Hey people. Let me start with a HUGE apology for being away for a bit. I’d like to blame the bloody aliens that abducted me but erm…. Anyways, big shout out to Deji who deputized for me on Friday, I know a lot of the guys won’t forgive me till I do a male version of that post so we’ll get to that later.
As for the elusive series “Our best friends wedding”, I seem to be having issues with the length of the posts on that. (Yes, I don’t want y’all snoozing on me). Solution is to break the series down, meaning I’m going to be putting up more posts from now on. Watch this space.
To today’s business. This topic has bugged me for a while and when I came across it online last week, I knew I had to write something. I’ve decided to throw it out there and see if we can solve this together. A lot of decent, amazing women I know have stayed single for waaaaaay too long and most of them have at one point or the other come to me to ask why? I’ve thought up a few answers. Here goes…
Well, we all have them (even us guys too). The problem here is when certain women allow their emotions to guide all of their actions and when things go south, they have to work harder to undo the damage. When emotions guide ALL your actions, there’s mostly always more to everything as far as you’re concerned. If he calls more often than he does on one particular day, it maybe means he’s done something wrong. If he asks too many questions about one of your friends, he probably has issues with her or some hidden agenda.
Many black women with SWS probably have what the white folks call OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder). What is OCD? It’s an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions). I’ll give you an example; excessive fear of heartbreak and the compulsion to repeatedly run away from guys once they show the slightest hint of emotions e.g. All is well till he asks you to spend the night at his crib.
Now, this stems from the first point. Like I said, emotions seem to complicate most things. Trust is a major part of every relationship. Women who exhibit symptoms of this syndrome usually don’t have issues trusting. Nope. For them to have committed themselves to liking someone that much, they’ve already crossed the trust barrier. The issue here is with them. Consciously or unconsciously, they present themselves to their partners as being difficult to trust. This may simply be as a result of the next point.
A lot of women will probably attack me here but the truth remains, as much as most men claim to have left the 7th century and want their women independent, the Adam(ic) genes that run through us won’t allow us let go completely. I’m sure a lot of guys will relate to this: you meet a girl who you know you like almost instantly. She has the looks, the carriage, the persona – everything you look out for in a woman. Problem is, you cannot even for the life of you imagine how to approach her. Not cause you don’t have skills with the ladies, not for fear of rejection, there’s just this barrier that almost makes her seem like that magnificent rolex you know you want, you know you can afford but for some reason, you just walk past it at the display window daily.
Most of y’all will probably laugh this off (especially you, yes you) but hear me out. The issue is not with you having more heels than flats in your closet or you even preferring to rock heels ahead of flats but if you start seeing a guy and after a month he doesn’t see that relaxed, not-so-made-up part of you, SWS much? There’s something ‘unexplainably’ endearing about a woman who doesn’t mind letting go once in a while. When a woman finds it hard to do this, SWS can’t be so far away.
Most women that exhibit symptoms of SWS will never see themselves as victims. Even if they got played and a dude cheats on them with a whole town, they’ll find words and ways to make themselves believe he was the victim. She’ll tell you it happened cause she ‘let’ it happen. Maybe thats why they don’t have issues with undefined relationships cause it serves as a safety net.
The average SWS woman is the ideal wingwoman to loads of guys. Why? Remember a lot of guys probably like her but don’t know how to even approach her? Often times, this eventually evolves into the wingwoman situation where they become good friends, homies, buddies who drink, eat and chill together but that’s where it stops. Most of these guys often grow so fond of her that they unconsciously begin to protect her from prospective partners like adopted brothers.
In conclusion, let me just state that a lot of women who exhibit these symptoms manage to get a man, or men as the case may be, the problem is that they just can’t seem to keep them.
So, there you go guys, do you think you have symptoms of SWS or you know someone who does? Or do you even agree with me that SWS exists, you know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.
So, I saw this movie titled “How to make love to a woman” over the weekend – very nice movie #IMO and it inspired today’s post so, here are some pointers that will help next time you’re making love to your woman….enjoy.
Put her in ‘The Mood’: Before you have sex, you have to put your woman in the mood. This involves setting up the right kind of environment, which will enhance her pleasure. To put her in the mood, your focus should be to create an atmosphere, which emphasizes sensuality.
Use foreplay: Foreplay is one of the most important things to learn about how to make love to a woman. Using foreplay is the best way to transition from a conversation to having sex. Typically foreplay involves kissing, “heavy petting” and sensual massages. The rule of thumb is to really focus on her pleasure and start building up intensity.
