

Angela: Single guys, especially those over a certain age, think that because they are unattached means that every single woman wants them. Nonsense! If they only knew that their attitude completely kills any interest we have in them! A married guy is just less complicated.

Babs: A woman likes to be in control. She knows (or at least thinks she knows) what to expect from the relationship. On the other hand, dating a single guy takes more effort and requires a lot of second guessing. Her mind starts thinking things like -“Does he like me?”, “Do I look stupid?” or “Why did he say that?” or “Emm,I don’t want him to get the wrong ideas and start thinking I like him….” etc.

Obby: Why would you say it’s OK to flirt when you are married in a relationship? It is completely wrong! I am a single attractive woman that gets hit on by married men, and it’s rude and disrespectful to their wives and to me. Many married and single people don’t care to respect the covenant of marriage. Flirting should remain something you do with your spouse or as one single person to another. Not a married person to a single person or a single person to a married person! *Hiss!*

TK: As a single guy, I have to say nothing upsets me more than a hot chick complaining about being single when dozens of single men like me are dying to call himself her boyfriend. It’s true that single men can be less comfortable to talk to “because” we are so actively seeking a relationship, but give us some slack, please.

Innocent: When I wear a wedding ring, I get a lot more female attention. When I don’t, I don’t.

Miss K: I am single and not ready to be committed in a relationship. So I prefer to date a married guy. He usually has nothing to prove like most single guys. He will not disturb me and be asking me stupid questions like “where are you?” “Who are you with?”And I don’t need his permission or approval to be anywhere or with anybody.

Dave: I am single and searching. That is all I need to say these days. Girls are desperate to get married. Why make it complicated? I don’t know how you married guys are able to get girls when they know you are already somebody else’s property.  My girlfriend isn’t in the country so in a way I am single even though I am not searching…… at least not for long term. *Smiles*

Jennifer: It is just easier to flirt with a married guy. Everybody knows what’s up……..

My phone rings and at the same time, the receptionist says to me “Err, excuse me sir, Dr Sadare is ready to see you now…….”

Back to reality….I drop the magazine and stand up.

The next 20 minutes is going to be very uncomfortable but I don’t mind. I can’t flirt much if I’ve got bad breath, can I?

Deep Sigh…….

The Hunter has spoken. So, are you UncleT, Miss K or Oyinkan? What are your thoughts on the subject? No one wants someone who isn’t already taken? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

Opposites Attract NOT.

So it’s another Monday (Yawn).. long and eventful weekend but I’m just glad we’ve gotten the Presidential elections over and done with. If you missed my post from yesterday, please check it here to cast your vote. Now, on to today’s business. For those who know me and the regulars here, you’ll probably know by now that I have a knack for turning things inside out (that’s “cool” for being a rebel). I recently read some stuff online and I thought to do my bit.

Today, I’ll try to take on an age old theory/law, which even has roots in science and most religions. This law of attraction which simply states: Opposites attract. Ok, let me just quickly state here that I’m not about to bust a law that’s way older than I am. Hells nah.. I’m only going to take on one bit of it and this is the relationship aspect. Now, contrary to what this law states, I believe to co-exist, be it in a simple relationship, or a marriage, the two parties involved need to find common grounds on certain aspects. Let’s take a look at some:

Food

There are so many angles to this. You can have the mismatch of the home cooking queen and the fast food king, the healthy eater and the not-so-healthy eater.e.t.c. No matter how you look at it, it’s a very vital point, which if not properly addressed before hand can easily drive the couple to splitsville.

Keeping up with the exes

There’s no wrong or right here. It’s just totally up to every individual to take a position. Personally, I have no issues staying friends with my exes (except things ended with her chasing me around with an axe). I just believe once that feeling goes away, it’s gone and it’s actually when you try running away from the truth that you get in trouble. Now imagine me getting with someone who absolutely can’t imagine why anyone should still have an exes number on their phone, or have them on their blackberry list etc. *Insert more chaos*

Personal hygiene

Let’s come out and say it how it is. Some people are just down-right duuurrrrty. Like they really don’t mind leaving used dishes in their kitchen for a couple of days. Heck, some even throw used condoms underneath their beds and some ladies.. just cause it’s a black bra, they wear that ish like it’s a birthmark. Some will not have issues with this but if you’re a born neat-freak like me (yes, I’m in rehab) it just won’t work.

Libido

In my short stay on this planet, I’ve come across all kinds of people and some of them, well, the best way to describe them is what they are – nymphos – yes, they exist. I’m talking about people who can hardly do one day without having sex. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. Now imagine someone like this, a dude perhaps, ending up with a total prude for a girlfriend or worse off, a wife. *Insert chaos* It’s one of two things, it’s either the person with the lower libido compromises to having more sex or the person with the higher, compromises to having less. Doesn’t it already sound complicated?

