Vagina Monologues

This tag is associated with 3 posts

The Vagina Monologues Remix Finale.

Breaking & Entering By @Ms_Dania
I really wish I didn’t have It. Wish I could cut it out.  After all, I didn’t ask for it. And it has done nothing for me.
It is the reason they’ve followed me since I was 6.
Tunde and Jerry in the play ground, trying to see under my dress as I went up and down the Janglova.
Up and down.
It is the reason Andrew, 24, stalked me when I was 12.
What else would he want with a child half his age?
Chris broke it off with me because he wasn’t getting It. Turns out he couldn’t do without Pussy after all.
I remember when I used to guard It sacredly. “Sit like a girl!” mama would say. “Close your legs!” the teacher would say, “You’re a lady”, and then all the boys would start to giggle. Silly little pricks.
And so I sat and closed and guarded preciously; my vagina; my ladyship.

Until he came along.
And took It. Just like that.
It really wasn’t his fault I think. It was IT.
I told him it was mine and mine alone. At least until someone took possession of me formally and then the person would inherit it.
He accepted.
But then he started to kiss me. And touch me. And then IT started to feel things. I didn’t understand; I still don’t. Why was one set of lips reacting when the other was getting kissed?
He pushed me down on the bed. I started to panic, but IT was loving it.
Let me go! My head screamed.
Why? IT replied, you’re loving it.
My mouth just whimpered.
He pulled down my skirt forcefully and slapped my thighs apart. My head won. STOP, I screamed.  He took off my panties. NO! I started to cry. He looked at the tears on my face and faltered.
Then he looked at IT and IT said to him, look I have tears too, I’m wet too.
And he broke in and took It. Just like that he took it.
It was not yours for the taking you fucking bastard.
It’s one year after and he’s still here. What can I say? He was the first. He’s taken my ladyship; he has to have me.

I hate him.
I hate my vagina.
I want to cut it out.

But then I have to pee.

The Angry Vagina By @miafarradaily
Hello Men. How y’all doing? On behalf of my furious vagina, may I say:
Fuck you, cocks, schlongs, penises, johnsons, Mr. ‘your owner calls you happy but the only person you make truly happy is your owner’.
You don’t know shit.
You don’t know what it’s like to be wandering along, living your private little life and then for some greater good bullshit, it suddenly starts to rain red pain.
You ache and you cramp and you’re confused and just when you think, “finally, some sympathy!” someone shoves a big phallic piece of absorbent shit right up you.
Once and again, every 4-6 hours, every month of every year of your life that matters.
My blood, my pain, my agony.
Hey you! Yeah, you! Sitting in the back there…crossing your legs and playing with your phone under the table…
You came from a vagina.
You came from blood and pain and agony.
You came from OUR blood, OUR pain, OUR agony.
What’s that? Birth is a miracle? Motherhood is an honour? Are you kidding me with this Hallmark bullshit?
It’s a miracle I haven’t honoured you with death yet.
Indignity? Let me tell you about indignity!
Indignity is having some young kid with two consonants in front of their name poke and prod and shove metal as far into you as they can.
“This will be a little cold’ “This might be a tad uncomfortable”.
No, douchebag, looking at your stupid little face is uncomfortable.  Those shoes I got on sale are uncomfortable. Going jogging in a g-string is uncomfortable.
Having a SPECULUM, a metal instrument of torture thrust and then expanded inside me? Uncomfortable, you say?
Why don’t you come a little closer, yeah that’s right…give me a good shot at your educated nose and I’ll show you uncomfortable.
Sex. Yeah, I see you; lady who wants to pretend having a vagina isn’t one big cosmic joke. Sex you say?
“Sex is good.” “Sex is nice.”
Remember your first time? Remember:
The blood.
The pain.
The agony
Remember that?
Oh, but now you’re saying “it gets better” Indeed.
You wear your ankles for earrings and in return you get the equivalent of a jumbo Toblerone bar.
You think this is fair?
There is NOTHING fair about having a vagina.
Know this: Swine get a better deal than you. They get to come for HALF A FREAKING HOUR. 30 minutes. And your clit gives you what, 5 minutes tops?

