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Rules of (Dis)engagement.

Hey everyone. *dodges tomatoes* Y’all know I can’t hold out on you like that.. :). So, I’m excited this morning. Why? Well, for starters I’m still off work so…booyah…. Today’s also the birthday of a very very good friend and finally, the countdown to the awesome month of August when we celebrate out first year anniversary officially begins this week. Make sure you check back for details of activities we have lined up.

Now, today’s post might come off as a joke (especially to the ladies) but I’d like to see the talking points that spin off it. It was written by a good friend of mine, Biodun .F. (@biodunf) and no he’s not a blogger.

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The people with science backgrounds and pretty much everyone who has seen The Matrix or some other out-of-this-world sci-fi action movie should know that there are always glitches in systems that allow you do the ‘extra ordinary’. (Neo stopping bullets) For those of us that have been in a relationship for a bit and have gotten involved in some ‘extra-curricular’ activities, I’m here to vindicate you and help get you out of that tight corner whenever you get caught.

Over time I’ve come across certain rules that allow guys or even girls have some sort of ‘hall pass’ out of their relationships and I’d just like to share them.

Time Zone:  If you cheat on your partner in another time zone, say maybe you are in Nigeria and he/she is in the US, IT’S NOT CHEATING!!! I’ll explain. One of you is in the future and the other is in the past, so you are technically not dating at that time in the future. Who knows if you guys would still be in a relationship in the next 4 hours.

Mile High: We all know what the mile high club is, right? (well… basically that’s having sex in an in-flight airplane for more info check out: www.milehighclub.com). So here is the loophole; you are on land and your partner is way up in the air. IT’S NOT CHEATING!!!  The exclusivity rules don’t apply. The air up there is different from down here and the rules of gravity and hence all other rules don’t apply. If you don’t believe me refer to page 72 of Principles of Physics by P.N. Okeke. (Seriously … stop that)

Travelling Back in Time: Here’s a favourite. It’s indirectly related to Okafor’s law i.e. sleeping with an ex. If your partner catches you in bed with an ex, NO, IT’S NOT CHEATING!!!  You’ve already shagged the ex in the past, so it’s not like you’re doing something new, right?

Different Race: Here’s another good one. If you are getting some on the side with someone of a different race, guess what… IT’S NOT CHEATING!!! Let me explain, you are black and she’s white, it’s neither here nor there. Like they say ‘it’s a GREY area’. In fact, some take it as far as saying cheating with someone who speaks a different language doesn’t count. I personally can’t explain that one yet, so if you get caught doing that, you are on your own.

Life or Death: Remember the movie ‘Without a paddle’? Remember that scene where three guys were caught in the rain in the middle of the jungle and they had no means of keeping warm besides snuggling up? And then that R.Kelly song came on, ‘……my minds telling me no, but my body, my body is telling me YEAH!!!’. Ok so picture getting caught in that Lagos flood last week with someone of the opposite sex, say maybe in some cave in Alagbado or Ajangbadi. It’s cold as hell and the only way to keep warm is to … erm… ‘snuggle up’ with other person. Your boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn’t mind you getting a couple of warm thrusts to keep you alive, would they? Would you?  In fact the person you slept with might even get a medal for bravery, yes? No?

So there they are, I bet some of you have some more interesting ideas of getting out of those tight corners. So back to you toolsman and thanks for having me here.

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Joke? Yes? No? Maybe? This morning has certainly been about the jokes. I’ll definitely like to hear your thoughts on this one. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

Hunter Speaks: No one wants someone who isn’t already taken?

Going to the dentist is one of the two things I don’t enjoy but I do anyway. The other is flying.

I see my dentist twice a year for scaling and polishing.

Sitting at the reception of Dr Sadare’s dental clinic, I pick up a girly magazine and flip through its pages to pass time as I wait my turn.

No one wants someone who isn’t already taken” is written in bold yellow letters across a page. It is an article on why chicks find married guys (or guys in a relationship) very attractive.

I stop flipping and start reading……..

5 minutes later.

Sigh, the article is the same old thing. When it comes to relationships, the unattainable is always more desirable.

Sigh…..

Personally, I don’t think it is a big deal to tell a chick I am flirting with that I am married. Some chicks find it very offensive while some don’t. It makes things less complicated and saves both of us a lot of time…..no need pursuing a relationship that isn’t going to turn into one. Even as a single guy, it was always easier to get a girl on the side if I was already in a relationship.

It is generally easier for a guy to get another chick if he is already in one relationship or already married. This is not my opinion, it is just a fact.

Despite this fact though, some people still lie about their relationship status for a number of reasons. Some guys say they lie because they don’t want to be rejected.  While this sounds very plausible, I think it complicates things in the long run. I will never understand why guys do it.

Girls do it too but rather than lie that she is single when she isn’t, a girl is more likely to lie that she isn’t when she actually is. It is all part of the forming, she has to give him the impression that she is already taken. This is also a good strategy when she isn’t looking for a serious relationship.

Many chicks actually hit on married men, hoping to “land” them, for three reasons:

1.” Somebody has them, so they must be good enough……they are confirmed.”

2. “They have sex regularly. They’re experienced in bed”

3. It is a challenge….”let me see if I can steal his attention from his wife/girlfriend”

My mind drifts to some discussions I have had with my friends in the past..…..

UncleT: I’ve been happily married for 5 years and I have never been as comfortable and confident approaching women as I am now because it’s a win-win situation. I have nothing to lose. When a girl I’m flirting with knows I am married, it is either she turns me down and I go home to my loving wife or she doesn’t, we both have fun and I still go home to my loving wife.