Extended family/Children

This bit will probably come into play for the very serious relationships and it is VERY important for your views to either agree completely or at least be close here. Personally, I don’t believe everyone should have kids (I’m sorry) But seriously though, not every couple is capable of raising kids. If one member of the team realizes this early on and ends up with someone with an opposing opinion, this will never go down well. Same thing goes for involvement of families in relationships.

I left out the “seemingly” obvious points like religion, money et.c. well, cause those might not necessarily come into play for the “not-so-serious relationships” (I think).. Anyways, that’s my bit. I’m sure I missed out things you can help point out or you could share your thoughts on the points I raised. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

The concept of FREE

I visited my girlfriend the other day – actually, my soon-to-be fiance (shhhh). It was a lonely Saturday afternoon and after we chatted a bit, that usual one thing led to the usual other thing, and as we began an intense make-out session. Moments after, her blackberry began buzzing – gaddem thing. She usually wouldn’t, but she timed out of my hold and after she checked it, she smiled at me in that “you know it’s going to be good so better wait” way. Sheeeesh.

The interruption came from her friend who was at the door. She had called earlier and said she could be in the neighbourhood and would probably stop by. My girlfriend’s place is pretty choked up so her friend(s), yes, they turned out to be two, made their way into her small room to join us. One I had met before, the other, I’d only heard of. They both pulled up chairs and sat opposite the couch I and my girlfriend sat on with a little coffee table in-between us.

We all got talking and as the conversation went on, I kept noticing the friend I had just met stealing glances at me. Yeah she was good looking all right. Average T and F but A, very on point (TF(or)A Post) all in all, definitely nowhere near my gurl. To cut things short, as the conversation went on, I felt toes tapping on mine beneath the coffee table. I didn’t need to confirm whose they were. It was play time and I was invited. It was amazing how we both managed to carry on two different conversations unnoticed even as we kept talking with our toes no footsie.

The visitors soon left leaving me and my gurl to continue where we had left off. A few days later after sourcing help from a few social networking sites, I walked into a hotel room to meet the friend I met over the weekend completely naked lying on a bed. We handled our business and as I walked back to my car, my phone rang. It was that special ringtone. I picked up and responded to her beautiful voice: “Hey babe, I’m on my way, my boss just kept me back a bit longer than I expected”.

This is what I call the concept of FREE. Very few men will turn down a freebie well, except me, or Owen Wilson from the movie Hall Pass especially when they are not legally bound. For the guys reading this, maybe you can further explain this concept especially if you’re the type who’ll say no (*cough). As for the ladies, what are your thoughts on the gurlfriends’ friend? Raging hoemometer or just a one time thing? Use the comment box, speak your mind and if you like what you’ve read, please subscribe. Cheers.

Playing perfect

Hey people. Hope the weekend was good… I’m sure some will expect me to comment about this weekend but I’ve chosen not to. So, straight away to the Monday rush. I’m excited cause I’ll be introducing y’all to my first guest blogger today. (*inner child back flip*) Her name is Pemi. She’s a young writer and I’m very sure you’ll be seeing her around here a lot more from now on. We’ll definitely appreciate your feedback. Cheers.

Feb 14

Somewhere Not So Far Away

The weather alone should have told them it was going to be a horrible night. The sky was dark, clouds heavy with rain. The cold wind whirled around them consistently, as if urging them to turn around; ‘Gooo Hoooome’ the wind seemed to be hissing.

But they trudged on obstinately. It was the one day in the year when they actually tried to remember why they fell in love. Except New Year’s of course, but they usually got really drunk before any reasons came up. They were a very attractive couple; he was tall and broad where she was petite. She had her left hand through the crook of his arm while her right hand tried to prevent her full skirt from dancing around her head in the wind. He looked down at her pretty face and smiled; she glanced up at him and returned his smile.

‘Oh, why did she have to change?’ he thought to himself.

‘Oh, why can’t he just change?’ she thought to herself.

They finally stepped into La Rio de Janeiro. Raymond had been here earlier in the week for a ‘business date’ with Natasha. But Layo didn’t know that, of course. The place was crowded but he strode up to one of the waitresses dressed in black and white. At his tap, she turned around to face them with a very wide, red lipstick-ed smile. She had a matching red rose on her chest, the size of the rose and the amount of revealed cleavage competed for attention.

‘Damn, now that’s a feast for the eyes!’ Raymond forced his eyes back to her face. “We have a reservation. Raymond and Layo.” ‘I remember when Layo bothered to dress up for me’; he looked down at Layo and mentally added, ‘when it’s not Valentine’s day.’

The red waitress walked them over to their table and Layo watched Raymond watch her skimpy black skirt. “Honey, the place looks beautiful!” Layo said. ‘Though you haven’t noticed that. Why don’t you invite her to join us? Moron. I remember when you looked at me that way.’