All pigs are equal, some pigs are more equal than others and Miss Piggy? Has a better sex life than you.
Sex. *snorts*
Sex is the cover up! Sex is the freaking distraction!
Here is the truth:
YOU ARE A RECEPTACLE for every promotion he didn’t get, every girl that said no, every squash game he lost…he pounds all of that into you and then leaves his salty detritus behind. On you; inside you; in that wet spot underneath you
A vagina: the most defenceless cavity in the human body.
At least a mouth has teeth. At least an asshole puts up a good fight. A vagina? Our traitorous vaginas? A pinch there, a lick here and they open up like flowers in the sunshine.
Not smiling anymore?
Not feeling so Amazonian?

So, we have come to the end of the monologues (*sniff). And a befitting end too. I’d have apologized for the length of today’s post but after reading it, I’m sure you know why I won’t. Share your thoughts on rape and the ‘injustice’ brought to the vagina, use the comment box, speak your mind. Cheers.


The Vagina Monologues Remix (Scene 5 & 6)

CURSE by @SlimSiren

Clutching my white fluffy teddy, I watched Aunty writhe and weep on the floor. I don’t know why she’s screaming. I don’t know what to say to make it better. I can’t seem to find the right words. They must be fighting through the heavy fear in my throat. I open my mouth over and over again.

Somebody, please come. Somebody. Please. Come.

But nobody comes.

Nobody comes because my mouth wouldn’t open. My teddy’s face is wet with my tears. I can’t seem to…

Understand why Chizoba is screaming like a banshee. I thought the world had come to an end, or something had happened to Ngozi, and I ran out of the room like a mad woman, only to find blood all over the place. She’s twenty-two, for Christ sakes! Menstrual pains, so? What’s new? She has had this for 12 years x 12 months x 4 days x 24 hours x 60 mins x 60 seconds of her damn life. She has no right to scare my children like this! See little Oma…

Rocking back and forth on the bed. I can’t understand what is going on.

Mummy is standing by the door.

Mummy has come

I don’t know what is happening.

Aunty is just crying.

Please take aunty to the hospital mummy.

Please I don’t want aunty to die.

I love aunty ChiChi.

Stop looking at her like that.

Come let’s take her to the hospital please mummy please…

Stop, please, dear Lord of God, dear Lord, God, please just make it stop. I will give anything. I will dedicate my life to you. I will stop cheating in class, I promise.

Please! Please.

Just make it stop!

Oh! Mama-put rice, I will never eat you! Your pepper has put fire in my loins!

Extra cube of sugar, I curse you! Lord God of Moses, of Israel, of Meso-ginibuahagi-phet, I beg you! Take this away from me! I can’t…

Endure. I. Try. To. Endure. I. Mask. My. Pain. Perfume. Pads. Perseverance. Every. Month.

I. Have. To. Endure. Dear. God. Please. I. Need. To. Endure. This. Curse.

The Sex Worker By @Otase

Oohh the women love me because I please their vaginas good.

Their husbands call me and when they hear I’m a woman, they apologize for the mistake.


They don’t know.

They can’t wrap their heads around their women cheating on them with another woman.

But it’s true. The women love me because I please their vagina good.

Especially the older ones.


Moaning in Yoruba as I stick my tongue in places. Finding their g-spots and playing with their beautiful clits

Telling me how their men don’t make them feel like this.


Most of their husbands don’t even know where the clit is.

I can’t blame them

I think back to the days of an accountant and I laugh.

Sitting behind computers, crunching numbers in my high power suits, with one boring scarf after another placed ever so prim and proper, my vagina never getting to breathe.

Then one day, my bitch of a boss called me into her office, and seduced me. When she tied me up with my scarf, I never saw scarves or vaginas the same way again.

She explored my vagina. Made it happy.

Now I explore vaginas.

Being paid for this exploration is just the icing on my wonderful cake.

Most of these women never used to moan.

Can you believe it?

Stifling their moans like it was dirty. But now I make them moan in all kinds of languages.

I sit back and make them touch themselves, make them find their own moans, sometimes they even find their own screams.

“Olorun oo”

“Do that thing again…”

“What thing?”