Use your mouth: Towards the end of foreplay, you need to go oral. Start slowly and use your tongue and fingers. Since women like different things in oral sex, try to experiment with various oral sex techniques.
You’re probably wondering what’s going on here. Well, don’t think too far. Yes. I started the post and canceled it a few paragraphs down the line. The question is why? As I was typing realized I had gotten it all wrong. I didn’t want to join in with everyone else and mislead those poor people who truly are clueless when it comes to making love to a woman. All that stuff I wrote above, well, to be honest, you’ll probably see a variation of it somewhere online but what I’ve come to realize is that there should never be one standard answer to the question: how do you make love to a woman. The reason is simple; we were all made in different special ways. Some like it rough, others like it slow. Some want foreplay, other don’t (believe it or not). Some want the lights on; others will not function if they see your face.
In writing this post, I actually sampled some opinions; I asked some female friends how they wanted to be loved in bed. What they did was to further justify the point I’ve now arrived at. Before you hiss and walk away, I’m not saying there are no foundational rules; I mean, every woman wants to feel that sensual desire, that hunger for her when she’s in bed and as often as you can, try to make sure her train gets to ORLANDO (go figure).
All those instructions about kissing here or kissing there, saying this or saying that, will only get you in trouble (this is the point where a lot of guys go: he doesn’t know what he’s talking about; I’m awesome in bed……… err…. did I hear a sister say shut-up? Thank you). The fact is, except you’re perfectly sexually compatible, the first couple of times you do it with a new person will probably only be average. Why? Cause you have to learn the new territory. Sex was designed as a “team event” that should end-up good for both parties so it’s only natural for everyone who starts the journey to want to get to “their” desired end. Translation: If she see’s that you’re shifting off the rail, she’ll guide you. Guys need to learn to drop all the macho-I’ve-boned-a-thousand-girls title at the door when getting with a new partner.
Humble thyself and watch out for that little flinch when she doesn’t like it, that endearing moan that means don’t stop, that smile even with her eyes closed that says yes, that was amazing. And what happens when you don’t see any of these? Ask! Odé. Not while you’re doing it. And certainly not in a student asking a teacher kinda way. You should know this person, you should know how best to put it and if you’re lucky, she might just tell you without you asking. Don’t take it as an insult. It’s called constructive criticism. Use them to construct bridges that’ll get you both to ORLANDO when next you get a shot.
The title of this post is how to make LOVE to a woman. Not how to f*ck a woman. If she’s just a booty call or a one-night-stand, this post might not totally apply to you.
There you go, you’ve heard my opinion, time to share yours. Hit me up with your comments and views. Cheers and s/o to Uti for repping us yesterday.
I’m in the mood for trouble this morning. I’ve had little or no sleep and I had to be at work before 7am so why not. I came across a debate online last week about women wanting simple things, which we men often cant give. When most women are asked what it is they look for in men, the answer almost always goes something like, … I just want a real man; caring, affectionate, financially stable and of course, good looking.
Well, I agree with that answer. Truth is it’s similar to the response expected from guys. However, upon closer examination, I singled out the term “real man”. Yes. What exactly do they mean by that. I ask this question because turning the tables and taking the literal meaning, the term “real woman” means something completely different and probably close to extinction nowadays.
Hold on. Don’t yell just yet. The word ‘real’ is defined as: something actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed in the dictionary but maybe that’s too broad. For the purpose of this write up, I shall narrow my scope to looks. I was at the Lord of the Ribs event last night (reason for my short night) and most some of the gurls I saw got me wondering just how ironic things are. Women expect us to be completely honest but the same cant be said for how some women present themselves to men. Their words may be true but that’s where it stops. Eyes, hair, body e.t.c. Some women go to great lengths to create an alternate version of themselves. It’s gotten to the point where men have to openly question if a woman is “real or not.”
Why are women doing this? Is there a belief that this is what a man wants? Or are they simply attempting to mask their own insecurities? One thing’s sure; the more I talk to other men about this, the more I notice the growing displeasure with this alarming upward trend of “fake” women. Before you bite me, let me state that I’m not a cave man and I’m all for women getting dulled up to look nicer. Lip gloss – brilliant. Lipstick – sexy. (Or should I say, can be sexy). Hair, nails e.t.c but as with most things in life, there’s that line (however thin) between just enough and excessive.
To further illustrate, I have included some images below. Look through them and please share your comments (especially the women). Deuces.
I love lashes, when they don’t look like thorns. Imagine waking up next to a girl after a night out to find her lashes somewhere on her face.
Honestly, I don’t mind these but I’ve spoken to guys who absolutely hate them.