When they were settled at their table and the red waitress and her tempting wiles out of sight; Raymond reached over to hold Layo’s hand. “So, do you like the ring?” ‘What choice do you have, it was bloody expensive! And Natasha picked it out, she has good taste.’

Layo smiled; “It’s beautiful. I absolutely adore it!” ‘You never listen to anything I say. I wanted a necklace. Besides, Dapo got me a similar thing, with matching earrings!’

“I’m so glad we could do this tonight. You’ve being staying late at the office these days.” Layo said. ‘You cheating idiot; you could come up with a better lie.’

“Trying to make money for us.” He forced a laugh. ‘Come home to what? You never let me touch you anymore! Ice queen!’

An hour and a half later; they were about ready to give up on their phony smiles and empty conversations. The red waitress had shown up far too many times than was necessary; reminding Raymond of the days Layo had fought for his attention and reminding Layo of the days Raymond had eyes for her only.

“Shit! It’s raining! And we’re packed down the street. We have to wait it out.”

‘Oh Lord, make it stop! I can’t take this anymore. If only he’d talk to me; I’m sure we could make this work. I could make him happy.’ Layo thought.

This bloody rain had better stop now. If only she understood me; this wouldn’t be happening! We could be so happy.’ Raymond thought.

Thunder clapped and the rain fell in torrents; leaving the estranged lovers staring at everything but themselves.

THE END>

For me, this is just typical of a lot of couples out there. Yes, A LOT. I’ll just never understand why people keep these feelings bottled-up inside. That being said, have you ever been a Raymond or are you Layo? Share your experiences or thoughts on why you’d rather only think than express yourself to your partner.

UPDATE: Thoughts are italized and boldened. Also, if you enjoyed this post, kindly hit the share on Facebook or Twitter button below. Thanks 🙂

10 signs you’re in a bad relationship

Here’s a reply to something I found online a while back:

It usually doesn’t start this way. It probably began with the same passion, enthusiastic spontaneity, unbridled optimism, and unprompted Sunday nookie synonymous with most happy couples. You liked each other, a lot, and still actually do on Wednesdays, but somewhere along the line your joyful coupling turned into a joyless abyss of unrelentingly sh*tty sh*ttyness.
Thing is, like most people, you probably didn’t realize exactly how terrible your relationship was until you got out of it. Sure, everyone else could see it, but you were too blinded by your investment and occasional ‘rebellious persona’ to actually notice.
To make sure this lack of recognition of your nasty circumstances never happens to any of you again, here’s 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship

1. You want them dead.
Ok, you might not actually want to kill them or even want them to die, but lets just say that if a completely random, completely painless, and undoubtedly fatal accident were to befall your mate, it probably wouldn’t upset you that much
***pausing to allow everyone reading this who’s ever been in a bad relationship to nod their head in shameful understanding***

2. They don’t make you happy
Its probably not a good thing if the only time you can remember your man making you laugh is when you saw him trip and fall on his face.

3. You think everyone you encounter is attractive in someway…except your significant other
Seriously, I think this is how they pick the contestants for “the flavor of love”. They just target women in relationships so bad that they’d find any jerk more sexually attractive then their current bf’s.

4. Its based on a lie
While white lies here or there about their awful cooking, your extensive p*rn collection, or the looks of their enthusiastically unattractive siblings are sometimes needed to keep the relationship peaceful, there’s no surer sign that you’re in a bad relationship than if lies are needed to keep it going.
Usually, these type of lies fall in one of two categories:

a) Willful deception (i.e: willingly (and selfishly) being the other woman or man)
b) Willful self-deception (i.e: having to convince yourself that things will get better, even though you know that the wait for that improbability would be longer than the surface area of Rihana’s forehead)

5. You’ve stopped having spontaneous sex

6. Nobody ever invites you anywhere as a group
Which actually doesn’t matter because even if you were invited, you wouldn’t attend because…

7. You don’t want to spend time around genuinely happy people
…and have their mere presence reminds you of the truck load of unhappiness that is your life.

8. You always have more fun if they’re not included
Lets just say that you qualify if your first mental response to “I invited your girl, too“, “your girl is on the way“, or (from your girl) “I want to spend some time with you this weekend” is always “Oh no!”

9. You’ve had to pull repeated “Usher’s”
(ending good relationships with other people to make it work)

10. You’re always the last person to find anything out about each other
From your promotion at work to the results of your STD screen, a hallmark of a terrible relationship is everyone else always learning important stuff about your significant other before you do. Seriously, I have a friend who broke up with his aggressively unintelligent chic in August and still hasn’t told her yet (they’re also still having sex. his explanation: “you expect me to deprive myself of some regular booty just because she doesn’t check her emails?”)

Anything missing? Speak your mind…

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