Binta: All guys cheat. If I like a guy and he likes me, I will date him. I don’t care if he is taken or not. Simple! Why care? After all, he is going to be unfaithful to his girlfriend/wife whether it is with me or not.

Chuboy: As a single guy in a relationship, it is easier to get a girl, although I usually have to make them believe there is a possibility at being the main one…….that is, overthroning my girlfriend.

Oyinkan: I once dated a married guy. Not proud of it sha. When it started, the guy didn’t say anything at first and I assumed he was single. I was already head over heels in love by the time I realized he was married. I figured things must have been bad between him and his wife for him to be toasting me. I don’t really know, I made sure we didn’t talk about it much though, because deep down inside me I was jealous every time he was with her instead of me.

Amadi: I lie. I lie about being married. I find it so much easier. I lie because I can’t stand rejection. It is sometimes difficult to keep the lies up but I still prefer it. It can get tricky sometimes because I am not sure what will happen if a side runs bumps into my wife and I in a public place.

Samson: It makes a lot of sense that women warm up quicker to guys in a stable relationship because women compete with themselves a lot…..“Because she has him, I want him for myself” In short women are just complicated.

Angela: Single guys, especially those over a certain age, think that because they are unattached means that every single woman wants them. Nonsense! If they only knew that their attitude completely kills any interest we have in them! A married guy is just less complicated.

Babs: A woman likes to be in control. She knows (or at least thinks she knows) what to expect from the relationship. On the other hand, dating a single guy takes more effort and requires a lot of second guessing. Her mind starts thinking things like -“Does he like me?”, “Do I look stupid?” or “Why did he say that?” or “Emm,I don’t want him to get the wrong ideas and start thinking I like him….” etc.

Obby: Why would you say it’s OK to flirt when you are married in a relationship? It is completely wrong! I am a single attractive woman that gets hit on by married men, and it’s rude and disrespectful to their wives and to me. Many married and single people don’t care to respect the covenant of marriage. Flirting should remain something you do with your spouse or as one single person to another. Not a married person to a single person or a single person to a married person! *Hiss!*

TK: As a single guy, I have to say nothing upsets me more than a hot chick complaining about being single when dozens of single men like me are dying to call himself her boyfriend. It’s true that single men can be less comfortable to talk to “because” we are so actively seeking a relationship, but give us some slack, please.

Innocent: When I wear a wedding ring, I get a lot more female attention. When I don’t, I don’t.

Miss K: I am single and not ready to be committed in a relationship. So I prefer to date a married guy. He usually has nothing to prove like most single guys. He will not disturb me and be asking me stupid questions like “where are you?” “Who are you with?”And I don’t need his permission or approval to be anywhere or with anybody.

Dave: I am single and searching. That is all I need to say these days. Girls are desperate to get married. Why make it complicated? I don’t know how you married guys are able to get girls when they know you are already somebody else’s property.  My girlfriend isn’t in the country so in a way I am single even though I am not searching…… at least not for long term. *Smiles*

Jennifer: It is just easier to flirt with a married guy. Everybody knows what’s up……..

My phone rings and at the same time, the receptionist says to me “Err, excuse me sir, Dr Sadare is ready to see you now…….”

Back to reality….I drop the magazine and stand up.

The next 20 minutes is going to be very uncomfortable but I don’t mind. I can’t flirt much if I’ve got bad breath, can I?

Deep Sigh…….

The Hunter has spoken. So, are you UncleT, Miss K or Oyinkan? What are your thoughts on the subject? No one wants someone who isn’t already taken? Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

TF(or)A: The two out of three theory

Two out of three theory. Some of y’all are wondering what the hell that is. Well, just as it is, two out of three, thats all a woman needs to meet the “I’ll bed you/I’ll wife you” criteria for most guys. You might have heard guys talking about TAF, TFA or FAT – yes? no? Well, T = Tits, F = Face, A = Ass.

This theory (common among the male folk) that most guys will bed (or wife, depending on your type of person) a chic once she can meet two of the three requirements stated above, has become almost absolutely adopted (consciously or unconsciously) by guys. Yes, it’s no lie that the average male is a very visual creature. He makes choices based on what he sees as opposed to the females but the general idea that it takes meeting only two out of these “very physical” criteria to bed a woman makes me wonder how much our value system has eroded in this generation.

I mean, whatever happened to a decent personality? Does that not come handy even while in the sack? A lot of guys are probably going like HOW? – It’s not as if you give two hoots about her smiling at you or laying your sheets after a roll in the hay (that freaks a lot of guys out by the way)

Women who often see “no-so-good-looking” women with very good looking men will easily pass this off as the height of Male chauvinism but it’s simply the 2/3 theory and to get by, I’ll advice you start taking it seriously.

Ok, so I won’t go ahead and say all men have adopted this theory. I mean, I’ve dealt with a few 1/3 in my short life (mostly having a cute face with little or no T & A) but maybe that’s just due to my open minded nature but then again, I’m very positive that I’m not alone here. I’ve seen other brothers walking along the street proudly holding on to their 1/3 chic (even though she might be making up for this in other ways), the general excuse for this would probably be “she must have a great personality” but did I hear the guys go roooooooight?

For me, it will have to come to 3/4. You just can’t knock out a great personality even if its for something very casual (insert/delete one-night-stands depending on your person). If I find you boring, overtly sarcastic, condescending or insensitive as a person, no matter how hawt you look (T,F & A), well, it won’t be impossible (*cough *cough) but it’ll just be harder to bring myself to ‘just’ bed you.

So it’s time to speak your mind. To the guys out there, do you support the 2/3 theory or you’d rather have all three? And for the ladies, what’s your take on all of this, if y’all have the 10/3 theory, do you think it’s right for us to adopt the 2/3 theory? Have your say.

 

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