I make them beg for it

“The thing with your tongue”

“You mean like this?” As I do something else that makes them exclaim


I take my job very seriously.

I love to make Vaginas happy.

Hey people, so, two more scenes from the VM Remix.. Today, we look at another aspect of ‘womanhood’ that has been seriously supressed in these parts (also maybe due to our culture) – menstration & all that goes with it. Then scene 6, well, some might say isn’t for societies like ours but I’ll leave that to you guys as you speak your mind using the comment box. Cheers.

The Vagina Monologues Remix. (Scene 1 & 2)

Eyes on the prize By @Similicious87

Of course I’m a bitch!

That’s what I yelled back as I spread those pictures on his office table!

You see there is nothing wrong with getting the best for that vagina

Times are hard and I would be damned if I fall for the ‘love buffoonery

That was long ago when Uncle Bayo embarked on journeys to my bedroom and put me through muffled screams and blood stained sheets

I lost all illusions

My body made men groan with pleasure

I have learned to use it!

Oh I am way past that love mess.

I am smarter than those ‘holier than thou’ sisters who pretend the dick isn’t wearing their pussies out.

I’m enterprising.

I keep my eye on the prize.

So what if Alhaji likes to burn cigarettes on my tits – there is always a dermatologist.

So what if Chief likes to beat me and tie me up till I pass out – I get that bank alert and I’m a couple of hundreds of thousands richer.

I am smarter than those love sick puppies.

Why does love have to be associated with sex?


So because you are giving it up because he says he loves you makes you better than me?

These holes of mine are expensive.

They pay my bills.

So I like to take pictures of powerful men in compromising situations!

That doesn’t make me a bitch.

I’m a businesswoman!

I carry my cargo.

Ready to offload in different locations and positions.

I’m not apologetic!

It’s my vagina after all!


Because He Looked At It: By @novacrossqueen

My vagina had a complex

Not the oh-my-god-i-think-im-fat-when-im-actually-a-skinny-bitch complex

But the Holy-shit-this-is-not-what-it-looks-like-on-the-playboy-magazines complex

Like I know we are made in His image and likeness and we are all beautiful and yadi yadi

But damn…

I even thought it would look better bald

That I could get elegant looking kissable lips


Was that too much to ask for?

But after skinning the kitty, I daresay

Chris looked like a dead thing stuffed in another dead thing in HD

Yes I call my vagina Chris

And she was ugly

I imagined if old men had vagina, it would look like Chris

Coitus (Coitus coitus coitus. Fucking weird word) was pretty much orchestrated

Sex with me worked in stages

We would get right down to business

Missionary, cowboys, and then I hit my doggie

To survive, I would imagine my vagina as an Aston Martin Virage…. and his penis was, well…. a penis


My vagina came alive only in the dark

And then that one guy

No I don’t remember his name…

“Can I give you head?” he said…”With the lights on”

Like was he kidding?

Instantly I prayed for PHCN to take the lights now, please na….


“Resistance is futile”, he whispered as he grabbed my arms and bound them with his tie

I watched his shadow walk over to the switch


Let there be light…. *closes bible*

With my arms useless

And my legs spread so far apart, they could have been in separate continents

I felt him

Trace. His. Fingers. Across. My. Lips. Parting. Them. Ever. So. Slowly.




Are you getting me?

Those were my feelings exactly.

He put his lips to my lips and I swear they spoke the same language for a hot minute

Then he looked up at me and said the cheesiest shit I have ever ever heard since I discovered I had a vagina

“Your vagina is the 8th wonder of the world”

(Well not in those exact words…..)

He then proceeded to teach her five other different languages, and braille…

Hey guys, so there you have it. The first two scenes from the V Monologues Remix. Seems the ladies are going in hard on this. However, once again, I’ll urge us to look past the humour and highlight the salient points in the scenes for proper discussion. A lot of women justify prostitution with sexual encounters they had as children, what’s your take on this? Also, our culture, perhaps,  has taught us to keep away from certain bedroom acts. A lot of women cringe at the use of the word vagina in public let alone talking about cunnilingus. Time for us to discuss. Use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

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